Kimberly King's Blog

Are you stressed and overwhelmed by your divorce? Are you dealing with multiple issues with your x? Are you trying to find peace and help the family adjust and get along?I have been where you are. I went through a divorce that started off friendly and cooperative. However, things shifted rapidly and my life was turned upside down, temporarily. Thankfully, I was a child of a friendly divorce. My parents both worked together to cooperate and collaborate. The divorce had a minimum impact on us emotionally because we all felt very loved and cared for by both parents. There was absolutely no drama. Our parents cheered each other on, helped each other out and never spoke a negative word about each other. They were the inspiration for my children’s book, When Your Parents Divorce- a kid-to-kid guide to dealing with divorce.During my divorce, I learned very quickly about parent alienation and suffered through it for a little over a year. In hindsight, these are some things that might help you prevent, avoid or cope with parent alienation. I realize that some of you who might read this article are well past these ideas. They may not be applicable to those of you who have former spouses with narcissistic personalities or other serious mental health problems. These ideas are optimistic and helped our family. I truly hope they help you.1. CREATE A FAMILY CONTRACTGood news! You can do this without a lawyer. This agreement can be created between you, x and kids to include a parenting plan and rules. You can post this on the fridge or give everyone a copy on their phone. It will help you avoid fights with the kids and each other. Believe it or not some kids do play one parent against the other. As a result, some parents get pegged into certain roles like, "the fun dad” or "the strict mom”.This plan should include commonly agreed upon rules to encourage a consistent and cooperative structure.FAMILY CONTRACTA Family Statement:We are a divorced family, but still a family with a need for stability and peace. In the spirit of cooperation we the __________ family agree to the following guidelines and rulesTwo House Rules:Bedtime at both houses will be _______Phone calls to other parent at ________Cell phone goes off and is on parents desk at _________Chores at both houses to include:Curfew at ___________Study time at_________Respect any individual rules at mom's or dad's houseExtreme Clause:Unless there is a true emergency, our kids will not have the power to demand, “ mom come get me, dad is not letting me go out because I didn’t do my chores”. We understand that sometimes kids and parents can get moody and grumpy. But, we are dedicated to talking through problems instead of pressing alarm buttons and requesting unscheduled pickups.Goals:We will try to stick to the custody schedule as much as possible.Mom and dad will try to cooperate and collaborate as a divorced family.Mom and dad will do the communicating and decision making about scheduling and plans.We will not out our kids in the middle by making them the messages or mediator of any situation.We will all talk with each other in a calm and respectful way. If we have a problem or are uncomfortable we will talk about it together.Sign________________Date________________2. LEARN ABOUT PARENT ALIENATION AND TALK ABOUT ITKids need to know that both parents are working together to help them learn, grow and develop into healthy adults. Defining what parent alienation is and how you will not participate in it, is important. Tell your kids that your goal is to have a peaceful divorce and operate under a policy of kindness. Let your kids know that If they happen to hear you talking about their dad in a negative way on the phone, you want them to tell you. Let your kids know that if anything you say about the other parent is upsetting to them or makes them feel uncomfortable, you want to know.Sometimes, parents make comments and eye rolls in the beginning of a divorce because they are operating as the injured party. They may have been extremely hurt by the divorce and may carry feelings of anger and resentment. Often parent alienation starts in a very minor or small way. When we are aware of how it starts we can try to address it before it causes devastation for the family. If you are aware negative impact parent alienation causes, you can make it a point to avoid it.For instance saying,“Sorry kids, we can’t go out for pizza tonight because I have to pay mommy child support and alimony”. Red flag!Or, “ Your dad hasn’t paid me back for your medication in months”Red flag!“Dad is late Again! Why is your dad always late?”Red flag!These little passing comments that you think are benign… are not. These comments and digs, over time, weigh heavily on your children and erode healthy thoughts and feelings about themselves and the other parent.3. AVOID PARENTIFICATIONParentification is when a parent puts a child in a position of being an adult, or assuming a parent role. In divorce this is often referred to as emotional parentification.Emotional parentification happens when a child must take on the role of a confidant, messenger or mediator for (or between) parents or family members.Example:“ Can you call your dad and see if I can pick you up from school on Tuesday because it is grandma’s birthday”Or- “ look at this text your dad just sent me, he is so rude!”Or “ I’m so stressed out at work! The divorce, I miss our old family, I think I’m depressed”Or-“ I heard your dad posted some pictures on Facebook about a date! Can you find out who he is dating?”Try to avoid putting your child in the position of being the messenger.Adult topics like dating, money, work related stress are not for children’s ears. The kids have enough to deal with. Don’t make them your emotional support or shoulder to cry on. They need you to be there for them. If you need emotional support, find a divorce support group or divorce coach. A number of amazing people are one click away like Danielle Bloom.4. HIRE A FAMILY THERAPISTIt may sound crazy to go to a therapist after you are divorced. But, I would argue that this is the most important time to get busy with family therapy. An objective family therapist can help you assess your parenting challenges and avoid pitfalls. Divorce can be a devastating life change for many families and it takes time and support to adjust. Learning how to be a single parent presents many challenges that a good therapist can help you with. Co-parenting through a new divorce is very difficult. There are a number of specialists, doctors and therapist who focus on collaborative therapy for divorced parents like Dr. Zimmerman.5. KEEP A LOW PROFILE ON SOCIAL MEDIAMake sure to follow the golden rule on social media. If you don’t have something nice to say or post… don’t say it or post it at all. Protecting your children from your adult private life is very important, especially when a divorce is new and kids are still adjusting to this life change. Leave all the true emotions in your personal journal or at your therapy office. Be careful on private Facebook groups. Some groups are very large and difficult to monitor. What you say in a private Facebook group is never really private because people can abuse the rules and take screenshots of your comments. Kids are very savvy with social media and you would be surprised what they can find out or see, especially if your privacy settings are not super tight.6. SET HEALTHY COMMUNICATION RULES FOR YOURSELFThere is plenty deal with when you are divorced. Texting, emailing, messaging can become overwhelming when dealing with an angry x. Frequently an angry or condescending text from your x can just turn your mood and create an obsession with texting back. Don’t engage! Try to leave the text. Figure out what the text does to you, where you feel the stress, why you feel it, breath - and let that text go. You don’t have to engage or text back all the time. It really does waste a lot of your time. Valuable time you could be spending with you kids or on yourself. Set a rule for yourself to limit the time you spend engaging in texts and communication with your x. One good idea is to pick a day of the week to communicate with you X. Stick to the day and keep it under an hour. Unless there is some type of emergency. If you schedule a “communication day” this will help you disengage with the daily demands your X may try to place on you. It will help you establish boundaries and respect each other’s time.7. READ ABOUT ITRead as many books as you can on this topic! There are some great books for parents and adults.For the Parents:Co-Parenting Survival GuideLoving Your Child More Than You Hate Your XCo-Parenting with a Toxic XDivorce PoisonSplittingFor the Kids:When Your Parents DivorceTwo HomesDinosaurs DivorceWas it the Chocolate Pudding?Divorce Survival Guide for Kids

A few safety reminders before we send our kids out to trick or treat. Although Halloween is usually an overall fun experience for kids who are supervised, kids can find themselves in dangerous situations on this night. Especially when young children are allowed to go trick or treat alone.I guess when you think about it, it is an extremely odd tradition. Going door to door, in a costume, at night, asking for candy, from strangers? Makes you wonder!I love halloween, don’t get me wrong. But, I remember being very worried about the first time I let my 10 and 12 year old go out in our neighborhood with friends. The biggest risk on that night was the traffic and kids running down dark roads in front of cars. A few things to remember about general safety.1. Choose bright costumes, and have children carry flashlights or glow sticks so they are easily visible.2. Plan a trick-or-treating in familiar a safe, well lit neighborhood, or try an organized city trick or treat event. 3. Make sure your child is with an adult and a buddy. Having a halloween buddy is fun and provides an extra layer of safety. Young children should always be with a parent or other trusted adult.4. Make sure children know your cell and address, in the event you get separated somehow. Never hesitate to write your cell number on that trick or treat back or put in their pocket.5. Make sure your kids know how to find a safe adult and teach them how to call 911 in an emergency.6. Teach children to say “NO!” in a loud voice if someone tries to get them to go somewhere or do anything they don’t want to do.7. If you send young children to a door, go with them.8. Make sure they know NEVER to go in anybody’s house. If the person handing out treats wants them to come in to get the treat, that is an automatic RED FLAG.9. Remind kids never to approach any vehicles.10. If groups of older children go out to trick or treat, make sure they stay together and stay off their cell phones. Texting and walking, texting and trick or treating… can be dangerous.11. Remind kids to turn their cell phone to “LOCATION ON” and allow parents to track their path. This provides a great layer of comfort for parents.12. Older kids/tweens should only be out with groups of kids they know. Not from any unverified friends they have met online.13. Take this opportunity to check on your kids online devices to make sure they are not sharing their location with others through various apps like instagram and snapchat. Tricks and Treats can be confusing. It can be very hard for kids to understand the difference between a treat and a bribe. In our book, I Said No! We try to explain this topic:“Sometimes a teacher might offer you a lollypop for doing a great job listening or a neighbor might give you a cookie just to be friendly. That’s okay! These are rewards or treats and they are just fine. But a bribe is different. A bribe is when somebody offers you money or prizes (including candy) to do something for them that you really don’t want to do.If somebody tries to bribe you into doing something that involves privates put up a read flag. If someone offers you a bribe, even if it is for something great, don’t take it.”In relation to Halloween, your child may encounter a neighbor who invites them to come in the house to get their treat or candy. This is one of those scenarios that you should rehearse and review before halloween. Kids need know that they should never go into a strangers house without a safe adult. Although the majority of sexual abuse happens with people we actually do know, teaching kids to follow basic safety procedures helps them stay safe.Even if there are Halloween decorations and lightsEven if other kids are doing itEven if the people seem sweet and friendsIt’s just not safe!Prepare them with a safety plan if this happens.Please share and add ideas to this halloween safety review and enjoy a wonderful, safe HALLOWEEN!Brush up on all of your body boundary and safety tips.For more information, resources or questions please contact me at www.kimberlykingbooks.comGet your copy I Said No! The #1 best selling sexual abuse prevention book for kids. Click on the link to buy your copy http://bit.ly/isaidnobook

August 9th is a special day for those of us who love books. Tomorrow we celebrate National Book Lovers Day! I love a good book and hope to inspire you to find a fun activity with your little ones on this big day.1. Take it to the beachDo you have that book you have been hoping to finish all summer? Quick before summer passes you by...find your day in the sun! Grab the kids, beach chairs, umbrella, sunscreen and your best summer read and get out there.2. Visit your libraryHave you forgotten the pleasure of plastic dust jackets on books? Or, how good those old paper books smell? Dust off your library card and gather those little ones and plan a trip to your local, air conditioned, full of fun library. The perfect place on a hot summer day for the whole family.3. Find a Little LibraryA little library is a “take a book, give a book” free book exchange . Usually created out of a wooden box or covered bookshelf type of structure.They come in many shapes, sizes and themes and can be found all over the world. Many schools, neighborhoods and other organizations build little libraries to encourage reading and giving in their communities. To find a little library near you check out www.littlefreelibrary.orgIn this photo I am at the Harry Potter inspired Little Library in Suffolk, Virginia.4. Try a BookCrossingBookCrossing is the act of releasing your book "into the wild" for a stranger to find. You register your book, leave your book at a drop site, and stay tuned. The finder of your book will enter the finding information, read the book, send you an online journal note and then “release the book into the wild” again. The journey of your book can be tracked around the world. So much fun! And a brush up on geography at the same time. Check it out at www.bookcrossing.com5. Write Your Favorite AuthorAuthors love to connect with readers and fans. You can find contact information for most authors on their amazon author page. Many authors use social media to stay connected and engage with readers. Authors love to help and serve their readers and welcome your questions and comments. Don’t hesitate to email your favorite author this summer. Speaking from personal experience, I love hearing from parents and kids with questions or request for additional support. It is one of the best parts of our job! Plus, always good to review with the kids how to write an official letter or email. I would love to hear from you on this National Book Lovers Day! Please feel free to contact me at: www.kimberlykingbooks.comNow get to your reading and enjoy!Happy Reading!!

My StoryHave you ever struggled with your life’s purpose?I know I have, and many of my friends have struggled with this question. Finding my way through this struggle has been a challenge on many fronts. Mindfully navigating through this process has helped me find my way to clarity and my soul’s purpose, to be a writer.The constant shifting of variables made it difficult for me to salvage my identity, balance my career and handle the challenges of motherhood. At 34, I found myself an exhausted stay-at-home mom with three young children. I was married to a deployed Navy Pilot with no family support system. One morning, over a cup of coffee at Smithfield Bakery, I came to the realization that being full-time working mom was going to be pretty difficult if not impossible, without support. So many essential questions came about: What was I going to do with myself? Was my teaching career over? Would I vanish into the stay-at-home mom abyss where once thriving young women with personalities, passions and goals get lost.The thought of sinking further into a void of identity crisis helped me create a plan. I began brainstorming to figure out what I loved about teaching and how to implement in my daily life, even if I couldn’t be in a classroom. I remembered that one of my favorite activities to teach my students was writer’s workshop. I helped so many children tell their cherished stories, I thought it was time I do the same. I had a story to tell. I could be a writer. I could make this work from home!The process of teaching little ones how to create a story with a beginning, middle and end. A story with a problem that needed a solution. A story that would help people or make people want to read more. I helped my little ones tell those cherished stories. I thought to myself, maybe it was my time to do the same. My first calling to write came in the middle of the night, before kids. I had a problem that needed solving and I shared this problem with my kindergarten class. I told my students I couldn’t sleep because this noisy dog was barking all night long outside my apartment. Many sleepless nights under Mt. Etna were found as this dog tormented me night after night with his terrible, high pitched bark. Together with my class we brainstormed ideas for why the dog was barking and how could we get him to stop. We made a class book out of my dog problem. It was a fun writer’s workshop and the kids came up with all sorts of funny reasons for why the dog was so loud. In the end my class decided he was barking because he was lonely and needed a friend. I lost interest in trying to move forward with this cute story because I thought nobody would really care about a silly dog and the dog did finally stop barking. I waited, I prayed, I journaled, years passed. I looked for inspiration around me.I was truly inspired to write my first book when an unfortunate event occured in our family.My son had a sleepover at our neighbors house when I was at the hospital with a sick newborn. His best friend tried to trick him into inappropriate touch. My son told the friends mom right away but, she didn’t really listen to his report and sent him back to bed. He made a safety plan and told everyone he felt sick and slept in the bathroom. He avoided the situation and reported the events to me in the morning when I picked him up. I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of upset and anger. The report from my son and the events at the sleepover triggered a number of tucked away memories and feelings about my life. I was a victim of a sexual assault in college and didn’t report the abuse. Instead, I suffered silently and blamed myself. I spent a great deal of time internalizing my feelings and then just avoiding them all together. I was a believer in the myth that the danger of sexual assault and abuse was confined to the guy in the white van.When I became a mom, I became a bit of a safety freak. I educated myself and my children about stranger danger. I read books to my children about body boundaries. However, while I tried to educate my own children, I saw a lack of book surrounding this topic. It was in 2008 and there were not many books about inappropriate touching between friends or people children see all of the time. There was no book that helped kids learn how to identify their feelings, the risks, and know what to do. I had my inspiration! I was called to share our experience with this topic to help prevent others. I joined Darkness2light to catch up on the facts and what parents needed to know. I knew I had to write this book for my son, for me, and for every child and parent out there. Because sexual abuse is preventable. As I tried to help my son understand that he did the right thing, we came up with a list of common ideas.It is not the victim’s faultThis can happen with friends and people we know and trustKids need to know how to identify trouble and tell a trusted adultKids need to know how to get out of a troubling situationKids need to know body parts, body boundaries and safety rules Kids need to know they are not aloneParents need help and resources to keep kids safeMy son and I talked about other scenarios that he might encounter at school, on the bus, or at baseball. We both knew that sharing our stories could really help other kids. We talked, journaled, brain stormed, and eventually created a book. I decided to try to get this book published. I knew this would be a challenge because sexual abuse was still the thing nobody talked about!The book was unique from the beginning because it was told from my son’s voice, with my son’s words. It became a kid friendly guide on a very difficult topic to talk about. My goal was to try and make this story easy for kids and parents to read so that it could truly help other families. I became inspired to join the prevention mission and became a Darkness2Light.org sexual abuse prevention facilitator and educator. I did extensive research, interviewed experts and collaborated with professionals to create our book and share our story. I connected with an Illustrator and we submitted our very special story to a few publishers. We signed a contract with Boulden Publishing and my story as a writer began! My goal as a writer is to help parents and families with the tough topics. I want to write about real life stressors and challenges that kids face every day in hopes to provide comfort and support during difficult times. I want to teach parents, kids and organizations on ways to prevent difficult situations before they occur by using open communication, education and proactive parenting strategies.

7 Quick Tips on Teaching Body Safety As the end of Sexual Abuse Awareness Month comes to a close, I thought I would share my voice with a closing article on Body Safety for Kids inspired by an Instagram contest run by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. Below are 7 quick tips for parents to think about as they try to educate and protect their children. Sexual abuse is preventable! It starts with us...1. Talk About Body Parents EarlyName body parts and talk about them early. Use “doctor names” for body parts with children. Knowing the correct names for body parts will help children in the event they need to report an abusive or scary situation. During my first year of teaching a child reported to me that, “my dad touched my cookie”. I had no idea what this student meant. She was persistent in telling me about this situation and eventually we both understood. She didn’t know my word and I didn’t understand her word. We were speaking a different language and that slowed down my understanding of her report. It’s certainly ok to have the nick names/ slang terms for private parts. Just make sure these names go along with “doctor words” all adults understand.2. Establish Body BoundariesIt is key that we have open conversations with our children at an early age to help them learn who is allowed to help take care of them and keep them clean. Kids can be curious, silly, goofy, run around naked, and say all sorts of things. They want to touch and see everything. This is a very healthy and normal stage of development. There is a fine line between making kids paranoid and feeling ashamed of their bodies, versus teaching them with clear and direct information to keep safe and healthy. It is important to teach kids that the private areas are areas for them to touch, and nobody else. Kids need to be taught that they are the boss of their own bodies and they have the right to refuse unwanted touch.3. Review No Secret Policy for Private PartsChildren need to know that it is never ok for anybody to tell them to keep a secret about a private part or activity involving anything that makes them feel uncomfortable, scared or uneasy. Once a person asks to keep this type of secret from your parents it is an automatic red flag. Teach kids to report all red flags to you for safety. Remind kids that no matter what you will listen and believe them. Sexual abuse is never a child’s fault.4. Talk About Emotions and FeelingsHave an open conversation with your child about how to identify their feelings in general.If your child had a wonderful day bring up new words to describe their feelings. Where did they feel happy? Were they excited? What was the best part of their day? When they have a bad day make sure to ask open ended questions. Begin to label feelings with colors red/ green. Sometimes feelings can be hard to understand. Teaching kids to be mindful of their emotions and feelings and share them with you will help them communicate in all aspects of life. An open relationship encourages kids to share their successes, failures, and reach out for help when they need you.5. Online Review of SafetyDiscuss with children the danger of the online world. Kids need to know what to do if they see an inappropriate photo online. Any naked photos or inappropriate websites should be reported to parents or caregivers. Online pornography has become the a new anonymous sexual abuse predator. Kids can see images and videos they are not developmentally able to understand or handle. Kids can repeat behaviors seen online at school without understanding what they are doing. Texting and social media should be discussed and frequently monitored as well. Nobody should ever ask your child to send a picture of their private parts. Nobody should send a picture of private parts. If this happens… Red Flag! Report it to a safe adult. 6. Discuss ConsentIntroduce the topic of consent early. Nobody has the right to touch your child without their permission. It’s ok for kids to say no to a hug from or other forms of affection. Teaching kids the power of no and their rights to privacy and respect will help children stay safe, speak up and tell. Teach kids to ask for consent, listen for a clear answer, and respect the answer.7. Red Flag Code WordIf your child is at a playdate, sporting event, church activity and they want to leave for any reason it is important to establish a no questions asked code word. Your child can call or text you the code word and you can go pick them up immediately. This comes in handy when they may find themselves in an uncomfortable circumstance. A red flag code word can help your child get out or evade an uncertain or scary circumstance before there is a problem with less worry.For more information on sexual abuse prevention please visit darkness2light.orgAccording to D2L.org, “Adult Education is key to preventing childhood sexual abuse”. As sexual abuse awareness month closes, let’s make the balance of the year about sexual abuse prevention.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Media Contact: kimberlykingbooks@gmail.com Kimberly King, 757-375-5020VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. – Best-selling children’s book author Kimberly King has teamed up with Jim White, locally and nationally recognized fitness and nutrition expert, and her daughter, Gabby King, for a one-of-a-kind wellness book specifically for kids.Published by Koehler Kids, an imprint of Virginia Beach-based Koehler Books, Finding Your Fit: a kid-to-kid guide to fitness, food and feelings, is an essential starting point for any child or family interested in developing a more healthy lifestyle and finding overall wellness in mind and body. It logically connects fitness, nutrition and self-esteem for the minds of young readers as the pieces of the wellness puzzle are pulled out, explained and put back together. This gentle, supportive guide takes readers through real-life scenarios and kid-friendly talking points as experienced, perceived and inspired by main character Gabby.“Fitness, healthy eating and maintaining positive self-esteem are some of the biggest challenges that our children face today,” King said. “The world is full of unhealthy images of how others have decided we should look,” she explained, “and children are hard-pressed to escape the relentless marketing of body- and mind-assaulting junk foods seducing them from every angle.”Ever-present pressure from social media adds to the struggle for today’s kids, King noted, and parents can become overwhelmed and confused about how to help children with these interrelated challenges.“What is unique about this story is that this kid-to-kid guide is told through the voice of Gabby and is full of kid-friendly language,” King noted. By facing her own challenges, Gabby learns healthy habits and tips on positive self-esteem and self care. The activities, advice and tips are easy for kids to understand, and the illustrations serve as an excellent visual aide.Finding Your Fit brilliantly and effectively integrates years’ worthof knowledge and insight gleaned from countless consultations with local doctors, fitness experts, nutritionists and therapists in fields related to the subject.Jim White, a registered dietitian, certified health fitness instructor, national spokesman for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, and founder of Hampton Roads-based Jim White Fitness & Nutrition Studios and the nonprofit LIFT Fitness Foundation, volunteered extensively to provide vital information, resources and more. He even posed as a character in the book.“As a parent or caregiver, it is important to help children develop a positive body image,” White said. “Whatever their size or weight, children can develop either positive or negative views of their bodies. Negative body image can begin as early as preschool.“Caregivers play a vital role in promoting the kind of positive body image that can help children to feel more comfortable and confident,” White continued. “Rather than obsessing over food or weight, children with good self-images tend to have the energy and attitudes they need to enjoy physical activity, while children with negative body images feel more self-conscious and tentative and are at a greater risk for weight gain or eating disorders.”For the month of November King will donate $1 per book sold to the LIFT Fitness Foundation in support of its signature Lifting Spirits, Improving Bodies, Feeding Souls and Transforming Lives, or LIFT program. Designed to help motivate, energize and equip people living in poverty to believe in themselves and redefine their potential, the 30-, 60- and 90-day LIFT programs partner with community agencies to provide homeless populations a safe, supportive and engaging path to healthier living and lasting transformative lifestyle changes. Trained health and fitness professionals and volunteers engage participating athletes with an innovative curriculum that includes weekly workout sessions, nutrition education, healthy-cooking classes, grocery store tours, inspirational/motivational discussions, job readiness and more. Author Kimberly King is available to discuss topics and points from the book, including:Good news: Ideal health is not defined by a number on a scale.Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes.Encouraging children to move their bodies and get involved with wellness activities such as sports, yoga, meditation and simple at home exercises.Moderation in food and fitness.Appropriate servings and portions, as illustrated on easy-to-understand before-and-after plates.The concept that, essentially, children are their thoughts.Ideas for how to keep thoughts about self positive and develop positive self-esteem.Talking points for parents and children that encourage honest conversation and communication.Be awareIt can be very difficult to detect the signs of negative self-esteem development, unhealthy attitudes about weight and food, and eating disorders. While this book does not mention eating disorders, it is preventative in nature. Setting healthy and open communication with children on this topic can help parents be more aware. Some signs that your child is developing an unhealthy relationship with healthy eating, body image and fitness can include social withdrawal, negative comments about self, obsession with weighing in on a scale, abnormal eating habits, weight loss, weight instability, increased need for privacy, depression, changes in mood, and over exercising. Please seek the advice of your pediatrician if you suspect your child is at risk for or has an eating disorder. For more information, visit www.kimberlykingbooks.com or www.koehlerbooks.com

The Quiet Gift of Reading During a DivorceA quiet moment to read a book with your child may be one of the most important things you can do to help your child understand and cope with divorce. Reading books together opens the lines of communication, provides space for emotions and gives the parent an opportunity to understand how the child is processing this difficult life transition. Encouraging your child to read and follow up with talking and journaling can give your child a chance to express their emotions and begin to heal. Learning to adjust and cope to a divorce is difficult for children. Bibliotherapy, using books to assist in problem solving relevant in the therapeutic process, is a valuable tool. I read these books with my children to help them cope with our divorce. As a survivor of a friendly divorce as a child, I was motivated to write, When Your Parents Divorce - a kid to kid guide to dealing with divorce.My favorite books, in no particular order, on divorce for young children:Was It the Chocolate Pudding?A Story For Little Kids About Divorce (2005) by Sandra Levins, Bryan Langdo Ages 4-8 This is a story of divorce from the point of view of a young child. Readers learn about divorce, and hear explanations of what is happening their family. It stresses the fact that divorce is not a child’s fault. Includes a note to parents by psychologist and author Jane Annunziata, PsyD. Wonderful illustrations and design.This story helps answer questions that children have such as; what's going to happening to the family, how will the divorce impact them, where will holidays happen, will family traditions continue? Engaging illustrations and message.It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear By Vicki Lansky (1997)Ages 3-7 When Koko Bear's parents get divorced, the little bear experiences a range of emotions, including sadness and confusion about the family. The story provides advice for parents on how to help children identify and express feelings. Children and parents learn how to cope with the feelings of divorce with the help of this special bear family.Dinosaurs Divorce By Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (1988)Ages 3- 7 In this light story, a dinosaur family tries to find a way to understand divorce and what happens after a divorce.This story helps answer questions that children have such as; what's going to happening to the family, how will the divorce impact them, where will holidays happen, will family traditions continue? Engaging illustrations and message.Two Homes Paperbackby Claire Masurel (Author), Kady MacDonald Denton (2003)Ages 3-7A helpful book for young children who spend time with both parents but whose parents are separated or divorced. It is unique because it shows the experience and helps the reader adjust to moving back and forth between two homes. This book introduces the divorce and custody in a kind and non-threatening way that provides comforts insight on the transitions of divorce. Beautiful illustrations, simple message, supportive, and kid-friendly.When Your Parents Divorce -A kid-to-kid guide to dealing with divorce - January 2017by Kimberly King (Author), Julissa Mora (Illustrator)Ages 5-9When Your Parents Divorce is an effective tool that parents can use to help children with questions and concerns that arise during this difficult and stressful time. Told from a child’s perspective, using clear and kid-friendly language, When Your Parents Divorce will help you and your children adjust to divorce in a positive, cooperative and supportive way. Included are talking points for discussion and an interactive journal. Beautifully illustrated in kid-friendly format.

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. – Author Kimberly King has updated a new edition of When Your Parents Divorce to include sage advice for parents and kids in a newly designed format. Click on the Illustration for more information and reviews.No parent wants to impart stress or anxietyin the hearts and minds of children. But many parents do not understand the severe impact their negative words, even if very small and subtle, have on children. These negative comments and attitudes can easily turn into ParentAlienation. Kimberly King wrote WhenYourParentsDivorce from both personal experience and the perspective of an educator. The newly published story is written in child-friendly language and aims to reduce stress and increase understanding for children and parents during this stressful time. WhenYourParentsDivorce is a guide for children to learn how to better understand the terms and process of divorce. While, at the same time provides therapeutic talking points and an interactive journal exercises. Topics of parent alienation prevention strategies are discussed, and new guidelines are modeled for positive parenting during a divorce. Giving children and parents these helpful strategies and tools for positive communication, reminds everyone to proceed with care during this transitional time.Building a collaborative and cooperative framework for the new family structure, that promotes flexibility and communication, is key for everyone in the family. It is possible to avoid and even eliminate a great deal of stress and anxiety that a divorce can bring to children by integrating the strategies discussed in WhenYourParentsDivorce. * * * * **According to the Parent Alienation Awareness Group (PAAO), “Parental alienation is a group of behaviors that are damaging to children's mental and emotional well-being, and can interfere with a relationship of a child and either parent. These behaviors whether verbal or non-verbal, cause a child to be mentally manipulated or bullied into believing a loving parent is the cause of all their problems, and/or the enemy, to be feared, hated, disrespected and/or avoided.” Parent Alienation is devastating to children and families, and it is illegal in most states.

Parental separation or divorce can be traumatic for children, even when it’s the most reasonable solution. And navigating the waters can be just as difficult for the adults involved. Add holiday obligations, expectations and a newly defined “togetherness” (or lack thereof) to the picture, and the ordinary stress resulting from divorce can quickly swell to levels that provoke anxiety and overwhelm for all. This is especially true for the kids, as they’re often more affected and conflicted by such things as changes in routines and feelings of split loyalty and unwarranted guilt, yet not as equipped to handle them as one would hope the adults are. Their feelings of loss can be heightened at the holidays amid the contrasting projection of others’ excitement and expectations. For some children, this brew of emotional strife and external tension can evoke feelings of depression, physical ailment and/or the desire to avoid holiday festivities altogether. No good parent wants to impart stress, anxiety and ill will in the hearts and minds of the children, especially during the holiday season. But often the adults are still reeling from the newness or ongoing effects of a divorce or separation. They may be so busy tending to holiday-related tasks and events that they miss the signals that a child is suffering in silence and don’t recognize the many opportunities they have to ameliorate stress-provoking situations and facilitate a sense of calm, predictability and even joy by way of some simple forethought and planning. A few holiday related tips for newly separated or divorced families: 1. Put down the anger and discontent for the holidays.2. Thanksgiving: Try to preserve existing family traditions in spirit and be flexible and creative in holiday planning. If your custody agreement is somewhat flexible and you’re making an effort to cooperate with your ex-spouse to put the needs of the children first, consider doing two Thanksgivings. For the noncustodial parent, plan to celebrate a week early. The holiday is about being thankful and enjoying family time, after all. You can still celebrate this together, over a wonderful turkey (or alternative) dinner, regardless of the calendar date. On Thanksgiving day, the custodial parent should facilitate a phone call to the other parent. Don’t assume the kids will remember to call on their own; more often than not, they won’t! Kids tend to forget about the other parent when they’re wrapped up in holiday travel and catching up with cousins. There’s nothing worse for the non-present parent than feeling forgotten on a special day, and the unnecessary guilt the kids might feel if they did forget can easily be prevented. The custodial parent should take photos of the kids and text or email them to the non-present parent. 3. Christmas, Hanukkah and winter holidays: These can be difficult holidays to divide, but maintaining some form of a tradition that will continue year after year can provide a sense of stability for children. Perhaps an annual plan such as this: The kids spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with Dad and Christmas day, dinner and New Year’s Eve with Mom. Kids crave tradition. 4. Both parents need to demonstrate holiday spirit by helping kids make or buy small gifts for the other parent. It’s important for the parents to model such thoughtfulness; kids feel guilty if they have nothing to share or give to a parent. Good, simple ideas include: a. Kids’ artwork or poetry: Take a day to have each child draw, paint or write something special for Mom or Dad and add simple frames. b. Paint a piece of pottery for Mom or Dad. Coffee cups are great. c. Make a free Shutterfly.com family website. d. Give each child an allowance for selecting something special at the store. e. Remember that it’s the thought that counts! 5. Consider a tradition of joint gift-giving (gifts from both “Mom and Dad”). This comes in handy for bigticket wish-list items. Parents can share the expense; everybody wins! 6. If you attempt a holiday together, be careful. Especially if the split is recent, heed the following: a. Understand that emotions are still raw and kids are still adjusting to this huge life change. b. Avoid alcohol, which can fuel hostile or depressive feelings. c. Don’t discuss difficult issues or topics with your ex, either in private or in front of the kids. d. Agree to keep all discussions within a “non-confrontational sphere” to avoid arguments or disputes. e. Be aware that sharing the holiday during a separation or divorce can add to the confusion and might lead kids down a path of false hopes about parents reuniting.7.Avoid speaking in a negative tone or manner about your ex. Especially during the holidays, avoid all conversations about your ex unless they are kind. Try to get in the holiday spirit by practicing some forgiveness and good will. 8. Show compassion. There’s usually one parent who is not handling the divorce well. Kids may consider that parent the injured party. There is nothing wrong with showing your ex compassion and forgiveness during the holidays or any other time throughout the year. If you can’t be married, at least you can be kind to one another. 9. Always avoid “parentification,” especially during the holidays. Parentification is a form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional needs of the parent. Don’t confide in your child about the divorce or other life stressors as if they were a friend or other adult. Don’t share with your child that you are depressed because Mommy left you. You have to put on a strong front and protect your children at all costs from any additional stress. Going through a divorce is hard. Get a good therapist or talk to a good friend. Children should never be put in the middle of adult business and emotions. 10.Don’t discuss financial issues with children. “I couldn’t buy you that surf board this year, son, because I have to pay Mom alimony and I’m totally broke.” Kids should not be privy to what a parent pays for child support, alimony or gifts. Such comments are a lame attempt at trying to make a child pick a side. This is called parent alienation. 11. Never participate in parent alienation! This is a group of behaviors that are damaging to children’s mental and emotional well-being and can interfere with a child/parent relationship. It is also considered a form of child abuse in most states. These behaviors, whether verbal or non-verbal, cause a child to be mentally manipulated or to believe that a loving parent is the cause of all his or her problems. The following rules apply to all parents, stepparents and extended family:a. Never speak an ill word about the other parent. b. Don’t speak to your lawyer on the phone in within earshot of your children.c. Don’t share with your child any of the details of your divorce. Even if you’ve been hurt, cheated on, lied to, abandoned, etc. Don’t risk the chance that your child will develop ill will toward the other parent because of you. Kids need to be able to love both parents. Participating in this type of behavior can place the kids in the middle. It can cause a hatred of the other parent and ruin the potential for relationship growth and improvement. d. Keep your divorce and any negative comments from a new spouse about your ex-spouse off your social media pages. Kids can see way more than you suspect. Be the adults, not the children. # # # Kimberly King is a child-development professional, certified early-childhood educator and speaker and author of: When Your Parents Divorce, a kid-to-kid guide to dealing with divorce.

The topic of sexual abuse brings out the "mama bear" in all of us. If you are in the prevention and education mode of preparing your child, you have probably felt the overwhelming urge to protect your children from harms way and dangerous people. Learning how to prepare your child, empower your child, and keep your child in the safest environments, is a constant challenge. If your child has been a victim of sexual abuse you have probably already unleashed your mama bear. If your child reports a sexual abuse incident to you it is essential that you receive this information in a calm manner. There is a right time, and a wrong time to go "mama bear". When children disclose a sexual abuse event they may stop talking or shut down, if they see you are upset or angry. Children and families can recover and heal, but it is important to seek help and support. Connecting with professionals, online resources and support groups will help you and your family heal.When I received the news from my 5 year old it brought out an inner rage that I had never experienced before. I tried to hide my anger and sadness while in the presence of my child. I was a disaster in private. Confusion, guilt, shame, blame, hurt, anger and worry were some of the feelings I experienced. The online presence of so many sexual abuse prevention resources is a true blessing for parents. The MAMA BEAR EFFECT is a wonderful organization and is one of the best! Please check out this organization that is dedicated to empowering children and educating parents.A video from The MaMa Bear Effect: