Nicola An's Blog - Posts Tagged "positive"
Embracing Where Your Feet Touch
I know that sometimes-or perhaps right now-the thought of somewhere on the other side you call "a better place" gives you the sole comfort, as though running away is always the answer. You look at the yonder horizon and wish for someplace else where no one knows you and everyone has sweeter words that are always music to your ears, where things hurt less and everything won't be out of hand and against you,where you can stroll around or even run blithely without having to feel like you are a scene unwanted,where people have eyes to see your soul and not to look at how incorrigible the flaws you wear,and most of all where breathing and following your heart will be equally easy. Sure, there is a dream of an idyllic life, we always ask for the better, you hate it here because you don't belong here so there must be a right place where you should be. You feel like a captive now in your own present life because you are still here and freedom seems to be so far away- these are all because you just want to escape.Do not cheat on your fate. Do you know why you are here?
Because everything is already here, you are here because you belong here. Where you are is where you belong and where you are called to serve the world, even the aged tree knows it stays where it was planted because for decades it remains as the nearest tree where people run to whenever it rains.
It's the process of life not only for yourself but for others as well.
Wanting to be away from here to be "there" is the torture, you are half present and half absent. No one can walk properly with feet apart.
-Infinitely, Nicola An
original post: https://www.instagram.com/p/BEllSg9oQ...
Because everything is already here, you are here because you belong here. Where you are is where you belong and where you are called to serve the world, even the aged tree knows it stays where it was planted because for decades it remains as the nearest tree where people run to whenever it rains.
It's the process of life not only for yourself but for others as well.
Wanting to be away from here to be "there" is the torture, you are half present and half absent. No one can walk properly with feet apart.
-Infinitely, Nicola An
original post: https://www.instagram.com/p/BEllSg9oQ...
"Cleaving"
Looking at old photographs, I feel entirely estranged from a familiar time. It’s like I was always borrowed by something against my will. Bleak skies and suffocating pitch-black walls I can picture out making me cringe. As I see myself now, a fresh painting with warm colors that every loving smile I wear can emulate the sight of the sun peeking at dawn, all those old photographs are such a distant,forgotten dream. Although I may ask again if we really do forget because after all,we’re made to live through our memories but just because we’re haunted doesn’t mean we should be scared.
Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different form that person.
You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing-- this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.
See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.
Remember this whenever you feel alone.
-Nicola An
Becoming isn’t about putting on a new self but rather, unveiling your true self. As far as being spiritually grown, I am well aware of what I was and what I still am. Sure, I have forgiven the ways I had punished myself and understood the wounds that had to teach me my biggest lessons, nights and mornings have gotten along well with me, still and serene in between and that I have learned to dance despite the unpleasant music I sometimes have to face, there come those moments when I feel awfully alone, I sit down with the same emotions calling me out as though the little devil that used to feed me lies is creeping up again, and yet for what must be a poking miracle, I can easily brush off that unwanted presence and see the brighter reality in a single blink. I know that I can be the old me and at the same time, different form that person.
You, recognizing the slave and the master in yourself can be achieved when you allow this awakening to take over all that you’ve ever been. There will always be an aching in you, hunger and loss will still greet you venomously that you may feel your past resurfacing-- this total relapse gobbling you bit by bit.
See? Like always, you fall and break but the good news is you don’t pick up those broken pieces anymore to collect and keep them but to immediately throw them away. You are both inside and outside of yourself, the one who breaks and the true Self that watches and patches up everything for you.
Remember this whenever you feel alone.
-Nicola An
