Anna James Watson's Blog

So... I grew up with social media, kind of--not like my twelve-year old baby sitter has; she literally is younger than the internet--but I was seven when we got a gateway computer and I figured out email before my parents did, so, ya know, I'm not too bad with the whole computers thing.That said, I only recently joined twitter, because it seemed like a great way to interact with the indie author/reader community. It has been... But it has also been a giant mind fuck regarding all the crazy things people say, and all the crazy ways people can misinterpret each other.For example, someone made a comment about how they couldn't believe that a person they met sincerely told them that some peoplelikedbeing slaves... I, sharing this person's disbelief, responded with a sarcastic comment saying, "Yeah, the person who told you that would know, having been a slave themselves, I assume?"Everyone gets that right? Maybe? Maybe not? I guess I don't really know. I thought it was pretty easy to interpret...The person I sent the comment to did not. She proceeded to tell me to stop trolling and then blocked me. And I'm like "Wow! So much aggression over a misunderstanding." But I get it, I guess she thought I was agreeing that some people liked being slaves? I really have no idea. Clearly I don't know how to interpret her response anymore than she knows how to interpret mine.A good friend of mine who is really into astrology said, "Mercury retrograde!" When I told her. Which, I'm pretty sure, means "right now everyone is going to misunderstand everyone."However, I have a feeling the chances of such missunderstandings are much higher on Twitter than they are in real life, or even on the other social media platforms with which I am familiar, namely Facebook and Goodreads. Reason being, on Twitter you have 160 characters to say what you're trying to say. Doesn't leave much room for clarification.So, yeah... Anyone else been massively misinterpreted? I'm just curious about the phenomena. I wonder how many people get totally pissed off over something they think someone said and it never even occurs to them that they might have misunderstood?Then I thought about the political circus going on right now and realized that jumping to conclusions and seeing only the worst possible meaning in what someone has said is extremelyen vogueright now. It's like the hottest thing since sliced bread. The news is full of "let's look at a tiny slice of a statement and then massively judge and berate the person who made it--the further out of context we can take it the better!" Then everyone gets worked up and concerned and the circus continues.Fall of Rome, anyone?Okay, so not directly related to writing, but I probably wouldn't have joined Twitter if not for writing. BTW it would be the ultimate irony if someone took something in this out of context and then got all fired up over it.I wonder if as a species we will ever get back to a place where we're more interested in actually understanding each other than quickly judging and condemning each other. Thoughts?

So obviously there is no competition between my daughter and my books--my daughter wins, every single time. But, with the help of my wonderful husband who values spending time with our daughter and developing his own one-on-one relationship with her, I am able to squeeze out a few hours to write every day.

Some days I cannot wait to get back to my daughter--I miss her so terribly and I can hardly write because I'm thinking about all the little things--Is he remembering to encourage her to drink water? She had the tiniest bit of diaper rash--what if he doesn't remember coconut oil? Do I hear the TV? Why are they watching TV--it's sunny outside, they should be outside, she loves to be outside--is he on his phone ignoring her?And usually a few diplomatic texts later my worries are abated and I still can't concentrate on writing

...But there are other days when the writer's brain is fully engaged, and being pulled away from the writing feels like be ripped away from food when you haven't eaten in days. I still want to see my baby... But the writer's brain doesn't want to turn off... It was on a role. It had things to do. And it is mad at the mommy brain for not listening to it's case--it needs another hour, the baby will be fine, they sound like they're having fun, you do almost all of the parenting, one more hour won't kill Husband...!!!

But the Mommy brain doesn't listen because if it does than obviously tomorrow we will get into a terrible car accident and the baby will die and I will hate myself forever for that extra hour. So... I guess that is how I balance? Fear of being a bad mother fights with fear of failing to honor the parts of me that are not purely "mother".

Interestingly I get way more done in less time than I did before I was a mother. Before I was a mother I berated myself for any time not spent being productive, but that is no longer an issue--now everything I do is productive. Diaper changers are productive. Reading silly stories, throwing balls, putting hats on the dog, playing one-note-at-a-time songs on the piano, wandering aimlessly through the back yard--all these things are now productive. Even laying on the couch is productive if my baby is on top of me, her little arms wrapped around my torso, her fingers clutching my ribs as she excitedly announces "huggie!"

So, while the writer brain has much less time to come out and play, as a whole being I feel more balanced. While it seems I am always balancing an internal war, it also brings me complete piece. No time is wasted time. No time is unproductive. The writer knows it must use what little time it gets, and this makes it more productive. The mother is always productive. And the A.J. (whatever that being is) can't ever waste time, because all time now relates to the raising of my beautiful wonderful amazing little girl.

Two guys and one girl, all three of them are equally sexually attracted to each other. Why is this such a common female fantasy? Probably for the same reason MFF is so common of a male fantasy?I knew a guy who was so into MFF that he made it his lifestyle. In his case it was because he was a sex addict, and he wanted to go and go and go way longer than your average woman, so he figured, why not have two? They can get each other worked up and then when one is too worn out he's got the other. He liked the idea of the girls being into each other, but he didn'tneedthem to be in love. Just "bicurious play" was enough for him.For women who are into MMF I think there are some parallels and some vast differences. I think that women are more prone to emotion-addiction than sex addiction. Much like the guy who wants to be able to go back and forth between his girls when one is too tired for sex, I think women like the fantasy of having two men who care about them, especially in pregnancy fantasies--two daddies who love your baby(ies)--so that even if one is busy you've always got the other to turn to.Most women who read erotica are married with children, or divorced with children. So we know the mundane truth of what it really means to try to co-parent, and the fact that, as the mother, you're probably doing most of it. The idea of two guys who are into you, paying attention to your needs, your child's needs, etc., is really hot.Now, a lot of MMF fantasies don't involve children, at least not until the very end when HEA + baby is the epilogue... But the same desire to have not only one, but two men, emotionally invested in you, caring about you and your problems, helping you through life, is so enticing. Because in real life you have your man, and he's got to work, or hang out with his friends, or sleep, or play his after-work video games, or whatever, and sometimes you really just want to talk, you want it to occur to him to put on music and crack a bottle of wine and ask you to dance, just for the sake of dancing. You want him rub your feet without being asked. You want him to realize that the dishes do not do themselves and perhaps he could actually help with them... You know he needs time to himself, you know it's good he's working, you know sleep is totally reasonable... But you still feel kind of lonely and you have to repress your own feelings to prioritize his. You probably have girlfriends... But wouldn't it be nice to have another hot husband/boyfriend to turn to, who will kiss you like crazy, and then go knock otherwise "busy" husband/boyfriend into better sense and drag him back into bed too?For that matter, men don't always last as long in bed as we need them too... Two men, can help a lot with that problem. SO...I suppose my conclusion is, yeah, MMF and MFF as fantasies are not so dissimilar in many respects. However, it does seem women are far more interested in the emotional relationship between the men than men are in an emotional relationship being present between the females. Why?Women are more emotional? Yeah. But I think it's also about loyalty. Women do want the HEA. They want their men to stay and be devoted to them, so they in turn can feel safe pouring their devotion back. HEA cannot happen in an MMF unless the men are in love too.MFF can work long term, even if emotionally it's FMF as long as each women has her own reasons for being in the relationship and playing nice with the other woman (thus the success of polygamy in many cultures). Now, if the guy wants the girls to be into each other too, that's has the potential for a bit of drama... In fact, your probably going to get more what you want as a guy if you're fine with mere "bicurious play" rather than deeply invested emotional relationships. Based on the guy I know who picked this as his life style, he had to get each of his women their own house, car, etc., all equal, and then they all had a central house that they hung out in when they wanted to (yes he was wealthy). When the girls got involved emotionally, drama drama drama and it was kind of miserable for him. It suited his needs more to have women who weren't romantically emotional with each other but merely into "bicurious play".In MMF fantasies the men are bonded, lovers like brothers. They are loyal to each other as well as to their woman. This is an essential part of the fantasy. As an MMF reader, I'm turned off by the idea that they guys aren't into each other and they're just tolerating each other for the woman (now if it begins that way and ends with them into each other that is different). Why is the emotional bonding between the men such a big part of the fantasy? Men who are loyal to each other and to the same women will fight together to protect their threesome and whatever family it produces. This creates a great security for the woman, which, let's face it ladies, our primal biological programs really want, because we are programmed to want babies and we definitely want those babies to be protected--two big muscly fiercely loyal protectors are better than one.So, the female mind, driven by the end goal of nesting (no matter what our intellectual educated first-world minds might like to believe), wants emotionally invested loyal protectors. The male mind, driven by the end goal of sticking his semen in as many potential wombs as possible (whatever his first-world "I don't want the responsibility of children" mind might say), wants as many willing baby incubators as possible who will peacefully coexist with each other so he's always got someone to knock-up. Like a gorilla. Not an insult to men, or to women, just a basic iteration of the primal programing running underneath all the things our fancy frontal cortexes have to say, and how that programing plays into modern sexual fantasies.

Two guys and one girl, all three of them are equally sexually attracted to each other. Why is this such a common female fantasy? Probably for the same reason MFF is so common of a male fantasy?

I knew a guy who was so into MFF that he made it his lifestyle. In his case it was because he was a sex addict, and he wanted to go and go and go way longer than your average woman, so he figured, why not have two? They can get each other worked up and then when one is too worn out he's got the other. He liked the idea of the girls being into each other, but he didn't need them to be in love. Just "bicurious play" was enough for him.

For women who are into MMF I think there are some parallels and some vast differences. I think that women are more prone to emotion-addiction than sex addiction. Much like the guy who wants to be able to go back and forth between his girls when one is too tired for sex, I think women like the fantasy of having two men who care about them, especially in pregnancy fantasies--two daddies who love your baby(ies)--so that even if one is busy you've always got the other to turn to.

Most women who read erotica are married with children, or divorced with children. So we know the mundane truth of what it really means to try to co-parent, and the fact that, as the mother, you're probably doing most of it. The idea of two guys who are into you, paying attention to your needs, your child's needs, etc., is really hot.

Now, a lot of MMF fantasies don't involve children, at least not until the very end when HEA + baby is the epilogue... But the same desire to have not only one, but two men, emotionally invested in you, caring about you and your problems, helping you through life, is so enticing. Because in real life you have your man, and he's got to work, or hang out with his friends, or sleep, or play his after-work video games, or whatever, and sometimes you really just want to talk, you want it to occur to him to put on music and crack a bottle of wine and ask you to dance, just for the sake of dancing. You want him rub your feet without being asked. You want him to realize that the dishes do not do themselves and perhaps he could actually help with them... You know he needs time to himself, you know it's good he's working, you know sleep is totally reasonable... But you still feel kind of lonely and you have to repress your own feelings to prioritize his. You probably have girlfriends... But wouldn't it be nice to have another hot husband/boyfriend to turn to, who will kiss you like crazy, and then go knock otherwise "busy" husband/boyfriend into better sense and drag him back into bed too? For that matter, men don't always last as long in bed as we need them too... Two men, can help a lot with that problem.

SO...I suppose my conclusion is, yeah, MMF and MFF as fantasies are not so dissimilar in many respects. However, it does seem women are far more interested in the emotional relationship between the men than men are in an emotional relationship being present between the females. Why? Women are more emotional? Yeah. But I think it's also about loyalty. Women do want the HEA. They want their men to stay and be devoted to them, so they in turn can feel safe pouring their devotion back. HEA cannot happen in an MMF unless the men are in love too.

MFF can work long term, even if emotionally it's FMF as long as each women has her own reasons for being in the relationship and playing nice with the other woman (thus the success of polygamy in many cultures). Now, if the guy wants the girls to be into each other too, that's has the potential for a bit (or a ton) of drama... In fact, your probably going to get more what you want as a guy if you're fine with mere "bicurious play" rather than deeply invested emotional relationships. Based on the guy I know who picked this as his life style, he had to get each of his women their own house, car, etc., all equal, and then they all had a central house that they hung out in when they wanted to (yes he was wealthy). When the girls got involved emotionally, drama drama drama and it was kind of miserable for him. It suited his needs more to have women who weren't romantically emotional with each other but merely into "bicurious play".

In MMF fantasies the men are bonded, lovers like brothers. They are loyal to each other as well as to their woman. This is an essential part of the fantasy. As an MMF reader, I'm turned off by the idea that they guys aren't into each other and they're just tolerating each other for the woman (now if it begins that way and ends with them into each other that is different).

Why is the emotional bonding between the men such a big part of the fantasy? Men who are loyal to each other and to the same women will fight together to protect their threesome and whatever family it produces. This creates a great security for the woman, which, let's face it ladies, our primal biological programs really want, because we are programmed to want babies and we definitely want those babies to be protected--two big muscly fiercely loyal protectors are better than one. So, the female mind, driven by the end goal of nesting (no matter what our intellectual educated first-world minds might like to believe), wants emotionally invested loyal protectors. The male mind, driven by the end goal of sticking his semen in as many potential wombs as possible (whatever his first-world "I don't want the responsibility of children" mind might say), wants as many willing baby incubators as possible who will peacefully coexist with each other so he's always got someone to knock-up. Like a gorilla.

Not an insult to men, or to women, just a basic iteration of the primal programing running underneath all the things our fancy frontal cortexes have to say, and how that programing plays into modern sexual fantasies.

Okay, so this is by no means a "how to" guide. Honestly, it's really just me organizing the massive amount of data I've found on the subject for the sake of helping my brain process it--or at least try to process it, not sure I'm succeeding.

Basically, it seems like these are the rules:

A. The Actual Book Writing
1. Write book.
2. Edit book.
3. Find a good editor, pay them to edit book.
4. Edit book again.
5. Give book back to Editor, again.
6. Find beta readers--as many as possible. Wait for their notes. Read their notes.
7. Edit again.
8. Give back to Editor, again.
9. Maybe, just maybe, the book is now at a place that could pass as "professional".

B. Pre-publishing (not necessarily in this order).
1. Read the really really long contracts given by indie publishing platforms--Amazon, iTunes, Smashwords, Createspace, etc.,)
2. Make website.
3. Hook up to all social networks imaginable.
4. Get book covers.
5. Learn what the endless acronyms mean.
6. Avoid all advertising scams.
7. Remember to consume something other than coffee.

C. Publishing
1. Upload all files correctly.
2. Wait.
3. Ask everyone you know to read and review your work. Then remember that you've written kinky threesome erotica and maybe sending out a mass blast to all your Facebook friends is a bad idea. Blame lack of sleep and too much coffee for your bad judgement.
4. Completely freak out that obviously everything you've ever written is terrible and no one will ever like it.
5. Get your first positive review from a complete stranger, rocket to cloud nine, and float around like a bastion of sunshine until you get your first negative review from a complete stranger, in which case, plummet back into insane depression.
6. Eventually learn that, as Taylor Swift once said, "haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate", and return to being a stable human being (or at least faking it as well as usual).