Debra Smouse's Blog

“Desire is often talked about as something we ought to overcome. Still, being is desiring: our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls are full of desires.”
--Henri Nouwen



I’ve been thinking a lot about desire. I’m sure with this being February you probably expected this love note to be about love. Or exploring self-love again like I did last year.

But I’m going to tell you something, my dear: it’s hard to love your life without playing with the concepts around desire.

Our souls yearn. Our hearts secretly lust. Most of the time, we neglect these deep-seated needs of our souls because what we want doesn’t seem practical or sounds selfish to our critical minds. So, our desires lay fallow in our hearts and continue to be secretly pushed into the back of our minds when they surface. And life shouldn't be or feel that way.

I'm the first to admit that leaning into and playing with desires probably doesn’t come easy.

Many of us have negative childhood associations with desire. From being told “no” for a desire for a cookie to being told that our teenage body’s desire for another human made us a “bad girl” we’re often conditioned away from using desire as what it’s meant to be: a tool for living a life that is of service to us.

And aside from childhood morals and the rights and wrongs, desire for physical things can be viewed through a negative lens of materialism or as a proof that we are narcissistic or selfish. Because longing for something like a designer purse, expensive shoes, or a fancy car seems selfish.

But the truth is, God gave us desires to help us fine-tune our lives. Desire for something can propel us towards our goals – whether it be intimacy, love, or a specific goal. By exploring one single way to go deeper into your own life, you began priming your brain and your soul to think about the possibilities of wanting MORE for your life.



If desire feels like a challenging concept for your life, especially in our current times, let’s begin in small ways.  When it comes to exploring desire for myself or in discussions with clients, I like to begin with the body. As Mary Oliver says in her oft quotes post  Wild Geese:  “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

Valentine’s Day, of course, brings to mind romance, the longing for intimacy, and of course if we were more straightforward, sex. Yet, as I mentioned, we often can get stuck in the mindset that those are things we shouldn’t want, let alone talk about with anyone.

But if you desire something in the realm of sex or intimacy, I will challenge you to go a little deeper on unraveling what that means for you: is it just sex or is a desire for closeness? Is it feeling good in your body or the way you feel when you’re with another person in an intimate setting?

Listening to your body can be the clue you need to take action or make space for particular activities.

And if you found that a longing for something in the sexual realm when you were younger, but don’t seem to go there now when it comes to your desires, remind yourself of what it accessed for you.

Now, I’m not saying to take sex off the table if that’s what you’re desiring. I’m just saying this is a Yes, AND opportunity to allow your body to help lead your mind towards what desire offers.

Maybe it's about pure pleasure. Or perhaps it's about feeling in touch with your body, a deeper connection to someone else, or powerful in who you are. That's the way to expand desire.

So, to play with desire, brainstorm ways in which you can parlay a particular experience when it comes to your body in small ways – from long showers with a thick, luxuriant delicious smelling shower gel, to getting a pedicure or a massage, to crawling into bed with fresh sheets.

Perhaps you can rediscover a bodily pleasure by moving your body in some for of exercise like walking. And is there anything more pleasurable at times than a good stretch?

When you allow yourself to experience bodily pleasures you desire to feel and experience, taking action bodily gives your mind permission to pursue bigger desires.


“Desire is a teacher: When we immerse ourselves in it without guilt, shame or clinging, it can show us something special about our own minds that allows us to embrace life fully.”
--Mark Epstein

So ask yourself: beyond what you want to experience when it comes to feeling good in your body, play with what you desire to BE, do, have, or experience.

Because playing with desire can invite you to get to the core of the bigger things you want and desire in your life.
Yes, I’m talking about those bigger concepts of how exploring your desires can lead to setting goals that matter to you – heart and soul.

Sometimes the easiest way to explore desires is to think of something you want, set a timer for five minutes, and brainstorm all the little and big things that means to you.

Think about desire as an unraveling. Desire to BE a certain kind of person can help us align actions. Desire to experience pleasure.
Before you begin to explore your desires, please know that NONE of your desires are selfish. 

For example, wanting something physical isn’t wrong. Don’t let this exercise trigger feelings of being greedy if you desire something that might be judged as materialistic. It doesn’t have to feel noble, okay? This is all about exploring the breadcrumbs desire is showing you. Which then allows you to take action.

I'm going to challenge you to choose one thing you desire. And then make the choose to pursue for the next few months.
Write it down as a declaration to breathe life into your desires. And then, take some sort of action towards your desire.

Remember that the smallest steps towards what you want, especially those that give you physical pleasure, gives your mind more permission to keep going.

If you aren't quite sure where to go from here, don't be afraid to go a little deeper.



Maybe your desire is about that kind of esoteric thing, like a feeling.

For example: when I was first self-employed, my first thoughts were “I need lots of clients.” But the truth was I wanted more freedom, a sense of control over my own schedule, and more time at home. The answer wasn’t more clients, but quality clients that desired solid chunks of time instead of an hour here or there.

If you bypassed a desire because it seemed shallow or ignoble, reconsider, okay? Because your feelings aren’t shallow.

Say for example you want to feel sexy; allow yourself to pursue feeling sexy. Ask yourself what would make me feel sexy?

What makes me feel sexy? Nice lingerie, a fresh haircut, getting my nails done, high heels, and my favorite Lucky Berry lipstick.

Perhaps the path to pursuing your desires means you need to get in touch with tiny delights. What makes you “simply happy” throughout the day? For example: Is it walking your dog in the woods in the crisp morning air make you happy? Then, make sure you add a daily walk to your life. Wake up early if necessary.

These delights are breadcrumbs. They'll start to show you the way to the bigger picture desires that you've pushed away for so long! Be patient. Your deeper desires may need some time to trust you to honor them again.



And in the meantime, to strengthen your desire muscles, pursue some sort of small (perhaps bodily) desire as I suggested. Because exercising our desire muscles are like other forms of exercise: sometimes you need to build them up and strengthen them.

If you are ready to pursue a larger goal or bigger desire, start with a single thread and be willing to go deep... And, if you get stuck, ask "Why do I want that?" and then "And what would that give me?"

These deeper answers may surprise you, but these are the answers under the answers: Freedom. Passion. A sense of purpose. Empowerment. Accomplishment. Joy. These are not uncommon answers to this question.

Darling, it’s time to stop denying your desires and bring them into the light. Be honest and allow yourself to long for a secret passion. Dive into how you really want to feel.

If you'd like to read the February 2022 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here.

Here's to giving yourself permission to follow the threads of desire and allowing those thread to lead you towards deepening your life in meaningful and nourishing ways. 

“Hope is not an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process.”
--Brené Brown

I doubt the last thing you expected as the theme for my 1st Love Note of 2022 was Hope. Because I pretty sure that I’m not the only one that is mentally “done” with the pandemic yet here we are still.

One of the decisions we made in our house revolves around making peace with what is...while also making choices that allow us to get the most out of our everyday lives.

This can sometimes be much harder to implement than simply typing that statement out. However, the number one thing I’ve come to rely upon is an underlying sense of hope…. No, not necessarily from the folks in Washington (you know I prefer to not discuss politics).

Rather, is the invitation to entice hope to come from my own heart and soul with a lot of inspiration from JB’s brilliant mind. I am also leaning into the spirit of hope and kindness from ordinary people in my daily life. Both in person. And from folks I encounter virtually.

(Which is why I often will remind you to curate what you read and the people you follow on social media.)

Because our thoughts creates our reality, choosing hope and leaning into having it is a saving grace.


One thing that has helped me is to better hone the semantics of what hope is...and as is my nature, I turned to research. In a 2004 paper from the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, two psychologists used survey data better define "hope" and "optimism".

They determined that  “hope focuses more directly on the personal attainment of specific goals, whereas optimism focuses more broadly on the expected quality of future outcomes in general.”

What I take this to mean is that while optimism is the belief that things will turn out all right, hope makes no such assumption. But it is a conviction that each person can take actions that make their own life better in some way.

In other words, by choosing hope you commit to creating a daily life that nourishes and serves you.

Also in my research, I also came across the story of Jim Stockdale. I'd read about him several years ago but it was good to have the reminder of him and his life. Stockdale was a Navy officer and POW in Vietnam from 1965 to 1973. That's eight years of being held hostage, often also being tortured. Yet, he came out of his ordeal as a man unbroken by his experience.

He said rather than focusing on getting freed by a certain day - say Christmas or Easter, he focused on hope. Because when you focused on specifics, you it broke your heart and your spirit...and that led to many deaths. What’s now known as the Stockdale Paradox comes from his statement

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
--Admiral Jim Stockdale

Of course, none of us are POWs in a war being tortured by our enemies. Yet the current reality of our lives can make us feel trapped without any sense of control.

What’s happening in the outside world simply IS. It’s reality. And rather than fight with reality, I choose to focus on what I can do with the present moment no matter what.

So to dive more deeply into the semantics of hope, I will share that in  my personal world, hope and optimism are buddies. But that isn’t the same for everyone. And that's OK because I also know intimately how easy it is to get lost in our own fears. But hope comes from a space of taking responsibility for my own feelings rather than expectation that someone from the outside world will magically make my life better.

And frankly, you can have hope and be a bit of a pessimist. Not trusting that the outside world is going to change much, but still have confidence that you can improve things in your daily life. And extend that hope into making life better for others around you.

So, pessimist or optimist, we can all channel and lean into hope. And my research confirms that you can have hope, yet also make peace that hope doesn’t mean avoiding any conflicts or crisis.

Rather, it’s an opportunity to choose hope as a part of loving yourself and others, as a path to practice kindness, and to shore yourself up to be more resilient in life.



It's not an oxymoron, but the reality of what can live side by side.

Life has always been uncertain. Yet it feels more uncertain than ever thanks to the events in the outside world. Yet, uncertainty doesn’t have to be a barrier to making choices that serve your own higher good. Every single day you can create goodness in your life. And spread that goodness to others around us.

Now, more than ever, we need small acts of kindness in our world. Because kindness comes from hopeful people. And I want to be a kind person even more now that ever.

This can be as simple as being kind to the cashier that checks out your groceries or bringing up the trashcans from the curb for your neighbor. Kindness can be found in making your partner a cup of coffee when you make your own or resetting the Peloton bike seat to his settings when you're done with your workout  (see my favorite things in the full email).

And you can spread kindness by sending card in the mail to an old friend to let them know you’re thinking of them warmly.

One of the most critical aspects of keeping hope alive in your life is to also not forget that kindness extends to yourself.

Move your body. Ensure you get enough sleep. Create a beautiful meal just because it brings you pleasure. Lovingly tend your own body with a beautifully scented shower gel or lotion up every part of yourself after a shower.

Our daily, ordinary moments are ripe for opportunity for us to live in a way that is hopeful, loving, nourishing, and kind.


Hope also invites you to work on your own healing.

No one is free from experiences that feel traumatic and stressful. And we certainly cannot control what has happened to us in the past - be it wounds from childhood, a marriage, or loss. So, rather than continue to fondle the stories of how you were done wrong, choosing hope gives you the courage to pursue what healing looks like for you right now.

The truth is that you have the responsibility to your own mental (and emotional) well-being to take charge of moving forward in your own life.

So as a part of choosing hope as a mindset, know that it will assist you in your path of healing.

Healing can look different for many folks...

Maybe it’s time to finally begin a real journaling practice that helps you find your answers. Or finally commit to that meditation practice.

Perhaps it’s time to take stock of what triggers you to tumble down a rabbit hole of unhappiness, reactiveness, or numbing. Choosing hope and healing gives you the power to notice when something triggers an old memory or feeling and stop it in its tracks.

And rather than cope by turning to food or wine, you discover the way to sit with the emotion in a non-judgmental way that allows you to apply logic to being safe now...even if you weren't safe in the past.

To be brutally honest, making the choice to act from a space of hope and find the courage to journey towards healing often requires help.

Because as much as I know that we often have answers inside us, no one is an island. 2022 may be the year that finally invest in a good therapist (highly, highly recommend!).

Or hire a coach or engage a spiritual director to serve as a witness to your journey.

You do not have to do everything on your own. And having hope as a companion will lovingly and gently remind you of that fact.

Choosing hope means making the decision to no longer allow the past to create your future.

Focusing on hope has led me to the deeper belief that perhaps it's possible despair has the ability to transform and strengthen our hope. Life is a balancing act; light is meaningless without the darkness, and vice versa.

Having hope doesn't mean tossing realism to the wayside. A hopeful spirit is not led by naiveté; it's rooted in the belief that uncertainty and hope can coexist and even offer us peace.

Because no matter how pessimistic you may have been in the past, hope invites you to have faith in your innate holiness as you build your ability to be resilient.


If you aren’t quite sure where to start inviting hope into your own life, begin small. Practice hope through rituals that invite you into the present moment. Create a way to ground yourself in the here and now in a way that is kind and nourishing. And lean into your rituals and routines as a path of stability and certainty during an uncertain season of life.

For me, this always turns back to ensuring that first cup of coffee each morning is a prayer. So find ways to ground yourself in the reality while loving yourself and nourishing your own life.

Hope is not just expectation, it's manifestation. It offers us the dream of better days while encouraging us to pave that way forward.

Hope is both/and that we can lean into because sometimes, having hope at the end of a long, long day can be all that we have left.
My invitation to you this month is to commit to choosing hope and breathe nourishing into your ordinary days. That even when it feels like you are blind to what the future holds, to light a candle in the darkness because you have hope.

For when you find the path to kindness, loving, and healing you can be an active participant in creating a life that feels good from the inside out.

If you'd like to read the January 2022 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here.

Here's to remembering that no matter how challenging the world may seem, you have the power to nourish your life, find the path to healing, and sow seeds of hope for a better tomorrow.

“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family.”    
--Henri Nouwen

If the advertisements and pop holiday tunes are to be believed, then December is the “most wonderful time of the year). The Christmas season is supposed to be about love and joy. And even for those who don’t celebrate Christmas in the Christian sense still often celebrate the more secular side of Christmas (or Hanukah or other holidays that arrives this time of year).

Who can resist the trappings? The lights, the decorations, the food, and the music are all things I delight in. One of my favorite things to do is to sit by the tree before going to bed and breathe in the serenity of beloved ornaments and twinkle lights.

Yet, from my experience has often been that this is the most stressful time of year for many.

There is pressure to buy loved ones the “perfect gift”. And there is a pressure that WE need to be perfect: the perfect hostess, the perfect guest, the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, etc. And if you’ve been in my world for long, you know that I don’t believe that perfect is possible. Rather, our imperfections is what makes us beautiful and special in our own, unique way.

It’s a hard time of year for many thanks to the Ghosts of Christmas Past. Loss, sadness, loneliness, anger, and being haunted by memories can turn even the cheeriest of us into Scrooge.



And in more than a decade of being a life coach, my number one piece of advice to you is two-fold as we wrap the final days of 2021 and step into a bright and shiny new 2022.

Keep the concept of compassion and forgiveness loosely in your mind for it will serve you as a saving grace.
And be mindful of what little (and big) things can trigger you into going down a rabbit hole that’s hard to climb out of.

If you’ve done much self-development work, you are probably aware of triggers that can send you down paths of sadness, anger, fear, and self-pity. Sometimes, you react internally. And sometimes you turn to tried and true ways to comfort and numb yourself from those uncomfortable feelings.

While I am all about feeling ALL your feelings, this time of year is can be especially fraught with landmines. And those landmines can cause us to linger in bad feelings and fondle the stories around them rather than simply feeling it and then choosing to move forward.

This is where I’m talking about the concepts of forgiveness. Because negative feelings when you should be full of gratitude and joy can be particularly heavy.

Yet, the awareness of what triggers you can be that moment of feeling badly, and then allowing your logic to kick in and remind you “Oh, this reminded you of that time when…” so that you can move through it and enjoy your holidays.

It helps to recognize the ways in which we numb, too, because sometimes we unconsciously slip into numbing behaviors immediately.

Because while we associate numbing with less than healthy activities like overindulging in food or alcohol or spending 10 hours binging Netflix. Numbing can also look like ensuring there are perfect vacuum lines in every room of your house or excessive exercise.

And, like feeling your feelings, I am all about comforting yourself. Eat that Christmas cookie to feel good in the moment but don’t eat a dozen. Clean your house while also finding the humor in how it’s helping you cope with things you can’t control. Otherwise, the way you comfort can lead you down a whole ‘nother path of triggers and self-loathing. Especially if it involves food or alcohol.
While the exterior world is a big trigger for a lot of these challenging feelings this time of year, the other big trigger for many is family. Outside those grieving for the lost family members, folks who “should” be grateful for being with loved ones feel guiltily for not always feeling grateful.



Because even if you love your family dearly. And even if your childhood was free of neglect or abuse, our families know how to push our buttons in all kinds of triggering ways.

In part, it’s because we are expected to fill a particular role in our family: the smart one, the pretty one, the funny one, etc. And in most cases, those are roles that we long exited.

Yet, our families expect us to BE that person we were when we were 16 even when we’re closer to 60.

And the other thing I realized is this: even if you regularly spend time with your family members, often times they don’t really know the man or woman you’ve become.

It isn’t that they don’t love you, it’s just they are human. So wrapped up in managing the ups and downs of their own lives that they expect you to be that person they always knew. And often lost in their own pain.

So, basically, I am sharing with you that sometime during the holiday season, your family members may behave badly. It's easier to manage if you aren't surprised by it. And even if that feels personal, it isn’t.

I am gently reminding you to be compassionate and offer forgiveness. Of others and yourself.



That doesn’t mean that you accept or approve of bad behavior. And it doesn’t make their bad behavior acceptable. And I sure don’t encourage you to accept bad behavior nor put up with attempts to manipulate your reactions, feelings, or behaviors.

Rather, I am reminding you that you can still forgive the person and love them. Even when you don’t condone the behavior.

The older I get, the more important these things are: compassion, forgiveness, and love.

And while I had planned for this love note to focus on the topic of forgiveness, I recognize that the companions of forgiveness are compassion and grace. Oh, and using awareness to set good boundaries.

Because if one of your relatives or friends goes over the edge in their ability to manage their own triggers and stressors this season, you don’t have to be the person they take it out on. Instead, you can walk away…and circle back after they’ve calmed down with a big dose of compassion.

Again: compassion and forgiveness doesn’t equal condoning bad behavior.


We have two choices in our lives as we get older and approach the 2nd halves of our lives: you either choose to soften with the aging process. Or be bitter.

If you’re here with me, then you desire to create a life that nourishes you. So that means you’re aware of the need to make this choice. And though softening sounds much better than bitterness, it isn’t always an easy choice to make.

Because it means allowing anger to simply flow through you rather than fester and make you harder, letting go of grudges, and being compassionate.

Not just to others. It requires being compassionate with yourself.

Because if there is one thing I leave you with as we approach 2022:  it’s that I want you to find compassion and forgiveness for yourself.

Being human means being imperfect and making mistakes. And while some mistakes shift the choices we make as we traversed this life, that doesn’t mean you can’t find the grace within them as lessons rather than a life sentence.



You are a brilliant, shiny being, my dear. And when you make the choice to move forward in your life in a loving, kind, and positive way you’re on path to loving yourself and your life no matter what. This may take a large dose of Awareness (which we explored in August) I And it always relies upon being self-compassionate as you choose to let go of the grudges.

The grudges you hold against others. And the ones you hold against yourself.

So, before 2021 morphs into 2022 with the stroke of midnight, find space to forgive someone for a past misdeed. And most importantly, find compassion for an older version of yourself. And finally forgive her. She did the best she could with what she had.

Sit by the fireplace with a cup of cocoa (or glass of eggnog). Get lost in the way a book transports you to wonderful places and different times. Actively look for kindness and compassion beauty as you run errands. Find the spark of joy in every day activities.

Because when you make a choice to soften into life rather than be bitter, it makes the world better for you. and for everyone you encounter.

If you'd like to read the December 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here.
Here's to remembering that no matter how challenging the world may seem, you are surrounded by beauty in the ordinary. Because within you is a spark of magic. 


Here's to celebrating the joy in the season, finding compassion, and  offering forgiveness to others. And especially ourselves.

“We are never more than one grateful thought away from peace of heart.”
--Albert Schweitzer

In the United States, we celebrate Thanksgiving in November. It’s a time to celebrate the blessings of the harvest, our families, and honor the good things in our lives.


It’s the season of gratitude.
One of the most life-changing practices in my life was when I began keeping a gratitude practice. Especially during the times that I have been consistent with a written practice. It's how I begin and end my day lately. In my favorite chair with my journal.

Though I was doubtful it could really make a difference more than fifteen years ago when a therapist first suggested it... I discovered that gratitude invited me to find love and nourishment within my own life even during the most challenging of seasons.

Because what gratitude does is help you not just find what’s good in your life. It’s a path to celebrating your victories, finding grace in the midst of failure, and sowing the seeds of compassion.

Especially self-compassion.



When you practice gratitude, you learn something that many of us are hard pressed to do: to actually receive the blessings in our life. Because it's so easy to be bombarded with what we SHOULD be grateful for...or feel guilty for having what seems like a "privileged " life, that doesn't mean it always feels that way.

Otherwise, gratitude can become just one more thing on our list. Or have a heavy quality to it.

Instead, it's a saving grace. Something you need in abundance in our imperfect lives. And it's a great companion to the pursuit of goals and the tending of our daily life.

You see, a gratitude practice helps you re-wire your brain to the positive.



Because, unfortunately, we humans are wired to the negative. Granted, this is honestly so that we can figure out the worst case scenario to SURVIVE in the wild, but I think the days of being chased by lions and bears is pretty much over.

So, what a gratitude practice actually does scientifically is it helps create new thought patterns in your brain – so that in times of stress or challenge, our thoughts can seek a positive trail rather than the negative ones.



Another reason I wanted to make the theme of this month's love note "Gratitude" is because I've noticed that no matter where I go these days, I am running into grumpy or negative people.

Cranky fellow shoppers. Drivers are incredibly aggressive these days. And let’s not even mention the news. That’s why it’s especially important these days so that we don’t let all the negativity bring us down, too.

To be honest, though I used to see a lot of beauty and gratitude in November everywhere, even social media, this year feels different. Which is all the more reason we need it more.



Not only are we met with tough times thanks to the news and the ongoing COVID restrictions, but this year we seem to skip from Summer straight to the push of buying for the Christmas season.

And, while I understand that supply chain issues are making the need to shop ahead necessary, the bombardment of advertising and email can feel overwhelming.

SO. Much.Email and noise, right?  So, though I could ramble on about gratitude, I’m going to keep this note short.
Oh!  But before I go: we are two months from 2022. So, subscribers can receive (for free) my "Word of the Year" Guidebook:

I've been choosing a Word of the Year since 2005...around the same time my therapist recommended a Gratitude Practice as a way to find more love, joy, and pleasure in my life.

And as a way to pay that forward, I have been lovingly and joyfully creating a workbook for YOU since I began my coaching practice in 2011 to help you discover your own Word of the Year.

I find that this is the perfect time of year to begin reflecting on the past year....and looking ahead to the coming year.

If you celebrate the season, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

If you'd like to read the November 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here.
Many wishes for a healthy and happy month ahead.

Here's to celebrating our blessings, honoring our wins, and seeing the grace of gratitude in our lives.

As I write this to you, it's more than an hour before sunrise. In one of my favorite mugs is a fresh cup of coffee - an unusual second cup that hints at the fact that I've been up since 4:30 this morning since I woke thinking of you and finishing this love note.

The house is almost silent save for the light strains of Mozart Piano Concerto No. 21 playing in the background. It's from my favorite playlist from Calm - Classical Piano. This simple, ordinary moment was so perfect and magical for me, I stopped to snap a photo to share with you in the newsletter. Messy desk and all. Because in this moment is exactly what I want to explore with you this month: seeing Magic in your life.




Now, I will share with you - because I value honesty - that the silence is something I've been craving all week. But, wow has been hard to come by!  Despite being an extrovert, I have found the beauty in quiet. Especially when I'm writing.

Though I have gotten accustomed to the household sounds of JB working from home as well, this week was a bit beyond our norm. The painters have been here tackling things on my "Honey Do" list and they spent part of two days working in the garage which is right above my office. Said garage contents - save our cars and the snow blower - are occupying the living room and entry hall, giving me big doses of visual noise anytime I am upstairs.

Adding to the cacophony of sound are nearby homes getting new roofs, the golf course doing their (seemingly daily) mowing, and the city replacing all the curbs at every sidewalk exit.

I share this not to complain, but to share a big dose of reality...because in the chaos has been both beauty. And yes, tangible magic.

If you need to see magic with your own eyes, change the paint color somewhere in your home. It transforms a space in moments, doesn't it?



There are so many small aspects of daily, ordinary life that invite us to notice the beauty and magic.

Especially this time of year. I need but walk outside and glory in sunbeams, cool breezes, and brilliant color in the landscape to witness it.

And tending to our lives to make ordinary days more pleasant is a form of magic we can each touch, too. From home-cooked meals to fresh sheets on the bed every Friday to knowing there's a warm blanket to throw across my legs as I read in a favorite chair.

But in order to see this ordinary as magic, I have to look for it. It means I need to slow down and truly observe what's right here before me.

It's so much easier to get lost the busyness of tending life to see it, isn't there? To stressing out over the chaos in the living room and lose sight of the freshly painted garage. Or to get lost in all the noise from the workers doing their jobs as part of making people's homes and community safer and more beautiful and miss how the roses are giving me one more showing of brilliance before we have our first freeze.

Because it's human nature to focus on the worries, the distractions, and the stresses, we have to be reminded to look for what's shining through and underneath it all.

To make space for the magic of life.




Though my first exposure to the idea of magic came from fairy tales, what I believe in most deeply is that there is magic to be discovered in the everyday living.

We simply need to look for it, seek it, and choose to actively make every day magic a priority.

We can do this by attending to the details of our lives. To carefully plate your dinner so it’s pleasing to the eyes as it nourishes your body. To use a special mug for your morning coffee. Especially over the use of throwaway paper cups. To take an additional five minutes to sit at the table and eat your breakfast rather than eat it at your desk.

I’ve learned that doing these things creates a sense of magic. I can begin the moment feeling frustrated, irritable, or cranky and end it feeling more centered.  The choice to be mindful and the extra minute or two that it takes to do so captures a bit of magic.
You may be wondering what "magic" has to do with the progression of what we've been talking about all year - especially as a follow up to Commitment and Devotion to ushering one goal into being before the end of the year. And frankly, it has everything to do with it.

Because without finding magic in your ordinary, daily life? How are you going to truly enjoy the fruits of your labors when you reach a goal?

Just like you need to commit to your goals and be devoted to your deepest desires, you need to bear witness to what already exists.

And how the magic of simple life is actually a holy helper and companion for the journey.

That means sometimes we simply need to make a magical moment for ourselves. Solely for the sake of pleasure and feeding out soul. Because feeding our soul helps us get back to work when we're tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, or burned out.



Because while the recent times have taught many women (and men) the value of slowing down to the speed of your own soul, there are a lot of folks out there that still equate being busy with worthiness.  Sometimes, the only way to stop that shift into hustle mode is to find a tangible reason to slow down and seek the magic.

I was reminded of this earlier this year when I took a photography class with some friends. Part of the tuition for the class was for a nifty instant camera. And to be honest, it kind of intimidated me.

Because I've become so used to the ease of using my phone's camera for taking photos of simply anything and everything. The cameras in our phones are pretty sophisticated. And even without real knowledge of light, aperture, and other such photography jargon, most of us can take decent photos.

And, if you regularly move your photos to your computer or the cloud, you have an endless amount of "film", too. Which means that I can snap ten photos of something and know that I'll have at least one I like.

But each roll of the instant film has only 10 exposures. Just ten in comparison to endless opportunities that digital provides. And despite having some various settings and a flash (which the teacher said we should never, ever use) how a photo turns out relies on a lot of factors - like the aforementioned light and aperture and such.

After talking with a dear friend about it, she encouraged me to approach using this camera under the guise of pursuing magic. Because while we have gotten spoiled to how digital photography shows us crisp reality, using film - especially instant film - captures something that looks like a memory.

Rather than treating the film as something precious to be conserved, I am treating it like I do my best perfume: with reckless abandon.



So, about once a week I am taking the camera with me as I do errands and allowing the camera to reveal the magic in the mundane.

I'm also learning that I'm having to let go of any sense of perfection. Because no matter how carefully I frame a shot, shoot only on bright days, and check the settings, instant film is a bit finicky.

So, in seeking the magic in my ordinary days, I am also learning how to let go the need for picture-perfect (pun intended) perfection.

Though our lives may not be filled with the magic of fairy tales I hope that you can see that it exists all around you.

My invitation to you this month is to seek the magic in your daily life that already exists. To find ways to make your life  more magical in the way you tend your world. And to be an active participant in creating some sort of magical moment.

As children, we were often able to see the magic in everyday living. We laughed, found pleasure in sitting in someone's lap, let the grass tickle between our toes, and sought play in any environment.

To access magic, you may need to go back to traits from childhood. For me that included an insatiable curiosity, a desire to explore, and the want to experience what the world has to offer.



So, as our days grow shorter, embrace the darkness by lighting a candle. Plan a trip for the sake of adventure and new experiences.


Sit by the fireplace with a warm beverage (or glass of wine). Get lost in the way a book transports you to wonderful places and different times. Actively look for beauty as you run errands. Witness the spark of joy in someone else's eyes.

And make a practice of regularly tending your soul in a creative pursuit such as photography or painting - even if you aren't great at it.

 

If you'd like to read the October 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here.
Here's to remembering that no matter how challenging the world may seem, you are surrounded by beauty in the ordinary. Because within you is a spark of magic. 

When I made the decision to go from a bi-weekly to monthly newsletter, one of the desires driving that decision was to offer you (and me) an invitation to go more deeply during this journey together. What this has meant in some ways is to ignore part of what's happening in the outside world so that I can help you create a better inside world.



My hope is that if I can assist you in thinking more profoundly. And then taking deliberate actions that cultivate your own happiness and peace, you are then able to carry that out into the world around you.

What that translates to in a practical sense is continuing my commitment to not share my opinion on politics, religion, or social justice issues. Because how can I serve you in any way if you feel I have a strong opinion - or bias - one way or the other? Especially if it's different than your own opinions.

I know for many of you, that may turn you off. And that's OK. I know I am not everyone's cup of tea in that approach. Yet, I also know that for many others, this approach provides a port in a storm. And that, I am grateful to be able to provide.

You may be wondering what this has to do with this month's theme - commitment and devotion. And frankly, it has everything to do with it. Because how can I model ways to love yourself and your life - no matter what is happening in the world - if I don't model how setting boundaries and being devoted to how those boundaries can look in our modern society?

Even when - or maybe especially when - everywhere you turn people are taking a (social media) stand on issues, causes, and politics. For if I were to go against these principals it would certainly affect my own inner peace. And the ability to continue to take deliberate actions that help me love my daily life.

Because truly, the key for me to stay devoted to curating a daily life that feels loving and nourishing lies in my commitment to tend my inner world - my own thoughts and actions - even if the rest of the world is in chaos.



When I first planned out these monthly love notes for 2021, I chose themes based on not just a progression of thought - such as how Awareness (explored in August) is always a precursor to Commitment towards one's goals.  I also considered the season we'd be exploring that theme.

When it comes to September and the edges of Autumn, I always feel that "back to school" energy around me, even though it's been a very long time since I was in school. Or even preparing kiddos for school.

Yet, there's something about the crisp morning air that invites me to re-examine my hopes and desires. And the shifting landscape from green to red and gold that compels me to make changes in my world, too.

I know full well how challenging this year has been. Even when you don't watch the news much it's hard to escape how the outside world impacts your life. And with that in mind, I am guessing that many of you set goals or made resolutions way back at the beginning of 2021 that have been completely abandoned. It feels as if they were made, not mere months ago, but an entire lifetime in the past.

And while It’s easy to say maybe next year, now is a perfect time of year to take another look at what you desire to do and who you long to be. Because no matter how the outside world is impacting each one of us, you matter.



You – your life, your desires, your dreams – deserve your devotion. Because you are not an afterthought. And neither are those goals of yours.

While I know it may be impractical to achieve  everything  on those lists you made when thinking about 2021, I want to invite you to really dive into awareness and ask yourself what you really, really want. How can you turn a wish into reality?

What if you were to make the decision that you’re done messing around with just thinking about stuff and actually start doing it?
How might choosing to let go of one dream in favor of really pursuing another allow you to go all in?
What if you were to understand that in order to create a life that feels loving and nourishing, you must become devoted to your desires?
How would it feel to make the decision to usher in one specific dream into your reality?
What would it give you in way of confidence if you were to actually do what you say you want to do?
How might committing to just one desire now help you gain momentum for additional successes in the future?

I believe there is immense power in making a commitment.

It means you're making a decision, a vow, to tend your goals and desires. And if you were to commit to that concept – breathing life into one wish, dream, goal, or desire – and spend precious time and attention on it - that you could make IT happen (or at least make significant progress towards it) before we usher in a new year.

Yes, that’s a pretty bold statement, but I’m telling you that one thing I've discovered over the years is that making a decision shifts your energy. I've also learned that your commitment muscles may need some support. And that magical support is devotion.

Back in 2014, I vowed that the mantra for my journey that year was to  “Be like a Monk in Devotion to Myself.”    Being devoted to the quality of my daily life has been the underlying current of my deepest satisfaction.

That choice of mantra began to shift my DNA. By tending my daily life, I was able to recognize what was holy about the ordinary moments. And it also showed me that a little devotion went a long way towards achieving my goals.





Here's what I am asking you do in honor of committing to yourself and being devoted to your happiness and desires: 

Choose one goal (or dream or desire) and commit that you are going to be like a monk in devotion not only to breathing some life into that idea, but actively working to make it real. Yes, just one thing. No, that doesn’t negate every other area of your life. You’re choosing just one thing for now, so that you don’t distract yourself.
Yes, this means walking away from some of your other goals. It's hard to be committed, let alone devoted to achieving something if your attention is too scattered.
Get clear on your why. Why THIS goal? What is inviting you to let this particular cream of an idea rise to the top?  If you aren’t clear on why this deserves your devotion now, but your gut is telling you it’s the right choice, dig into it a little more, and find your why. As I’ve shared before, this means you’ll probably need to ask that question “why” and “what would that give me” about five times to get to the core of your truth.
Remind yourself that you get to choose anything, even if it sounds or seems selfish. Because the truth is, darling, if it will make you happy and proud, than it holds value. That also means it can be a big goal, a tiny tweak, or somewhere in between.
Determine how much time a week you are going to allow your goal to have the spotlight. No, we can’t toss aside everything in our lives in hopes of focusing on this goal. We have families to feed and bills to pay. However, once you’ve decided to Make It Happen, then it’s worth the devotion of your precious time and attention. Right? So, commit to yourself that you’ll spend time on this: thirty minutes a day or an hour every other day or two hours on a Sunday.
Make a plan. It’s hard to put your devotion and attention on a dream if you have no idea what to do to make it reality, right? So, yes, make a plan. What’s the next step? What are the milestones?

Most of us are quick to devote time to our work, to our friends, and to our family’s needs. All of those things are important, and deserving of our attention and energy.
However, it’s equally important, if not more so, that we honor our own dreams and desires with the same level of commitment and devotion.

Rather than shove your desires aside, it's time to open the door to them. Invite them into your daily life. Make time for them in the midst of life's busy-ness and demands.

Nurture your desires as part of nourishing yourself and your life. Because when you are tending your deeper wants, that positively impacts your world. And those you love.




Commit to making this one goal of importance.  Because with love and devotion, anything is possible. Especially when it comes to breathing life into your desires.

Allow the shifting of season to help usher you into a daily life where you are committed to yourself. And devoted to help you recall the nostalgia of childhood summers, even if it's only a few hours a week. Because within this act is an opportunity to rediscover who you always wanted to be...and who you want to be tomorrow, next year, and ten years from now.

If you'd like to read the September 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here.

Here's to celebrating the shift of seasons. And allowing the fresh energy to help you truly commit to your desires whilst becoming devoted to your own peace and happiness.

I saw my first bright yellow school bus this week. I saw the first sunflower, standing out against a field of green. We’re still weeks and weeks away from the first day of Autumn, I’ve noticed the sun is setting just a little earlier each evening....

We're in the season for transitions and new beginnings.




On Wednesday evening, I wrapped a very full day of writing and coaching wonderful people, poured a glass of Rose, and wandered outside with my book. The sun was shining, a soft breeze was blowing and I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

For most of my life, I believed that in order for life to be  interesting , then that meant life had to be more downs than ups and fill with all kinds of angst (and other such nonsense). That we had to rush around to prove our worth and relaxing was for those "privileged people".

Well, baby, I'm here to tell you that though life is a glorious adventure, living a daily life you love includes lots of peaceful moment. That, at the end of the day, I don't have to rush around like a crazy person - I can actually relax and enjoy my home, a good book and an excellent glass of wine - sans drama.

I can't tell your how incredible that feels to a once-upon-a-time drama queen. Or, how contrary that is to what I was taught growing up.

I'm living proof that we don't have to follow in path of what we grew up believing. We get to choose our path and alter it to be experience in a way that feels loving and nourishing.

But I mentioned that all around us are signs of shifts. Even for folks who don’t have kids, August is one of those transitional months where we get that “back to school” energy.

It’s a restart, the edges of the fall, the longing to complete a 2021 goal, and looking to the new year.

Though the new year doesn't arrive for four and a half more months, we've shifted into Next Year Thinking at our house.



JB's work uses a fiscal year calendar that begins October 1st, and their class - and travel - schedules are beginning to emerge. (Though, of course, we don't know about the travel portion).

So during my morning porch time, when I sit with my coffee and journal, I'm pondering what's on the horizon while savoring the goodness in my present.


It’s also when I begin not just my personal planning and household planning around his work commitments, I’m pondering what business goals I want to set…and frankly, what areas of my business need to shift. And what needs to change about ME so that I can better tend all the areas of my life?

Here's what I'm pondering lately:
--Is the blog still a good use of my time? Do people even read blogs in 2021?

--Is it time to rework my coaching packages? Though I have always loved working long term with clients which allows us to go deeper and deeper into their desires and growth, I would be lying if I didn’t admit how much I love doing strategy sessions with folks. You know, where someone presents a problem or challenge and we brainstorm all the ways to address it. And then create a plan. That’s super fun – and useful.

--I’m thinking a lot about my creative time. Is it time to finally finish that book that’s 90% complete so I can release it into the world? Or should I create – or revamp – some of my courses and breath new life into them?

--Social media is often on my mind when it comes to my professional life….as a coach and writer, is social media a good use of my time? Or is it all just noise anymore?

--And while we're thinking about social media, I'm wondering if it's good for me when it comes to my own mental health...

--How can I better tend my home without using it as an excuse not to write?

--What have I always wanted to do but held back from? Where are my own excuses getting in the way of loving myself and my life more?

--And, frankly, I’m thinking a lot about the future. Though I’m looking at the last four months or 2021 and ahead to 2022…I am also imagining a life where JB is retired and I am finding a balance of enjoying my time with him and doing a little work…


I share all the things I'm pondering because we're friends here. And pulling back the curtain on my process invites you to begin thinking about yourself and your life. Because while this can seem like minutia and a bit of naval gazing, it's about being open to possibility and digging into what I desire for the big picture of my life as well as the rhythm of my daily life.

All of this thinking and pondering is really about awareness.



When it comes to living a life you love, one of the first pieces of advice I give is to dive into your own self-awareness. Yes, even though it not always easy to look in the mirror and see who we are, warts and all. You may be asking why awareness, then, is worth the trouble. That’s because without awareness, you are cutting yourself off from the very tools you need to, not just pursue your desires, but enhance the quality of your everyday experiences

Self-awareness is the ability to observe ourselves – why we react and how we behave – and not only accept what we discover, but make informed decisions about the changes we want to make.

Awareness is also the ability to be honest with ourselves about our weaknesses and strengths, as well as our thoughts, motivations, and emotions.

Awareness often done through a personal inquiry process: asking yourself good questions and getting nakedly and brutally honest about your real answers. And trust me, even if you're not much of a journal keeper, it is so helpful to do this on paper. To ask yourself good questions, record your answers, and then ask yourself "Why?" and "And what would that give you?" several times until you get to your deeper truth.

Because you don’t know what you don’t know, even about yourself. This is something that I believe is critical work - especially right now.


Because even if you've done a ton of personal growth work in the past, not one of us is the same person we were before March 2020. It's just not possible to experience - or witness - so much chaos and worry and stress without it changing you.

The beauty of awareness is that it allows us to make better choices and curate a lifestyle that makes us feel engaged and alive.

Remember when we talked in June about idleness? From the outside, awareness can look an awful lot like idleness. And making the decision to dig in means that you may look idle on the outside....and your actual productivity for getting things done - such as laundry, errands, chores, and work that produces something tangible - is going to languish.

For me, personally, this means that less consumable content can be created because all my energy is going towards digging in. Because when you are asking yourself the harder questions around what you need and desire? All that brain work takes energy, time, and bandwidth.

As a still-reforming perfectionist, I often get into my head the idea that I should be able to do EVERYTHING. I am wired as a "J", which means I tend to see a lot of black and white in the world as my norm. It's sometimes hard to remember that I can't always BE and DO everything. To leave behind the idea that I should be able to do more work in a single day - coach more people, get more words on a page, not need quiet, not need company, and certainly never battle resistance.

So, darling, when you're choosing to live in the question and go deeper for your answers, be patient with the lack of exterior results. Because it's frustrating to reach the end of a day - or week - when you've done so much exhausting, inner work....but have nothing "productive" to show for it.



This is why I’m often asked if self-awareness is worth the  trouble. Because there’s the shadow side of it.

This shadow side can make us angry or sad at our past choices, and can send us spiraling down the rabbit hole of the so-called “bad” emotions. And how can I forget the Inner Critic’s ability to become oh so judgmental when we play with being more aware of ourselves as our ally.

Let’s be honest, sometimes too much self-awareness can be downright exhausting. And no one enjoys digging into painful, old wounds and stories.

Yet, awareness, while sometimes a bit painful, is actually quite freeing. If we can pair the awareness with kindness towards ourselves, it gives us a great opportunity to step into our own greatness. To allow what could be seen as flaws or cracks in our perfect facades to burst open so that the light from our souls can shine.

Even when we deal with the painful side of awareness, it invites us to dream and go more deeply into our desires and wishes. Because, as my old pal Cinderella would say "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes".

It's the most beautiful part of my work as a coach. To finally understand that when we step into our own awareness that life only gets sweeter. That we aren't made to be perfect. That our cracks don't indicate brokenness, but the ways in which we've been touched by the world and our existence in it.



Awareness is always worth the trouble. That’s because, without taking the time to observe how we feel about what we’re doing, seeing, or experiencing, it’s impossible to feel fully engaged. Or, as I have to remind myself regularly: when you plant new seeds, the first thing to come up is dirt. Yet, before anything can bloom, working through the dirt is necessary.

If you'd like to read the August 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here. You'll also receive my BRAND NEW free E-Book - Create a Life You Love:
Standards Help Curate Delightful Days

That’s my wish and hope for you this month. That you find loving, gentle ways to deepen your own self-awareness. To dig more deeply into what you desire, what you need, and how you can make it happen.

For when you do, you're sure to recognize it as an opportunity to look around you and really love yourself and your life even more.

Here in the United States, we celebrate Independence Day in July. And as always, I am so grateful to be celebrating what it means to be free. I know there’s a lot happening in our world right now, but I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you how much I value freedom,

In fact, it’s one of my core values.



Though I know it's not popular to be "patriotic" these days, I make the choice to look beyond the rhetoric and divisiveness and simply honor who I am. That doesn’t mean to say that life is perfect or this country is perfect. I worry about the strife and divisiveness. I worry about how polarized politics and the world has become.

Yet, at the core of my being, I believe that people are basically good and decent.
Life isn't perfect by any means, but the older I get, the more I realize that personal freedom to me means living my deepest truths.

Though freedom - on the outside - seems to be a simple phrase - it's multifaceted when it comes to how I see freedom in my life.

I have always valued freedom from the time I was a small child, yet it's only in the last twenty years or so that it's been such an important part of my world.

On the outside, freedom seems to be about an external thing, but, like many things, it's an inside job.



Freedom, as a core value, is about going with the crowd as long as it fits your desires. And then, when what is popular or trending, no longer fits how you desire to live your daily life, it means veering from the path of what's expected.

This means that sometimes - or often - you will be deemed "weird" or "uncooperative".

Because making the choice that the opinions of others, while sometimes valuable, are never more important than your own opinion on the best way to live your life.

While this seems like a no-brainer as part of belonging to a family, being welcomed by a group, or simply living as a part of society at large.

Freedom is actually a challenging core value because we all have a deep, ingrained need to belong. And exercising your need to be free means that sometimes - or often - you rub other people wrong.

This, my dear, is a hard concept to grasp. Especially when you're a people pleaser. Or simply someone that loves nurturing others. Because choosing yourself as a priority can seem selfish, anti-social, confrontational, or simply weird.




While I appreciate not being the person that is outrageous for the sake of reaction or attention from others, dancing to the beat of your own drum for the sake of following your heart isn't something that is accepted by others.

This is often clearer when spending time with your family. You grew up with certain expectations - be it on how to behave, what to wear, what to eat, or what to believe - and sometimes we veer away from who we're expected to be in order to be who we were born to be.

So, when we exercise the deeper need we have to be ourselves, we rub against the trappings of expectations of the rest of the world...especially the expectations of people we love.

It was evident to me over the holidays. JB and I traveled to Florida to spend time with his family - especially his mom who is 91 1/2.

We had a wonderful time with everyone sharing meals and celebrating the holiday. Yet everyone slips back into the roles that had as children - or tries to poke their siblings for changing. It's not a bad thing honestly, when you know how to handle it...and when you're open to how people have changed, you can discover new things about them. Despite the fact you've known them from the moment you were born.

Everyone expects people to be who they always HAVE been rather than who they have evolved to become. Because none of us, and I mean none of us, are the same person today as who we were thirty or forty years ago.



This is where freedom becomes all the more beautiful To value who you have become while also loving and accepting all the past versions of ourselves alongside those we love is key. To genuinely love others means that sometimes you compromise in order to keep the peace. But, at the core of honoring yourself, you still have to BE yourself.

The helpmeet of freedom is forgiveness. Forgiveness for those who don't appreciate your individualism...and especially forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Because freedom means finding love for all versions of yourself.

While this isn't a simple thing, the biggest switch for me was when I came to understand that I am always at choice. I can think about all the ways I desire my life to be, but it I have to choose to take action in order to make it happen.

Yes, I believe that you have to first find love in what already is - whether it be your job, you love life, your body, your home - and then begin to create from there. We can only begin where we are, right? Yet, life isn't about making everything perfect, darling, it's about choosing to see moments as perfect.

Yet, we can find moments of perfection in this ordinary life. This has to begin with YOU.

This is what freedom is about to me. And while I know at times I may be preaching to the choir, I don't believe that hatred or bigotry or judgement is how the world becomes better. It begins at HOME in our own hearts. In the actions we take daily. In the choices we make day in and day out.





Freedom isn't an easy value. But it's worth every moment of pursuing it and honoring it. And while it seems like an external value, it's truly an inner value. So, while there is a lot to be done in the outer world, I still firmly believe the place to begin is within your own heart.

We each have a responsibility to ourselves and the world to be better humans. To live with compassion and empathy. To choose to make good choices, love our neighbors, and find the path to freedom for each person. Sometimes those choices are harder than others. Yet, I have the responsibility to keep choosing good and then to follow through with action.

Rather than becoming mired within our own mental prisons, we may have to daily - and often - choose ourselves and freedom. Whether it be lost in the need to be seen as perfect or the desire to be seen as strong and not vulnerable. Or to get lost in judging the world and others that we lose sight of where our own biases may be.

That's the kind of freedom that I am very grateful for. Each and every day. Each and every moment. We get to choose to love what's before us. We get to choose to thrive where we're planted. Most importantly, we get to choose the path of love, because even if we have to stretch a little, love, baby is always within reach.

I still firmly believe this despite how ugly the world seems at time.

If you'd like to read the July 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here. You'll also receive my BRAND NEW free E-Book - Create a Life You Love:
Standards Help Curate Delightful Days .

No matter where you stand on politics and other social justice issues, please take one step towards freedom and choice today in your very own life.

Here's to choosing to honor ourselves as we pursue freedom as a core value on the path to becoming who you desire to be.

As the calendar page turns to June, I've been thinking a lot about summertime. Especially the summers of my childhood.



I'm sure the summers in the 70's (and early 80's) would horrify your kids (or grandkids) these days. And probably terrify their parents when they realized that the one thing that underscored that time: boredom.

Rather than life revolving around a schedule of school and after school dance lessons, the majority of the time was up to me to fill.

And though I thought I'd simply die of boredom at various times throughout all those summers.




Looking back, I see the beauty in how it taught me to use idleness as a tool to better myself and my life.


And as excited as I am to return to "normal" life (as if life has ever been "normal"), what I am cautious about returning to is a life that is so full of commitments and schedules that it leaves no room for rest and idleness. Because while the Pandemic time has taught many women (and men) the value of slowing down to the speed of your own soul, there are a lot of folks out there that still equate being busy with worthiness.

I lived many a years with the belief that "Idle Hands are the Devil's Playthings", a saying that drove my need to prove my value by overscheduling myself to exhaustion. But in recent years, I have truly learned how much my mind, body, and soul needs quiet and contemplative time as a part of each day.
Much of my thought time this year has been focused on this very challenge: how can I stay connected and informed while also ensuring I get enough time disconnected so that I can best protect my tender parts?




I will confess that while I feel like "should" know the answer to this. It's been my "job" for more than a decade to help others find the answers to these types of questions....

Yet, like many of you, I am smack dab in the middle of discovering those answers - the truth of what is necessary to be devoted to my own mental and spiritual growth while not completely unplugging from the rest of the world and living like it's 1977.

The summertime seems like the perfect time to experiment with this, though, doesn't it? To harken back to the summers of childhood where the scales of balance are tilted away from being ruled by the outer world and spending more of my time tuned into my own, small life.

Because as boring as that sounds from the outside - and frankly to the part of me that still has the "hustle culture is good" muscle memory - it's a critical exercise to not just who I am today.

But who I want to be five years from now. And ten years from now.

So, for the rest of the summer (at least) I want to really embrace the value of idleness, prioritize rest, and make space for dreaming.




These are some of the questions I've been pondering and playing with:

**What will happen to my writing life if focused on my book rather than be distracted by social media?
**How much good work can I create if I were more devoted to my work in progress than creating for social media consumption?
**What will happen to my body when I prioritize going for a bike ride or a walk to get my blood pumping rather than sitting on the couch watching TV?
**Could taking a contemplative approach over harried hustling lead me towards making better decisions for the future me?
**Though I've always been a reader, what might reading more books than social media posts and news stories do for my mind and soul?
**If I prioritize taking evening walks with JB rather than scrolling on my phone, how might our relationship be better served?
**How might my soul be better served sitting on the porch for an hour watching the robin parents feeding their four hungry babies (and maybe my journal on my lap) instead of sitting inside with my computer on my lap?
**What will making space for real connection - zoom calls, lunch dates, and the writing of old fashioned letters - do for my relationships rather than relying solely a Facebook post for connection?
**Could my emotional health be improved if I chose to play - be it round of golf, a game of chess, or a day at an amusement park - rather than spend the day on my computer?
**Where might following a thread of curiosity lead me as an alternative to following a Twitter thread?
**In what ways can JB and I strengthen our relationship by spending more time doing "nothing" together rather than sitting side by side on our phones?

I got a good taste of this earlier this month. JB had some "use or lose" vacation days that he took recently. Honestly, it was eye-opening on how much we both needed idle time, tending our small, little world.

Because despite pouring over research about how the constant connection is harming how our brains work, it's always easier read than actually done.

Though we checked personal email and the news, we spent large swaths of time disconnected from the outside world. We rode bikes, took walks, played, golf, and tended household chores. We also spent a lot of time just BEING - sitting on the patio, watching the birds and the golfers go by.

My invitation to you this month is to make space for idleness in your own life so that you can recognize it's true value.




Maybe commit to not picking up your phone until after coffee and/or after some one-on-one time with your journal.

Perhaps you can make going for an after-dinner walk with your family or a friend instead of one more episode of whatever you're watching on Netflix.

Rather than getting breakfast or lunch from a drive-thru and eating it in your car on the way to "what's next", how would it feel to create a beautiful meal, place it on a tray, and enjoy it al fresco.

What would it be like to pick up a pen and dash off a note to a friend instead of scrolling through social media in hopes of an update from that friend?

Rather than always finding something to DO, what if you allowed time each week to simple be bored?

Instead of rushing to check your email, scrolling through social media, or obsessing over the news, what if you sat on the patio, read a book, or actually began writing that novel you always wanted to write?

What if you were to unplug completely at least one day per week and take a real Sabbath? Read a book, tend your flowers, nap with your partner, go out for a lovely meal....

Allow summertime to help you recall the nostalgia of childhood summers, even if it's only a few hours a week. Because within this act is an opportunity to rediscover who you always wanted to be...and who you want to be tomorrow, next year, and ten years from now.

If you'd like to read the June 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here. You'll also receive my BRAND NEW free E-Book - Create a Life You Love:
Standards Help Curate Delightful Days .

Here's to rediscovering the value in boredom, learning how to be idle, and tending a life OFF line to make mental, emotional, and soul space for the next version of who you desire to be.

I've been thinking a lot about new beginnings and how that demands that we also parlay that into a fresh start.

Earlier this month, our landscaping company did what they call our "Spring Clean Up". This is when they do any major pruning...but mostly install a fresh layer of mulch to ensure our flower beds retain as much moisture - and repel weeds - to it's best ability. Our next door neighbor uses the same company and so the crew is here for a couple of days to tend the long list of wishes we each have for the exterior of our homes.

Unfortunately for the crew, they left on the 2nd day knowing there was still an hour ( or so ) of work left to complete. To ensure they didn't have to come back, I did a full walk of our property to inspect all the flower beds and make notes of any undone tasks. And I did this while I was having a conversation with a dear friend on Voxer.

As I walked from our garage, down the steps to the back yard, examined our pond, and then made my way back up to the front, I snapped photo after photo of to my friend of freshly pruned and tended flowerbeds. Everything awash in lush green and manicured edges.

And it struck me just how fresh and green everything was. And how it gave me hope for new beginnings.



Earlier, as spring made herself known, we were treated to flowering trees, orange and purple tulips, and sunshine yellow daffodils. But now, we are at the in-between stage where most of the early bulb have faded, trees have transformed from floral to tiny leaves, and no summer blooms have begun to blossom.

Despite how much happier a color GREEN is than BROWN, it can be a bit of a letdown without the riot of color or the excitement of spring finally arriving in showy blooms. Yet, this is the space of time when the world is simply RIPE and inviting us to see the fresh season as an opportunity to be rather fresh ourselves.

It's no wonder that after I talked of decluttering and shedding what no longer serves us last month - that my mind would shift to what that means for us on not just a physical level - but a mental and spiritual level as well.

There is immense power in fresh starts and new beginnings.



Yet, that very thing is just what gives many of us pause. Because what keeps bobbing to the surface is all the baggage that arises when we think about pursing new goals - especially when those goals are ones we've attempted before: lose weight, get in shape, write that book, improve our relationships, or reduce our social media usage.

No matter how much a part of us desires to give begin again towards something we've wanted in the past comes with the negative voices of "Why Bother?" or "Why do you think this time will be different?" or "Haven't you tried this before?"

This, my darling, is where fresh starts rely upon granting ourselves grace, forgiving past versions of ourselves, and granting ourselves permission to begin. Even if it is again. Or maybe especially IF it's to doing it again.

What I mean by this is when we desire to achieve something that we've successfully achieved in the past, but more recent attempts have been failures.

Take my writing, for example. I've published three books and edited a literary anthology. But despite being 70% done with my next book, I've been in a holding pattern. All that fresh, green newness reminds me that life renews and what seemed dormant or dead can come back to life.

But the voices of my inner critic - especially after this period of languishing for so many of us - has left me in frozen state of procrastination coupled with a lack of confidence in myself as a writer that can actually finish things.

And, of course, I have been in much better shape than I am at this exact moment in time.

In fact, twenty years ago, I was so dedicated to staying in shape that I got up at 4 AM and was at the gym before 5 AM most days. And last year around this time, I was at the park for my walk every single day. Something I haven't done consistently since the weather turned colder last fall.

Because beyond having succeeded in the past, we have to accept the simple fact that at this time, we need to begin again. Which can either be a solid blow to the ego - or an opportunity to practice the concepts of self-love, forgiveness, and the willingness to see ourselves as imperfect yet perfectly capable beings.

While being a beginner - again - can feel challenging or even, at times, demoralizing, it's simply a part of the cycle of life. And if we can do so from the right headspace, it can be a beautiful process of loving ourselves and our lives more deeply.




The key to this, my darling, to take a fresh start and flourish in some way, lies in permission to be a beginner. No matter what a past version of ourselves did before.
So, rather than allowing myself to simply give up before I begin, all the freshness of May is inviting me to grant myself the grace of being a beginner. Once again.

To get back in shape, Becoming mindful about what I'm eating and heading out to the park - or on my bike - as an invitation to celebrate movement rather than as a punishment.

And to open that file on Scrivener that contains not just the next book, but the next FOUR books I want to publish. To begin writing daily again - or not - maybe to simply tend my art and nourish my own soul as I spill my words and thoughts onto the page.

And to invite you, my dear, to come along the journey with me and with this current version of yourself. Allow yourself the opportunity to start fresh and the grace to begin again. Because within that is an opportunity to unearth the shiniest, sexiest, and most fabulous version of who you always wanted to be.




Not because you achieve something specific. Rather because you have the gumption to start fresh on the journey.

Here's to fresh green spaces, the promise of blooming flowers, and the grace of new beginnings as you make space for the next version of who you desire to be.

If you'd like to read the May 2021 love note in full, you can do so here.

And, if you'd like to receive my Monthly Love Note, sign up here. You'll also receive my free E-Book - A Touchstone For Your 2021 Journey: The In-Depth Guide to Revealing Your Word of the Year .

Sending you oodles of love, wishes for warmth and coziness, and the reminder to do something nice for yourself today.