Carrie Contey's Blog

I was recently interviewed for a magazine article on raising emotionally intelligent children — which is one of my favorite topics. Click here to check it out. 

In this article I offer five key practices to helping growing people develop emotional intelligence. They include: Slowing down. Understanding yourself. Responding vs. reacting. Considering age appropriate behavior. And developing a plan.

Read more here.

column_break

 

One thing I know is that family life stirs up a LOT of questions. From stressful sleep to temper tantrums to social media struggles … parenting can leave you feeling at a loss for how to navigate all the ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and twists and turns.

And I am willing to bet that you are trying your hardest to truly enjoy parenting and raise your amazing growing people.

In my year-long Evolve program, I offer monthly Q&A Calls with the entire community. It’s my way of providing “roadside assistance.” During the call, I share my thoughts, research, and suggestions. And to help you jumpstart 2017, I’m sharing a recording of a call I just did today!

Click here to access the recording. Heads up, there’s about 45 seconds of silence at the beginning. Use that to settle in and take some breaths. 

And if you’re interested in joining Evolve – send me an email to hello@carriecontey.com Our program starts Feb 6 and won’t reopen until 2018!

Much love,

Carrie

column_break

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Here’s a question:

What emotional messages are your children receiving from you about prosperity?

Beyond what are you saying to them – what do you imagine they feel from you?

Scientists that study the brain often say, “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” This means that the information you communicate, consciously and unconsciously, AS WELL AS the emotional tone of that communication are embedding into the nervous system of your growing people.

For example, many parents I work with often reflect that growing up, they knew their family didn’t have a lot of money – but it wasn’t from any explicit conversation or look at an unbalanced checkbook. Rather it was the tone, the inflection, the emotions under the communication of money and prosperity that the child easily and clearly picked up on. If this sounds like the way you were raised, you’re not alone. And it may have impacted the way you see prosperity today.

So, with that said here are a few questions to chew on:

How do I hope my my child(ren) wire emotionally around prosperity?

 

How will I communicate now so that healthy emotions and information about prosperity gets wired into their neurology?

 

column_break

If these questions are stumping you, it’s likely you are not alone. These are BIG questions. I assure you that if you take the time to play with these, you will stumble on some new ways to help you and your family get where you want to go.

And if you’re really stuck – you can always email me. I’m here to help.

You got this,

Carrie

 

P.S. If shining a light on your prosperity feels evocative or even a teensy bit interesting, then you’re going to love Evolve: a year long program that teaches the big concepts of family life through actual strategies you can use every day. Our community of hundreds of families spends a quarter of a year understanding and improving their prosperity. Enrollment for 2017 begins in January, and this year is going to be our best one yet!

 

This month, we’re tackling Prosperity and family life. Two of the most profound lessons I ever learned around prosperity are:

1. What you appreciate, appreciates.

and

2. When you let go of trying to get more of what you don’t really need,

it frees up oceans of energy to make a difference with what you have.

When you make a difference with what you have, it expands.

– Lynn Twist author of “The Soul of Money”

Those two simple ideas shifted my whole way of thinking about money and prosperity.

What I learned was that when I appreciated (thought about, talked about, cried about…) my lack of money and worrying about how I was going to get more, I was getting a whole lot more lack and worry.

Yet when I shifted into appreciating what I had, and giving some of it away to support people and causes I believed in and felt inspired by, more would come. The more I said “thank you” and celebrated what I received and joyfully gave some of what I had, the more I had to celebrate and give. I’m completely amazed every time I see and feel it happen.

The more I give, the more I get.

The more I appreciate the more there is to appreciate.

So try this:

Today I want you to take the time to appreciate your wealth and good fortune. Whatever it is in your life that brings up feelings of prosperity, acknowledge it and appreciate it.

To get us rolling in the direction of feeling more playful with our prosperity I challenge you to make a list of all the ways you are RICH! Go for at least ten. And if you are feeling really inspired, keep writing until your hand hurts!

I’ll start…

I have been breathing clean air my entire life!
I have a device to read emails like this!
I’m alive!
I woke up this morning!
I ate food this week that made me happy!
I have working plumbing!
I have access to transportation!
I can easily communicate with people I love who are thousands of miles away.
I have food in the fridge.
And on and on…

Again, by doing this, you train your brain to focus on the inherent goodness of simply being alive. And remember, true prosperity is the by-product of being here now, feeling massive love, choosing your thoughts and counting your blessings. So start counting!

Here’s to you and your massively prosperous life,

Carrie

column_break

 

Ok, so today I’m tossing you a curveball.

I want to talk about a core component of family life that normally gets swept under the rug. And after decades of working with families, I know this topic has a huge impact on your day to day, which is why we’re addressing it head on.

This month, we’re tackling Prosperity.

I know that money, finances, abundance, etc. (whatever you choose to call it), is an evocative topic for many people. So if the thought of exploring this issue makes you feel a little nervous or queasy or anxious or feeling like you just don’t want to do it — I assure you, you are definitely not alone.

Please trust me when I say, the work we do this month is going to help you allow more of everything you want (not just money) into your life.

So let’s get on the same page.

Just what is prosperity? And is it really all around us?

Prosperity is a state of being. It’s a feeling state more than any concrete level of success. It’s a way of being and feeling that is alive and safe and free and deep and rich. Not necessarily rich in money but rich in life and the appreciation of life.  And prosperity looks different for each of us. For one person it might mean having the financial means to do, have, and be anything they choose. To another person it might mean having a healthy family, a few good friends, healthy food and a comfortable place to rest their head at night.

Since prosperity is so personal, the most important step to achieve prosperity is to first get clear on what feels prosperous to you.

How would I define prosperity for me?

What does prosperity feel like?

When do I feel prosperous?

Where do I feel prosperous?

With whom do I feel prosperous?

Today I want to first inspire you to connect with all the ways you are already prosperous. Because if you are alive, if you have a home, if you and your people are healthy, if you can move your body, if you have access to food, if you have a car or a bike or public transit, if you have access to clean water, if you have even just one person in your life who loves you, you are massively prosperous.  (Not to mention the prosperity of whatever device you’re reading this email on: a truly miraculous piece of technology!) I want you to spend the week connecting with all the ways you are a bunch of lucky freakin’ ducks to be alive in this amazing time and place in human history.

column_break

 

***And heads up – if you’re already hearing the criticisms or critiques or doubts – that’s a-okay. Take a breath, acknowledge that you hear them, then look for the prosperity.

Here’s an example.

Your inner voice says: “Sure I have a cell phone but it cost me so much each month!!”

You can reply: “I hear you, criticism, and I appreciate your concern. Today I’m choosing to celebrate my prosperity and give gratitude for this amazing device and all of the freedom and access to the whole wide world it affords me!”

Train your brain to focus on the inherent goodness of simply being alive. And remember, true prosperity is the by-product of being here now, feeling massive love, choosing your thoughts and counting your blessings.

Here’s to you and your massively prosperous life,

​Carrie

 

Today I want to share one of my favorite “tools” that I use in my workshops and programs. It’ll take you just 90 seconds to complete, and is sure to get your wheels turning!

Ok, so in the spirit of discussing partnership I want you to leave a comment with your answers to these prompts:

Imagine it’s 20 years from now, (the year 2036!)…

How old are each of your children?

Now, if someone (like me) were to ask your children to describe what they learned about partnership from growing up in your home, what do you hope they would say?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

(Go for five but even if you can only come up with one, that’s still worth it.)

Ok next question:

What can you do NOW to help foster that experience for them?

Leave a comment below with your answers.

You got this,

Carrie

column_break

And in case you are stumped, here’s an example:

Five things I hope my children learned about partnership from growing up with me:

1. Partnership is based on being deeply in love.

2. Partners are kind and caring to each other.

3. Partners work to stay connected.

4. Partnership can be playful.

5. Partnership supports each person to be more adventurous.

What can I do NOW to help foster that experience for them?

I can tell my partner how much I appreciate them, in front of my kids. I can laugh out loud with my partner. I can schedule date nights. I can focus and listen when my partner is talking, instead of multi tasking. I can surprise my partner!

 

This month, we’re spending a few weeks focused on partnership – our third pillar of family life. In this email, I share a tool that’s *critical* for partnerships AND really useful in all your relationships. 

One of my favorite teachers, John Gottman, has researched relationships for decades. He’s found that the partnerships that thrive – and are overall happier – have a 5 to 1 appreciations to criticisms ratio in their communications. That means for every one request, one suggestion, one criticism, there are five appreciations.

“I love you. I thank you. I am in awe of you! I adore you. I love having you as my partner!”

At this moment in time, where does your relationship land?

Are you giving 5 to 1?

10 to 1?

2 to 1?

For every one criticism, give five appreciations. 

5 to 1.

Learn it. Live it. Love it.

Notice what your current pattern is and then try to amp it up. In fact, let’s start the ball rolling…now! Leave a comment and answer these questions. (If you’re in the groove, send the answers to your partner as well.)

column_break

 

With regards to my partner and our partnership, I’m appreciating…

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

My intention today as a partner is…

With regards to myself as a partner, lately I’ve learned…

Sending you so much love,

Carrie

P.S. I know that of the thousands of parents in my community that some are in committed partnerships and some are not.

My intention is to make this month work for everyone.

>> If you are married or in a committed relationship, by all means, use the tools!

>> If you are currently single OR in a tenuous or challenging situation, I invite you to use this work to get clear on the type of relationship you would like to create.

>> If you are not interested in creating a relationship with someone else, spend the time exploring the relationship you have with yourself. (Because, yes, your littles are still watching you navigate partnership!)

Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that they

automatically deserve great success in any field of activity;

yet almost everyone believes that they

automatically deserve success in their marriage.

~ Sydney J. Harris

This month, we’re spending a few weeks focused on partnership. I know that of the thousands of parents in my community that some are in committed partnerships and some are not.

My intention is to make this month work for everyone.

>> If you are married or in a committed relationship, by all means, use the tools!

>> If you are currently single OR in a tenuous or challenging situation, I invite you to use this work to get clear on the type of relationship you would like to create.

>> If you are not interested in creating a partnership with someone else, spend the time exploring the relationship you have with yourself. (Because, yes, your littles are still watching you navigate partnership!)

Let’s take a moment to define partnership. It’s one of the most talked about topics, yet we all make quite a few assumptions about what relationships stand for and feel like.

When I talk about partnership, I am referring to your primary relationship. It’s deeper than friendship, needs almost constant nourishment, and includes strong levels of attachment and bonding. Partnerships don’t fit a mold. Partnerships are founded on love, and trust, and mutuality.

Partnerships – on their own, take tending.

Partnerships – in the midst of parenting little ones, need attention.

It’s completely understandable that partnership can get pushed to the wayside with all the to-dos of family life. And, it’s infinitely valuable when you put intention and care back towards your primary relationship. This is your opportunity to give your partnership a little more juice and love – and then watch the ripple effects across all members of your family.

So, today, I want to leave you with another quote:

There will always be crazy things that happen in our lives, but love is the central connector. If we commit to love and partnership, the other stuff doesn’t matter.

~ Hill Harper

Sending you so much love,

Carrie

P.S. No matter where you are in life, the true nature of relationship lies within you. Be open. Be spacious. Choose love.

 column_break

 

 

 

 

 

 

I sat down with my dear friend, Gina Giordano LCCE, CD, who is the co-founder of Doula Trainings International and Founder of Bella Baby.

She gathered the most discussed topics from her community, and you know what we talked about?

Babies, and birth, and brain development, and self care, and so much juicy goodness!

Enjoy this worthwhile chat and be sure to check out Gina’s work at www.doulatrainingsinternational.com.

Cheers,

Carrie

 

P.S. Interested in doing an interview with me for your community? Email hello@carriecontey.com and let’s chat!