Frank Tagader

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again.”
― Monty Python

“ Dear Aunt Patty,

Thank you for coming to be part of what definitely ranks in the top five worst days of my life. While your generosity is appreciated, I am returning this gift, as forced bachelorhood necessitates total abstinence from bamboo placemats and matching napkin rings in my daily life.

Sincerely,
Emory

Too much?”
― Cary Attwell, The Other Guy

“Yesterday, when you said you told everyone, what did you mean?"
"Everyone important, I guess. I mean, I didn't rush out to inform my mailman or anything."
"Oh, he knows," Nate said offhandedly.
"Oh. Okay," I said, thrown. "Well, I guess I can cross him off the list.”
― Cary Attwell, The Other Guy

“People at work eyed me with varying degrees of suspicion or approbation, and a couple of them mistook me for the kind of guy who knew twelve different ways to tie a scarf and whether that scarf clashed with their purse. My helpful tip that most accessories were just needless expenses met with disappointment.”
― Cary Attwell, The Other Guy