Harleigh Rae's Blog

Synopsis

Love. Such a small word that holds an immense degree of power. Power to free the captured. Power to quiet the beast. Power to soften the blow of a lover's deceit. However, sometimes love alone is not always enough to replenish the empty cup you've used to pour into another vessel.

Take A Look in the Book

*unedited and subject to change *

River

“I honestly hate you for guilt tripping me into coming here with you.”

My body temperature instantly rose by a good 70 degrees the moment we reached the front of the line. Yet again, my dearest friend had managed to talk me into accompanying her to The Mess Hall. Entering my old stomping ground, I felt like I’d just been sucked back into time. Nothing about this place had changed since my teen years. The smell, the broken glass ceiling, the wobbly bar stools, the old man at the end of the bar, and my queen of the dance hall moniker, “Rhyri” still scratched into the restored Cherrywood bar countertop. Sliding my fingers across the signature, a smile crept into the corners of my mouth. This place used to be my home away from home.

“Awww, lighten up, Nile. You can’t par with your old parri for one night? I fly out in the morning. What if mi die out dere on dem dere waters.”

“Yea, I know, but if you call mi Nile one more ‘gain you gwan be sleepin' with dem little fishies. Ya hear mi, Tandie?”

Tandie and I had been tight ever since we came to America on the same plane. Both our parents checked us in late and almost all the seats on the Southwest flight were filled, so we wound up sitting beside each other and forged a friendship etched in the clouds. That was twenty-three years ago, and we’re still tighter than liquid leather leggings. When we were in 5th grade, the class bully gave me the name Nile. He thought it was fitting because my parents named me River Rhys. His half-blood, potbelly-having-self thought Jamaica was a country on the continent of Africa. I’m sure you know where his studies took him. If you guessed the State Pen and not Penn State, then you guessed correctly.

“Yea, okay,” Tandie raised her right index finger in the air signaling the bartender, “what are you sipping.”

“Water, bottled. Alkaline.”

“Lame!”

This is the precursor to every ‘shipping out’ soiree with Tandie. She’s 6 month’s my senior, but I get the title, washed-up old friend. I got it honestly. I do prefer being curled up on my chaise with a warm throw, and a good book. And by good book, I do mean THE good book. Yes, I’m a church girl. Born, raised, and nearly drowned in my family’s worship center. Many are always wondering why; how even, Tandie and I remained friends for all these years. To be completely candid, I have no idea, but maybe God has a big plan. And being even more candid, Tandie is the most spiritual and centered person I know besides the assistant pastor of my church.

We’d been to three upscale lounges already, and it was just midnight. Tandie took celebrating to astronomical measures. I’m surprised she didn’t want to become one. Whenever she’d come home on leave, her shenanigans always ended with me knee deep in regret and shame. But it was the price I paid for having my own personal bodyguard. When we were kids, I was such a saint, I wouldn’t even swat a fly. I got picked on for being a church mouse, but only Tandie knew I had a wild side. She’d defend me and hand out tongue lashings so severe, I wanted to pray for the poor kids, and she did it for me no questions asked. Thus, these few hours of tawdry turn-up were payment enough.

“River Rhys Sullivan,” Tandie yelled my name over the loud music “I am flying clear across these United States tomorrow. You won’t see me for damn near a whole 365 days, 366 because it’s a leap year and you’re not gonna turn all the way up to ignant levels with me?”

“Tandie Cortez-Clarke. You can tone it down a few notches. You don’t have to use your commanding officer voice with me. Save that for them seamen, geesh.”

Tandie was convinced I needed to wild out for at least thirty days after breaking up with my tired boyfriend. I’d been with Todd McIntyre for nearly six years. Actually, we were engaged for a year and a half. Then seven days before the wedding, he suggested we postpone the wedding because he needed time to seek God. Yea, I knew it was a crock of crap. We grew up in the same church, so I knew malarkey when it came my way. But love. I was head over heels in love with him. Plus, our church all but pre-arranged our ceremony, so I shrugged it off as him getting cold feet. But, oh to my surprise, his feet were nice and warm, in the bed of another woman. On what was supposed to be my wedding day, he came to my condo and told me his son was born that very morning. Tandie hated him from jump street so whenever she could, she threw verbal jabs at him.

“That sucker for corn rolls and manicured toes wannabe does not deserve your tears. He is the scum of the earth. A serpent with his legs snatched right from under him. I need you to be over him before I get on that plane. So, it’s time for you to tap into your sexy and boss up like the River I know you to be. Let that nigga know what it’s like to swim upstream without a paddle.”

“Why does it always have to be Todd? Why can’t I just not want to turn up? Besides, you know I stopped drinking six months ago. Stop trying to enable me.”

“Gyal. Why you goin try to play mi like I don’t know you. You know you only stopped drinking to fit into that God-awful wedding dress his mama sewed for you that was two sizes too small.”

“Gyal. Shut up. C’mon, let’s dance.”

“Na ya talkin’ mi language.” Tandie jumped off her bar stool and did a quick twirl.

As if on cue, the DJ switched it up from Beyonce’s ‘Baby Boy’ to Rihanna. I tripped over the bar stool as she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the direction of the dance floor. Saying dance to Tandie garnered the same reaction as a junkie hearing ‘8 balls half price.’ I don’t know if it was her Caribbean roots, but music moved her like nothing I ever saw before.

I know you’re probably wondering why I started this tale of two hearts with the departure of my best friend. It’s simple. My life changed that night. You see I never step out for any public secular activities besides Tandie’s birthday. Since her next birthday fell while she was nearly 3,000 miles away, we were celebrating her promotion instead. Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved a good time, but music had always been my gateway.

Tandie and I got into so much trouble as teenagers. We skipped class to go to matinee showings of movie premieres. Pranking teachers was our favorite past time. We stole my parents’ car and drove across state lines to go to reggae concerts in New York. We were real hell raisers in our parents’ eyes, and college just made it worst.

When I was in high school, music almost cost me my virginity; four times. In college, it did the same. Music and college did not mix well with me. It was the tipping point for the downward spiral, both academically and spiritually. I went to college 3,000 miles away from home, and that dose of freedom sent me on a dangerous descent. I found ruin at the end of many bottles of liquor; the cheap stuff too, like 99 Bananas cheap.

I was two sips away from Alcoholics Anonymous and had flunked out of college. I lost my scholarship. Then, I fed those failures with more cheap liquor before heading home to break the news to my parents. There went my two sips. So, after six months of, “not being able to wait to be grown,” I was in AA for teens, wallowing in my twelve steps. All that happened because of music, my obsession with dance hall and my need to feel closer to my Jamaican roots.

I’d thrown myself into repairing my life. Two years later, I re-entered college. Took extra classes to finish in three years. Then immediately went on to get my Masters. Now that I think about it, I see why Todd’s corny behind may have taken up refuge with another woman. Nah, eff that, what man doesn’t want an independent woman who still cooks every night and keeps the house clean? I’m still his one that got away. Any who, Tandie was thrilled I was the one who actually suggested hitting the hardwood floor. Really, it was to take her mind off me not drinking. She was definitely not the friend who encouraged my AA ventures, but she supported me nonetheless. Now, I don’t manage it how I should. I’m six months clean, but not completely committed to eliminating alcohol. I just monitored my drinking and made sure never to use it as a coping mechanism again.

Besides, that night, we were at our favorite dance spot. Tandie wanted to spend her final night in a nostalgic place just one last time. She’d just been elevated to MCPON in the United States Navy and was leaving for her new position at the Naval Base Ventura County. Though she wanted fun, I couldn’t seem to get in the mood. In less than 24-hours, my greatest friend would be starting a new life on the other side of the country. I really couldn’t picture life without her. Yea, we’ve been apart while she was in the Naval Academy and the three times she was deployed, but for some reason, this time felt permanent. It felt like we were officially saying goodbye forever. Our lives were shifting into a new dawn, and I was having separation anxiety. Was I proud of my boo? Indeed. She had worked so hard for this. She’d succeeded in making her parents proud, despite our speckled adolescent years. But I needed her here with me.

I grabbed Tandie by the hand and twirled her around on our way to the dance floor. I don’t know what got into me that night. It could have been because I knew I would be apart from my better half for at least a year. It could’ve been because I didn’t really grieve my failed relationship. But looking back, I’d say it was a divine encounter. God works in mysterious ways. Ways so mysterious I don’t even want to know how he comes up with his plans, but I know he had to have planned what happened next.

Tandie wind on me like we were going half on somebody’s baby. As always, I encouraged her lesbian antics by winding back into her and grabbing her little bitty waist. I Got Your Man was made just for Tandie. She’d take your man; or woman, with one twist of her hips.

Your man he told me that he's tired of the shit you got. He took one hit and said my good shit keeps him coming back. He likes it tight and said your shit is just a little slack. Girl, don't get mad at me. I'm only telling you the facts

“Yasss, boo, give them life.”

I egged her on as she sauntered into the middle of the dance floor. As she did her routine, she spun around on the balls of her feet and did some crazy trick with her waist. She gave me a look, and I knew there was no way out of it. I had to tear up the hardwood with my bestie one last time before she dipped off to the Westside. As if on cue, our childhood jam blared through the speakers placed strategically throughout the small, dank club

Shake it 'til the moon becomes the sun. Everybody in the club, give me a run. If you ready to move say it. One time for your mind say it. Well, I'm ready for ya. Come let me show ya You want to groove, I'ma show you how to move

With a devilish grin, I slow wind to the middle of the dance floor. My hips serving as Moses’ rod as the crowd parted to let me step into my rightful place. I was the Queen of the Dance Hall. And as much as I didn’t want to get out there, sometimes even a Queen must descend her throne to show the royal court how it’s done. Whipping my head in the opposite direction than my hips, I allowed the bass to play background to the rhythm of my heart as it took over. I glanced over at Tandie who grinned slyly. I threw her a wink and went all in. We created a routine to this when we were teenagers, and the steps never left our bones. We winded into a line and kicked our feet into opposite directions. The club instantly went wild.

The euphoria that rushed me was something like no other. Music was indeed my greatest escape. Each move I made; my anguish melted away. I wanted to live in this exact moment for a lifetime. As I flipped on my hands into a handstand and allowed Tandie to stand on my feet and slow wind as I wound in the opposite direction. The crowd lost whatever sense they had left.

When the song ended, we laughed all the way back to the bar. I missed everything about this moment. With a quick wave of my finger, I summoned the bartender. Tandie smiled from ear to ear. She had me right where she wanted me, heading down memory lane.

“Only because it’s your last night in town, I shook my head as the bartender made his way down to our end of the bar.

“2 lemon drops and 4 shots of patron. Not any of that watered-down mess either.”

“I got you, shorty.”

Being here took me back to the good ole days, where we had all the fun and none of the responsibilities. We could drink ‘til the sun came up, sleep it off, then do it all again. Boys were just accessories, that got dropped if they didn’t match our purse that day. Simple. Nothing complicated. Nothing long term. Small glimpses of life that expired with the dawn of the next day.

Now, I was sitting here, looking down the bottom of a shot and questioning every move I’d made in the past five years. How did I end up engaged, then not engaged and I’m the one that got dumped? Wait, did I even get dumped? What do you even call this? I’m more than an ex-girlfriend, but not quite an ex-wife. I’m not a divorcée. I’m just gonna say I’m the one that got away. Hell, I’m forever the one who got away. I shook my head and tossed my two shots back. Waving two  fingers in the air, I picked up the lemon drop that sat perched in front of me. The bartender nodded he’d gotten my signal, and I smiled.

“What are you thinking about? You just downed two shots and didn’t even wait for me?”

“My life. It’s a mess. How did I get here? How did I not see his ass for the dog ass hypocrite he was? How T? My bullshit detector has always been on point. How did he bypass the radar? I’m sorry. I know we’re supposed to be celebrating and enjoying your last night, but I can’t get pass where my life took a nosedive.”

“Oh, Rhyri. I hate seeing you out of your element. You are usually the one with all the answers. You always have everything together. You’ve been my picture of perfection ever since I could remember. Even when you lost your way, it didn’t take you long to bounce back. I always admired that about you. You know I never like Todd. Something about him just was off to me. Honestly, I always thought the dude was a closeted Chi-Chi man. But he ain’t worth this.”

Tandie set her drink down on the bar and turned her barstool to face the side of my head. She spun mine to face her. I just took another sip of my drink and sighed.

Lifting my chin, Tandie moved her head around, searching my eyes. “Look at you. You ARE a picture of perfection. Always have been. You’ll get through this in no time. He is history, and when karma comes to deal him a hand of everything he did to you, your history will be his only story. Every time he looks at his family, he will see his future in the back of that baby’s eyes. He will always remember the one that he let slip away, you won’t. You want to know why? Because the one who got away never remembers the one who let them slip, only the one who caught them. You’re gonna meet the man of your dreams, and you’ll be the girl of his.”

She wiped the single tear that escaped my eye and smacked the bar. “Mr. Bartender, where’s them shots?”

Laughter filled my belly and escaped through my vocal passage. I swear I would miss the hell out of this girl. She didn’t have an emotional bone in her body, but she always had the right words. Even though she said I was always the one with all the answers, she really was the glue that kept a sister together. I probably would have never kept going had she not been in my corner.

Joakim

As I sat downing my third glass of D’usse, I scoped the action below. I thought I’d reached my limit when I saw her step in the spot. The infamous Rhyri. She could drink a man under the table and never lose her footing on the dance floor at the same time. Last I heard, ole girl was settling into the domestic life and had put her clubbing days behind her. So, to say I was shocked to see her would be the understatement of an understatement.

“Bro, you coming down tonight or what? You have been up here scoping the scene like you a hired gun.”

“Shut up. That’s what being your silent partner affords me. Solitude in a crowded establishment with drinks on demand,” I responded motioning for the female bar attendant to bring me another glass.

“Yea, ard. I’ll holla at you when you come down. Don’t miss all the action. You know Dancehall Thursdays are the wildest night.”

My baby brother was the epitome of turn up. Three-hundred sixty-five days a year, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, he was ready to party. It made sense for him to want to purchase a club; one that never closes, at that. Me, I’m different. I like to turn up, but only when I want to turn up. I was never a thrill seeker. Only thing I really gave interest to were ways to make money, long-lasting money. The kind that outlived my children’s children. Money was the only reason I ever stepped into this house of chaos. If I left everything up to my brother, every person walking with a pair of tits would drink for free, and the doors would be shut before they ever really opened. I was the order to the disorder.

I watched Rhyri as she slow grinded on her best friend. In all these years, their little gay routine still worked. It kept the women staring and the men uninterested. I never knew why women thought that shit really kept dudes away. Any real man would still try his luck. Now don’t get me wrong, I respect a woman’s preference. If she tells me back off, I step, but I’m not gonna let some lesbian tango in the club stop me from stepping to a shorty I find attractive or interesting. Personally, I thought it was sexy. I never understood why men were turned off by two beautiful women having a good time with each other.

Rhyri was the only picture of perfection I’d ever laid eyes on. She was such a dream with her deep brown eyes, full lips, and womanly curves. She was indeed a work of art. I know God had to take a few extra seconds molding her. I still remember the last conversation we had. She was just getting ready to head off to college. I’d just returned from a business meeting in Vegas. She was stunning even back then.

“Hey, Rhyri.”

“Hey, Joakim. How you been? Your brother told me you were getting back today. How was your trip?”

“It was all love. Enough about me, so how’s it feel to finally be leaving mommy and daddy’s nest?”

“Haha. Very funny. You know they never could keep me in that nest.”

“Yea. I know. They almost lost you to mine, remember.”

“How could I forget. You were always one of my few weaknesses. Glad, I got cured of that.”

“Oh, that was cold. Anyway, good luck at school. I know you’re gonna do great. You have always been a bright bulb.”

“Thanks. You not too dim yourself. Maybe in another life, we would have shined together.”

“Aye, life ain’t over yet. We both still breathing, right?”

Rhyri grinned and raised her glass at my last remark. Taking the last sip, she grabbed her coat and headed for the exit. Just like that, she was gone. She was off to start her life, and I was back to living mine.

I always thought that in a different place, at a different time, she could have been mine. Now she was somebody else’s. My brothers thought it was my age that scared her away, but I knew it was more profound than that. Back then, I had power over her. She didn’t trust how vulnerable she got with me. The ease with which she let me in scared her. I get it. No one wants to be at someone’s will like that, powerless against the emotional hold they had over you. Rhyri was always a good girl, and I challenged her image. I almost claimed her virginity, and that scared her. She wasn’t ready for that, and especially not with a player like me.

I knew I wasn’t tryna be tied down to one girl. I definitely wasn’t turning my card over for a girl that was four years my junior. Besides, I cared about Rhyri, she had a tiny little piece of my heart, so I couldn’t hurt her like that. I let her drop me, knowing just maybe when she grew up, mentally, we’d get another shot. Guess that shot wasn’t coming. Downing the rest of what was in my glass I stood to my feet. I checked my pockets to make sure I had my phone and car keys before heading to the elevator.

“About time you joined the fun.”

“Bry, chill on me, aight. Everybody ain’t about that turn up like you. Some of us like our peace undisturbed.”

Just as he parted his lips to respond, I caught a glimpse of Tandie wiping Rhyri’s face. Usually, I was a stickler for minding my own business, but seeing her falling apart at the seams did something to me. Bry caught where my gaze had gone and threw his hands up in surrender.

“Handle ya business, playboy.”

Not that I needed his permission, but it was reassuring knowing he had my back. I never felt butterflies before approaching a woman. Rhyri looked much more mature than I remember. She was even more breathtaking than she was back in her teen years. Life wasn’t treating her bad at all. As I neared the duo at the bar, I felt like my steps got heavier. It was something about this moment that felt like I was shifting the trajectory of my life. I couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing, but I didn’t have time to figure it out because the gap between us became smaller.

“Hey, T.” I figured addressing Tandie first was the easiest way to gauge where her mindset was.

“Hey, Joakim. Long time, no see. What you been up to these days?”

“T. You just saw me at the mall last week. How you talking about long time no see.” I shook my head as I laughed at her.

“Shit, in my line of work, seven days is a long time. Besides, we didn’t catch up. I just threw you a quick hi, I ain’t wanna press up on you while you were with ya flavor of the week.”

“Chill. She was my baby cousin. Her prom is coming up and you know I’m the designated bank account. You know how that shit go,” I shrugged, “Hey Rhyri,” I said nudging her shoulder.

“What’s up, Jok.” She barely looked at me when she spoke. I figured it was because she ain’t want a brother to see the tears brimming in her eyes. She’d been swiping away at them since I walked up.

“Who did it? I know it better not be ole boy I hear you ready to lock it down with.”

“You never were too bad at guessing, were you,” she laughed.

I took a seat on the empty barstool next to her. “C’mon, sit on Jok’s lap and tell him all about it.”

“Boy, you wish,” she laughed again. “But seriously, I don’t wanna talk. There isn’t really anything left to say. Words won’t change a thing about my situation.”

“Well, maybe actions can. Let’s dance.”

I pulled her up by her elbows before she had the chance to protest. I knew exactly what would get her out of her funky mood. As I dragged her out on the floor, I looked back at Tandie as she jumped back on the barstool. She threw me two thumbs up and a wink.

Rhyri seemed preoccupied the entire time we danced. I could tell that whatever situation words couldn’t change was weighing her down. I signaled to the DJ to switch it up. You can call it coincidence, but I’ll call it fate.

“Whenever I got no money. She is still my honey,” I sang in her ear as the song came on.

“Really?” That was the first time I saw her smile bust through those sad eyes. This was the song I sang to her all the time during our brief summer fling. When I first met Rhyri, I was broke and just returning from college. My dad had just died at the hand of my mother, and my two little brothers depended on me. The night we buried him, I wandered into the first bar I saw, and there she was with Tandie. I knew she wasn’t old enough to be in nobody’s bar, but I stepped to her anyway.

I knew girls her age in a place like this were usually looking for sugar daddies, and that I was far from. I was just 21, still feeling the sting of my first shave. We wound up talking that whole night, and the next.

Before you knew, we were inseparable. She’d sneak out to see me every night. Sometimes she’d lie and say she was staying at Tandie’s house and spend the night with me. We were four years apart, but I swore she was more equal to me than any chick I went to college with. She knew what she wanted, not just at that moment, but out of life.

“Feel it, boy, you can feel this feeling all around the world,” she sang in my ear as she slow danced, “I needed this. A lot. Thank you.”

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s really up? Ryan told me you were getting married.”

“Ughhh, can we not talk about that tonight?”

“What about tomorrow, over brunch? Or is he the jealous type that doesn’t let you catch up with old friends?”

“Tomorrow is fine. I’m dropping Tandie off at the airport around 10. Pick me up at 11.”

“Whatttt. I can pick you up? Ole boy must don’t know what he got.” I spun her around until her back was against my chest. She put her chin in her chest and wrapped my arms tighter around her waist. I snuck a peck on the nape of her neck. It was exposed and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

“Open your heart girl, open your heart, and let me back in. You be a queen and I forever your king.”

“Forget everything and everybody. Boy, let's just have a party, me and you.” She spun back around to face me. Cupping either side of my face, she pulled my head down until our eyes met. I could see all the pain she’d been trying to conceal since she stepped in the building. I leaned in and kissed her. I knew the Hitch 90/10 rule, but shit, I left her that 10 before and she walked away from me for over ten years. That shit wasn’t happening again.

She welcomed the kiss like I felt deep down in my heart, she would. Something told me her pending nuptials were null in void, but her kiss was confirmation. Taking her hand, I led her off the dance floor.

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Sloane and Saint have been a challenge. Like a real deal, hair pulling, knuckle-biting, pencil chewing challenge, but we are nearing “The End.”












































 Synopsis

He was her remedy. She was his rhythm. Together they danced the. pain away, until there was only love.

Meet Saint




Meet Sloane

Saint rapidly blinked his burning eyes as the sweat from his brow rained down his face. For the better part of three hours he'd been tirelessly rehearsing for the summer showcase. Though he'd graduated, he decided to volunteer to partner with a rising senior whose partner dropped out at the last minute. Kitty reminded him a lot of himself, ambition, focused and willing to go the distance in order to secure her future.

Grabbing the towel from ballet barre, he ran it down the length of his face before draping it around his neck. His chest cavity rose and fell rapidly, mirroring the labored breathing he'd done since stopping his routine. Downing the ice-cold contents of his water bottle, he replenished all that his sweat took from his dehydrated vessel. As he sighed, his body fell to the floor and his arms stretched wide. Forgetting all post dance stretches, he laid out on the floor and closed his eyes until both his breathing and heart rate had begun to returned to normal pace.

Kitty laid out next to him, her wet towel covering her face. She was thrilled Saint had agreed to step in to help her. She'd already had a horrible semester after her other partner bailed and she sprang her ankle. The summer showcase was her only chance to show what she was really made of.  By the end of junior year, most student already had an idea of what dance company they would be working for once they graduated, but she was still unclaimed. She spent majority of her spring semester trying to regain the strength in her ankle and scouting for a replacement partner for her routine. In her mind, Saint was a savior, he swooped in at the last minute and saved the dance career she was sure died before it even had a fighting chance.

“Thanks again, for filling in. I know you're probably tired of this place.”

“Actually, I kind of missed it. It was my safe space. I was glad when Dr. Forrester called me and said someone needed a dance partner.”

“It's the same for me. Dancing is the greatest escape there is. It got me the hell out of Wyoming.”

“Wyoming? Wow.”

“What's so wow about Wyoming?”

“Nothing, that I know of. Aside from it being one of them states that you know exist but never thought you'd actually ever meet a soul that was born there” Saint laughed.

Kitty was cool peoples and he truly was happy to be able to help her. The girl was talented and he couldn't understand why her luck hadn't been greater. He'd seen dancers who weren't half as talented as her secure deals with Broadway and asked to tour with different artists. The only dancer in the junior and senior classes he ever saw better than her was Sloane.  He hoped that he could help her attract some offers because talent like hers shouldn't go unnoticed. As he looked over at her, he caught her burning a hole in the side of his face.

"It's a real place and my real ass soul hails from there. Where are you from?"

"Nowhere that matters. I left my home behind a long time ago and haven’t really looked back since my first semester here. So, I'm from Juilliard."

"You're a really dope ass person. Mysterious as hell, but still dope and I admire that."

"Thanks. I know we gotta be a little selfish to make it here, but I'm a firm believer that there is enough fame and fortune to go around."

"Wish more people here were like that. They're so consumed with getting the best offers they will shit on anyone to do it."

"That's why you have to get your crew and y'all make a pact to stick it out together. That's how we all survived while I was here. We were eight deep and we all made sure we made it out with offers. We pooled our resources and helped each other out. Find your peeps, they're here somewhere."

"Thanks." Kitty touched his arm as she have him a look of gratitude

"Ahhm. Am I interrupting," Sloane asked as she leaned in the doorway.

Her folded arms and furrowed brow told a story all their own. It was one of jealousy and territory that she didn't have the right to claim. Slowly, her eyes surveyed the studio and she took note of every detail. The proximity of their bodies as they laid side-by-side on the hardwood floor caused alarm to sound in her head. She knew Saint wasn't hers, but knowing he'd been alone with Kitty for the last three hours didn't sit well in the pit of her stomach. It made her so angry, she felt sick, like she wanted to vomit. Silently, she declared Kitty a foe from that moment on.

"Not at all," Kitty said as she quickly moved her hand away. She didn't know Sloane, but she'd seen her around campus and heard her name in every circle she went into. Sloane was a dance goddess. Everyone wanted to be just as light on their feet, graceful and poised as she was. As she recounted the times she’d seen her perform or prancing around campus, she couldn’t much recall a moment Saint wasn’t by her side.

Saint popped up from the floor and grabbed his duffel bag. He wanted to laugh at Sloane's blatant display of jealousy. She had no reason to feel any kind of way about him interacting with another woman, but he could clearly tell she was uneasy. She didn't even attempt to hide the scowl that rested on her brow as she stood with her arms crossed. Her cold eyes never left Kitty as she waited for him to gather all his belongings from the studio.

As they made their way to his car, he allowed her to walk a few paces in front of him. She hadn't spoken a word to him and her attitude was cute. He admired how her ass vibrated in her track shorts with every step she took. Visions of her bent over his backseat clouded his brain and forced a smile to spread across his face. His dick required adjusting in his grey sweat-shorts as he trailed behind her. Once she reached his car, she tossed him his keys.

"Thanks for letting me use your ride. I'll see you later."

"Where you finna run off to?"

"Just going over to Vines & Vinyl to meet up a friends for drinks. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them and I wanted to catch up."

"I know all your friends." Saint reminded her, now sporting the same jealous scowl she rocked moments prior.

"Not these ones," she winked as she walked off in the direction of the subway.

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Sloane Prescott is definitely a diamond. The trauma, the pressures, they’ve created an amazingly determined woman. I caught up with her leaving an audition and she was as open as I’d expect with all she’s been through. She’s for sure the heroine of Ready. Set. Live.

23, Dancer, Instructor and Mentor

Photo Cred: I do not own the rights to any of the photos above, they are used for inspiration purposes only.
All rights at credited to unsplash.com

The BasicsWhat is your full name? Do you have a nickname (if so, who calls you this)? Sloane Amelia Prescott. And as far as nicknames, as an adult I don’t really think I have one. My besties call me ’S.’ In grade school, the whole 6th grade used to call me Amelia Bedelia , after they found out my middle name was Amelia. Glad those days are over.Where and when were you born? April 21, 1997. Des Moines, Iowa. Boring, I know everybody thinks that, but really we have shit loads of fun there.Who are/were your parents? (Their names, birthplaces, occupations, personalities, etc.) Kintrell and Tracy Prescott. He's from Virginia, a big time civil engineer with a rich ass company. She's from Maryland. They met in Cancun during spring break of his senior and her junior year of undergrad. Been damn near inseparable ever since. Before my mom married my dad, she was a chemist, a pretty big deal in her industry. She has so many write ups about her advancements in lupus research. But she retired early after she got pregnant with me and was high risk. I literally became her whole life after that.Do you have any siblings? If you do, what are/were they like? Nope. It's just me. I got cousins though

Saint Wilder is a refreshing drink of water on a scorching day. He spared a few minutes to talk to me in-between his dance classes. His responses to my semi-evasive inquiries are proof he’s a man worthy of a chance and is qualified to be the hero of Ready. Set. Live.

23, Dancer, Instructor and Mentor

Photo Cred: I do not own the rights to any of the photos above, they are used for inspiration purposes only.
All rights at credited to pexels.com.

The BasicsWhat is your full name? Do you have a nickname (if so, who calls you this)? Saint Wilder. People call me Saint da Savior. Well not people, Sloane calls me that, and I don't consider it a nickname because nicknames should be shorter. She's just a clown.Where and when were you born? October 16, 1997. Owings Mills, Maryland, my best friend calls it Dope Game Veterans' retirement town.Who are/were your parents? (Their names, birthplaces, occupations, personalities, etc.) My parents are Christian and Beverly Wilder. They're happily divorced now. But dating each other again so, yea not really sure what their old asses are really doing. Anyway, my dad is a retired dope game veteran, turned club owner. He owns 2 gentlemen's clubs, 4 lounges, 2 night clubs and co-owns a restaurant with my mother. My moms is a retired stripper, was one of the best in the business before she gave it up when I was like 9. Then she went back to culinary school. Pops gifted her the restaurant the day before her graduation. They are cool, when I keep my distance. We used to but heads a lot when I was home, but now that I'm grown we get along way better. They come visit sometimes, I go home every now and then. There is no hard feelings, I'm just the independent child they raised me to be, so I'm not really clinging to them these days. I work, but they still throw me money every month. Do you have any siblings? If you do, what are/were they like? I had a little brother. We were 3 years apart. He died when I was 16, from kidney failure. He got a transplant, but his body rejected it and he quickly declined after that. His death is part of the reason I butted heads with my parents. I wanted to get tested to see if I was a match, but they wouldn't let me. They were afraid to lose both of us. In hindsight I understand, but as a 16 year old kid dealing with the lost of my kid brother who was the person I loved the most, devoted my lil life to protecting and spending every free moment I had with, I was closed off to anything logic they were trying to get me to grasp. I didn't talk to them for the remainder of my high school career after we buried him unless it was absolutely necessary. As soon as I graduated, I was on the first Megabus heading up North.Did you have any role models? If so, describe them and why they were your role models. Not necessarily role models, but I respect genuine people. People who never switch up and never fold on their beliefs to make it. Debbie Allen,  Denzel Washington, Taraji P. Henson, Tupac and Viola Davis are some people who come to mind. Definitely Taraji and Tupac because they have roots in the DMV, the parts of the DMV that people specifically like to count out. My little brother went to Tupac's middle school and checkout books that he used to checkout so that I could reqd the books he read and feel like I was "picking his brain." My mother's big sister actually went to the same high school as Taraji and talked about how she used to do her hair and nails. Viola and Denzel are just stellar as people and they are so great at the humble brag, you know letting motherfuckers know who they are, what they've accomplished and their long ass resume without shitting on anyone. And Debbie because she is a GOAT. Her movement transcends time and hope to impact generations of dance just like she did.What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? The death of my little brother. His life impacted me majorly because he lived despite his limitations. He was fearless and never let his condition stop him from doing anything he wanted. There was nothing he wouldn't try, whether it was ziplining, hunting, kayaking, skydiving. He would try it. He would always tell me that we all are going to die sone day and just because his time will be shorter than we all expected he was not going to have less experiences. He taught me that life isn't measure in time, but in moments in time. His life showed me that as long as I'm making moments, creating memories and cherishing every second I have; than I'm living.Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? What do you most value in your friends? Describe them with some basics like their personalities, how you met them, what you have in common, etc. There's Bird, his real names Trip, but he's been Bird since birth. He's my best friend. We grew up, kind of together. His dad and mine are real tight. He lived with his mom in Baltimore, but spent weekends, holidays and summers with his dad, who lived in the house across the street from mine.  When middle high school came around, we saw less of each other because he played football. Shortly after my little brother passed, his mom died and he moved in permanently with his dad. Then there are our room mates, Christopher and Cristoff; twins from Philly. We're all tight now, met the first week in New York and been a quartet ever since. But they both got job offers outta state and Bird's getting married. So, I'm now the only tenant.The Nitty GrittyDo you care what others think of you? Why or why not? To an extent. I mean, I'm a dancer so I have to care a little or I'd never get any gigs. Outside of that I care that people think I am genuine in my actions, because I am. Now, am I so caught up that I try to change to garner this response, hell nah. I keep shit a hunnid all the time and if people choose not to see, believe or think I’m genuine then it's their issue, not mine. All I ever can be if the best version of myself, a version that I can love and be proud of. I can never please everyone, so that’s not a goal of mine

Photo cred: pexels.com

What do you measure success in? (Money, career, husband/wife, children, happiness, etc.) Success is measured in joy and peace. You don't have to have earthly possessions, tons of accolades. Creating joy and designing your own peace are the true successes of life.Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? I believe in both, but I also believe we can experience more than one true love, but only one soul mate. We can love at different stages of our life and no one stage of love is truer than the other because the trueness of the love we feel is aligned to that particular stage. Neither stage takes from the other. But with a soul mate, that person is both your kindred. They feel you on levels deeper than love. Because love no natter how pure is rooted in flesh, but a soul mate connects not to our fleshly satisfaction or infatuations but to our spirit. The most vulnerable, transcendent part our us. If that makes sense to you. I know it's a lot to digest, I've been sitting with this idea and unpacking love and the idea of soul mates since I was about 18. When my parents decided to divorce, then start dating and existing together, I needed some short of way to make it make sense. This is what I came up with.Have you ever been in love? If so, describe in some rough strokes what happened (love at first sight, unrequited love, ended up marrying him/her, ended with heartbreak, etc.).  I was in love in high school. We met in summer bridge when we were 14. She was the girl of my teenaged world until the middle of our junior year. But from there we realized we want different shit and ultimately grew apart by the time we graduated. She wanted marriage, kids, and all that jazz and I wanted to work at my personal goals, enjoy my adulthood, and you know advance in my career before I even thought about any of that. She thought love would be enough and while I knew it very well could be, there was just something about that being the only things she really wanted that never sat right with me. Marriage and parenthood are great and all, but I don’t believe that anyone should just aspire to be only a husband/wife or father/mother. Like what is your life without those titles, who are you without those titles. That’s important to know, it’s important to explore and experience them too. So, we decided to go our separate ways. I heard she did wind up getting married her sophomore year of college. She’s an army wife and soccer mom now. So, she got what she wanted.

Photo cred: pexels.com

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Hmmm. My favorite hobbies. One would be mixing down music. Originally, I started at school for music, but I let Sloane's crazy ass talk me into being her partner for one of her final projects and after that one of the instructors persuaded me to switch over. He found a spot in the program for me and some money, so I made the switch. But music has a special place in my heart. It was the thing me and my grandmother did together. She introduced me to the greats and trained my war to know good music, no matter the genre. When she passed, she left me all her vinyls, 8 tracks, cassette tapes, and albums. My music collection is colossal because of her. Pastimes, I'd say listening to my massive music collection.Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? How do you get the money for it? Do you want to quit? I drink a whole fucking lot. For a person who is as active as I am, it started to weigh on me and make my workouts, dance routines and just getting out oof bed hard. Hangovers were becoming way to frequent and I never realized it until last year when I almost fucked up a great opportunity trying to nurse a hangover. Since then, I’ve cut back tremendously. Where would you like to live? Why? I learned early that home is where the heart is. I know it's cliches as fuck, but there were two songs my grandmother used to play all the time. There was never a time I was at her house and didn't hear Whitney Houston's "My Love is Your Love" and Luther Vandross' song "A House is Not A Home." She taught me that home was wherever love dwelled. So, I want to live wherever love dwells. You can make a home anywhere, all you need is love.What goal do you most want to accomplish in your life? I’ve seen so much death, that the only thing I most want to accomplish is to use up every ounce of talent I have before I live this earth. I want to live a full life doing what makes me happy, wholly.Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Composing and/or choreographing for musicals, tours and hopefully running a studio where dancers can compose their own music for their routines.What in on your nightstand? I don't have a night stand because my room is for sleeping. If I get a nightstand, I'll start having all kinds of shit in my room that I don't need in there. But I do have a vintage record player. You know the ones with the cabinets and a place for a plant beside the vinyl player top. I currently have a “String of Heart” plant up there that Sloane gave me when I became the sole tenant of this apartment. And Stevie Wonder’s “Songs in the Key of Life” is leaning against it, because the record is the one I been spinning for the last few weeks. What is in your refrigerator? Water, iced tea, oh and a pitcher of triple mix. Triple mix if fruit punch, tea and lemonade together. There’s always some fruit in there and the fixings for salad. All other meals I usually eat outside of my place, either with Sloane or grab food while I’m out with my dance homies. 

He was her remedy. She was his rhythm. Together they danced the. pain away, until there was only love.



September 2020















 

Listen Now

Prep Time: 30 min Blend Time:7 mins
Yields: 1 Gallon

“Sangria is juice for adults. Sweet, satisfying and soothing.” - Harleigh Rae

Prep Time: 20 min Blend Time: 5 mins
Yields: 1 Gallon

“Late nights and early mornings were a thing of my yesteryears. Now, I enjoy pausing, lounging and resting.” - Harleigh Rae

Prep Time: 45-60 min Blend Time: 5 mins
Yields: 1 Gallon

“Summer is for breaking bread and giving those you love their flowers while they're here!” - Harleigh Rae

Prep: 20 mins Mix time: 7mins

Yields 8 Mimosas

Watermelon Hibiscus Mimosa combines three of my favorite things; watermelon, hibiscus, and orange juice. I chanced upon this amazingly refreshing summer cocktail/mocktail while vacationing in Jamaica. I started every morning of my vacation with at least three mimosas. One morning, my curry goat and grits was too good and my mimosa became to warm. I dropped a few of the watermelon chunks from my fruit plate into the glass and MY GAWD was I invigorated by the co-mingling of flavors that was happening. Though this drink was completely accidental, it was so damn good it became an instant favorite.

Ingredients:

Hibiscus Tea

2tsp hibiscus petals

10oz water

sugar (or stevia leaf)

Mimosas

750ml (1bottle) champagne, sparkling white wine or sparkling juice

2 cups orange juice (w/some pulp)

2 cups watermelon (sliced w/o rind)

1/2 frozen blueberries

Hibiscus Brewing Instructions

Boil 10oz of water and pour into heat safe cup.

Put 1.5tsp of dried hibiscus petals into a infuser.

Steep in water 4-7 minutes.

Sweeten to taste with sugar (or your go-to sweetener)

Add 1 cup of ice and let chill for 10-15 minutes.

Watermelon Hibiscus Base

Combine hibiscus tea and watermelon in the blender.

Puree until smooth.

Add a few ice cubes if it is too loose. Blend until desired consistency.

Before I get to the mimosa blending instructions, let me clarify. Mimosas are typically made with champagne. I usually serve them in these Libbey Embassy Flutes —

but for some reason I could only find one of mine and my new set hasn't arrived yet. So, instead I served them up in my Vines & Vinyl retro red wine glass. 

Now, back to the mimosas 

On the eve of the release of Ezra and Noëlle fourth installment, I caught up with Noëlle just as she wrapped on her first full-length series with a streaming service. Little Charli is drained from her final day of acting and is fast asleep. Her head rests in Noëlle’s lap as we talk about basically everything under the sun.

30, Award-winning Screenwriter, Producer and Director

Photo Cred: I do not own the rights to any of the photos above. they are used for inspiration purposes only.
The two illustrated images are wall-art from @literallyluxe. All other rights are credited to google.com and @nafessawilliams

The BasicsWhat is your full name? Do you have a nickname (if so, who calls you this)? Noëlle Clarke Emerson. I'm called Ëllie or Ëlle by most if my family and all my close friends. Priscilla, my closest friend, doesn't call me, she summons me with song, "Ella Aye Aye," always to the tune of Rihanna's Umbrella

As we gear up for the fourth installment of Ezra and Noëlle’s series, I thought it would be wise to hear from the man himself. I pulled up on Ezra as he was heading into the studio to lay down a few verses for some features. Surprisingly, he was open and didn’t shy away from even the most evasive questions as I asked hat we all wanted to know.

33, Grammy-winning Singer and Songwriter

Photo Cred: I do not own the rights to any of the photos above, they are used for inspiration purposes only.
All rights at credited to google.com and @treysongz

The BasicsWhat is your full name? Do you have a nickname (if so, who calls you this)? Ezra Israel Graham. I’ve been called several pet names by the love of my life but the greatest nickname I could have is the one I started hearing a few months ago, Daddy. Love hearing my son call for me throughout the house. Sometimes I ignore him so he can keep yelling. Being his father brings me an indescribable joy and no other name people could ever call me would matters much if I never get to hear Daddy again.Where and when were you born? September 11, 1986. I was pushed out in Richmond, VA but three days later, my adopted parents wished me away to Ettrick, VA where I spent all my days until I left five years ago.Who are/were your parents? I never met my birth parents. I’m a product of rape. My mother was only 16 when it happened. She couldn’t raise me but didn’t believe I didn’t’t deserve to live just because my dad was fucking scum. Her names Daisy Parker. She’s a rape crisis counselor and ADA somewhere in Upstate New York now. Th parents who raised me are Judy and Charles Graham. They are both born and raised in Ettrick, VA. She was a medic in the army, my dad was an Armor Crewman. They met in the army. After they married, my mom finished out her last tour of duty and didn’t re-enlist. I was adopted two years later. My Pops retired seven years ago. Now, they are living it up doing whatever they want, which has been absolutely nothing.You said your were adopted, but you know a great deal about your birth mom. Are you in contact with her? No. When I was 18, I went to see her. I just wanted to meet her and thank her for making sure I went to a good family and let her know that she didn’t need to feel regret or shame about not being able to raise me. We talked for hours that day. She told me a lot about my birth family, things she thought I should know for when I started my own family. But we both decided it would be better if we not try to build a relationship. It was too hard for her and too hard for me. She’s an amazing woman and I’m sure she would have been an amazing mother if life happened differently.Do you have any siblings? If you do, what are/were they like? Not by blood. I had a best friend that I considered abort her, but you already know how that story ends. So, now it’s just me. My birth mom never had anymore children, and my adoptive mom can’t have children.Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place (home and location) and the person/people you live with. I got a house in L.A. But I hardly be there, so I wouldn't necessarily say I live there. I spend all my down time with Noëlle and Israel at her place. I guess one day we’ll sell one of the houses or both of them and live together under one roof, but for now our thing works.What does your voice sound like? It keeps the women paying top dollar to buy-out every venue on my tours. Come on, I’m a tenor so that should tell you a ton there, but I’ll give it a real try. My voice is swoon-worthy. It’s sultry. It’s captivating, entrancing. Low, but not soft. Deep, but not intimidating. If love were defined by vocals, mine would be it. It’s terrifyingly tender, which why I’m sure my records hit those charts every time they drop.Do you have any annoying habits, quirks, strange mannerisms, or other defining characteristics? I don’t think so, but Noëlle hates when I bust in on her. It’s something I always did to my parents. Now I do it to her and the color always drains from her face. It’s quite comical, but I can see why it’s not for her.Which words or phrases do you most overuse? I love you. Probably one of the most overused phrases in the world, and I use it at least thirty times a day. Mostly to Noëlle and Israel, I want them to fully understand me and hear me I say it because neither of them have heard it enough from me.The Nitty GrittyHow would you describe your childhood? Great. My parents provided me with the best home. I was fed, clothed and loved beyond measure.How much schooling have you had? I have my BS in business. It comes in handy in this industry. I never needed a manager when I decided to go into music, I had all the marketing knowledge I needed to get myself in front of an audience before I ever laid down my first real record. 

Photo cred: google.com

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? Business skills I learned at school. Music I learned from my best friend. My brother from another, Nolan. He taught me how to produce beats, record my vocals, mix down my vocals. The process for filing for sample permissions. After he died, I kept learning because I wanted to make his dreams come true. I wanted people to hear the genius, so everything else about the business I learned on my own.Did you have any role models? If so, describe them and why they were your role models. My pops and Noëlle’s pops. Pop G was always a stand up guy. He raised another man’s kid with the same regard he would have raised his own. That’s real man shit to me. He loved my mom unconditionally even though he knew she would never give him children. Mr. Emerson has always been my second dad. Whenever my dad was deployed he made sure my mom and I were alright. We wanted for nothing, he came to my basketball games, taught me how to drive. I’ll never forget when he and my dad tag teamed me and Nol with the sex talk. They are who I plan to emulate while raising Israel.What did you want to be when you grew up? I want to be a premiere furniture maker. I planed to go to school for business and have my own firm that designed and built both wholesale and custom furniture. I even built like all the furniture in my parent basement. And a couple of the staple pieces in my own home. But we all know that ain't what life had planned for me.When and where were you the happiest? I used to think the happiest day of my life was the first date I took Noëlle on. It was just after I'd graduated college. She'd bought me a nice gold shadow box for my cap & gown and degree. I knew she had to have saved up to get it because Mama Emerson would not have let her buy that shit. That night, at my party, she told me she thought she like me as more than her big brother. We left the party and just went driving up route 70. When we stopped driving it was the next day and we were in DC. I took my graduation money and booked us a room at MGM. We stayed up all night talking and watching old gangsta movies. But, the happiest moment of my life is the day we got custody of Israel. Nothing will ever top that.Who were your friends, and what were they like? Nolan. He was my only friend. I was a very closed off kid. Everybody loved me, but I didn't trust easily. Nolan and I guess you can say Noëlle too *chuckles* But Nolan was the most honest, caring, free-spirit I knew. He was a musical prodigy and I used to joke him and say August rush was about him, but in hindsight it wound up being my son's story. Nolan got me i to so much shit, but got me out of just as much. We did everything together, including getting our first piece of ass. Excuse me for that, no disrespect intended. I miss him every day and while it's gotten easier, I don't think I'll ever be fully okay with how he was taken from me.Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. By the time this interview ends you'll be tired of hearing his name but Nolan is the only reason I ever got into music. I always knew I could sing my ass off, but I literally reserved that shit for getting girl in high school. But Nolan was so into the making of music that naturally I kind of fell into it. I lent him my vocals for songs he wrote or beats he wanted to submit to A&R reps. Eventually m, I started to love it. But it wasn't until he died I really pursued music. The music makes me feel close to him. When I'm in my home studio I feel like he right there beside me mixing and writing.What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Same as my happiest, when my son was officially my son again.Who has had the most influence on you? Toss up between Nolan, Israel or Noëlle. No one else really has ever had any bearings on my decisions.What do you consider your greatest achievement so far, why? Putting a baby in Noëlle. I love her, never stopped. Ever. I always knew we'd wind up together again, somehow. She's supposed to be the mother of my child and the fact that so much worked against that fate, I know it was something monumental for us both. So creating life with her is my greatest achievement.What is your greatest regret so far, why? Has this regret formed you into the person you are today? If so, why? There are two. The first is not being upfront with Nolan about my relationship with Noëlle and not telling him that he needed to get over himself and talk to his sister. Because I think maybe he would have been home that night. He wouldn't have been driving on the road to begin with. The second was leaving Noëlle after I told her I could handle her truths. She poured her heart out to me and I took our son and went on a vacation. I came back and I shunned her and she didn't deserve any of that. I no longer keep secrets because of the first and I showered Noëlle with love and attention because of the second. I never want her to feel abandoned by me again.

Photo cred: google.com

Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Optimistic, sometimes to a fault. I only wanna see the good even though the bad be staring me right in the face.What is your greatest fear? Who knows about about this fear? Who don’t you want to know? Losing my family. Everyone in my family knows that. Family is something I've always cherished because I didn’t have a biological one I was connected to as a child. On top of that I was the only child of my parents. My family is  everything to me and that's never been a secret.What are your religious views? I luh God, youn't luh God? *laughs* I'm Christian, but I also believes my ancestors are conduits of my navigation as well.What are your political views? They are criminals or liars or opportunists.What are your views on sex? Sex is good for us. It keeps us healthy and more adults should do it. Best natural remedy for a lot of ailments.Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Damn straight. Noëlle and I's story is proof that our soul has a mate and will stop at nothing to find it.What do you measure success in? (Money, career, husband/wife, children, happiness, etc.) Joy and experience.How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings in the company of others? Too honest, too damn honest. I know you probably what the hell is too honest, but seriously. I don’t leave shit to questioned. If I feel it you going know. I always been like that. I don’t sugar coat shit either. I be delicate with Noëlle and Israel, but everybody else gets the unfiltered version. Even my fans. They know if I said it, I meant and if they ain’t hear that shit from me, it ain’t true. It don’t matter whoo is around or where I am, ain’t no holding that shit in because that shit kills you quicker than any cancer or other incurable disease.Who or what would you die for, or otherwise go to extremes for? My family, without question.The InteractionsIn general, how do you treat others (politely, as they treat you, by keeping them at a distance, with sarcasm, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? I love everybody until you give me a reason not to. I don’t sing about love, I am love. It’s in me and ain’t too denying that, so I embrace it. I treat everybody with kindness, respect, no matter if I know you or not, because who am I not to? We all bleed the same, put our pants on one leg at a time, you know, so in essence we should all be treated, handled the same way, with compassion, humanity, respect. All that boils down to show each other love.How close are you to your family? Super close to my parents and my cousins when I see them. It’s rare that I get to be around them, but when I do I make sure to give them all of me, never half steps when it comes to my family.

Photo cred: google.com

Which person do you wish you were closest to? Not necessarily closer, because we’re close, but I wished I had been there from the beginning with Israel. I feel like we lost a lot time and there’s no way we could ever get it back.Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person in some rough strokes. I got a lady. She my bay, but again, that ain’t no news. She’s beautiful, even in her darkest moments. Honestly the dark moments are why I’m so drawn to her. She makes life happen and gives off lighten through all the heartache and pain. That’s shit is fucking sexy to me. Not to mention she really is fucking s treat to look at, and touch.Have you started your own family? If so, describe them in rough strokes. If not, do you want to start a family? Why or why not? My family started itself and kind of came to me at the perfect time. I gave Noëlle a bunch of slack about the way she handled her pregnancy, but forreal, forreal, I would not have been the best father back then either. I was still slinging vocals and pipe every night and not giving a fuck about much.Who is the most important person in your life, why? Israel. Hands down. He means more o me than anything and anybody.Who is the person you respect the most, why? Noëlle. She’s deserving of all my respect. All of it. My boo on her shit and downs her mistakes, not many do that shit.Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? What do you most value in your friends? My pilot, Marlough Jones. Marlough and I went to college together, we been tight since then. He always has my back. The second he came back from the Air Force, I asked him to be my personal pilot.I trust him my life, obviously. Dre, my homie, body guard, shit ain’t a title he don’t have. But he’s loyal, honest and calls me on my shit when I’m on bullshit. We all need a Dre.What do you look for in a potential lover? Understanding. I need her to understand she’s number 1, well number 2, cause Israel got that top spot. Understand she can trust me with anything, including her heart and life. Understand that if we rocking, we rocking til the wheels fall off then we rocking in something new. Understand that when I leave, I’m always coming back. Understand that I love hard as hell.Who is the person you despise the most, why? My birth father. They never found him, so I have no idea what his name is. I hate the fact that I probably resemble his bitch ass. No man who. Has to force a woman to do anything should be fucking breathing, and that’s my stance. So, yea, fuck him, forever.Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? I don’t argue. I state my peace, and leave it there. I’ll let a person argue with themselves before I let myself get worked up, unless it’s Noëlle. I’ll go toe-to-toe with her because she knows I hate arguing and does it to try and get me to leave. I never give her the satisfaction.Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? I can perform for a sold out crowd, but interacting with people in large groups is a big ass no. I have no idea why, but I’ve always been a loner type. Never really was into the big ass crowd scene. Even during my party days, once shit got to crouchy, I was ready to dip.Do you care what others think of you? Why or why not? Hell nah. Never have, never will. Well, let me back track. I don’t give a fuck what a stranger thinks of me. My family’s opinion matters to some degree, but overall at the end of it all. I am the only one who has to live with the choices I make, whether good for bad, I have to live with them, deal with the. Consequences, and face judgment for them, no one else. So, what I think of myself means more to me than what anyone else ever thinks.

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The Loves and LoathesWhat is your favorite food? Mama Emerson’s Oreo sugar cookies. They not food, but listen I’ll skip meals to have room to eat an entire tray to myself.What is your most treasured possession? I have Nolan’s record collection. All of them. I have them all mounted to the wall in home studio.What do you believe is good entertainment (music, movies, dance, art, etc.)? All the arts. Music, movies, plays, art exhibits, museums. Give me all that shitHow do you spend a typical Saturday night?  Home, if I can. Very rarely that I actually get to, though. There’s always a session, an event appearance, tours, something. But an ideal Saturday night would be spending time with my. Son and his mother, doing whatever they want. Then tucking my son and dicking my woman dow before we fall off to sleep to do it all again the next day. Simple shit, ya know.What makes you laugh? Acting silly around the house with Israel and Charli.If you usually walk away from a situation that makes you angry, where do you go to calm yourself? My home studio if I can. If I can’t I walk. Anger is another of those life-threatening emotions I try not to consume me.How do you deal with stress? I take it in stride. Stress means I’m alive, able to feel and able to fix it. I step back, evaluate and proceed. How do you deal with pain (physical and emotional)? Physical pain, I eat that shit. I have a high ass tolerance for it and have no idea where that shit came from, but yea, that shit gets ate. As far as emotional, I got a therapist. I pay her very generously to be on call whenever I need her because that’s a pain I can’t eat. Shit will consume me if I don’t get too the root of it and weed that shit out.Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? My life is always planned to a tea, so spontaneity is always welcomed. Where would you like to live? Why? Location really doesn’t matter as long as Israel, Charli and Noëlle live with me.Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Ain’t shit normal about my days, they never look the same from day-to-day. But some things I make sure I do every day, pray, workout, and just spend a few moment in complete silence. What three words best describe your personality? Generous, genuine, and goofy.What three words would others probably use to describe you? Loving, irky and persistenceWhat goal do you most want to accomplish in your life? Be the best man I can be, whatever that winds up looking likeWhere do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully, married and going on three or four family vacations a year. Being able to put out music less often and still having the same level of relevance. If you could choose, how would you want to die? I just wouldn’t want to wake up.If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. There’s only one thing I would be. Thank God for the time I had with the people I love and doing what I love. The RandomsWhat do you have in your pockets? My phone, a pen, two %0-dollar bills that I have to give Charli and Israel.What in on your nightstand? A pic of me, Noëlle and Israel at his 9th birthday party.What is in you refrigerator? What’s not in there is a better question. Since I gotta family, I keep it stocked for whenever we stay there. Mostly with snacks because we eat out a lot. Not by force, but I enjoy going out for dinner so we won’ have to worrying about cleaning shit up. We be tired as shit and cleaning is just something neither o us ever have the energy to do. 

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What do you most wear on your feet (dress shoes, boots, gym shoes, socks with holes in them, slippers, etc.)? I am a sneaker head. So mostly a pair oof fresh kicks, but slides is second to that. The memory foams ones are fucking love after I get off stage.What smells do you associate with your childhood, and why (the cookies your grandmother used to bake, the oatmeal you ate every day, the perfume your mother used to wear, etc.)? Ha! Oreo sugar cookies always make me think of home. Shit melting butter makes me think of home because I think about cookies, the holidays and listening to Mama Emerson fuss at me and Nolan for stealing cookies while she was baking them for the community Christmas party.

Run, as fast and as far, to the edge of yourself. Love will meet you at the end.

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