Sunshine Cunningham's Blog

Misconception of “Enjoy Being Alone”

This is what happens, when you force yourself to write this before you go insane and can’t sleep.

My body feels numb and I forget myself again. Forget that there are people with feelings too. When you shut everyone, you know because you don’t want them to see your emotional side. The weak side as you call it. Then people resume you don’t mind being alone. Or they ask you on advice on how to enjoy being alone.. Its worst really. Whats worst is that your loneliness fills you with doubts that push you farther and farther. That you become the punching bag that your emotions slam harder and harder. And you scream but nothing comes out. And that you can’t think straight because your mind is fogged up. Its is how I feel. And I’m afraid, I am suck in this hole.

Now, where it call started at.. six years ago, I lost someone close to me and things happened. And maybe the trauma hit me harder. Or maybe blocking the emotions out and pretending that I was not hurting was the worst thing I could have done. Because crying is for the weak. And no one should see me crying…

Maybe if you never experience things like this, maybe you would enjoy being alone.

But I hate it.

Being alone is fighting “your own demon”, if you want to call it.

Being alone is hard. Feeling like a lone wolf at times even when you are with your closest friends. Knowing that they may ask what is wrong with me. Why I am so distant lately? And you can’t give them an answer. How can you explain something you don’t understand?

When people think I want to connect because that "I’m lonely and want you use as a pillow.”

Sure, I act like I don’t care most of the time but I do. I care. I care more about you than my own self, half the time. Sure, I need to stop but how I can when I don’t know how.

Enjoy being alone, I was looking about loneliness on Pinterest and that kept popping up. You can enjoy being alone. Its a lie, really.

Sure, they are times, it best to be alone. But to feel alone, most of your life is not good.

Their downfalls, not mentioned. Having your “demon” filter your own thoughts makes your mental health go downhill fast. Depression. Self Harm. Suicide. Sure, bullying and other matters cause these actions. But allowing your thoughts cloud your perspective in life.

Makes it harder to harder. Sometimes, harder to breathe at times.

If I am honest, that is why I am scared. This is why I distant myself. Why half the time, now I don’t know what I want to do anymore. Why I question who wants to be with an emotional person? Its not funny at all, but I told myself, I would never become emotional. Well, I learned my lesson. After listening to a song, I once enjoyed and I started crying..

Yeah, thats it.. Maybe going to delete later… Probably, give it a week.

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Published on February 27, 2020 22:16

“Romantic” Relationship Advice

Someone told me, I shouldn't give out advice in relationships because I never have had a boyfriend. But I have seen people. I have observed people, I know the way they act, how they talk to each other, and how they touch one another. Many of them are married now and are excepted a child or have a kid or two.

Ok, I am leaving the chat but guess what I am not leaving. Sure, never I had one but I probably know what a relationship should be. Yes, I have expectations and yes, I know none of my expectations will happen. And no, I am not waiting for a Prince Charming.

There are so many types of relationship but for today, I am talking about the romantic kind. Yeah, the relationship between a boy and girl. That one, the one I avoid talking it. I gag at the sight of it and then sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend. What is wrong with my brain???

But guess what? I know what a real relationship is. I observe and notice things. I notice that girls and guys get jealous. I can see a bad relationship on how they act toward other people. I notice the marks, their significant other gives. The bad. The good. I know what a true relationship and I know that sex has nothing to do with it. Surprise, I am not idiot. No applause.. Go figure.. I kid. I kid. Sort of.

Ok, a relationship. A romantic relationship is something is so rare because its different for everyone. People have only one boyfriend. Or people have several. People date for only a year and then get married. Some people date for years before marriage comes in mind. Some people just date for years and never think about marriage. I would tell you what I prefer but this post is not about me telling what I prefer. Maybe another time. Another post.

Ok, what I believe a relationship should be.

A relationship, a communication bond with two people. Honesty is key for any relationship but it is vital for this relationship. Because without it, how are you to trust your second half?

Doubt fills the air and then you question if your other is cheating, lying.

Honesty, something that allows you to open up. The little things that you will open to and be so happy more as you share with your partner.

Then there is trust, if you have honesty, you will have trust. So when something happens, you know you have each other's back. Sure, they will be times, you or your partner will not be there for you right away. Patience also is a key. They will come. They will comfort you. Don't think they will comfort the way you want because everyone has a way of comforting. Some, do physical touch and others just comfort you with words.

Physical touch and affection. Touching the person you love is good because they know you care for them. At first the touch such like hand holding, fingers touching, and hugging will be awkward. Extremely awkward is kissing. Sure, some people prefer to have their first kiss at their wedding but not everyone does that. Physical touch/affection is key.

Its surprising that long ago, people were forced to be married off to strangers basically. And physical touch was like a forced interaction. Or there are some people who didn't have their first touch until after the wedding. Touch can be awkward at first but its probably is the best thing in any relationship

Every day, we interact with other people, strangers at the store, our family and friends. But the best thing is when you can touch the person, you love. Because what if you couldn't touch that person because of a sickness or touch was illegal. I know its not real but think hypothetically. Because with touch, how you comfort, love, and protect your significant other? Yeah, didn't think about. Thank you, Five Feet Apart. Also thank you, for ripping my heart in half.

Today, the world thinks romance is a game and a toxic relationship is entertainment. They forget the importance of the relationship. Its not a relationship, its a desire. Its a want. I want you, I have to have you to be happy.

And then adultery is fun which its not. Its a sin. But if we look in society's eyes, its fine. Its the best thing. Because who cares of the values of a relationship, because sex is the only thing is important. Then things happen and your significant other is pregnant and you are clueless how you provide for you and your love.

This romantic relationship should be taken serious. It will change your life. It will shape your future.

Thanks for reading!

From the single girl, who pretends she is a relationship guru.

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Published on January 25, 2020 18:31

The Observer

Most people see each other through the outer shell, the physical appearance. Look her hair looks nice, looks he has muscles. His/her smile. His/ her eyes.

As an observer, I would careless of appearance. I notice actions, behavior. I want to know more about people’s history, your weakness, failures, strengths. Past relationships and why it ended. I know I am nosy and everything but that is how I connect. Physically, mentally, and/or spiritually connection with someone.

Maybe that is why I hate small talk. I really don’t share about the weather, politics, sports, school and such.

This is how I choose friends. How I start liking someone…

Then again, the main reason, I probably act this is from this Bible verse:

2020, here we come!!

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Published on December 30, 2019 02:00

2020 Plans

The year is almost over and I haven’t shared what my plans for 2020 are. Usually, I share my new years resolution but I felt like I jinxed myself, this year. So instead of making goals, I'm making plans. Hopefully, some of this things will get done. "Hopefully"....

Learn a language

Walk every day

Starting doing at least one intense workout a week

Cut my screen time

Shop clothes that fit my style

Start a bullet journal

Travel to a new bookstore or coffee in a new city, every month

Start eating breakfast (because I don't)

Start playing the piano

Read the Bible daily

De-Stress With Me

We all have those days where we wondering why we are going crazy. Why our heads are hurting worst than normal? But stop thinking. Stop allowing yourself to overthink because it makes the matter worse and worse until you have a burnout, an emotional breakdown. I have had one and in my experience, its not a bit of fun.

Now how do we de-stress?

One, get offline. Get off the social media. Plug in your earbuds and put on your favorite playlist or podcast.

Two, find a hobby. Painting, reading, writing, or sewing. Try new things. I started rock painting and it is so relaxing. Whatever I imagine, I allow myself to paint it. It may not be perfect and photogenic but at least, I am not stressed out anymore.

Three, do some self care activities. Paint your nails, do a face mask. Take a hot shower or bath. Give yourself a manicure or pedicure.

Four, write what you are feeling. Find something to write on, and just write. Its doesn’t have to be pretty. It can be ugly. It can the honest truth on what you are feeling. You have the right in not showing anyone at all. You can burn the paper when you are done, if you want.

Five, start a new ritual. Eat some breakfast. Maybe that is why I was so stressed. I didn’t eat anything until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Eat something. You need to something to keep you motivated. Or start working out. Start taking walks. Limit your online time. Start reading. Whatever you do, make sure it brings you joy.

Six, erase the bad thoughts. End those relationships that you have been holding forever. The relationships that haven’t grown at all. I have eliminated so many people in past year. If you would ask, how many friends, I have. I would answer two. I don’t include people who are basically family or family members or co-workers. Its pathetic but its true. Some of people, I let go, are people have known for eight years or most of my life. There is no connection anymore. And the stress of trying to re-connect is making me go crazy. So let go. Be the happier version of yourself by letting of relationships that make you sad. (This was not planned. I was typing and those words came out…)

So what are you doing? Breathe in happy thoughts and exhale the negativity. Be free from stress and the stress will leave you alone. You only allow stress to come in when you are not guarding yourself. Be happy and succeed in whatever you are passion in.

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Published on December 11, 2019 04:00

Life Vs Self: Love Not Hate

I’m sick of this.. I’m sick of saying we are Christians when we judge everyone. If we want the world to see God, we need to start acting like Christ. Last time, I checked Jesus didn’t judged the tax collector, Mary who wiped her hair on his feet, demon possessed men, the blind, cripple and the Romans who tortured him. He showed love to sinners. We are sinners and everyone around us, Christian or not are sinners. We are all the same. Sure, God lead us to Him and this doesn’t make us the exclusive. We are all the same except everyone is all going down a path. A path to sin or God and we can’t presume we know who are Christians are not.

I know the world is a dark place but treating people differently because of a sin is not right. We can show them love without supporting the sin. We can’t make them change their mind when we spit on them. Did Jesus spit on people?

I know its hard. We protest things because we don’t want the laws of sin. Then if the laws pass, we look away from the people who voted for that. We get disgusted and unkind words come out. We bet them down with fights, words, and actions. Why? Sure, we want the world to fall to its knees for Christ but to show the world, we must show them in a Christlike matter.We can’t show gnashing of teeth, disgusting looks, the laughter, words that can’t return back to our mouths.

God made us to love. God didn’t create us for war, chaos, hatred, and blood. Sure, we were commanded to battle God’s enemies in the past like the Canaanites. But doesn’t make us fit to fight the sins of this world. Sure, we are to stand up for what is right. But to start fights, no, that is not the Christian way.

Something I hate the most, is how we treat people because how they looked. Even people in the Church act like this. No, we are not an exclusive white church, excuse me? Last time, I checked. Heaven was not an exclusive white church. The church should welcome everyone. We need to show diversity in our community churches. Oh, no, we have a black, asian, or Mexican family joining our church. Lets ignore them, turn our noses the the other way. No. No. Its is not right. Selfish, much? Prideful, much?

Yes, I am no pastor. But I speaking the Truth. I’m someone who struggles with my faith in Him. Yes, I struggle with this problem too. I am saying, are we following Jesus’ example? Are we loving our enemies? Show kindness always.

Be the Christian, you want the world to see. Not the Christian, you prefer other Christians to see. You are to glorify God, not glorify man.

This is just the short version of a chapter of a nonfiction story, I am currently working on.A more detailed with scripture will be added on the final version.

Its a nonfiction advice book for teens, young adults, and even adults.

Life VS Self

[image error]Probably won’t be the final book cover.

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Published on November 25, 2019 04:00

Dream Big

What makes me really happy is when I find out that someone I know is pursuing their dream job. I had that moment, recently and it makes me so happy. If I was that person to randomly applaud them for that, I would. But since I’m an awkward duck, I wouldn’t be doing that.

I say this because most people, you usually get a practical degree, business. No offense for business majors but when someone gets a degree, they actually choose for themselves. Like a hobby turning to a career. Its gives me goosebumps.

And even if you don’t go college, don’t give up on your hobbies. For one day, they may surprise you and you could make it a career.

I write stories and since I actually haven’t published anything with getting money from, I don’t worry about it. Because I am getting closer and closer. I do plan on publishing something, next year and sure, I can quit my job and do that full time, yet. But I write because I love it and I will wait for years if I have to. I will not force something to only get failure.

One thing, I want to state is NEVER NEVER NEVER let anyone discourage you. That will tear you down and make you want to stop. Don’t listen to the hate. Always hope. Always show patience. There is a better light ahead.

And no, it will not come overnight like most people wish it was. I want to instantly make money, to be famous. Well, here is the truth. Its not going to happen if you have that mindset. You keep thinking like that and you will never get there.

Start by making mini goals. It doesn’t have to be big. Start practicing. Find a website that you can start publishing your work. wattpad, deviantart, or you can get an instagram and share your art (poetry, music, drawing, painting, video, etc).

Slowly but surely, you will get noticed. Someone will appreciate your work that you could be offered a job.

Dream big. Be bold. Be brave. Wait patiently. Show the haters that you can tower over them. And never never give up. The future may feel far away but it is closer than you think.

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Published on November 19, 2019 08:14

Unpopular Opinions Book Tag

Look, Sunny is sharing a book tag. When did she post a book tag? A very long time, if I do say myself. To the original owner: TheBookArcher You’re welcome!!!

Let’s begin:

Question 1: A popular book or series that you didn’t like.

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. Cath can be relatable but at times, I really wanted her to shut up. The first part of the book has excessive swearing. The second part of the book is not for discussion.

Question 2: A popular book or series that everyone else seems to hate but you love.

The Giver Series. I don’t understand why they dislike maybe because the story lacks something but I don’t see it.

Question 3: A Love Triangle where the main character ended up with the person you did NOT want them to end up with

Question 4: A popular book genre that you hardly reach for.

Straight up Romance, Thrillers, Science Fiction

Question 5: A popular or beloved character that you do not like.

Tris by Divergent by Veronica Roth. Albus from The Cursed Child by J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter, Katniss,

Question 6: A popular author that you can’t seem to get into.

Sarah J Mass… no comment.

Question 7: A popular book trope that you’re tired of seeing.

The Chosen One and Love Triangle Everyone writes about the chosen one.. Harry Potter, Katniss. Then the love triangle: Gale,Peeta, and Katniss ;America, Aspen, and Maxon It gets tiring really fast.

Question 8: A popular series that you have no interest in reading.

Throne of Glass, Mortal Instruments, Twilight, Game of Thrones

Question 9: The saying goes “The book is always better than the movie”, but what movie or T.V. show adaptation do you prefer more than the book?

Ahhhhhh… *minds goes completely blank

For those who loved reading this, you are officially tagged.

Thanks for reading!!!!

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Published on November 11, 2019 04:00