Ishi Bhanot's Blog

I’m so happy to announce the launch of my second book The Fallen Leaves, this Sunday, along with an evening of poetry readings!

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If you’re in Delhi, be sure to stop by!

More event details here!

Just some piece I wrote on an impulse. Even though it’s obvious, this is inspired by Sarah Kay’s If I Should Ever Have A Daughter.

PS: Those who haven’t listened to Sarah Kay, go do now!

As I’d hold her in my arms

For the very first time

I’d etch that moment in my heart

Because the heart? It never forgets

I’d sing her a lullaby

She’ll learn that music fills all wounds eventually

And the scars that remain afterwards

They aren’t meant to be hidden

She’ll wear them proudly as battle marks

The sign of victory despite all odds

Of having a hundred percent track record of getting through each bad day

But God, I’d make sure that she never has to have a bad day

I’d stand like that tree in our backyard

Which shades us from the sun

And shields us from the rain

Anything wanting to harm her would have to cross my path first

But that doesn’t mean I’ll let her be pampered

She’d have to know that she can’t always get her way in life

Because I don’t want to see her fall when the tree in our backyard falls

Everything falls sooner or later, you see

She’d learn that when her favourite toy breaks beyond repair

That some things even music and love can’t fix

Hugs do make the pain a little less though

And talking things out over a cup of hot chocolate surely does help

I’ll teach her that “BFFs” don’t always remain forever

And forever doesn’t always have to be a long time

Gus gave Hazel forever within a number of days she’d find for herself

I think I’ll let her be one of those romancaholics if she wants to

As long as she doesn’t start dreaming about a Prince Charming of her own

My little girl will learn how everyone has to be their own Knight in Shining Armour

That when the skies break open someone might hold her hand

But no one can hold the sky for her

Neither can she hold the sky for someone else while she’s being crushed

We have to save ourselves first to even be able to just plan on saving others

An empty cup can’t pour water for others, I’ll teach her

I’ll teach her to be gentle

More to herself than others are

To not be too hard on herself

To forgive mistakes, especially her own

No one can be perfect after all

And I’ll make sure she always loves herself

I can’t let her make the same mistakes I did

I’ll make a warrior out of her, not a worrier

She’d have to learn to pick herself up each time she falls

Because she’ll know that like the tree in our backyard

One day I’d have to fall too

And no matter how many musical melodies she might whisper lovingly in my ears then

My eyes won’t be opening again no matter how much I want them to

Some things are beyond our control

Fate and Destiny

They are things greater than our will and love

But she’d have to pick herself up like I would’ve taught her to

Like I have done

Because she’d be my warrior

I’m worrier enough for both of us she’d know.

This is one piece I wrote this August. 

It was one of those moments when a line just comes to you, you know? When a line suddenly strikes your mind like lightning and you’re filled with inspiration to continue it. 

I love those moments.

I am like a fresh gust of wind



My arrival is sudden



My departure even more so



I’ll be gone before you even process my stay



Leaving you wanting for more



Your nights, they’ll be haunted by me



During days you’ll see me everywhere



At places we had gone together



At places you had never seen me



At places I had never been



I passed on a piece of my essence on to you



And because you’ll fall in love with me



When I leave



I’ll be taking your heart with me



Stealing your ability to love anyone else ever again.

I  did warn you though

I said I’ll leave you wanting for more.

You Are Life Itself. 

​You are strong. You can take on the world if you just believe you can. You have the power to move mountains and make new ways for the rivers. Your strength might come in your way sometimes. 

But you are also soft. You can make the decision for a tiny ant to live.  You have that tenderness about you that allows you to love. And sometimes this kindness itself can be fatal for you. 

You are a dangerous oxymoron. 

You are life itself. 

​It’s always you. You’re the one who falls in love and you’re the one who breaks others hearts. 

When someone has hurt you so bad that you need to cry in the most awful hours of the night, it’s you who has cause the pain. And when someone lends you their shoulder to cry on at the peak of the night, it’s you again who has let yourself be comforted. 

You are the cause for your happiness. 

And you are the cause of your misery. 

You are everyone and no one. 

You are the colour of the sky while the sun sets. The dream everyone dreams of. The words hidden deep inside your heart. The feeling you get at your first kiss. You are everything.

You are the darkness right after the sun sets. The nightmares everyone forgets. The first moment of shock and pain when a loved one leaves. You are nothing.

This is your story. Yes, yours.

This is a story of every person who has ever lived and who will ever live. The same story of everyone who has ever experienced happiness or sadness. Everyone who experienced love or heartbreak. A sense of being surrounded and one of being too lonely.  This is for all of you.

Now without further delay, let’s move on to the story. Don’t be surprised if you sense déjà vu. Because after all, this is your story. You just can’t remember it.

After my mother’s departure from this world, for quite some months a simple word said in a conversation had the power ruining me to pieces. It was sort of a ‘trigger’, you could say? I would start feeling anxious and have a headache and to summarise, it was totally horrible!

The following piece of writing was written after one of those moments when I just wanted someone to console me and calm me down but was too scared to ask someone.

One word

I hear

Gets stuck

In my brain

Thoughts spiral

Out of control

Legs shaking

I can’t stand

Can’t write

Am scared

From deep

Deep within my bones

See me

For who I am

Who

My demons are

Embrace me

As I am

My tears

My smiles

And

Calm me down.

Long time no see! Yet here I am again back after a long time, with no valid reason but still sorry to have disappeared.

So this poem, right here, it is called In Her Last Moments.