Mr. Bohemian's Blog: Dr. 2's Indie Office

Patient: Adoration of Dora
Legal Guardian: Lojo Simon
Rating: ★★★
Insurance: PagePay Plus
Symptoms: WW2 blues, self-esteem issues, French
Diagnosis: cracked lens



If you amuse him, you will be immortalized. — Valentine

Patient Description:

Dr.2: The patient and I went to Paris, hopped the cafes, played phrase games and talked the snippy talk of our petite milieu. Then, Picasso was there, and paint happened. At first the patient was bold and welcoming, but the dialogue soon turned sour with explicitness. There was one gentleman who's purpose was to literally hold up a sign. Non. I was touched by the burgeoning artistic career of Picasso's famous muse, but the patient's language devolved into such intense profanity that the delicate story was not worth picking through the naughty words. An Rx will be prescribed for daily tongue washing.

Patient: Abstract Nude
Legal Guardian: Gwydion Suilebhan
Rating: ★★
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: masculine modesty, artistic ambitiousness, lewd-in-da-nude
Diagnosis: beeeewbies



"A dead mouse in a baggie in the fridge wouldn’t be good enough for anybody." — Tyler

Patient Description:

Dr.2: Good golly, this patient was naughty. I've never met one with onstage masturbation, but perhaps I'm too Christian. The characters are initially interesting, but the story starts to meander with the introduction of the second half. Dialogue prompts become increasingly telling until characters like Lola hold up plot guiding street signs. The chit chat quality climax needs an economical slice with the scalpel. The through line vapidly condemns poor taste, but does not in turn transcend the smut it wiggles its finger at.

Patient: Undo
Legal Guardian: Holly Arsenault
Rating: ★
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: pessimistic plot, saccharine symbolism, miserable MC
Diagnosis: pre-crashed wedding




"Isn’t it awful how something can make you feel like you’re on fire and then just turn into another old habit?" — Joan

Patient Description:

Dr.2: To the morgue with this one, Nurse. The patient was moribund with a wedding premise that could not be flatter. The dialogues were a string of familial relationship surmising that did not serve to create a plot. The exchange of language between characters was natural and flowing, but every soul on stage held the final wedding in such dreary contempt that it is a wonder why the audience should inversely feel the need to stay in their seats. Characters are explicit when the symbolism isn't. The blue wording was the most creative part of the piece. I can include almost no positive feedback as the patient's illness is terminal. The main character's irreverence occasionally glimmered with enough snark to make a few sentences from each scene memorable. Advice for patient reincarnation would include a defibrillator to the plot premise, comedic relief without naughty swear words, and an MC who wouldn't mind being a part of her own story.

Patient: Evidence of Things Unseen
Legal Guardian: Katie Forgette
Rating: ★★★★
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: delusional optimism, drunken melancholy, Christian sentiment
Diagnosis: woodpecking dissociation


We’ll feed the missing ducks with our forgotten bread. How does that sound? — Jack Caldwell

Patient Description:

Dr.2: At first, I thought the patient was in an immediately critical condition! It is not wise to build friction against an antagonist with oopsie daisy upon oopsie daisy. Accidents are accidents. However, the legal guardian's clever writing helped net my doubts and illuminate the sober, tragic purpose, thus inverting my negative perspective. The one liners were fantastic; the characters provided emotional contrast without rigid dichotomy. I would gladly raise this piece's health rating to five stars, but language is still to be mended with the Rx. Stage context is frivolously specific. Would the audience notice if the actor did not speak in a "slight 19th century courtliness"? The major deterrent, however, is the MC's occasional girlishness. For all the professional dialogue and intelligent characters behind her, she drops the ball at crucial moments more than once to be forgivable.

Patient: Purple Cloud
Legal Guardian: Jessica Huang
Rating: ★★★
Insurance: PagePay Plus
Symptoms: silent seniors, war trauma, Chinese chicken
Diagnosis: assimilation anxiety




Patient Description:

Orville Wilbur, Son of Lee. Always follows the rules. Believes in handshakes, Reganomics and the nightly news. —Tortoise

Dr.2: The patient greeted me with a "Once upon a time." They shook my hand and "Once upon a time" was all over my gloves. It was a forgivable cliche, and past that the patient seemed healthy. We talked of Chinese patriarchal legacy which made for a great through line. However, their form puts the content at a direct risk. Transitions were too contrasting. Jumping from living room to game show was too large a sideshow. The symbolism was barking at me. I felt fear, nurse. The late parts of the story left me with an anomaly conclusion that things were boiling along; yet, somehow, I felt like the script could have been 20 pages longer.

Patient: Less Than Human
Legal Guardian: Paul Vintner
Rating: ★★
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: angry animals, Martian melodrama, scalp scars
Diagnosis: eerie ending




Patient Description:

Nurse911: The patient has fur, lots of fur. The story is sad, lots of sad. Animals were treated... Less Than Human. Their name is a tad cliche, but its purpose is poignant. The plot was all over the room like a rabid squirrel. Significance was scattered until the end, yet I was still unimpressed by then. Dialogue with the patient was... awkward. Characters like Kylie are notably monotone with too many unintended character flaws. There was a dead dog.... he had to be buried... then relief sex. Please check the full report. Suggested Rx for the patient would be to get their hands out of the sock puppets because the characters are too forced when they don't come off as automatons.

Patient: Good Guy with a Gun
Legal Guardian: Philip Kaplan
Rating: ★★
Insurance: Paperkutz
Symptoms: rifle rumination, host hazing
Diagnosis: righteous revolver rage




Patient Description:

Nurse911: The last case was a dangerous one; quarantine for the patient was arranged immediately. Good Guy with a Gun was blistered with writing illness that could escalate if not treated immediately. It's a story about a game show that lacked logical flow and fell flat with its plot. Wayne's personality may have been designed with humor in mind, but it doesn't survive when he starts to lecture about guns. He orchestrates the play as a bland pro-gun commercial. Nadal also laughs out loud more than I think a normal human being would, making his character unbelievable. Why does Betty Jo say "I'm not qualified to make a decision" when asked who she thinks is the honest contestant? The hiccups in sense continue throughout the piece. To the legal guardian's credit, I personally don't understand the jokes. I don't know much about gun culture and consequently, didn't appreciate the satire that's bustling within. The bottom line is that the technical flaws would deter both people who are and aren't familiar with guns. The emergency room is ready for you, Doctor.

Patient: Ghost Walks into a Bar
Legal Guardian: Mora Harris
Rating: ★★
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: spookies, shaking, screaming, chilling, drinking
Diagnosis: ectoplasm overdose




Patient Description:

"People say time heals all wounds. To those people I say... I got shot in the stomach." —Lorna

Dr.2: Uh oh. The patient's first words were "Hi, good evening." There were some funny jokes to open up to, but for a comedic play, one couldn't help but notice the stinky ones that piled up. Characters at the mic such as Andre are nothing more than a free association of quotidian existentialism. The characters are self-aware that they are not a riot. Bad move; I kept reading. Even if the play were to utilize the scalpel to rid itself of frivolous chat, a reader would still be lost looking for the main idea. The story's platform is a good start, but the patient is thoroughly infected with an overcompensation of casual spirit that only serves to excuse its own dearth. My Rx will be 1000mg of DeAuthenticity taken daily.

Patient: Magical Thinking
Legal Guardian: Joel Adlen
Rating: ★★
Insurance: Pagepay Plus
Symptoms: tense tarot tapping, French fussing
Diagnosis: righteous restaurant revelations




Patient Description:

“Because Life takes Strength! And Love— love is the real magic. Love and Life in this moment is what we really got.” —Vicki

Nurse911: I was an alien to the patient's preferred celebrity. They kept talking about W.C. Fields. Who's W.C. Fields? I was informed that he was a good juggler. I was reluctant to research their idol because the rising action was not very stimulating. The story was charming. Mr. Fields owned the stage, but an Rx of drama injections would prevent the plot from simply boiling along. As a director's note, the context contained too much particular instruction. Before the patient leaves my office, have them come to my desk. I want to see the ol' boy juggle.

Patient: Theory of Nothing
Legal Guardian: Lolly Ward
Rating: ★★★
Insurance: Bookmarx Medical
Symptoms: unstable relationships, unstable universe, emotional black holes
Diagnosis: false singularity




Patient Description:

“I ordered Chinese for dinner. I thought that was a fitting way to celebrate the new breakthrough. Noodles for the string theorists and thick soup for everyone else.” —Brit

Dr.2: Nonfiction science decorated and propelled the plot, but the rocket ship never took off for me. The characters were a tad unbelievable. The umpteenth marriage/divorce plot had me only faintly interested. Yet, the legal guardian is truly giggle worthy. Unique characters, good jokes, and intelligent themes are within, but personally, I wasn’t interested. I think this one's tainted with subjective preference, Nurse 911. That, or I'm just too uninformed on monopoles to immerse myself.