Debra Smouse's Blog - Posts Tagged "rumi"

“Hope is not an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process.”
--Brené Brown

I doubt the last thing you expected as the theme for my 1st Love Note of 2022 was Hope. Because I pretty sure that I’m not the only one that is mentally “done” with the pandemic yet here we are still.

One of the decisions we made in our house revolves around making peace with what is...while also making choices that allow us to get the most out of our everyday lives.

This can sometimes be much harder to implement than simply typing that statement out. However, the number one thing I’ve come to rely upon is an underlying sense of hope…. No, not necessarily from the folks in Washington (you know I prefer to not discuss politics).

Rather, is the invitation to entice hope to come from my own heart and soul with a lot of inspiration from JB’s brilliant mind. I am also leaning into the spirit of hope and kindness from ordinary people in my daily life. Both in person. And from folks I encounter virtually.

(Which is why I often will remind you to curate what you read and the people you follow on social media.)

Because our thoughts creates our reality, choosing hope and leaning into having it is a saving grace.


One thing that has helped me is to better hone the semantics of what hope is...and as is my nature, I turned to research. In a 2004 paper from the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, two psychologists used survey data better define "hope" and "optimism".

They determined that  “hope focuses more directly on the personal attainment of specific goals, whereas optimism focuses more broadly on the expected quality of future outcomes in general.”

What I take this to mean is that while optimism is the belief that things will turn out all right, hope makes no such assumption. But it is a conviction that each person can take actions that make their own life better in some way.

In other words, by choosing hope you commit to creating a daily life that nourishes and serves you.

Also in my research, I also came across the story of Jim Stockdale. I'd read about him several years ago but it was good to have the reminder of him and his life. Stockdale was a Navy officer and POW in Vietnam from 1965 to 1973. That's eight years of being held hostage, often also being tortured. Yet, he came out of his ordeal as a man unbroken by his experience.

He said rather than focusing on getting freed by a certain day - say Christmas or Easter, he focused on hope. Because when you focused on specifics, you it broke your heart and your spirit...and that led to many deaths. What’s now known as the Stockdale Paradox comes from his statement

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
--Admiral Jim Stockdale

Of course, none of us are POWs in a war being tortured by our enemies. Yet the current reality of our lives can make us feel trapped without any sense of control.

What’s happening in the outside world simply IS. It’s reality. And rather than fight with reality, I choose to focus on what I can do with the present moment no matter what.

So to dive more deeply into the semantics of hope, I will share that in  my personal world, hope and optimism are buddies. But that isn’t the same for everyone. And that's OK because I also know intimately how easy it is to get lost in our own fears. But hope comes from a space of taking responsibility for my own feelings rather than expectation that someone from the outside world will magically make my life better.

And frankly, you can have hope and be a bit of a pessimist. Not trusting that the outside world is going to change much, but still have confidence that you can improve things in your daily life. And extend that hope into making life better for others around you.

So, pessimist or optimist, we can all channel and lean into hope. And my research confirms that you can have hope, yet also make peace that hope doesn’t mean avoiding any conflicts or crisis.

Rather, it’s an opportunity to choose hope as a part of loving yourself and others, as a path to practice kindness, and to shore yourself up to be more resilient in life.



It's not an oxymoron, but the reality of what can live side by side.

Life has always been uncertain. Yet it feels more uncertain than ever thanks to the events in the outside world. Yet, uncertainty doesn’t have to be a barrier to making choices that serve your own higher good. Every single day you can create goodness in your life. And spread that goodness to others around us.

Now, more than ever, we need small acts of kindness in our world. Because kindness comes from hopeful people. And I want to be a kind person even more now that ever.

This can be as simple as being kind to the cashier that checks out your groceries or bringing up the trashcans from the curb for your neighbor. Kindness can be found in making your partner a cup of coffee when you make your own or resetting the Peloton bike seat to his settings when you're done with your workout  (see my favorite things in the full email).

And you can spread kindness by sending card in the mail to an old friend to let them know you’re thinking of them warmly.

One of the most critical aspects of keeping hope alive in your life is to also not forget that kindness extends to yourself.

Move your body. Ensure you get enough sleep. Create a beautiful meal just because it brings you pleasure. Lovingly tend your own body with a beautifully scented shower gel or lotion up every part of yourself after a shower.

Our daily, ordinary moments are ripe for opportunity for us to live in a way that is hopeful, loving, nourishing, and kind.


Hope also invites you to work on your own healing.

No one is free from experiences that feel traumatic and stressful. And we certainly cannot control what has happened to us in the past - be it wounds from childhood, a marriage, or loss. So, rather than continue to fondle the stories of how you were done wrong, choosing hope gives you the courage to pursue what healing looks like for you right now.

The truth is that you have the responsibility to your own mental (and emotional) well-being to take charge of moving forward in your own life.

So as a part of choosing hope as a mindset, know that it will assist you in your path of healing.

Healing can look different for many folks...

Maybe it’s time to finally begin a real journaling practice that helps you find your answers. Or finally commit to that meditation practice.

Perhaps it’s time to take stock of what triggers you to tumble down a rabbit hole of unhappiness, reactiveness, or numbing. Choosing hope and healing gives you the power to notice when something triggers an old memory or feeling and stop it in its tracks.

And rather than cope by turning to food or wine, you discover the way to sit with the emotion in a non-judgmental way that allows you to apply logic to being safe now...even if you weren't safe in the past.

To be brutally honest, making the choice to act from a space of hope and find the courage to journey towards healing often requires help.

Because as much as I know that we often have answers inside us, no one is an island. 2022 may be the year that finally invest in a good therapist (highly, highly recommend!).

Or hire a coach or engage a spiritual director to serve as a witness to your journey.

You do not have to do everything on your own. And having hope as a companion will lovingly and gently remind you of that fact.

Choosing hope means making the decision to no longer allow the past to create your future.

Focusing on hope has led me to the deeper belief that perhaps it's possible despair has the ability to transform and strengthen our hope. Life is a balancing act; light is meaningless without the darkness, and vice versa.

Having hope doesn't mean tossing realism to the wayside. A hopeful spirit is not led by naiveté; it's rooted in the belief that uncertainty and hope can coexist and even offer us peace.

Because no matter how pessimistic you may have been in the past, hope invites you to have faith in your innate holiness as you build your ability to be resilient.


If you aren’t quite sure where to start inviting hope into your own life, begin small. Practice hope through rituals that invite you into the present moment. Create a way to ground yourself in the here and now in a way that is kind and nourishing. And lean into your rituals and routines as a path of stability and certainty during an uncertain season of life.

For me, this always turns back to ensuring that first cup of coffee each morning is a prayer. So find ways to ground yourself in the reality while loving yourself and nourishing your own life.

Hope is not just expectation, it's manifestation. It offers us the dream of better days while encouraging us to pave that way forward.

Hope is both/and that we can lean into because sometimes, having hope at the end of a long, long day can be all that we have left.
My invitation to you this month is to commit to choosing hope and breathe nourishing into your ordinary days. That even when it feels like you are blind to what the future holds, to light a candle in the darkness because you have hope.

For when you find the path to kindness, loving, and healing you can be an active participant in creating a life that feels good from the inside out.

If you'd like to read the January 2022 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here.

Here's to remembering that no matter how challenging the world may seem, you have the power to nourish your life, find the path to healing, and sow seeds of hope for a better tomorrow.