Shawna Hunter's Blog - Posts Tagged "learning"
Painful lessons of the Past
Listening through my old books is not a fun experience for me. With the duel benefits of hindsight and my increased knowledge of writing I find my older works ALMOST embarrassing. Unnecessary words like "however" and "slightly" which the narrators oh-so-helpfully over pronounce make me cringe and there's so much that I would have changed had I written them today.
That said the walk down memory lane also stirs old feelings and memories in me. References I've forgotten over time and feelings I've since worked through were the catalyst for these stories and as such their ghosts still haunt the pages as I go. Thinking back I can almost boil each book down to what I intended it to be and see how my interests as a writer have evolved. It creates an interesting timeline which I don't mind sharing:
Their Wild Little Girl - Vacation. This book is the closest to straight up porn of all my works. I wrote it at a time when I was very stressed and needed an escape into fantasy. At the same time it includes reflections on the moral quandary posed by BDSM desires (especially for a dom) and I can see that I was at least starting to think about themes I'd return to later.
Their Meddling Aunt - Perhaps my most underappreciated book due to the issues with publishing it. The story, again, is near porn and even has tongue in cheek step-mother themes. Here, however, I had family firmly on my mind (not in the gross way). It began with Jessica struggling with fears brought up in the conclusion of Wild Little Girl and ends with the threesome a stronger unit than ever before. The journey is all about coming to terms with who you are and how you fit into your family and I wrote it at a time when I too was struggling with these issues.
Submission Backstory - The story of a woman lured by temptation into a life changing decision. It's the least subtle of all my books (to my ears at least) because the metaphors are simple. It's me coming to terms with being an erotica author and realizing that it wouldn't be a 1 off thing (Meddling had yet to be rejected at the time). Perhaps that's why people always assume that I relate most strongly to Alyssa?
Beauty and the Bitch - My most popular book. This one was actually a lot of fun and fun was the theme of it. I was dealing with the fallout of being an erotica author and the reactions this provoked in friends and loved ones. For Isabelle her concerns were more about her body confidence and she learned how fitness could help her through them while also discovering its similarity to BDSM. For me it was a journey of dealing with my author confidence and finding the argument that BDSM was rather like fitness. Izzy and I were essentially hitting the same theme from different ends.
Master May I? - The germ of the idea for this story came from the way I lost my parents. Both died of long term, debilitating illnesses. That's why I can't read certain chapters without crying. The rest was built on discoveries I made as I came out as a BDSM author (to those who know the real me behind the pen name). I lost some people but I met so many more who accepted me and welcomed me. That community helped me get through the losses and taught me that living life is the best way to heal old wounds. I do feel that that came across in the story in the end.
The Domme's Daughter - I work from home in my day job and as an author. I spend most of my days in a dark room all alone and only go out on weekends or to the gym. I don't mind the loneliness (as an aspie I welcome it) but I understand how people would and thinking about how that isolation would effect a normal person's views on society inspired the story. How often have I been caught talking to myself?
The Girl Named Flower - I know it's not out yet but don't worry this'll be spoiler free ;) This is part of a 3 story arc that will shake up Brooke's Hollow. It reflects my desire to grow as an author and work in more observations about the world. I resisted this early on (I do love discussing controversial subjects) because I thought I lacked the skill to give it the light touch fiction needs. Now I feel I've grown enough to address interesting issues in the real world in a light, implied way via fiction and (as a bonus) bring my characters together in an ensemble story. It wasn't easy to get this far and I've had a lot of growing pains along the way but now I feel I'm ready for the next evolution.
I only hope I'll still be able to read my older works once it's done.
That said the walk down memory lane also stirs old feelings and memories in me. References I've forgotten over time and feelings I've since worked through were the catalyst for these stories and as such their ghosts still haunt the pages as I go. Thinking back I can almost boil each book down to what I intended it to be and see how my interests as a writer have evolved. It creates an interesting timeline which I don't mind sharing:
Their Wild Little Girl - Vacation. This book is the closest to straight up porn of all my works. I wrote it at a time when I was very stressed and needed an escape into fantasy. At the same time it includes reflections on the moral quandary posed by BDSM desires (especially for a dom) and I can see that I was at least starting to think about themes I'd return to later.
Their Meddling Aunt - Perhaps my most underappreciated book due to the issues with publishing it. The story, again, is near porn and even has tongue in cheek step-mother themes. Here, however, I had family firmly on my mind (not in the gross way). It began with Jessica struggling with fears brought up in the conclusion of Wild Little Girl and ends with the threesome a stronger unit than ever before. The journey is all about coming to terms with who you are and how you fit into your family and I wrote it at a time when I too was struggling with these issues.
Submission Backstory - The story of a woman lured by temptation into a life changing decision. It's the least subtle of all my books (to my ears at least) because the metaphors are simple. It's me coming to terms with being an erotica author and realizing that it wouldn't be a 1 off thing (Meddling had yet to be rejected at the time). Perhaps that's why people always assume that I relate most strongly to Alyssa?
Beauty and the Bitch - My most popular book. This one was actually a lot of fun and fun was the theme of it. I was dealing with the fallout of being an erotica author and the reactions this provoked in friends and loved ones. For Isabelle her concerns were more about her body confidence and she learned how fitness could help her through them while also discovering its similarity to BDSM. For me it was a journey of dealing with my author confidence and finding the argument that BDSM was rather like fitness. Izzy and I were essentially hitting the same theme from different ends.
Master May I? - The germ of the idea for this story came from the way I lost my parents. Both died of long term, debilitating illnesses. That's why I can't read certain chapters without crying. The rest was built on discoveries I made as I came out as a BDSM author (to those who know the real me behind the pen name). I lost some people but I met so many more who accepted me and welcomed me. That community helped me get through the losses and taught me that living life is the best way to heal old wounds. I do feel that that came across in the story in the end.
The Domme's Daughter - I work from home in my day job and as an author. I spend most of my days in a dark room all alone and only go out on weekends or to the gym. I don't mind the loneliness (as an aspie I welcome it) but I understand how people would and thinking about how that isolation would effect a normal person's views on society inspired the story. How often have I been caught talking to myself?
The Girl Named Flower - I know it's not out yet but don't worry this'll be spoiler free ;) This is part of a 3 story arc that will shake up Brooke's Hollow. It reflects my desire to grow as an author and work in more observations about the world. I resisted this early on (I do love discussing controversial subjects) because I thought I lacked the skill to give it the light touch fiction needs. Now I feel I've grown enough to address interesting issues in the real world in a light, implied way via fiction and (as a bonus) bring my characters together in an ensemble story. It wasn't easy to get this far and I've had a lot of growing pains along the way but now I feel I'm ready for the next evolution.
I only hope I'll still be able to read my older works once it's done.
The Publishing Journey
With self publishing the eternally tempting easy road traditional or e-publishing's difficulties seem more and more pointless. They are not. Self-publishing is expensive, time consuming and more often than not you only get pennies in return.
So we jump through the hoops. This publisher wants submissions one way, that one an entirely different way. This pub accepts simultaneous submissions, that one won't even open your email if they don't have exclusive say for months. Wait 30 days for a reply, only 14 days here, up to 60 from us, etc, etc, etc and even when you do get a reply they want changes, always different changes, and throw more hoops your way.
In my current quest to bring A Girl Named Flower to you all I've been told to give up on Brooke's Hollow, that the book "isn't marketable to our readers" (understandable from that pub), and I've even been totally ghosted. Yep, they wanted changes, we discussed it for a couple days, I made changes, they said it wasn't enough, I asked for examples, they promised them within a week and never replied again. It's been almost 2 months and I consider them to have dropped me.
It's a rough process. One full of waiting, bitter rejections and self doubt. It is certainly the furthest thing from fun a writer can experience but it's worth it. Not just to bring a professionally published book to market or to get better sales. It's worth it because the struggle makes you a better author (all those changes are practice), it builds contacts and a professional reputation (how you handle applications and rejections) and it develops character. Being told that you're not good enough, that this book you've worked so hard on isn't worthy and to soldier on because you believe in it.
It's a long, hard road but, then, it is down those roads that the best stories are found.
So we jump through the hoops. This publisher wants submissions one way, that one an entirely different way. This pub accepts simultaneous submissions, that one won't even open your email if they don't have exclusive say for months. Wait 30 days for a reply, only 14 days here, up to 60 from us, etc, etc, etc and even when you do get a reply they want changes, always different changes, and throw more hoops your way.
In my current quest to bring A Girl Named Flower to you all I've been told to give up on Brooke's Hollow, that the book "isn't marketable to our readers" (understandable from that pub), and I've even been totally ghosted. Yep, they wanted changes, we discussed it for a couple days, I made changes, they said it wasn't enough, I asked for examples, they promised them within a week and never replied again. It's been almost 2 months and I consider them to have dropped me.
It's a rough process. One full of waiting, bitter rejections and self doubt. It is certainly the furthest thing from fun a writer can experience but it's worth it. Not just to bring a professionally published book to market or to get better sales. It's worth it because the struggle makes you a better author (all those changes are practice), it builds contacts and a professional reputation (how you handle applications and rejections) and it develops character. Being told that you're not good enough, that this book you've worked so hard on isn't worthy and to soldier on because you believe in it.
It's a long, hard road but, then, it is down those roads that the best stories are found.
I am an author again
Authors need good editors. Wearing both hats is so hard. I am a story person. I focus on interesting characters and compelling narratives. Searching through a story for every typo, spelling mistake, comma in the right/wrong place...being an editor, generally, harms my love of reading. There is a reason I never majored in literature studies. That burn out is too great a burden.
That said, I have had to wear the editor's hat for the last 6 months. I've been working with a new publisher and we were not fully in synch when my recent books were put through. As such, many minor issues got through the editing process which great readers were good enough to bring to my attention. Taking responsibility I resolved to go through each book line by line, word by word, punctuation by bloody gosh darn &*%*%^&!!!! punctuation to correct every issue.
I have finally finished. The correction lists have been sent to the publisher so that they can correct the master copies of each manuscript and those books can be everything you deserve them to be.
With this painful chapter closed I can also, finally, put the author cap back on. I have had 2 WIPs in limbo, refusing to push forward until the mess I've made has been cleaned up. I find myself nervous. This journey has left me questioning my own talent and worthiness. I know that I like the stories I'm crafting but am I good enough to tell them? Is it worth the effort? I don't like that feeling one bit. I write because I love to write. In the end that's all I get out of it. My books have yet to turn a profit and have a very small fan base. They are, however, something that gets me out of bed in the morning, that makes me want to work on them no matter how I'm feeling.
So I'll write, having learned form this experience, and if new mistakes happen then I'll correct them. Maybe I'm good enough to tell these stories and maybe I'm not but I won't know until I try. I'm an author. I tell stories. The rest? I guess I'll just have to figure that out as I go.
That said, I have had to wear the editor's hat for the last 6 months. I've been working with a new publisher and we were not fully in synch when my recent books were put through. As such, many minor issues got through the editing process which great readers were good enough to bring to my attention. Taking responsibility I resolved to go through each book line by line, word by word, punctuation by bloody gosh darn &*%*%^&!!!! punctuation to correct every issue.
I have finally finished. The correction lists have been sent to the publisher so that they can correct the master copies of each manuscript and those books can be everything you deserve them to be.
With this painful chapter closed I can also, finally, put the author cap back on. I have had 2 WIPs in limbo, refusing to push forward until the mess I've made has been cleaned up. I find myself nervous. This journey has left me questioning my own talent and worthiness. I know that I like the stories I'm crafting but am I good enough to tell them? Is it worth the effort? I don't like that feeling one bit. I write because I love to write. In the end that's all I get out of it. My books have yet to turn a profit and have a very small fan base. They are, however, something that gets me out of bed in the morning, that makes me want to work on them no matter how I'm feeling.
So I'll write, having learned form this experience, and if new mistakes happen then I'll correct them. Maybe I'm good enough to tell these stories and maybe I'm not but I won't know until I try. I'm an author. I tell stories. The rest? I guess I'll just have to figure that out as I go.
