Cristian Godfrey's Blog

The book has been on hold for basically 3 weeks. I've written a few hundred words, but mostly I've been shifting content around and debating where to go next. Editing usually inspires writing and it has. But I'm not entirely sold on the structure yet. While I really like the new concept rather than the time line concept, I'm not sure this is how the book will end up. I'm also unsure of some of the content. I know what I want to cover, but I want to be sure that I'm not including content that is of no interest to anyone but me. The more I exclude / judge during writing, the less I'll have to do once the book gets back from the editor. I'd prefer not to use the spaghetti on the wall style of writing. I want to include things that I feel so strongly about that I second guess the editor. Slow and steady wins the race. That's for sure.

I haven't written much over the past two weeks because I've had so much going on and very little motivation to create. Today, while writing, and a period of introspection, I might have written the ending to the book. I still only have half of a book, but having a solid beginning and ending puts me leaps and bounds ahead of where I was. It also motivates me to fill in the rest of the blanks and move forward. I've also named the book, but will wait for the big reveal.

After much deliberation, I've given up on the time line concept. I'm going to be faithful to it inasmuch as the chapters will be short stories but will make sure not to reference things which haven't already been explained in a previous chapter. Each short story chapter will close the loop on each aspect of my life. Giving into this concept inspired me to write a few pages yesterday. Hopefully this less complicated format will continue to inspire me.

I think I've realized that I'm in a rut because I'm forcing myself to write quickly in an attempt to satisfy those who are asking for a second book. The first book poured out of me in about 7 weeks and I've been forcing the follow up. It's only been about 6 weeks since I started writing and I'm doing a lot of the editing at the time of writing. So I'm ahead of the game. By a long shot. So I'm going to take a break. I'm also thinking about breaking the book up into short story chapters rather than following the time line. Getting everything in line for the timeline is proving to be cumbersome and tedious. I could answer the same questions and not follow the time line. (a la David Sedaris). Either way. I'm putting the brakes on this project for a couple days.. Weeks. Until I'm moved to move. If that makes sense.

At 20,000 words and I'm having a hard time convincing myself that there is anything of interest. Also doubting the timeline. I guess I'm having doubts about the entire book. I'm at a point where I need a second opinion. Someone that will confirm or deny my assessment.

I'm closing in on 20,000 words and I'm starting to doubt that any of it will be of any interest to anyone. This happened last time and somehow I pushed through and continued writing and was ultimately satisfied with the product. Oddly enough, I was just expressing this same doubt to Michele who reminded me that I went through this last time. It must be true that it's a passing phase and that I shouldn't really judge the work until it's complete. Today I documented another milestone with my mother (another closed chapter). Somehow that book keeps getting opened again. Would it be self serving to maintain a relationship with her just so I have more to write? Now I know I've gone crazy.

I rearranged more content yesterday and then found myself in a situation that I had forgotten about for many years. Finding a new area of creativity must be like finding another vein of gold when you think the mine went dry. I was poking around in the mine of manuscript and all of a sudden, 500 words poured out of nowhere and opened a whole new area of content which will probably keep me busy for a couple days. It's always a good sign when I laugh out loud at what I have just written. Like a mad scientist cackling in his laboratory as his multi-colored beakers bubble and froth.

I have a solid time line for the book now. I've started moving pieces / paragraphs / pages around to accommodate the structure. I have, what I believe to be, a great opening paragraph and a solid ending. Everything I've written up to this point, even though it spans about 15 years, is in the proper place. Now to fill in the gaps with another 130-150 pages. Totally doable (time wise, but let's find out about content wise). I hope it's interesting and if it's not, I hope the reviewers are kind :)

I don't sleep well. I haven't ever really slept well. Recently, I've kicked the sleep aids habit and am trying to adjust to some kind of schedule. I don't expect I'll get 8 hours of sleep or even 6 for that matter. I'm currently at about 5 hours of sleep combined with 2.5 hours of torturous, restless, mind spinning awakeness (yes, I made that up on purpose). During this mind spinning time, I think about (obsess) everything over top of a single song soundtrack that I fight by trying to complete the song in my head or coverup by thinking of another song. Neither work and I always go back to whichever song was playing in my head when I woke up. Lately it's been counting crows. Every night. Anyway, this morning I was thinking about the stories for the new book and how they might not be of any interest to anyone. Anywhere But Home had a beginning and a solid conclusion, but I think the stories for the second book are really just a culmination of the demand I've had from readers to know what happened after. The reality is that not much happened. Friendships come and go and I can explain them, but are they interesting enough for anyone else? I feel like it's almost anticlimactic. I got on with my life. Very even keel, "normal" living. Is my "normal" living enough to hold someone's attention? Enough to fill a book? I finally decided that I'm going to keep writing and when I feel like there is enough of a story to share, I'll let someone, who didn't grow up with me but read the first book, read what I have and decide if it's interesting. Maybe the 70 or so pages that I've written are all there is. There are certain subjects I'm not going to touch and I've expanded the time line to something I think might give me enough substance, I'm still not sure. We'll see and I'll keep you posted.

I'm trying to stick to the time line concept on this book, but I'm getting to a grey area where the timeline might become less important. Since I write in stream of consciousness, I've been writing stories and then weaving them into their respective positions in the timeline that I've chosen. There is still plenty of arranging and writing to be done, but I can see the progress. Each time I write, I do a word count and that gives me the satisfaction and gratification that I need to keep writing. On Anywhere But Home, I got disappointed after, what I felt, was a large amount of writing to find that I only had 17 pages complete. I stopped writing for a while and decided to format what I had done up to that point and it turned out that with the proper formatting, I had actually written 70 pages. From there I could see the possibility of the goal I had set for myself (272 pages. The length of my favorite book). With the second book, I don't know where it's going to end or have any specific length in mind... I'll keep typing.