Elle Botz's Blog

I’m writing. Here’s the proof.

And here the problem. I have a million projects I start on, and I’m pumped and excited to get them going, and then somewhere along the way, that awful little voice chimes in and starts reminding me how awful that last sentence was. And is this story really worth telling? Where was I going with that last idea? Did that description really do what I wanted it to?

I despise that little voice, and I’m pretty sure the only way to shut it up is to just.keep.writing.

So off I go.

“Some losses, we can never prepare for. When those losses occur, we’re left to wallow in the dark hole they create within us. We’re stuck in a world that won’t cease its spinning, despite our almost-constant pleas for it to stop—to end the ever-growing, all-consuming pain that is now a fixture in our days.

That’s how it was to lose Sophie. She was the universe–in and of herself. She held the world, and once she was gone, so was everything.”

Got some writing done today, and it felt wonderful.

#theendofeverything

A video posted by Elle Botz (@elle_botz) on Oct 10, 2016 at 2:13pm PDT

Next up:audio and ebooks. Thanks for reading, everyone!

#indieauthor

Today, I wanted the Diva and I to do something special for the hubby. I tried explaining her that dad works hard so that she and Momma can hang out together, and mom can write books and make cupcakes.

We talked about this for a while, then when we finished washing his truck, I asked her if she understood. She thought for a second, then said , “Yeah. I do,” before adding a few seconds later, “ Daddy rides the choo choo, and we play in the water and eat cupcakes.” #soclose

#thedivachronicles

9 days of Whole 30 left, and this felt so true as I was getting dressed this morning.

I never point out skin color to Lu. It’s something people always pointed out to me as a kid, and I remember how much it hurt to realize I wasn’t the same as any of my family. I was a little brown girl in a family of very white people. I never thought about that I until people felt the need to point it out. It felt like they were saying, “you don’t fit here,” and it hurt.

So when Lucy first came to me and said, “Mom, you are black. Daddy is white. I am white,” my heart sank. I wanted to know who taught her that and why. I didn’t want my own daughter to think I didn’t fit with her. It’s been a little over a week of her saying this, and I’m still torn about how to respond. For now, I just smile and tell her that it’s okay that we look different. I’m still her mommy, even in the Summer when my skin is a little darker. And then, I remind myself that I still fit with her. And she with me.

When she is older, I hope I will have taught her how little the color of our skin matters. I hope she learns from me that our hearts are what’s important. And most of all, I hope she learns that she doesn’t have to match people in the outside in order for them to fit perfectly into your heart.

I took my break from social media a little more than 2 weeks ago. I did it because I realized I had become a person who was talking more about writing than I was a person who was actually writing.

Taking my break put an end to that, and in that sense, it was a success. However, my work in progress still isn’t completed. Part of me thought, “power through, get it done in A few more days.”

There are lots of reasons this isn’t realistic, though. One of them being the 2.5 year old Diva whom I share my days with. Another reason, is simply that I’ve come to realize this project is too important to rush. I am excited to finish this book, and finally be able to share it with readers, but when I do so, I want to know that I made it everything it could be.

I rushed Charley, and I regret it constantly. So, this book will take longer than I initially hoped to complete; but when it’s done, I’ll know it was done right. And hopefully, it will pay off for all of you readers.

Don’t worry. I’m still plugging away. I’ve got awesome writer friends keeping me honest and demanding pages. I’m confident I’ll get there soon. I just didn’t get there 3 days ago. Thanks for all the encouragement, as always.

Sending love.

It’s time to disconnect for a while. It’s too tempting to spend free time connecting on social media, when I should be finishing my WIP.

So, I’m off to turn these piles of notes into a full first draft. Wish me luck, send me good vibes, and I’ll see you on May 1st!

PS- I still have room for beta readers, so email, DM, or Message me to sign up. 3 spots left, and I’ll get back to you when my seclusion has ended.

“Feelings are fluid. The problems come when we try to pretend that everything is concrete with finite edges. That’s not how people work. Love, hate, good, bad, happy, sad: we’re oceans full of all of it.” #AmWriting

#WorkInProgress

#ThingsMyCharactersSay