Katrina Chanice's Blog

By Katrina Chanice

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I

The house looked alive under the orange glow of the lanterns. Every window pulsed with the heat of the music, every wall stretched with shadows in motion. My annual Halloween party had become something of a legend amongst my friends; an evening where the respectable loosened their collars, the quiet ones spoke too loudly, and everyone hid behind costumes long enough to forget the lives they’d built. I used to love it. Now, as I stood at the edge of the crowd, drink untouched in my hand, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something in the air had changed; like a spell gone wrong. 

My wife, Olivia, moved through the guests like she’d been born under candlelight. Every time she laughed, people turned. I used to take pride in that, that she could hold a room. But tonight, her laughter felt different; slippery, evasive, something I couldn’t quite hold onto. She looked for me once, across the room, eyes glinting behind the mask that she insisted on wearing. She smiled, small and soft, the same smile she’d given me the night we met. Then someone whispered in her ear. Tall, broad-shouldered, and dressed as a phantom. My wealthy uncle had her attention shifted. The smile stayed, but not for me. 

I told myself that I imagined it. That’s what love does; it trains you to forgive the first wrong note, to call it an echo instead of a warning. The night thickened. Laughter blurred with the bassline. The smell of flavored hookahs and spilled spiked spooky swamp punch hung heavy in the air. I made small talk, nodded through stories, raised my glass when people toasted, even managed a joke or two, but my mind stayed with her. I kept catching fragments of her voice, the sound of her heels, flashes of blue in the crowd. She was always somewhere else.

Suddenly to my left was my best friend walking in wearing my favorite color. It complemented her beautiful caramel skin perfectly. The outfit she chose was overly revealing, in my opinion. Clearly single once again and on the prowl. Brooklynn never stayed single for long. Maybe a few months before she was caught up in another relationship with some scrub that was ready to break her heart the moment they met. I kept all of my intrusive thoughts to myself. I knew she needed to slow down and take her time getting to know these guys, but Brooklynn was grown and was going to do what she wanted to. Eventually she’d learn that most of these guys only wanted sex from her.

Not too many wanted an actual relationship with her. She was rather intimidating to the majority of guys that approached her. Only hoping to score another notch in their belts. Not looking for anything more than bragging rights of having gotten down with a girl like her. I most definitely lied when I stated that I was nothing like them. That was four years ago. You’ll say anything to get them drawls really. I should’ve taken my time with her and really gotten to know her. I completely rushed it like a fool and now I’m stuck in a situation that I have no idea how to get out of.

Just as my thoughts continued to drift off into wonderland, a glimpse of my wife; the sexy cop off in the dark corner kissing the phantom, my wealthy uncle. I sighed heavily and downed my glass of whiskey. Granted, I didn’t marry her for love; I had hoped that she’d be as faithful to me as I was to her. She was a flirt. She loved attention and I didn’t mind it at first. Now, I regret a many things. An attention seeking whore can never be a housewife. Or any kind of wife for that matter. The ultimate betrayal. To witness my wife eagerly and happily tonguing down my uncle, the phantom, at what’s suppose to be our annual Halloween party. 

This was the third year that we’d thrown this party and every year; my best friend, Brooklynn, came looking better than the last year. She was really driving me crazy with the costume changes. From Poison Ivy to Mrs. Incredible and now Halle Berry’s character from the Flintstones movie. The black and orange tiger stripes, the orange colored pixie cut was definitely a cherry on top but the heels…. My God, those sexy black heels that wrapped around her legs gave me goosebumps. I needed to be snuggled amongst those thick thighs ASAP and had no idea how that would ever happen. Somehow, I placed myself in the friend zone trying to be fucking respectful and now I have no idea how to get her attention for a second chance. 

Another shot of whiskey to calm my nerves before crashing out on my damn wife as everybody is starting to notice her now grouping my fucking uncle so freely as if we’re not even married. This only caused me to look at Brooklynn even more. An intense desire to rip that Flintstone dress right off her was fully taking over and yet I was trying my best not to be another sex hungry deviant just wanting to get off with her fine ass. 

Brooklynn tapped me on my shoulder startling me just a bit. She’s rather quick when she wants to be and seeing the fucked up actions of my wife, made me lose sight of this timeless goddess. Without missing a beat, she says, “Hey BestFriend! How you been?”

While shaking my head, I sighed and stated, “Could definitely be better.” I paused to take in her beauty while saying with a flirtatious demeanor hoping she’d catch my drift, “You look good in orange.”

She did this perfect 360, showing off her costume like she knew what I wanted. Always the perfect tease. She knew I wanted to make her bed rock all motherfucking night long. I understood that she never really wanted to be with me and only enjoying the way she gets me discombobulated by simply being around her. The thought to snatch her fine ass up and place her on the kitch counter that I was leaning against, had severely invaded my thoughts when she replied, “I wore it just for you BestFriend. Orange cha glad I wore it.”

I laughed so hard attempting to mask the thought that I was thinking, ‘That’s it. You’re mine now!’ She’d placed her hand around my neck pulling me closer for what I thought was a kiss where I was sadly disappointed when she whispered in my ear, “I think Olivia’s had one too many drinks. She’s a bit confused on where she left you.” 

The storm started outside around midnight. Lighting flashed through the big windows, cutting through the warm glow of the chandeliers. A few guests screamed playfully. Someone joked about the perfect Halloween weather. The next thought flushed out the previous thought as I said to myself, ‘Why the fuck you gotta be so damn perfect?” Brooklynn loves storms. She says they made her feel alive, that the thunder reminded her she was small in the grand scheme of things.

In the beginning of our friendship before I rushed into a marriage with Olivia, I used to hold Brooklynn through those stormy nights; counting the seconds between the flashes and the sound. Now here she was looking like all of my dreams come true. What others would deem as selfish or cruel was simply the pursuit of happiness for me. The plan to divorce Olivia had activated the moment Brooklynn walked through the door needing a wild caveman. While ignoring her statement and I took her hand saying, “I need to talk to you in private.”

We went into the garage under the pretense of needing a private conversation. Really, I just needed to breathe. The garage was quiet, the music muffled by distance. Brooklynn lingered by the garage door. Something in me cracked. I had no desire to discuss Olivia’s infidelities a second longer. She could do as she pleased as I was about to do the same damn thing. The moment Brooklynn let go of my hand and started to walk back up the stairs into the kitchen, I grabbed her hand spinning her around into my embrace. Placing my hand on her beautiful face, bringing her closer to my lips. She stopped and looked at me as if needing confirmation. The only confirmation that I could give her was following through with at the very least kissing her.

She allowed me to tongue her down in a way that I believed would never happen. Her hands ran up my back with her nails saoftly grazing back down. Everything was intense. The moment we locked eyes, I kneeled down while pushing her Flintstone skirt up. A few kisses and nibbles on her inner thighs, caused moans to escape and her hands massaging my scalp. She leaned up against the hood of my cocaine while corvette. Her body shivered from the cold hood of the corvette. She quickly adjusted to the temperature of the corvette while her body continued to heat up from the way I parted her outer lips with the tip of my tongue.

With one thick thigh situated on my shoulder, the other one was soon to join the other side. The more I slurped, the more she massaged my scalp. Best feeling in the world as I swirled my head around, enjoying the best meal of my life. I was hooked and didn’t want to let up for nothing in the world. Her knee buckled and I knew it was time to pick up her other thick thigh. It was the whiskey that caused me to slam into her so hard the first few times. To fill her up with all ten inches was my only mission and fill her up I did.

I flipped her over and rammed her effortlessly from the back. Slapping her ass just to feel the recoil jiggle back against the slams of my balls against her outer lips. With one of my hands around her throat and the other gripping into her side; I plowed into her until that orange pixie wig started to lift from the beads of sweat forming. Within an instant, the wig was stuffed into her purse, makeup all fucked up, heels in one hand and a sweet kiss from her lips to mine as she says, “Thank you BestFriend.”

I watched her tiptoe to her truck and drive off. The entire I stood there wondering to myself, ‘Why is she thanking me?’

By Katrina Chanice

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Date Night

“You’re everything that I’ve been searching for. And there’s no need for me to search no more. Come into my room. Don’t be late to my room” – Meeting In My Bedroom by Silk

Monica sat at the bar reading the apologetic text that her husband of 5 years had sent after a mere 30 minutes of her waiting for him to show up. She sighed and placed the phone face down without a reply. He didn’t deserve another slap on the wrist after she had gone out of her way to secure this date for them. The kids were at her mother-in-law’s house for the next few hours and Monica had gotten off early to get ready for the night that they agreed to have. At least for one night she wanted to let her hair down and be the woman she was before having kids since it seemed impossible because of the way she and her husband worked all the time. 

The sound of a bell went off in the party room where an annual speed dating event was taking place. The room looked as if cupid himself had come and thrown up over everything. It was filled with red heart balloons, pink and white streamers, and roses at every table. The most seductive music was playing in the background. Whoever had planned this speed dating event definitely knew how to get a crowd in the mood. 

Monica motioned for the bartender to bring her another ‘Romeo and Juliet’ while silently observing the prospects as they entered. She had no desire in letting the date she had planned go to waste because of Jeremy and his forgetfulness, however, none of them seemed to be able to afford more than the entry fee to be a part of the event. She rolled her eyes at the thought of entertaining any of them. She let out another sigh of frustration as she reminded herself that she was a happily married woman, and that he was a wonderful father. Before the kids, he was an amazing husband that catered to her every need. Monica never 

wondered before about his love because he went over and beyond the call of duty to make sure she felt loved and wanted but lately he’s been slacking, and it’s caused Monica’s imagination to drift a little too far. 

It wasn’t long before a tall, dark, and handsome sat down at the bar beside her. She kept her attention fixed on her drink, but a whiff of the scent of his cologne caught her by surprise. A sucker for a nice smelling man, she glanced his way and there he sat, bold and beautiful in a grey cashmere sweater with black slacks on. She caught his eye and he turned and smiled at her in the sexiest way as he said, “Can I get you another drink?”

She knew she shouldn’t indulge but what else did she have going on? She replied, “Why not?” The bartender came with another drink for Monica and a ‘Love Martini’ for the gentleman as he continued, “You’re too beautiful to be sitting here alone.”

She shrugged, “Tell that to my husband.”

He nodded, “He shouldn’t be so careless. Any man could just come along and think they might have a chance with a beautiful woman like yourself.”

She chuckled, “Do you think you have a chance with me?”

He stood up and straighten his sweater with a smile as he boldly replied, “I wouldn’t have sat down beside you if I thought otherwise.” While stretching his hand out for hers and he continued, “Come with me and let me turn your day around.”

Monica was hesitant to place her hand in his. The bartender stared at her in disgust, having heard the conversation from afar as he wiped the glasses. She was intrigued to see how far she’d let this man go. She wanted a carefree fun night and the moment she placed her hand in his, sealed the deal for whatever was to come next. He smiled and within seconds their night had begun. The chemistry was undeniable. They stopped by The Cheesecake Factory for dinner where they shared laughs and small talk over grilled rib-eye steak and Shelia’s Blackened Chicken Pasta. 

Monica was enchanted by the perfection in his words and his actions. He was her personal knight in shining amour, rescuing her from a night of boredom and loneliness. They left The Cheesecake Factory and went to a special spot that only he knew about by a lake. The lights glistened on the water creating a vibe that Monica had yearned for countless of times. The touch of his hand on her lower back and the words he spoke next sent chills down her spine as he whispered in her ear, “What do you want to do next?”

She turned around and replied with a deep passionate kiss. As she looked him in the eyes, she spoke softly, “I know exactly what I want to do next.”

Forty minutes later, she was entering the bedroom that she shared with her husband. She had asked her perfect gentleman to wait in the living room while she freshened up in the bathroom. She pulled out her freak nasty lingerie and donned the bedroom with rose petals. He heard the door open and was in awe as she walked out wearing red heels, red lace stockings with a garter belt attached to her red leather corset that attenuated her red thongs. In one hand she was carrying black furry handcuffs as she motioned for him to come join her in the bedroom. He happily obliged and followed her. Monica instructed him to sit in the chair that she had placed in the middle of the room. She handcuffed his hands behind the chair and started to do a sexy striptease in front of him to “Need It” by Inayah.

He bit his lips in anticipation for the moment he’d be able to touch her body. His breathing becoming intense seeing her body sway perfectly to the music along with her hands rubbing all over her body. It wasn’t hard to see how ready he was. While she slipped out of her thongs, she spread her legs wide and bounced with her fingers stroking in and out of her moist box as if she was riding his dick. He groaned from the torture of being handcuffed but he never took his eyes off of Monica Thee Stallion as she smiled and laid on her back on the floor, continuing to finger fuck herself. Her moans mixed in with the music causing him to lose even more control. 

He inched out of the chair still handcuffed and made his way to her. He needed to taste this goddess of a woman and nothing was going to stop him. She laughed slightly when she felt him so close to her. After a quick taste, she scooted away causing him to groan louder in agony. He wanted to devour her and yet she was being the biggest tease that he’d ever seen. Monica made him sit up with his back against the bed. 

She then placed one leg on the baseboard and directed his head with her hand to his dessert. He dove in with no objections. Her hips rolled in circles, making him want to caress her body and throw her on the bed but all in due time he thought to himself. As soon as those handcuffs were off, he was going to show her what he was really made of. Her juices filled his mouth while her moans grew louder. He knew this was just the beginning. She stepped back with a devilish grin on her face, admiring the the glazed donut effect that his face was giving her. 

Monica’s eyebrows raised when she seen him getting up off the floor after breaking free of the handcuffs. His low and raspy voice spoke firmly as he inquired, “Did you really think they would hold me?”

She giggled watching him come out of his sweater. Even his body was chiseled to perfection. He pulled her to him, and they kissed again. He lifted her and she straddled him as they continued to kiss. He carried her to the bed and laid her on top of the rose petals that she’d placed there earlier. The moment was intense and giving up her power, wasn’t something Monica had in mind. As soon as he stepped back to take his pants off, she was hopped off the bed and stood in front of him, pushing him back on the bed instead. There were silk hand ties already tied to the posts of the bed waiting for him. She tied his hands and feet up and then placed a blindfold over his eyes as she replied with a smile, “You should’ve known I was prepared for you breaking the handcuffs.”

With excitement in his voice, he replied, “Have your fun.”

She walked away and came back with a bucket of ice and a can of whipped cream. He laid there completely naked and rock hard, just the way she wanted. Monica took an ice cube and slid it over his lips and down his neck. She followed the ice cube with a trail of warm kisses and light nibbles until she reached her grand prize.

Nine thick inches of beauty. She shook the can and sprayed this dickdae with whipped cream as the cherry on top. She licked every drop and commenced to sucking his rod for the next layer of cream. She could feel pulsations beginning so she placed an altoid in her mouth and continued, ready for the explosion. Monica wasn’t playing any games with this man and as soon as he shot his load, she was getting him hard again. After placing a vibrating ring on him and then slowly straddling him, she sat upright and rode him in every way she could while feeling those amazing vibrations on her pearl. He was trying his best to match her moves by gyrating his hips but with his hands and feet tied up, it was useless. 

When she started to ride cowgirl, she untied his feet as she was finally ready to turn over the reigns of this freak show and see what he had in store for her. She spun around on the dick and with his feet free, it gave him a little more flexibility to try and match her bounces. She leaned forward and started to untie his hands as well. While removing the blindfold, he chuckled and said, “My turn huh?”

He went on to grip her hips guiding her to bounce even harder. Monica threw her head back enjoying every second of this pleasurable moment. As he sat up, she wrapped her legs around him while holding his head close to her neck. The vibrating ring was only intensifying her climaxes causes her to shudder with delight with each one. He flipped her over and placed her legs on his shoulders when he paused with an evil smirk and then started pounding the fuck out of her. She was screaming louder than the music that was playing in the background and he was loving it all. He held her hips down to ensure she didn’t run or slide away. Uncontrollable orgasms had Monica’s legs too weak to hold up. They slid off his shoulders as he started to stroke her slowly while kissing her neck. 

This was the catering effect that her body desired so badly, and he wasn’t stopping unless she said so. He turned her over and while taking the vibrating ring off, he noticed she was giving him the arch of his dreams. As he entered her from behind, his only mission was to give her another sweet pounding and she adored every time his pelvis slammed into hers. She felt fire coming from his hand as he slapped her ass while feeling the hard tugs of him pulling her hair when she started throwing it back. He stopped her during mid backshot, making her wonder what she had done wrong, but it wasn’t long before she knew exactly what he was thinking. He’d positioned himself under her causing her to sit up and ride his face at the same time his hands were caressing her thighs and hips. It wasn’t long before she was screaming out in pleasure from another Big O. She laid down beside him on her back awaiting the finale of their rendezvous. His final strokes were slow and steady. When he moaned, she knew he had reached his peak. 

They laid in bed together taking in everything that had just happened. Before she could say anything, his phone started to ring. He got up and answered it. Monica already knew that this was the end of their amazing night together. She sat up and watched him get his clothes and head to the bathroom to freshen up. While shaking his head, he looked at her and said, “Aren’t you going to get dressed?”

After a deep sigh, she shrugged and said, “Do I have to?”

He chuckled while replying, “Yes, baby. We have to go get the kids from my mom’s house.”

While throwing herself back on the bed, she groaned loudly as she whined, “Bayyyyy!”

Jeremy walked up to her and kissed her sweetly on the lips as he said, “I know baby. I wish we didn’t have to either. Would’ve been nice if they could’ve spent the night instead.”

Monica sucked her teeth ad she reluctantly got up and took a quick shower to reminisce on the night. She looked at her husband in a totally different light, remembering how she felt earlier that evening, believing that he had once again dismissed the need for romance and passion in their marriage. He surprised her when he showed up acting like a total stranger and she’d never been more turned on by her man. When she came out of the bathroom, Jeremy was holding a bag saying, “Happy Valentine’s Day baby.”

She smiled as she walked over to her side of the bed, grabbing the gift that she had purchased for him. With a kiss, she said softly, “I love how you love me. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

By Katrina Chanice

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A SOUTHERN SALUTE

“Grandma’s hands…clapped in church on Sunday morning. Grandma’s hands…played a tambourine so well. Grandma’s hands…used to issue out a warning.”  – Grandma’s Hands by Bill Withers 

Tylertown, Mississippi  

1915 AD 

-The Hidden King- 

            He walked in with sweat dripping on the rustic wooden floors that creaked an inch louder with each step that he took, in search of my hidden king. The bounty hunter was armed with a shotgun and orders from German soldiers of Brune to kill my child on sight. They believed that he was an abomination and would one day fulfill a prophecy, causing the world to end. There was talk of ancient scrolls and how one day, he would come in the last hour. Those scrolls went on to warn the people of the many impure spirits that were already roaming about the land. Word of the German soldiers had traveled fast to the nearby town of McComb, Mississippi and warned the village that was entrusted in guarding our future king that our God had appointed. 

            Quickly, I gathered him up in my arms as the bounty hunter drew closer, placing him in a small wooden box asleep and sliding it underneath our bed. I fell to my knees as the door swung open. There stood the bounty hunter, the sheriff, and the constable ready to take my child’s life away. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I prayed to my God in a language unknown to my trespassers. The sheriff yelled out, “WITCH!” and yet I continued to pray while listening to the cold calculated sounds of the bounty hunter’s steel toe boots looking to devour my innocent black king. The constable snatched me up by my arm and screamed in my face, “WHERE’S THE BRUNNER BOY?!” 

Vigorously, I shook my head with fear consuming me, refusing to give them the answers that they desperately wanted. He slapped me back down to the hard wooden floor with the back of his hand. The box cut ring on his middle finger, slashed the side of my face, causing blood to flow out freely in the mixture of my tears. I sobbed harder to my God as the bounty hunter, the sheriff, and the constable trashed this little shack of a house looking for anything that would lead them to my hidden king. When they believed that my child was elsewhere, they left, leaving the door wide open. I continued to sob on the floor, thankful that my sweet baby boy wasn’t found. 

After cleaning myself up as well as the shack, I fed and changed my little king. I slowly rocked him in my arms, as I hummed heavenly hymns to him. Life had been hell from the moment I took my first breath. I had prayed for better and yet better wasn’t a word I even knew the definition of but looking into the beautiful brown eyes of my child, brought a warmth to me that transcended beyond space and time. Constantly, I wondered how I would protect him in this cruel world when I, myself, was on the run hiding out in this foreign country so far away from my home in Kingston, Jamaica. My only hope in this life was to see my son age up well despite him being the product of a secret love affair with a German Lord and if found alive, we’d both be killed. 

***** 

Jackson, Mississippi 

2005 AD 

– 90 YEARS LATER – 

*Chanice* 

In the middle of September, Linda had managed to get all seven of her living and jail free siblings together for a birthday celebration in honor of their mother, Myrtis Lee Rogers. She was turning seventy-eight years old and was the mother of eleven children, five girls and six boys. Having already lost two of her sons to death and one incarcerated for life, this celebration was one of many that we all hoped to cherish. Most of her children had gone on to get married and live their own lives except the two playboys in the family, Jonas and the baby of them all Keith. Didn’t seem like they would ever find a sweet lady to settle down with. Two of her girls had left Mississippi in hopes of a better life with Margaret living in Nashville and Beverly living in Indianapolis. Myrtis wasn’t at all an easy woman to impress as she sat with a frown watching her second oldest daughter parade around bragging about this salute that she cared nothing about. 

Linda listed off the weekend’s menu as she said, “Since it’s Friday we’re having fried fish. You know Mama, I think fish just don’t taste the same any other day. Fried fish was just made for Fridays. Now on Saturday I might do some spaghetti. I know the kids love spaghetti and Sunday I’ll do some collard greens with hamhocks, candied yams,  mac and cheese, some cornbread, and some fried chicken. I already got your coconut cake and rainbow cake made and sitting on the cake stands on the table there. I know Beverly gone want me to help her preach and pray over the family. Oh yeah Mama this gone be the best salute ever!” 

It’s been said that if you want to make God laugh then tell him your plans so maybe Linda felt the need to try her hand at being a comedian because as soon as I got home from school, my great grandma Myrtis had already upset my grandma Linda and had her fidgeting the entire time. I called my grandma Meme and my great grandma, grandma though. It was weird to others, but it always made sense to me as I was the first great grandchild of Myrtis and Joesph ‘Boss’ Brunner, Sr. 

There wasn’t much to be said about my great grandfather except that he’d died in the eighties before I was ever born while Myrtis went on to remarry some years later to Henry Rogers. It was my Meme that stated how much I resembled her father as far as stature goes. She spoke of him highly but not often. I was adopted to my legally blind grandma Linda but being legally blind didn’t mean she couldn’t see. It only meant that she couldn’t see as well as the rest of us. I learned over time that she seen what she wanted to see and one thing she loved to do was brag even if that meant over exaggerating the truth. Meme claims that I was only two or three years old when she was leaving out of the room and I couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving me, so I ran behind her screaming, “Me me me me me me me!” I don’t recall ever asking about the nickname especially since my entire family loved to put emphasis on the fact that she was MY Meme. Never bothered me because she was MY Meme. 

We had just moved to Jackson a few years ago, leaving the small town of Quitman, Mississippi in our rearview forever. I was young and didn’t understand the fights a mother and daughter sometimes had but what I knew was that Meme was tired of being a lonely single mother, taking care of her own mother and was ready to live her own life. Despite the challenges she faced as a legally blind woman, she yearned for intimacy from a faithful and loyal husband in the same way that her sisters bragged about with their husbands. For eleven years, not once did I see Meme ever entertain a man and within six months of moving to Jackson, my Meme had married a man named Luther T. Liggins. 

As long as she was happy, then I was happy. She told me all about how they had known each other for years from working together at Mississippi Industries for the Blind and that they were always respectful of each other. Of all the daughters Myrtis had, it was my Meme that she had this overprotective nature with, and she wasn’t at all happy with her marrying that man and showed contempt whenever she could. Meme simply ignored it and loved on her mother anyway. 

This left Keith as Myrtis’ caretaker for as much as she’d allow. She preferred for her baby girl Eunice to come from Jackson, Mississippi and see to her but she was too busy being a city girl with her husband to go back to being a country bumpkin in Clarke County. Keith didn’t mind it too much. Being married and having his own little family was something he believed would come along eventually and he wasn’t rushing anything with anybody so taking care of his crippled old mother wasn’t too bad until he was ready to get out and find trouble like any playboy. Naturally, her loneliness caused her to lash out at people sometimes. Meme would tell me to look over her mother as she was just old and senile. 

Whenever they came to visit, Myrtis would sit in the recliner beside the front door that faced the hallway. A lot of times, I’d think she was sleeping and so I’d never speak on my way out the door hoping not to disturb her rest but whenever I got home from school, I’d be in trouble for not speaking to my grandma before heading off to school. I’d constantly have to apologize for what I always thought was the right thing to do. This day was different. I spoke regardless. I was tired of being in trouble for trying to be nice. Sure, enough she was sleep but I still spoke when I came home from school as well. She at least smiled and I went on to my room. The second my room door closed, she was praying for understanding, believing that I was a troubled fourteen year old in need of help. 

Instantly, she felt the emotions of a similar past pain that she once felt when she was only twelve years old. Her parents had died leaving her to raise all five of her siblings alone in 1939 in Tylertown, Mississippi. Four years later she had gotten married to Joesph ‘Boss’ Brunner, Sr. He was a rather handsome man with sandy brown skin. It was obvious to everybody that he was indeed the product of an interracial love affair which caused the women to desire him even more. The hope was that he came from big money and just as Thomas Jefferson claimed his illegitimate offspring, the hope was that Joesph ‘Boss’ Brunner, Sr’s wealthy family would claim his as well. 

This wasn’t a concern for Myrtis as she was simply a young girl learning early how easy and quick life could throw you a curve ball. At the age of nineteen she was giving birth to her first child, Ethel. Myrtis was a beautiful woman of light complexion with ginger colored hair while Cherokee and European descent ran through her veins. There wasn’t a girl child from her bloodline that didn’t understand what she learned fast; which was that beauty was a blessing and a curse. She shared with Meme what she believed to be true as she spoke softly, “Lin, I need to tell you something about Niecy.” 

Whenever there was gossip, Meme was first in line but whenever there were words about me, she was quick to dismiss it. As far as Meme was concerned, I could do no wrong and even if I did do wrong, it wasn’t as bad as what others had done. She knew that Myrtis had a temper on her, and she also knew that Myrtis was hardly ever wrong about the things she felt after she prayed for understanding. Myrtis and Linda were thick as thieves and stayed discussing the inner workings of the Brunner family. I’m sure Meme had this famous perplexed look on her face as she sat up straight and listened to what her mother had to say but ready to dismiss any and everything that wasn’t for the good of her Niecy. Meme sighed and replied, “What is it mama?” 

Myrtis looked down the hallway of the house and around to make sure no one heard what she was about to say before speaking low, “You need to talk to Niecy. She just came in and went straight to her room as if she’s in trouble for something.” 

Meme quickly waved her hands in disregard to what her mother was saying as she replied, “Oh mama you know how teenagers can be. She’s just on that computer or on the phone with her friends is all. She’s not in trouble. The girl don’t do nothing.” 

Myrtis shook her head understanding that Meme wouldn’t be able to see this kind of pain if she’s never felt it herself. She had protected her from as many dangers in the world as she could and even at seventy-eight years old, Myrtis still didn’t mind protecting her, but she needed her daughter to understand so she spoke freely and said, “Lin, that child done been raped. You need to talk to her.” 

With a feeling of failure rushing over her, Meme refused to hear this bullshit coming from her mother’s mouth, but she knew better than to disrespect her in any way, shape, or form. Myrtis stayed with a pistol in her purse, loaded, and ready at all times. It was a hard pill to swallow for any mother, but she stood up, with full confidence and lied to her mother’s face as she said, “Don’t worry I’ll talk to her but let me get back to frying this fish. I think Margaret and Beverly will be pulling in soon and I want everything done in time.”

Myrtis wasn’t a stranger to a lie. She herself had told a few and yet she looked at her daughter with disgust ready to take her crooked up right hand and bop her ditzy ass right in the head with her copper colored cane. She wanted to go express her love for me and understanding because she knew she wasn’t wrong, but she knew Meme would make a scene. It took some time but during the visits that she made after the salute, Myrtis expressed all of her love the best way that she could. 

She certainly wasn’t wrong as I had been raped and for years, I blamed myself trying to understand what I did to make this strange man look at me and take my innocence. At thirteen, I wasn’t at all trying to dress like I was going to freaknik. I wasn’t all in his face being grown. No matter how many times I replayed the scene in my head wondering what I could’ve done differently to prevent this, I found myself left with more questions than answers and the only conclusion I had was that it was my fault. 

Maybe if I hadn’t gone outside to play. Maybe I should’ve stopped hanging with that seventeen year old girl like my Meme told me. Maybe I should’ve walked away sooner when I felt uncomfortable watching him and that girl talk and joke around. Those were the only maybes I had to stop him because within seconds he had turned around from that girl and ran up to me, lifting me in the air and over his shoulder. 

I kicked and punched his back, and it was as if he skipped happily into his house. Into his bedroom where he placed me on the floor. Still fighting. I fought as hard as I could to not even weigh a hundred pounds. My efforts to get him off of me were futile. I watched a smile creep across his face as he pushed my legs to my head and tugged my jeans off my bottom. I was balled up like a fucking pretzel unable to do anything but take it. 

When he was done, he got up laughing as I pulled my jeans up and stormed out of his house directly into his gold car. He had wires hanging down and all I wanted was to hurt him like he had hurt me, and I had no idea how to hurt him so I just pulled the wires until they broke. Tweet and her little cousin laughed as she said, “Dang what took y’all so long? Were yall having sex?” 

I hated myself. I hated being outside. The one place I used to love so much in Quitman. A true country girl at heart. Loving the animals. The grass. The trees. The cool breeze. Hearing the birds chirp and watching the flowers bloom. I was the weird one dancing in the rain on May 1st believing it would bring me good fortune. I found peace being outside and now all I wanted to do was disappear and be forgotten. I wanted to run away. I wanted to never exist. Secluding myself in my room was my only option and I happily took it every day while allowing the actions of a grown ass man to cause me to cast blame on myself. 

This salute was already starting off on a bad foot, something Myrtis knew all about as well as she massaged the old incision scar on her left knee while humming, “Mmmmmhmmmm” 

Despite the sour undertones, it was a beautiful sight seeing the Brunner family together. They may have had their differences, but you wouldn’t have known as Keith was the ringleader of all trouble related activities. Enticing his older siblings to take a step on the bad side. Beverly had become a pastor, but she didn’t mind a game of spades and a little wine on the side with her baby brother. 

As long as there was a case of Coca-Colas and a bottle of Jack, then Ethel and Eunice would be in attendance. Sweet Margaret and Meme’s twin brother Joe just followed suit along with everybody else. There wasn’t a show without the Mississippi Pimp himself, Jonas. His high yella self, sporting his Sunday’s best on a Tuesday, donning his pimpalicious cane with a red feather in his hat always made him the man of the hour. 

The children of the older siblings were now grown enough to partake in the Brunner Family shenanigans that they used to only hear about. Catrina and JohnJohn were the only ones to stop by and that’s only because Catrina promised me that she would so that I could see my baby brother. My mom didn’t get along with Meme and she certainly didn’t care to get on Myrtis’ bad side either, so she felt it was best to stay away. 

She wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea after shaking up with JohnJohn’s father for the past fourteen years which was proving to had been about the worse decision that she could’ve ever made but what was she to do. Blame it on drugs? Blame it on love? Blame it on lust? None of it mattered. She was in it for the long haul no matter how miserable she was on the inside. She was able to get away and spend time with her family without her warden breathing down her neck or causing a bunch of chaos. He was too busy at home in Battlefield with a crack pipe in one hand and a lighter in the other. 

Her and Keith shared a doobie on the front porch and laughed about their teen years as they were only four years apart in age but so much had changed now that they were both parents. He took a hit and spoke freely, “Trina, Niecy is an amazing kid. You should spend more time with her. Get to know her more. She’s your only daughter. She made you a mother.” 

As nonchalant as always, my mother shrugged as she sighed and said, “I want to but her Meme ain’t gone let me and Niecy ain’t nothing how I used to be. You know I was wild Uncle Keith! I stayed out shaking my ass somewhere getting into some of everything. Niecy is a good girl. She doesn’t listen to the music I listen to. She doesn’t like any of the stuff that I like. She may look like me but that’s more Linda’s daughter than she is mine.” 

Surely remembering my mother’s wild days, Keith shook his head, exhaled, and replied, “Nah Trina, she’s more like you than you know. She just hides it better than you ever did. You got to really get her to open up to you and you’ll see. I wish I could have a daughter as amazing as her.” 

My mother was a lot like Myrtis, always picking up on the not so obvious as she coughed and then replied, “What about baby girl? You don’t think she’s yours huh?” 

Keith sighed as he said, “I know she’s not, but I don’t mind being a father to a fatherless child. Especially a little girl. They need to be protected at all costs.” In that moment, I was walking up the stairs with a crisp ten dollar bill in my hands coming to hug my mom. Uncle Keith smiled and said, “Think fast” while attempting to rip the money out of my hand only for me to grip it harder and prepare for war over this ten dollar bill. I don’t know what that man was thinking trying to take my little coins like that! All he did was laugh hard as ever as he said, “Smart kid.” 

It wasn’t long before Keith left on a trouble run with the Mississippi Pimp and Meme’s twin brother Joe. My cousins, Sheena, Janay, and Regine decided to go outside and play. Of course, I tagged along but as in any black neighborhood there was fresh meat on the playground and all the boys came out like sharks to chum. I wanted no parts of the fuckery because aside from the rumor mill saying I had given it up freely, Keith and Myrtis were in town and what Myrtis couldn’t do, Keith would so I went back to the steps and sat down on the porch. My cousins could do whatever they wanted to do. Sheena, however, followed closely behind me because she too knew that Keith and Myrtis wasn’t hearing shit about why we were talking to any boy. 

For poor Regine, she had to make a decision and make it fast because Sheena and I were across the street as it was every man for themselves. Regine was the youngest at only ten years old and she didn’t want to leave her sister alone with those boys, but her sister was the oldest of them all. Janay was sixteen years old with her foot propped up on the fence of the basketball court and about ten boys surrounding her. She had a smile plastered across her face, enjoying every second of the attention that these sharks were giving her while Sheena and I watched from a distance as Regine yelled out, “Come on Janay!” before running across the street and leaving her sister to fend for herself. 

All hell broke loose when Keith pulled back up from dropping off his brothers. He stormed into the house after running the boys off, demanding to beat every one of us because we all knew better than to be outside around those boys in the first fucking place. Everybody knew how angry Keith could get. Everybody knew that Keith was the protector of every girl in the Brunner family. From his mother down to his baby niece. If there was ever a problem, they knew to call Keith as they had done so many many times before. Eunice tried to calm him down as she said, “Well what done happened Keith? What did they do?” 

He yelled, “All of them out there fucking off with those boys. It was about twenty of them trying to get them down! How the hell yall in this fucking house and they outside fucking with these boys and yall don’t know shit?” 

Eunice shook her head and said, “Oh I know not mine!” She yelled out, “Sheena!” Her light sugar biscuit colored daughter walked in, and she asked, “Were you out there fooling around with some boys and don’t you lie?!” 

Sheena shook her head and said, “No ma’am. That was Janay.” 

Fear fell on Margaret’s face as she knew her niece wasn’t lying. Janay was hot in the ass and the whole damn family knew it, but she couldn’t stand to see her child get beat for it. Beverly noticed the strained look on her big sister’s face, and she stood up to protest in righteousness as she spoke, “Now Keith, you need to calm down because these are teenage girls with hormones. They weren’t doing nothing but talking.” 

Keith yelled out, “BULLSHIT!!! They were seconds away from fucking these girls outside and you want to preach about some fucking hormones. Ain’t that how you ended up with LeShonda at sixteen?!” 

The atmosphere had changed beyond repair, but Meme still had to try and calm down the situation as it was still her house. She spoke softly, “But Keith it wasn’t all the girls. It was just Janay and she do need her ass beat.” 

Keith shook his head and replied, “No, Lin! They all need their ass beat. They were all outside and they all knew better. Niecy, Sheena, and Regine just sat there and watched. Anything could’ve happened to Janay and y’all in this house not knowing a damn thing!” 

Meme wasn’t about to let anybody put their hands on me in our house, so she stood her ground and said, “I don’t care who you beat but you ain’t beating mine!” 

He looked around as if he was Denzel Washington in ‘Training Day’, seeing all five sisters stand against him along with his mother sitting silently unable to utter a word in his defense. She too felt like he had taken it a little too far. Keith nodded his head in understanding as he said, “Don’t call me when they all get pregnant and raped because you were too busy screaming ‘Not Mine’ because I damn sholl ain’t gone answer.” 

Instantly, Beverly remembered how she called Keith with tears in her eyes only some years ago. It was before she had moved out of Mississippi and most likely the very reason that she did. In the middle of the night, Keith had become irate after receiving a disturbing phone call from his big sister. He told my Meme to get the shotgun and put some clothes on. I remember everything so vividly as if it happened yesterday, remembering how we all loaded into Myrtis’ grey Cadillac. While sitting in the middle of the backseat, Keith rushed to the back door and swung it open. He spoke soft but firm as he said, “Don’t touch it Niecy.” He slid a double barrel shotgun across my lap, and I surely did not fucking touch it. 

We traveled from Quitman to Jackson at the speed of light to Beverly’s house by Provine High School. Her second husband had her curled up in fetal position on the kitchen floor kicking her ribs in. That day, her baby brother saved her life, and it wasn’t a day that he wouldn’t do it all over again. She had a finalized divorce and a new outlook on life before packing up her life and moving to Indiana but in this moment, her past was her past. She was a pastor now and she was hurt to see her baby brother so eager to whoop on these babies as she said, “You need to calm down and see things from our point of view.” 

Keith looked her dead in her eyes and spoke firmly, “And you for damn sho better not ever call me again.” 

With a belief that she would never need to ever again, her eyes filled up with tears as she shook her head while pointing her index finger right in his face and stated boldly, “You’re dead to me Keith.” 

The salute was over. Beverly left out that same night heading back to Indianapolis while Margaret headed out the next day for Nashville. A riff had torn my family into shreds because of harsh words and unspoken hurts. In the car heading back to Quitman, Mississippi, Myrtis said to Keith, “Death is about to hit this family and it’s coming in a set of three. I pray that you find a woman to love you. I pray that I get to see you, my baby boy, happily married before I leave this Earth.” 

Fear engulfed Keith as he knew some things just shouldn’t be said.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22

Entrepreneurship is a rabbit hole and it is not for the weak! I went down a rabbit hole creating a multitude of different art pieces while finding my niche in this wild and wicked world.

Originally Melanin Midas Empire was meant to be a YouTube Show for my little family. At the time we were experiencing the loss of my mother, Catrinea ‘Trina’ Brunner as well as one of my daughters, Jordan Danielle. This caused me to find different outlets to express that pain and ART became an amazing outlet for me to do just that.

It also helped me to create an even stronger bond with my children but not the husband. Instead of growing closer together. We grew further apart and despite how much I love God and read this Bible, I understood 1 thing and that was that God was ending this marriage whether I wanted it to end or not. It was already over and I simply needed to accept it.

*Heard It All Before by Sunshine Anderson*

After overlooking and praying for a change within this particular man. He only became worse. More agitated. More hostile. Taking it out on me more and more until I had enough and told him to leave. He did just that and I still held out hope that after 14 years of knowing each other that we could at least be cordial for the children.

That’s something a narcissistic and manipulative individual could never be is cordial or civil or the sake of anybody. All they know is discord and turmoil. Peace does NOT live within them. Instead they thrive on drama and fighting. Always angry and making excuses for their anger instead of bettering themselves.

Being married…. not once but twice helped me to understand how I wanted my marriage to actually go. How I wanted my household to run and at that moment I felt as if I walked around on eggshells daily feeling like a burden on a man that couldn’t remain faithful or respectful.

*Dirty Laundry by Kelly Rowland*

We fought more and more. We couldn’t see eye to eye on anything and it’s only when I suggested that he find somebody that makes him happy and loves him unconditionally because clearly that person was not me is when he so badly felt the need to prove his love and undying love and devotion to his wife. All the while still cheating, still lying, and still playing victim to situations that he caused.

I could’ve nagged daily and instead I constantly looked the other way because when I married Darron Duarte Love on March 3, 2017…… I went home and looked at that man thinking ‘WTF’ because nowhere in my heart of hearts did I believe he’d ever be true to me the way I knew I’d be true to him. The way I honored my vows….. He certainly did the opposite of that.

He cheated incessantly and blamed his brothers and cousins for teaching him wrong. Blamed his father. Blamed his mother. Blamed everybody except looking in the mirror at the man doing the cheating. The cheating came at no surprise and so I overlooked it. Prayed on it and hoped for better.

*Heard It Through The Grapevine by Marvin Gaye*

The lack of sex in a marriage where the spouse is actively cheating is unfathomable because how do you have the time and energy to cheat while giving your wife the blues daily? To create wild notions to support for infidelity such as his wife being oh so horrible. In reality, he was the devil. The same devil you read about being defeated in the Bible is the same devil I married named Darron Duarte Love.

During the multiple ‘get togethers’ that I hosted for family and friends….. we argued afterwards because the guys seemed to showcase desire for me. Apparently he made it his mission to stare the men down because he tells me that he sees the way these different men look at me and know that they want me. However these ‘men’ were invited into our apartment as friends and family. I’m not dressed ‘inappropriately’ and quite frankly we all have eyes to see and we all have preferences. Their stares were never my issue.

Only his but of course he’d have an issue. As for as he’s concerned, all it takes is the right set of eyes to talk that talk and spill all of his dirty little secrets of infidelity and yet not a one did that because the most common belief amongst family and friends is that we were HAPPILY MARRIED and never breaking up……..

God said…… IN DUE TIME

*Be Careful by Sparkle & R. Kelly*

After the move from Jackson, MS to Dallas, TX…… the song changed drastically and now the problem was my lack of support in him and his music career. I am forever grateful for the learning experiences and the journey because of the acquired skills that I get to walk away with.

After losing Jordan Danielle, I vowed to stop being so angry at a man that was cheating on me BEFORE we got married and was STILL cheating on me after being married. I accepted that it was my fault for ever putting up with it in the first place and that there was no need in truly complaining. Might as well let that man cheat in peace if I’m not going to leave, right?

From cheating, to lack of sex, to fighting, to a drug addiction…….

Only so much I can put up with before I’m filing for divorce from another man. While fully understanding that me and my children will be just fine with God and no husband/father in our household. I prayed extensively on what to do because the overdosing and drug debts, I won’t about to do.

*Keep Your Head Up by 2Pac*

I hated the thought of just up and leaving and I knew he’d try to do everything to prove that he’s a changed man and yet a changed man I did not see. So I prayed and God answered……

Being broken gracefully……

As you see I was already praying for an end to my marriage. I already understood that no matter the time frame of this relationship, this simply was NOT the man that God had intended for me. So when the truth of his sick minded ways(pedophilia) was revealed, I now simply needed to get away. Me and my children. I did just that.

I’ve been targeted and attacked for leaving a man that only ever committed adultery, abandoned us, as well as abused us. People think abandonment is only in terms of physically leaving and instead that is not the case. He willing fully walked out the door to go to other females houses to lay up and playhouse with them. That’s abandonment and adultery. Not only that he purposefully withheld funds as a means of financial domestic violence. No food. No clean clothes.

I prayed even harder as I watched him slowly transform into a complete stranger before my very eyes because I kid you not….. it’s a many things that Darron Duarte Love did that I, till this day, is still amazed that he did because WTF???

I sweet talked him into helping me get back to MS with my children as I was pregnant with Tristian Joanne. The moment we got back, I got ducked off but I wasn’t hidden. Friends and family taking his side and telling him my whereabouts rather than allowing the people within the relationship to figure it out and handle it.

*One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men*

My sole purpose was to ensure that my child seen the light of day. I have tried my hardest to NOT blame anybody for Jordan Danielle’s demise while not beating myself up about it so much as well. At first I fully wanted to blame the doctors for not being better doctors. Then I blamed myself and my body for being too weak to withstand the pregnancy. The entire I refused to blame Darron Duarte Love for the constant stress I was under with him.

The constant arguments in the pregnancy. The fights and everything. I looked at my stillborn daughter and fully believed that I got too angry the month before when I found out that Darron Duarte Love had been cheating while I laid on my deathbed trying to keep food and liquids down and get back to my children.

The most hurt I’ve been in that marriage to have him look me dead in my face and say he wasn’t sleeping with another woman while I laid in the hospital bed trying to stay alive. Yeah that was the LAST STRAW and then the next month, Jordan Danielle is stillborn.

An eye opener because now I truly want out of this marriage. So I prayed……

*Commitment by Monica*

Instead of being bitter and angry in the end. I became more loving towards him. Nicer. Friendlier. The sweetest words spoken as he happily tells me about the women that he’s sleeping with. Maybe he thought I had really lost my entire mind and in this moment he was having his cake and eating it too.

The entire time I knew the moment I got back to MS….. I was going to get ducked off and it was quite possible that he’d never see me again. Either way this marriage was over. Even after getting back….. I never stopped being a good loving WOMAN. Not friend. Not wife. None of that. I wasn’t about to allow this break up to make me bitter. I was happy for it to end. I was happy to be single again. I was happy to be on my own in. my own and making my own money. Not having to worry about ANYTHING or ANYBODY.

My happiness was the very thing that caused him to lose his complete mind. Believing another man was making me happy. The sabotage was next. All because I was happy without him. Didn’t matter if I was with somebody else or not. He didn’t turn against me. He was now finally fighting for that good woman that FULLY SUPPORTED him and catered to his every want and need. The wife of his dreams but not the love of his life.

*Dreamgirls by Jennifer Holliday*

Because that’s exactly what I was to MY HUSBAND but the moment that marriage was over. I became a spectator to the Darron Duarte Love HOEDOWN……. as I was no longer a participant in this fukk’d up bachelor show, I focused on myself and my household and I haven’t looked back.

No desire to look back. No resentment either. Despite him trying to kill me (slashing tires & brake lines), I continue to pray, keeping God first with the full understanding that WHAT’S DONE IN THE DARK WILL COME TO LIGHT!

Now here’s an image of where Melanin Midas Empire originally started and in the book it’s mentioned as a reality show because it was ALWAYS supposed to been a SHOW for family and friends to come together and showcase their talents.

The focus being on my little family and the guests would be old and new friends coming to together for the love of ART. This was an IDEA that I came up with in MARCH 2020 right before creating the remembrance album for Jordan Danielle.

*Son of a Gun by Janet Jackson*

Once we were broken up, I understood that any attempt made by Darron Duarte Love to reconcile this marriage was simply because of MELANIN MIDAS EMPIRE. The image of an idea. The image of a concept. THE IMAGE because the show doesn’t exist and since we broke up I realized the show wouldn’t actually happen but I loved the titled so much. Just as I love JuCity Mafia so I found SOMETHING to do with it because I knew it was never going to be what it was supposed to be.

After publishing Melanin Midas Empire, I just noticed how so much talent surrounded me and it wasn’t just children. I then wanted to shed a light on local artists and heroes of Jackson, Mississippi. I revamped Melanin Midas Empire and I decided that it didn’t have to focus solely on me and my little family.

It became something bigger than what I thought it could’ve ever been. Truly…… in the wonderful words of Lizzo…… THEY DON’T KNOW I DO IT FOR THE CULTURE!!!!!! And in MELANIN MIDAS EMPIRE…… no cultures left behind.

*Almost Doesn’t Count by Brandy*

Now just as I double back around to the IDEA of this show that focuses on my little family, God blessed me with these old photos and in the photos sat the ORIGINAL photo that I created after coming up with the IDEA. Now here we are and what can be said about the picture other than people grow apart. I have found peace and happiness in being single with absolutely no desire to return to that relationship.

Doing a NEW THING and when I did that new thing. Melanin Midas Empire became my 1st novel. it helped to produce Melanin Midas Monday as well as shine a light on TriBrid Productions. The umbrella company that I so badly want to be a Fortune 500 Company one day.

Because letting go seems rather impossible for Darron Duarte Love….. he hangs on to JD MIDAS because he’d have absolutely nothing if he lets go. To start over with somebody different that does not see potential and does not uplift and help make YOUR DREAMS a reality.

It’s not easy but that’s why we pray and seek God first so that the kingdom will be given unto us. This includes the spouse. I don’t mind starting over. I know that who God sends my way is going to be the answer to my prayers.

*Wasn’t Man Enough For Me by Toni Braxton*

I’m holding out for the one that God has for me but I am dating and enjoying life because God didn’t place us here to be alone or to be lonely. At the same time, I’ve been tied down(committed) for years and really learning how to date all over again. At times it can be annoying while others, it’s extremely entertaining.

The purpose of this post is to simply say…… it’s okay to break up. It’s okay to let go. Every single day wasn’t hell with Darron Duarte Love. We shared laughs. There were good days, however, I’ve moved on and I have constantly wished him to do the same and nothing but the best on his journey as he do it.

Coming up against me as a mother to force me back into a toxic relationship though? Now I have to be this ‘monstrous bitch’ because I play no games about my children and my understanding is absolutely ZERO when you decide to fukk over MINE!

*Buy A Heart by Nicki Minaj & Meek Mill*

One picture can say a thousand words…….

Top left corner….. Dec 2014 and we’d been back together a year. Already argued and he kicked me out. I went back to my grandma for a few days and we made up. The collage of what making up looks like. Dec 2017….. Pregnant with Braxton and sitting at Maragritas eating a chicken and steak salad. This is what it looks like when you’ve forgiven him for cheating on you in the pregnancy. Smiling to keep from crying. Feb 2017…… The day he proposed at Kemistry Lounge and yet it wasn’t even real. He was joking around.Mother’s Day 2018…… At the Rez and here we are pushing through those ‘Bad Days of Marriage’Left panel……. Nov 2017 right before he’s caught cheating. Here I am forcing him to be a father to Peyton Shontell. NOLA 2014….. Our first trip as a couple and nobody enjoyed themselves because of the secret affairs everybody(except me) were havingValentine 2014….. This was supposed to be our happiest as we’d just gotten back together.Bottom panel…… Lewisville, TX and we just argued hence to inability to smile on his endMarch 2018…… only a few weeks after having Braxton Alexander and we fought a few weeks laterBottom Right Corner…… Our first pictures together EVER and him and his mammy invited the ex over hoping for a fight.Sombrero Hat….. March 3, 2017…… went to Margaritas as our reception with his parents and his ex fling Tamika. We argued that night. Thanksgiving 2017…… the day before he was caught cheating. Middle picture……. Lewisville, TX and this is what HAPPILY MARRIED consisted of.

A bunch of fake happy pictures to share on social media for HIS FAMILY to admire because mine didn’t give a fukk and could clearly see that I was not happy but they do not involve themselves in other people’s marriages and relationships and will simply watch and talk from a distance patiently waiting on the day that the relationship ENDS.

*Marriage Is Honorable*

I love who I am as a wife and mother and in that I will ALWAYS want to be married to 1 man. Just not rushing anything and most certainly taking my time while fully dating and enjoying life at a 34 year old woman should. What makes dating so hard is how so many men will listen to men like Darron Duarte Love that tell their fukk’d up version of what happened in the relationship causing men to see me as this ‘monstrous bitch’ all because he fukk’d over me and I don’t want him anymore.

How you see me and how you approach me is most certainly what you will get in return. So I felt the need to explain the plethora of ‘HAPPILY MARRIED’ pictures that apparently still exist. I deleted our pictures because I moved on and I do not need reminders of a past love while pursuing a new one.

The very reason I’m getting cover ups. Not because I tattooed his name on me. Not at all. It’s because he was the tattoo artist and he didn’t listen to better himself. He sought to do small tattoos for $20-$30 just to have money for his habits. It was never to make it an actual business or to truly practice and make himself better which is the lie he told me. I want better tattoos and best believe there’s a spot I’m saving just for you….. for you…… my THIRD HUSBAND….. My TRUUUUUUUUUUUU HUSBAND!!!!

*When Doves Cry by Prince*

No regrets. Simply stating facts. Clarity and reflection. I’m thankful for what was because of the person I became. This journey with God was never supposed to been easy. I wanted to take this time to speak life into my next relationship. The most common question of ‘WHY ARE SINGLE?’ is simple….. people grow apart.

Had Darron Duarte Love actually wanted to be with then he would’ve put the work in to make the relationship work and thrive as did I and instead his focus was money drugs, and whores. So I let him have and I’m not angry about it. His actions towards me as a mother and denying me contact with MY CHILDREN can be rather upsetting…… but God will most certainly hand that just as He handles everything else.

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side and the moment Darron Duarte Love realized that, he did indeed come running back. However……. it was too little too late. That he should’ve realized in Dec 2013 when he begged for another chance. Was it just Darron? No Doug came running back too.

My understanding is this…… the grass is the greenest wherever you water it. Not only water it but speak life into it as plants need CO2 to live while we require oxygen. A beautiful exchange to sit in your garden speaking life into it and watching your garden flourish with real unconditional love. If you take the time to do the same in your relationships with others(not just romantic) then you will indeed have wonderful positive connections with a many people.

*Dear No One by Tori Kelly*

To my future husband……. I AM SINGLE & HEALED BAE!!!!! We got a starting lineup forming BUT shiiiiiiddddddd if you can handle a baker’s dozen than I can too.

COME BUTTER THESE BUNS BAAAAEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

FYI: When choosing these colors…… it was ORIGINALLY our(Darron) wedding colors and yet we never had a wedding. It was the same blue and purple when it was Doug…….

Unfortunately when I suggested this spring green color to compliment the sky blue color that Darron had chosen…… Darron was disgusted by the color combo. That it was extremely ugly and felt like he had to see the colors together before fully committing to the color combo. I was definitely annoyed because what exactly did he see when he walked outside and looked up at the blue sky and down at the green trees and grass. Like seriously….. you see this color combo DAILY as long as you have eyes to see. I just shut up about it because I had no other color in mind. If not green then NOTHING because in that moment it was just a bunch of shit talking anyway. We weren’t at all thinking about getting married. Just talking and making plans to go nowhere. So when the relationship ended, I took MY FAVORITE COLORS and made my logo. Naturally Blue is my favorite color. Blue Topaz/Turquoise to be exact. Green has always been my second favorite color.

So no bae this color combo isn’t at all for an ex. It’s all for me and my actual wedding colors will most certainly NOT be blue & green. My living room or kitchen color scheme tho…… my she shed even…… but nahhhhhh me and bae coming up with a completely off the wall color scheme for our wedding. And yes I want a wedding because I’ve been married twice and never had one. Don’t want to hear shit about am I wanting a man or just a wedding…….

I guarantee you that I’m not spending a dime on a wedding to a man just for fancy party! I’m having a wedding tho. Come correct or don’t come at all my love.

As a popular loner, I value respect and equality however in today’s times the most hated group of individuals are heterosexuals. Ironically, from the same group of individuals (homosexuals) that SCREAMED for respect and equality.

*Currently Playing: Born This Way by Lady Gaga*

Regardless of what you identify as , the need to force those preferences on anybody is indeed a form of bullying.

This little quick rant comes only after months of being harassed by Planet Fitness employees and their members.

Now at first I bit the bullet. I understood that I’m homeless and sleeping in these establishments are against rules of some sort.

*Currently Playing: It’s Not Right But It’s Okay by Whitney Houston*

Those “rules” flew out the window the more I noticed what others could do that I apparently could not do.

Having sex in the bathroom at the Thousand Oaks location but I can’t sleep in this chair in the Black Card Spa. The chair not the massage chair. Random homeless people….. funky than a mfer waltz in and sleeping all over the Black Card Spa in both the Thousand Oaks, Long Beach, & Inglewood locations but again I can’t sleep in this chair or on this couch. Nor can I sit and type on this computer. As a matter of fact I was given a timeframe on how long I could be at Planet Fitness at the Burbank & Thousand Oaks location despite others being there literally ALL DAY & NIGHT.

Now for whatever reason, the Inglewood location has 1 lady every night while the men work during the day and yet when I mention that they should have security for the night shift as this little lady does not need to wrestle with any irate guests by herself……..

They send in this Montel Williams wannabe as if this is a prime time reality show. Now once again I’m being harassed by members and staff as the Montel Williams wannabe is apparently the manager of the Inglewood location.

*Currently Playing: Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado & Timbaland*

The Inglewood location has rather interesting members as some only come in to prepare themselves for the art of prostitution and 1 thing about me mentioning the fragile word is that nothing was a problem with the Thousand Oaks location until I started talking about what the rumor mill was saying in regards to me being a mentally ill prostitute.

So now I wonder….

Are the owners of Planet Fitness the pimps or is it the homosexual managers as they absolutely refuse to adhere to the JUDGEMENT FREE ZONE that this establishment is supposed to be. Because how the fukk you (homosexuals) of all people discriminating against a heterosexual woman!

*Currently Playing: Milkshake by Kelis*

As I have noticed that my presence, my attendance at any location definitely does increase traffic. YOU’RE WELCOME!!!

And yet the harassment increases….. you’d think I’d be offered a job with the way memberships have skyrocketed at each location that I’ve been at.

However….. these are heterosexual men and a lot of them being their girlfriends so more heterosexual couples are attending the gym and it’s a beautiful thing. The single heterosexual males are flirting with female staff because I’m just eye candy really.

Even the female staff gets punished and threatened with job loss for being heterosexual. The only thing I noticed at the North Hollywood location was how they removed the female staff after I mentioned that they would help sign up the new members. Obviously heterosexual males and possibly their girlfriends.

Suddenly, the nursing home van pulled up and a bunch of geriatric patients flooded in on oxygen tanks barely holding on to their walkers. NO JUDGEMENT ZONE but baby I just hope and pray that yall don’t push yourself too hard trying to workout because of these homosexual manger pimps in an attempt to avoid the discrimination against heterosexual individuals claim as it is clearly the truth.

I’m sorry but when was Planet Fitness credited as a gym that only caters to the LGBT+ community and prostitution…. And the elderly! Yeah, it says JUDGEMENT FREE ZONE and silly naive me thought that meant in terms of WEIGHT! Nothing to do with sexuality, age, or career field.

Whether republican or democrat, ethnicity and all wasn’t supposed to be a factor. So if you just signed up for my 600LB Life on TLC or just found the right vitamins and meal plan to stop being a stick figure drawing….. There’s no judgement here!

Can’t lift more than 2lbs…. That’s fine! YOU BELONG HERE! Training for your next Body Building Competition….. That’s perfect! No critics here babe!

Nope. The managers have enforced a different set of standards and in those standards heterosexuals are apparently not welcomed in “their” Planet Fitness. The ones that they manage of course. While of course banning together to force me to leave and not return.

*Currently Playing: Regulate by Warren G & Nate Dogg*

Oh but Compton….. now there is where I understood fully that the managers are undercover wannabe pimps, recruiting simple minded guests to make a little extra on the side by sukk’n dikk for money.

As I am not a mentally ill prostitute or any kind of prostitute for that matter than I’m harassed by the staff as they are only trying to keep their jobs.

To threaten the employees as well as guests seems unconstitutional. Makes me thankful that I’m not the owner of any of these Planet Fitness locations as most are franchises.

Some bum azz desperate individuals if you ask me. If you want to be a pimp so bad than go and purchase you a building and call it Purple Valley Backshotz. If you want to recruit simple minded women into prostitution….. then go and purchase you a building and call it Purple Valley Backshotz.

Not all strippers are prostitutes and not all homeless people are mentally ill. However, thinking you’re a boss when you get up and clock into a job just to play pimp on the side at that job is NOT a boss. To threaten the staff that go against your made up rules will certainly be the reason you’ll be blackballed from any establishment. Can’t trust em! Ya ass iz going to jail!

Now if that’s what Planet Fitness was created for….. well then never mind this rant and I hope it all burns to hell because what the fukk?!

The Wild Rose by Jessica Wulf

*Currently Playing: Slow Wind by R. Kelly*

During the month of March 2024, I was arrested and for the most part I understood the moment to simply be God….. when following God it can get STICKY sometimes! This is why you must wear the FULL ARMOR OF GOD before stepping out into this wicked wide world attempting to do anything….

A blessing in disguise was definitely the book cart that came around once a week. It helped me to discover this little gem of a book titled, The Wild Rose by Jessica Wulf.

*DISCLAIMER*

It’s definitely NOT smut….. and R. Kelly’s Slow Wind is the perfect song selection for this book as he mentions the teasing nature of a beautiful woman. Clearly, the thoughts of John as he admires the love of his life.

However, I love reading all kinds of books from any genre really. Smut is just my niche but this little gem is more of a fluffy romance. One of those chick flicks that you have a 1st date with. Something similar to those Rachel McAdams movies with Rachel as Jennifer Mainwaring.

In my personal opinion, Jennifer was simply just a little too sweet for me. She took a lot of heat as the main character and it wasn’t until the end that she had a little umph about her. For the most part, she found love and when loved correctly it certainly does make you act differently.

I absolutely ADORE the enemies to lovers troupe between John and Jennifer as she is convinced that John is a bad guy and that he cannot at all be trusted. She certainly wasn’t wrong to think that considering how he approached a house full of Preston loving people. The man would’ve had to battle the maid, the son, and the goddaughter all before reaching his horse as if he was in Kill Bill fighting the Crazy 88. The goddaughter being Jennifer would’ve been Gogo.

*CORRECTION*

On my SnapChat, I mention that Constanza needs to let Preston go….. listen it’s been a year since reading the book and it was a year ago TODAY that I shared with SnapChat an image of this cutesy read. My royals know…. I’m human and I make mistakes. It was John y’all…. not Preston!

The love between a parent and child is TOP TIER and it was so beautiful to read about a man simply being a man and forming a relationship with his child despite the sour undertones in their introduction to each other. Preston is an amazing man that obviously has a huge heart with complete and total love for everybody that he encounters. That love is then multiplied by 10 and redistributed to become a village of love. A true example of what it means to embody God’s Word by being love no matter what the haters and naysayers do.

Now I say Constanza is my favorite as I love a good plot twist here and there. I love to stay on the edge of my seat when reading or watching a movie so my girl Constanza understood the assignment and did just that. Now like any true avid reader…. Constanza wasn’t fooling ME but I loved how she got over on the characters in the story! I love even more how her villainous nature coupled with John’s compassion and love helped to evolve Jennifer from this overly sweet young lady to a bold and daring woman; completely secure in who she was.

Granted my twisted little mind just knew John and his brother would have it out! A pissing match simply because they are men but much to my surprise it was the complete opposite and everything about their brotherhood was an amazing example on accepting sincere apologies without looking for the other shoe to drop.

The maid should’ve spoken up though. A lot could’ve been different had she spoken her truths instead of ignoring it and allowing things to gradually become worse over time. She is ultimately the one that raised Jennifer and in that it helps to understand why Jennifer exhibits such a ‘pushover’ demeanor about herself in the beginning. She’s truly an unloved child and like every Disney Princess/Queen(Elsa) knows….. it’s a cold world without their parents, something Jennifer knew all too well.

If it hadn’t been for the love of Preston and his household then Jennifer could’ve easily become the worse version of Constanza! And that definitely says A LOT after seeing Constanza for who she really is.

Quite frankly, I felt like she had met her match and should’ve been happy in the end but Constanza is an extremely selfish woman and could not at all be happy with her new husband. She was a little too determined in her own selfish wants and that’s where she fukk’d up…… as every villain do! She’s the best friend from Spider-Man that cannot let go of the fact that his best friend is not only Spider-Man but also the person that killed his VILLAINOUS azz daddy! Like seriously he doesn’t even attribute the fact that his daddy was wrecking havoc on an entire city of innocent people.

Another gem is how once Constanza was outed for her actions, nobody slapped her on the wrist. Not one person allowed her to continue to show her sad puppy dog eyes and get away with a bunch of fukk shiit. That’s a job well done to the writer because too many times these villains get away with too much and that creates a sense of power in them as if they are God and they are not! As art imitates life, life certainly imitates art and within both the facts should remain as factual as possible.

If you do the crime….. then you must do the time. Justice should be served no matter if it’s an alternate universe. In the Multitude of Madness, Dr. Strange is still betrayed by Mordo as he seeks to rid his universe of what he believes is a true threat serving twisted justice since it really wasn’t Dr. Strange that was the problem. As twisted as that justice was, it was still served no matter what universe that they were in.

What Jessica Wulf has done is create a work of art that details not only the protective love that a family should have for each other despite the bloodlines but she also details the twisted mind of one individual and the lengths that they’ll go to in order to obtain the desires of their flesh.

*FIVE STARS*

Because my DNF(DID NOT FINISH) pile grows daily….. This was a wonderful read. It kept my attention and I certainly loved the teasing. Had me giggling and kicking my feet. I love LOVE and John’s affectionate nature was something that I pray that I can easily find in my future husband as well. It’s just the smutty gal in me that yearned for MORE!!!! A perfect reading fair novel for middle schoolers….. elementary even. Definitely giving Tears of a Tiger by Sharon M. Draper a run for it’s coins……

“Can we embrace each other… while the moon gives light… can we make a pact to stay together forever… forever together” – More by Silk 

Not in a million years did I think that I’d be sitting beside Bryan with a Cuban cigar in one hand and a Tom Collins in the other while watching my wife plant her pretty thick ass on the face of a Victoria Secret’s model that Sheriff Bryan Bailey had been married to for the last sixteen years. I’ve been working under this man as a sergeant for well over five years and from my understanding, he was a man that fully loved his wife and never once stepped out. The same can be said for his wife, Heather.  

Their marriage of love and commitment was something that me and my wife adored and fully respected. I’m not sure how we ended up in this 3 bedroom presidential suite of the Hilton’s Fort Lauderdale Beach Resort with the words of R. Kelly’s Bump N’ Grind emulating my exact thoughts perfectly as he serenades the room singing, ‘My mind’s telling me nooooo….. but my body, my body’s telling me yesssssss. Baby, I don’t wanna hurt nobody but there is something that I must confeeeeeeeeeeess……’ but here we were; the 4 of us partaking in extracurricular activities that our subordinates would have a field day with if they ever knew the details of this moment. 

Bryan and I shared an anniversary of June 22nd and for the last three or four years, we’ve shared anniversary dates and trips. It’s been the highlight of my wife’s life. A Sunday school teacher of our church, Word of Life, in Flowood, Mississippi and a stay-at-home mom of our two boys that’s married to a newly promoted lieutenant of Rankin County Jail. We lived a simple life and until now we assumed the sheriff and his wife did as well. Imagine my surprise when our night turned from celebrating nothing but love and our most recent victories as law enforcement to allowing our naughtier sides to fully take control. 

The horrors we faced in the days of learning about the inhumane nature of the ‘Goon Squad’ caused me personally to question why I’d ever leave New Orleans for Brandon, Mississippi. A white picket fence and a Golden Retriever for the boys to play fetch with sounded like the American Dream until the duties behind an oath tested not only my faith but my loyalty to a department of individuals that I wasn’t sure I could trust anymore.  

It’s been said a many times and in many ways that one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch, and we were in deep shit because of 6. From officers resigning to lashing out and getting fired, I wasn’t sure what choice to make but eventually we caught a break in the case. What we considered police corruption for just Rankin County slowly spread like an infectious disease and soon the media was wrapped up in the ‘Goon Squad’ striking once more in Hinds County. 

Another day another dollar was my thoughts waking up on St. Patrick’s Day, but it all turned around the moment I made it to my desk and read an email from Bryan…… ‘Goon Squad Strikes Again’ is what the headline read. Instantly, my heart sank. I wasn’t sure of how much more of this I could take until the article detailed the events of a home burglary gone wrong as the Hinds County officers that were called to the line of duty did not at all fulfill their duties as law enforcement.  

Watching the husband give his statement from a clip of the news as he says, “I didn’t think I would ever have to worry about my neighbor Charles. You would think staying next door to a police officer would make you feel safer than safe.” He placed his hands over his face to shield the cameras from catching his tears as he continued, “He deserves to be thrown under the jail for this!” 

It was the way that my wife moaned out from the pleasure of Heather’s hands gripping her voluptuous hips, digging her fingertips in as my wife swirled her body in a circular motion as if she was trying to win a hoola hoop competition that had me just on the verge of busting through my charcoal grey slacks; when Bryan stands up walking towards the bed. I closed my eyes and shook my head. It’s quite possible that God wasn’t hearing a damn thing that I was saying. I didn’t want to kill this man for touching my wife.  

The memory of Kimberly waltzing out of the bathroom, arms locked in with Heather as they giggled over what I assumed was something about the kids or some reality show that they both enjoyed, quickly flashed before my eyes. An anniversary dinner after enjoying an awards ceremony where Byran was awarded the Ferris E. Lucas Sheriff of the Year Award and I, the Charles ‘Bud’ Meeks Deputy Sheriff of the Year for Valor Award. A complete honor to be at the National Sheriff’s Association’s Annual Conference and even better to be recognized and awarded for the efforts in bringing down a cultlike group of sick minded individuals.  

When Kimberly sat down beside me, she placed her balled up fist inside of my hand passing me her balled up slightly moisten black silk underwear. Her sweetness was a scent that I could detect a mile away. My wife was in heat. Something I knew all too well when she’s had a few too many daiquiris. I’m not sure how we ended up in this 3 bedroom presidential suite of the Hilton’s Fort Lauderdale Beach Resort with Sheriff Bryan Bailey plowing his wife while planting kisses on my wife’s ass as she continued to swirl her thick ass on his wife’s face. I watched with an odd sense of satisfaction. It was intriguing to see exactly how this night would end.  

The night Mrs. Johnson entered the hospital in her husband’s arms, completely beat up, bloody, and barely breathing; was the night that this Nino Brown wannabe was overheard by a nurse instructing the husband to tell the truth but not the whole truth. A pact between the two to make false claims of police misconduct within a system of dedicated officers in order to sue for their forty acres and a mule. Luck was truly on our side as the nurse had witnessed so many different accounts of Eddie Fisher coming in to make deals with the victims of his crimes and their families.  

Some stories were newsworthy, and some fell through the cracks. Here was a woman home alone having endured what her husband says was an intruder with their neighbor Officer Charles Musk responding to Mrs. Johnson’s call for help aggressively and using excessive force upon answering the call of duty. It was later revealed that Mrs. Johnson was born with a club foot and a speech impediment. Over the years she developed a severe drug addiction and prostitution seemed to be the only thing she knew and understood in life. When the ‘Goon Squad’ first struck and fire rained down on Rankin County, we simply had to accept it for what it was, but Hinds County Sheriff Tyree Jones had a different approach in mind as he formed a private investigation agency that quickly shed a light on the underground network of criminal activities ran by Eddie Fisher and his old pals from grade school.  

Believing themselves to be a modern day interpretation of ‘New Jack City,’ their main focus was to target the weak minded and destitute of the disabled; drugging them out and forcing them into prostitution. Then there were the unfit parents that didn’t mind selling their children before they were even born. He’d made a literal killing from the ones that didn’t mind taking matters a step further causing physical harm to themselves and others just to sue hospitals, community centers, as well as blackmailing police officers into pleading guilty for harsh crimes because of the shame and embarrassment they faced from friends and families of these sinful acts. Eddie Fisher had maneuvered the ins and outs of this horrific scheme for years; moving from state to state recruiting more and more to aid him in building his so called empire of crime. 

As a very happily married man, I cannot imagine the reason for gang banging a drugged out crippled lady and yet a many officers stepped forward with their truths of accepting bribes as well as paying into this wicked organization ran by Eddie Fisher and his gang. It took all 82 sheriffs of Mississippi to contribute to the success of Sheriff Jones’ private investigation agency that earned him the much deserved award for Sheriff/Private Security Partnership at this year’s annual conference. Our teamwork as ‘JuCity Mafia’ helped fully take down the sadistic ‘Goon Squad.’ 

My wife locked eyes with me, mouthing the words, ‘I love you’ while I downed the rest of my drink. She never lost rhythm as the song changed to ‘Naked’ by Marques Houston. I suppose the plan was to disrupt her flow as much as possible. Remind her that this was a one-time thing. It wasn’t happening again. Just as I stood up, Bryan was dropping to his knees going on to devour his pretty little wife. I knew that I didn’t want a taste and yet I was licking my lips with an intense ache to plant kisses along his wife’s ample little ass just as he had done to mine. That thought quickly disappeared as I stood firmly on the bed with my rod entering my wife’s perfect little mouth.  

Kimberly had changed so much since she met Heather, claiming to have found herself after having the boys. I fully enjoyed the new woman that had emerged from within my wife. It was my assumption that Heather was simply a good friend and that was something I knew my wife needed, however Kimberly has never ridden my face before and from the way that Heather seemed so content with slurping my wife up until the break of dawn suggested that this had to have happened a few times already.  

Before tonight I wasn’t allowed to even touch her hair as it was considered a sign of disrespect but, in this moment, Kimberly had taken my hands, placing them on the back of her head where I grabbed a fistful of her beautifully highlighted balayage curled hair and fucked my wife’s prefect little mouth until I exploded in the back of her throat. She looked at me with a smile while wiping a drop of cum from the corner of her mouth. 

I’m not sure how we ended up in this 3 bedroom presidential suite of the Hilton’s Fort Lauderdale Beach Resort with Sheriff Bryan Bailey slow stroking Kimberly while massaging her swollen clit as I hammered down Heather’s tight walls from the back only to become more aroused from the two beautiful goddesses tonguing each other down. Not in a million years did I think that I’d be planting kisses on Sheriff Bailey’s wife’s ass causing her to turn around and swallow up my whole dick while Bryan had my wife against the wall, her legs on his shoulders eating her up like a crazed red nose pit. Maybe it was the liquor from Nube, the rooftop cocktail lounge or maybe it was the unhinged nature of my beautiful wife, but I was starting to think that maybe a few more times wouldn’t be so bad….. 

3 Bedroom Presidential Suite of the Hilton’s Fort Lauderdale Beach Resort. 2nd Floor / Master Bedroom w/ panoramic views of the Atlantic Ocean.

Excerpt from KC’s Emporium of Wet Dreams

What really needs to be said when injustices arise because of RACE….. and truly what the fukk is race? To say I am black in America when Ancestry.com says I’m a mutt….. 

*Currently Playing: USA for Africa — We Are The World* 

A mutt meaning a dog that’s not pure bred…. you’d have to fully understand the value of a purebred dog before you can perceive the fukk shit of being a human mutt as it was indeed forced upon us during the American slavery and still plays a huge role in today’s politics, education, and financial systems.  

My Ancestry results details as such….. 

38% — Nigeria 

23% — Cameroon, Congo & Western Bantu Peoples 

10% — Mali 

9% — Northern Japan 

9% — Benin & Togo 

5% — Ireland 

2% — Ivory Coast & Ghana 

1% — Scotland 

1% — Senegal 

1% — Sardinia 

1% — Sweden 

*Currently Playing: Black or White by Michael Jackson* 

Listening to the story that my grandmother Linda (Meme) gave to me of her father being the product of a forbidden love affair; it’s easy to believe as a child. Not once did I fear looking into the history of our Brunner name; despite the warnings that she gave about her younger brother Melvin having done just that and being killed for it. I didn’t feel the need to look any further than what was right in front of me. A beautiful queen of a grandmother that had taken me in as her own and loved me to the best of her abilities. I overlooked so many things because of her medical conditions. She was old and sickly when I was young and at the time, I did not register that being only 50 years old was actually considered young.  

I was a child and so I thought as a child. As I have gotten older, I realized it’s more of a mindset than it is anything else. A lot of times being stuck in a certain mentality is what makes a person truly old. Not being able to embrace change for the betterment of self. Being born in 1950, having endured so much turmoil as an albino woman during the roughest days of Jim Crow in good ole Mississippi….. I can only imagine and at the same time I don’t even want to think about it. Heartbreaking for sure. Anger filled responses will certainly be produced from hearing such stories concerning my grandmother being perceived as a white woman and then ridiculed for having a black baby girl.  

I grew up witnessing the fukk shit that her own family put her through as she was the only ‘white woman’ mixed into a family of niggers. Such harsh language coming from my black mouth but the proof is in the pudding. Jealousy fueled hate of her fair skin and blonde hair. Her shakey grey eyes and the constant need for attention from Myrtis as a special needs child. Her siblings hated her because of the times in which they all existed. Maybe had we lived in the North or the West but unfortunately, we were all country bumpkins living deep in the South where you were either black or white and no in between. No grey areas for Dr. House to reveal the medical mysteries that exist in our family.  

*Currently Playing: One Love by Bob Marley* 

After I turned 25 years old, I decided to look into the word itself….. ALBINO. What I discovered was absolutely NOTHING! This was a medical condition that doctors in America still could not understand. What is it exactly? Is it heredity? How severe can it become? The only thing that was understood about albinism is that it is associated with blindness and diabetes. However, African culture said something entirely different as albinos were considered rare and extremely special. Some tribes considering albino to be angels walking the earth while others seen them as demons or evil witches. One thing remained true, they were sought after, hunted even, and a lot of times upon death; their bones grinded up into dust and used in rituals.  

SHOCKING to say the least! I understood the assignment when Myrtis lashed out about who was questioning the existence of her child but I understood something totally different so many years later and doing my research on this one word. That in itself caused me to look more into African cultures, their deities, and to understand fully why a person like my grandmother would be HUNTED.  

I’ve always been a peculiar child. Always looking into topics and asking questions that others wouldn’t dare to ask. As I remember polishing toes of my great grandmother Myrtis along with my cousin Sheena. Now according to Meme, Sheena was an over loved child. Spoiled rotten to the core because she was a pretty sugar biscuit colored little girl. She wasn’t too dark. She wasn’t albino. She could easily pass for a white man’s child just as her mother Eunice and older sister Nina. Granted Eunice was the baby girl of the eleven children and for the most part as a mother myself, you tend to over love the babies of the family whether boy or girl.  

It’s the last baby that you know for a fact you’ll ever have. Anything after that is indeed a grandbaby and that shouldn’t have been coming anytime soon…… my belief of what all mothers think when it comes to the baby of their family. Anywho….. Sheena is only a year younger than and could certainly get away with murder had she chosen that path in life. I decided to ask a question that had piqued my interest for years and only one somebody could answer this question and that was Myrtis. 

Maragret….. I do believe is the 8th child, coming after Melvin and before Beverly. Quite frankly I don’t care to get the lineup correct after the first 4 children as the first 4 are Joesph ‘Boss’ Brunner, Sr’s children while the rest have their own fathers. Meaning that Sheena wasn’t a product of the Jamaican/German love affair and yet she held the name as if she was. Regardless, I felt safe to ask any question in the presence of Sheena because Myrtis was forced to play nice in front of this overly spoiled child. 

*Currently Playing: Thanks For My Child by Cheryl Pepsii Riley* 

The question itself…… “Why does Maragret and her daughter Janay have an extra toe and finger?” 

The fukk’d up answer Myrtis gave…… “Because I cursed her daddy out and called him a 9 toed bastard!” 

CASE CLOSED 

*Currently Playing: I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack* 

Only a few years before researching the condition albinism, I was blessed with my second daughter; Peyton Shontell and upon her birth she had an extra little finger that wasn’t at all connected to any bones. Only extra skin. I remember the nurse asking if it ran in my husband’s (1st husband Doug) family and with disgust written all over his face he boldly said no. I proudly interjected and stated that it ran in MY family as my aunt and cousin both have extra fingers and toes. The nurse smiled and nodded and it was a silent understanding about Douglas O’Neil Walker that this was a marriage bound for failure. He was certainly not up for the true challenge of being a father and for me I recognized that anger that Myrtis felt when she heard me asking about the word albino. 

My anger wasn’t at all towards the nurse and indeed towards Douglas as I wondered what the fukk was on his mind pertaining my sweet innocent baby girl that was only a few seconds old, still bloody from coming out of my crotch and here was this grown ass man judging my gotdamn baby for something that she nor I could control. And just as suspected….. the marriage ended before Peyton even turn 4 months old. I tried to mend what I could in that marriage as it was indeed a marriage and i fully honored my vows but after a year of fighting and fully escaping death, I washed my hands with his no good tennis playing ass. If only I’d left sooner….. 

It was Darron Duarte Love that rejoiced at seeing this nub on the side of her hand stating how special she was and how he adored ‘weird’ people like her to have extra fingers and toes and whatnot. For me, it was nice that my baby wasn’t being judged in a negative way but I have since learned that praise like that can be just as bad as the judgement that Doug passed at her birth. Life lessons are not easy to learn but once you have learned the lesson…. you move accordingly no matter the years that has passed.  

My mother, Catrinea, told me about Mongolian spots that both my brother and I said and like a silly billy, I searched the backs of all my living children for these greenish looking spots just above their bottoms. I felt like a mother in her slave quarters searching for a craving that I’d placed so many years before and yet to my surprise, when I searched Mongolian spots; it had everything to do with PIGMENT. How ironic that the pigmentless blind woman produced hyperpigmented children and grandchildren?! 

This all led to me finally submitting to an Ancestry.com DNA test…… 

*Currently Playing: Calm Down by Rema* 

I don’t know what was more shocking….. learning that I was 9% Japanese or 5% Irish as I knew for a fact I came from African descent. This I believed wholeheartedly as my mother’s father was Johnnie Townsend, an army vet and Johnnie Townsend was a purebred African….. meaning he wasn’t the product of any forbidden interracial love affairs. As American slavery details, the tribes in which the Africans came from did not matter anymore which is why I wasn’t at all shocked to see Nigeria at the top of the list. I actually believed the percentage would be higher and instead of questioning the percentage or any the results; my biggest question was how on earth was Linda a product of this Jamaican/German love affair and this ancestry doesn’t at all say Jamaican.  

Well history…… the Atlantic Slave Trade. I certainly did look to see if some slaves were sent to Jamaica. For whatever reason, I was surprised to know that slavery existed in Jamacia as it did in Mississippi. This is obviously due to the fact that I hadn’t researched or lived in Jamacia and the only story I had pertaining anything dealing with Jamacia was the fact that my great grandfather was half Jamaican coming from Kingston. A mulatto truly.  

I enjoyed learning about my history. I enjoyed coming up with this beautiful storyline because of this history. I have enjoyed promoting my artwork and I at first did not see that too many people know about Melanin Midas Empire. As you see the numbers from my screen do not at all reflect the in person reactions from everybody meeting me.  

*Currently Playing: My House by Beyonce* 

I walked around for almost 2 years completely clueless to the success of my novel because the numbers on my screen do not reflect ‘success’ so I wondered what had I done to generate such a huge following. All I knew for a fact was that I wrote a book and promoted it. I haven’t received any sales, royalties, reviews, or even recognition for this book. I figured people had leaned towards their own understanding and believing that this was a ‘prophecy’ of what was to come and in reality it was just a book. As I have stated several times, life imitates art and art imitates life. There was no need to ‘punish’ me because I wrote a story that was similar to true crimes committed. Only truth I care about in my book was the Jamaican/German love affair, the childhood sweetheart that my mom used to babysit and the beauty in being Holy Ghost filled with the evidence of speaking in tongues as stated in the Book of Acts.  

I detailed the journey as a WIFE in how I received the Holy Ghost. My journey as a WIFE and how despite living in pure hell with one man, I didn’t allow 1 bad apple to spoil me or stop me from loving the next man. The only truths that I cared about in that storyline. So it indeed hurt me to my core to see so many people attempting to recreate scenes from the book. Especially the scenes with Imani because MY GOD!!!! That’s a really disturbing storyline. We can certainly recreate it but on camera my loves….. not at in real fukk’n life. That’s fukk’n psychotic!  

At the same time, it was this time last year that I randomly said aloud sitting in my car that I wanted to be Katrina Chanice in real life and not just in the book. I wrote a character that was filled with all of my passions, desires, and dreams. I wrote a what if and basically placed myself in an alternate universe….. like an episode of Flash with Barry Allen. When I sat down and had the time to reflect on my life now that I have published something that I’m actually proud of, I realized how much I missed being that carefree girl before having kids. 

I missed dancing as wild as the nighttime would allow because when the sun came up I was a pastor’s kid that did no wrong. I missed the carefree flirting with cute guys compared to the dull life I lived as a wife to two horrible and toxic men. I married Doug on May 23, 2012. We separated on November 9, 2013 and by December 26, 2013 I was back with Darron whom I married March 3, 2017. Not once did I take the time to heal from that failed marriage/relationship and even after separating from Darron, all I did was focus on being a mother.  

Writing the book helped me rediscover the carefree girl in me and traveling cross country with four babies helped that carefree girl that used to be so bold and daring emerge once again. So no I didn’t understand what I had done to create a following from anywhere or anybody but 1 thing I knew was that I was finally happy with myself despite the reality of being a homeless single mother of 4.  

*Currently Playing: Bitch Better Have My Money by Rihanna* 

Correct me when I’m wrong…..PUHLEASE!!!! I beg of you but I do see the viral videos hitting a million views and likes. The comments and shares from TikTok to SnapChat and even a bit of Facebook and Instagram, however, it’s always been just entertainment. I don’t allow it to make me feel as if I’m some big named celebrity especially when I’m homeless and going through truly my worse phase in life. I am rather transparent in the reality that I am homeless and still people such as social workers, doctors, and whatnot treat me as if I am pretending for likes and views.  

Apparently it’s so impossible to believe that I am completely broke with nowhere to go struggling to get custody of my kids back and I refuse to believe that that’s because I had a couple of viral videos hit the internet.  

But hold on….. I definitely see what you see. Viral videos = MONEY and guess what??? Them bitches ain’t paid me not 1 dime! Instead my pages continue to get shadowbanned to the point where I’m not even allowed to download some apps. That’s how bad that TikTok, SnapChat, Facebook, and Amazon do not want to pay me what is owed to me.  

Now understand this….. If I’m unable to see my analytics because accounts have been deleted, then how would I know that I’m owed anything? The accounts were deleted and not on my behalf. Oh no that’s an inside job and for almost 2 years, my only concern was the reality of being homeless with 4 kids. It went from being homeless with 4 kids to why the fukk is my brother pulling guns on me and who the fukk is putting hits out on me and whyyyyy does everybody thing I have money when it’s so fukk’n obvious that I’m a broke bum bitch?! 

Harassed by everybody over some money and if Y”ALL wanted MY money so gotdamn bad then why not raid Amazon, SnapChat, TikTok, & Facebook headquarters the way y’all raided the White House for Donald Trump?! Y’all coming at me like I’m the one denying or rejecting the gotdamn money. Now why would I do something so fukk’n idiotic as to reject money that could very well set me and children up for life just to sleep in my gotdamn car and DoorDash.  

BUT BUT BUT………GOD!!!!! 

To see how you hoes react to the idea of me having money and ‘grinding like I’m broke’ simply because I don’t want to give y’all money. I really love how GOD LOVES ME!!!! It’s way too many that I would’ve helped had I had the funds. It’s way too many I would’ve splurged on if I had the funds. It’s way too much damage I could’ve caused to me and my children if I had the funds. The only thing I needed to see was the fake love from the many that I truly loved.  

The many that I would’ve tried to put on. Pay it forward as they say and in reality none of you deserve a red cent of my hard earned work. No support and no real love and when it’s time to disperse funds, you’re the first ones in line for something you didn’t even care about before. It hasn’t been one time that I cared about royalty payments or any payments because of a viral video. I have always known that when GOD was ready to blow my mind with riches and fame then BOOM it would happen in God’s timing and I wasn’t rushing a thing.  

Truly, I don’t care now. I don’t mind being a broke bum bitch because when I go to this food stamp office, y’all bitches need to do your fukk’n jobs! Trying to make an example out of me because YOU believe that I have when I don’t is going to be the reason that YOU lose your gotdamn job! If GOD wanted me with the money right now, then certainly I would have it and not one person on God’s green earth needs to keep trying me about some money I haven’t received.  

Now granted it does get to a point where it’s like…… “Okay God, I’m tired now. These heathens been testing me a little too much. I have tried this kumbaya shit and all that peaceful Martin Luther King shit is flying out the window while Malcolm X takes the wheel. It’s a simple click for my deposit. It’s a simple call to drop the kids back off. And again granted…. I’m praying for the stability first and then the kids. GET YO FUKK”N KIDS!!!!” 

My prayers to God because when I offer these hoes lip gloss they don’t want none. They want money and the heathens writing the checks haven’t sent me mine yet! So either I’m delusional or I’m randomly getting harassed by police (Rankin County), strangers, and family over money I have yet to receive. You’d think seeking refuge in California would’ve put an end to the harassment and instead it followed. Must be A LOT of money to make y’all act like this.  

If you don’t hate me by now…… you better start before I cash this first check. Do you fukk’n worse while you can….. I feel the tables turning as I type this blog post.  

Apologies to Jeff and Jeff only….. that FREE DRY LAVANDERIA really had me fukk’d up. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I have no beef with you as long as I don’t have any royalties owed to me of course. The same can be said about the SnapChat crystals and TikTok diamonds…… not sure what Instagram/Facebook gives out but again no beef as long as I’m not owed anything because I certainly do not owe y’all.  

*Currently Playing: Ain’t My Fault by Trouble & Boosie* 

It ain’t my fault how I treat y’all when I actually do get back on my feet and settled into my home with my man and my kids. Y’all did it to yourselves.

I Love the mysterious ways in which God does work

*Currently Playing: Wild Thing by Tone-Loc*

The discovery….

Seeing my mom in this FreakNik documentary was actually really mind blowing. Seeing is certainly believing and if I hadn’t seen her in the video, then I truly would’ve not ever believed it.

*Currently Playing: Back to Life (How Do You Want It) by Soul II Soul*

The stories my mother (Catrinea “Trina/Big Mama” Brunner) told me of FreakNik had NOTHING to do with the actual event itself so going into this documentary; I’m simply hoping and praying to see her. Doing anything really but definitely dancing. She told me about the many friends that she made. Underground nobodies of her time…. worldwide legendz of mine.

*Currently Playing: Parents Just Don’t Understand by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince*

At first glance….. I quickly did a double take because my mother wasn’t at all dancing to the image I had formulated in my mind’s eye. Oh no, she’s the only female in the entire documentary looking like….. well my mama!

Once I accepted this little lady as mine I instantly figured it out…. She’s looking like that because she wasn’t supposed to be there. Probably hoping to be hidden and somebody done put the spotlight on her. Yeah….. that’s my mama y’all [image error]

*Currently Playing: Ladies First by Queen Latifah*

Considering the way in which I detail her demise in my 1st novel Melanin Midas Empire; only a select few can relate to how it actually feels to see my mom in a way where I know that she was actually loved and respected. She was a tough cookie because life wasn’t all that kind to her and giving birth to me did not at all help any situation that she’d gotten herself into. If anything having me only made matters worse.

*Currently Playing: What About Your Friends by TLC*

Being in her position…. Friends are figments of the imagination. To find a true and trustworthy friend is rare and it’s safe to say that she realized her friend was truly her enemy. Jealousy sets in so quickly within the ones closest to you. You already know not to trust the strangers and bystanders but friends and family are supposed to have your back.

I stared hard at the image that my mother gave to the world and fully understood that she was pissed about her hairstyle. Indeed it was ugly and instantly I knew nobody was claiming my big head azz mama!

You’d think it’d be hard to spot but no it certainly wasn’t. That angry look she’s made 1 too many times to count and I for the life of me could not understand why she had to look like that after I did her some crochets. Actually the very last hairstyle that I did on my mother.

I wanted her to experience the full essence of what Beluv’s Beauty Bar was to become. I shampooed and conditioned her hair. Clipped her ends and gave her the best foundation(at that time) for those beautiful crochets.

As I snapped the before and afters, that look was embedded on her face and I had no idea nor a care in the whole because my mom hated taking pictures and I simply figured she didn’t want to take these pictures but I knew she was doing it just for me.

She supported my craft in every way possible. Telling anybody that would listen about her daughter doing hair. It’s not something I actually wanted to do and only learned for her. It’s a craft that I cherish and I actually only prefer to do my family’s hair as it is a bonding experience for me and my loved ones. It’s not something that I want to share with just anybody.

It never mattered if I posted the pictures or not. This was a mother/daughter bonding moment and because she didn’t like taking pictures, I chose not to post those pictures of her hairstyle.

*Currently Playing: I Am Not My Hair by India.Arie*

And yet years later…..

I laughed, shed a few tears, and nodded in full understanding as to why she felt so strongly about making ‘that look’ during that last hair appointment with me.

Not to say that she knew that death was coming but she definitely knew the truth was about to hit everybody like an 18 wheeler flying out of HELL.

She shared her stories and still kept so much to herself. Some things are truly hard to explain. It’s best to let God work it out.

*Currently Playing: Work It Out by Beyoncé*

Now in this video for Work It Out…. Beyoncé is rocking a ginger colored Afro with golden attire to match.

The look my mother gives and the understanding that somebody treated my mother like she was Anna Mae Bullock (ironically my great aunt from Tylertown name was Anna Mae Baker) getting her first relaxer is really full circle as that same year, I went from dark brown to ginger as if I was auditioning to be Beyoncé’s stunt double in this Work It Out music video.

Funny enough….. I fully remember the hair dye bottle being in the trash can and me and my cousin getting the bottle and dabbing and streaking our hair and our dolls hair with what was left.

The only thing I’m not sure of is whether or not I was the leopard or the tiger in that scenario. Either way I dyed my hair at 2/3 years old and been a dark brown/ginger head ever since.

Generational…..

As that was 1992/1993….. it was 2011 that my daughter (Aiden Keuna) decided that her chicken noodle soup was the right concoction for her hair and NOT her tummy as she did just as her mother and placed the contents in her hair.

I laughed so hard at my child being my child!!!

*Currently Playing: How Do You Want It by 2Pac*

The way the story of me dying my hair was portrayed to me was as simple as what I witnessed with my own child.

Kids just being kids….. curiosity gets the best of them sometimes and my grandma Meme and great grandma Myrtis found it as hilarious as I did when I seen my daughter and remembered dying my hair around the same age.

However seeing my mom in the documentary and realizing all the many many many many people that have mimicked her is HILARIOUS because you really shouldn’t fukk with a black woman’s hair and that so called best friend know she was hella wrong for that hairstyle.

The image of a ginger headed 2/3 year old doesn’t fly too well with every family member. The commotion and turmoil behind innocent kids playing around. The disses and threats made because of misunderstandings.

It generates the question of who is the villain in that story? In retrospect, everybody is a villain in somebody’s story.

*Currently Playing: Sugar Pie Honey Bunch by The Four Tops*

So I wondered…..

If this heffa took ha azz back to FreakNik…… at what point in time did 2/3 year old me meet these underground nobodies that are now worldwide legendz.

Done introduced me to a whole new world and left me crying at the door with my Meme! The audacity! And who did we meet in Detroit?!?! They told me it was a work trip….. but for who?!

Epiphanies…..

Just as my mother didn’t like taking pictures, my grandma never posed right for any picture that I snapped of her and neither did my great grandma. As a matter of fact I have seen maybe 1 or 2 pictures of myself as an infant/toddler. So I tend to go a bit overboard with my children.

Keepsakes truly.

Any childhood pictures of me were abducted the moment Myrtis passed away as her sugar biscuit looking granddaughter that I dyed my hair with took possession of each and every photo album and refuses to let anybody know their whereabouts.

She didn’t want me blasting her on the internet with those old childhood photos…..

*Currently Playing: Almost Doesn’t Count by Brandy*

Just the connections you make with people will cause others to treat you differently. A lot hit home seeing her in the documentary. The understanding that it was bigger than I envisioned. Bigger than my dreams. Bigger than what my mother could’ve ever explained to me.

And still not once did she ever mention FreakNik. She shared her memories of the ones she liked the most. Ones that I had gravitated towards and played their songs on repeat or rewatched the movies that they made a million times. Some movies I couldn’t get with but a lot of them I couldn’t let go of.

The same with music and regardless I loved how versatile she was with music and movies while I catered to the versatility of romance books mainly but all books truly.

The last book we discussed was 48 Laws of Power. It’s a book that details everything my mom would talk about but without the “hoe stories” of her friends and family members that she loved to use as examples.

I Am My Mother’s Daughter…..

*Currently Playing: Whip My Hair*

The realization of TRUTH….

Full circle of course. I gave my older girls, Aiden Keuna & Peyton Shontell, their first sewins and of course the naysayers claimed that it was too grown for them. A protective style was too grown for them they said.

As obvious as it is….. this generational cycle of confusion and conflict surrounding HAIR is outrageous!

The beautiful thing about Jada Pinkett Smith….. she’s always dared to be different. From the 80s to now she has showcased the true essence of being a black woman in America with the full understanding that IT’S JUST HAIR!

You cut it and it grows back. You can certainly change the color. You can absolutely add in more and make it fuller or longer. Braids are as beautiful as locs and locs are as gorgeous as cornrows so of course cornrows are as bad azz as twists. And let’s not ever forget the many different natural styles that exist. The no chemicals. The with chemicals and hey it’s okay to slap a wig on because it too is a protective style.

*Currently Playing: Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross*

For some, it is a rather sensitive topic. The inability to grow hair or the loss of hair is a touchy time for everybody involved and as humans we should respect the boundaries and journey of that individual experiencing hardships in hair growth.

The world can be cruel…..

At maybe 12 years old, I was rocking my first Jheri curl on ACCIDENT! I thought I had a natural short wet and wavy going on. All the fukk’n rave now I see! But in middle school I was basically reinacting Coming to America with my Sooooouuuuuuulllllllll Gllllooooooooooowwwwwww!!!!! And obviously the children were cruel. Extremely cruel. I refused to ever wear wet and wavy again until recently like 2/3 years ago. These kids were so cruel that when I wore the drawstring ponytail, they constantly reminded me of my former wet and wavy Jheri curl fail.

So seeing my mother making her LEGENDARY LOOK had me laughing so hard because the world is still rather cruel and not one person wants to claim this lady because of her hairstyle.

In retrospect….. the hairstyle wasn’t that bad but once my mother was angry then there was no fixing that shit overnight. It took time and obviously she was still angry when 2017 came along and I wanted to do these crochets in her hair.

*Currently Playing: Bedtime by Usher*

Only 4 years before and that same fake azz friend asked me did I use glue and thread while doing a sew in. Completely puzzled and a tad bit offended because I know she just seen me doing the sew in so she knew for a fact I didn’t use any glue.

Stupidity at its finest…..

Or so I thought. Oh no that was Pissy Petty Pauline throwing digs at my mother. The time April 2013….. Pauline Evans died that same year in June.

I didn’t see it then but my mother actually wasn’t too hurt behind losing whom she told me was her best friend. I was more hurt than my mother at the thought of her losing her best friend.

Clearly that wasn’t her best friend. A longtime friend. Frenemy truly but a true friend she was not. It took me losing my mother to really see that we were each other’s best friend and biggest supporter.

The reason why I detail the loss of friendship so hard between Imani and her fake azz friend in Melanin Midas Empire. I lost my mom who was my best friend. Just detailing those emotions, nothing more.

I’m grateful for that crazy bat of mine. I didn’t care why she made the look but I’m understanding and believing that she did it on purpose. She wasn’t sure when that video of her was going to pop out and telling the truth was really hard to do so she did what she thought was best.

She always said I was smarter than her so she knew for a fact that I’d figure it all out the moment I seen that look.

*Currently Playing: Enough by Cardi B*

Let’s be done with the topic of hair….

It’s the look for me! As I ran to my old photos to see how this heffa CURSED me with this look! Not just me but my children too!!!! And not once did I ever realize what I was doing while taking pictures but there go my children mimicking me as the worldwide legendz have done to my mom.

I’m not at all mimicking her and when I try I laugh too hard….. until I’m naturally talking or naturally as angry as she was.

*Currently Playing: In Those Jeans by Ginuwine*

Genetics….

While trying to wrap my head around 1 thing, here I am trying to accept maybe 2 or 3 other things.

It is something so beautiful in seeing a child made in love. That child is the perfect combination of both parents. No matter the day you’ll easily see mom & dad in that child. The genetics are undeniable when they’re made in love.

The only thing I ever needed to see was my Mommy Dearst in this documentary being shown so much love. Regardless of what happened behind the scenes, she allowed herself to be seen because she knew she was loved and she loved you all just the same if not more.

The 1 thing that brought tears to my eyes was the understanding that she allowed me to take the pictures knowing that I might post them on the internet. A place she did not want her image posted but granting me that permission because of how much she supported me and loved me.

*Currently Playing: California Love by Tupac & Dr. Dre*

Shall I bring the ginger hair back? For nostalgia of course!

Cannot mention PICTURES and not mention the FULL CIRCLE of the love & support that me & my kids received for my 1st novel; Melanin Midas Empire while out in California.

Granted the love & support wasn’t matched in Mississippi but I’m not making anymore changes to this novel. It was a story written from a place of love and understanding with the hope that it would be well received by others…… and it was well received by others. It was just in California not Mississippi despite the location and local stars featured in the novel.

I can say that Pastor Geno & his wife from Word of Life did indeed receive this novel with love and understanding. As it is a book about LOVE….. love comes in many different forms and at many different times in your life. For a lot of us, true unconditional love comes along when we’re at our lowest moments in life.

A reminder of God’s Love in physical form. A companion to help guide you through these hardships. When it’s TRUE, it’ll not ever leave you feeling BLUE.

*Currently Playing: This Lil Game We Play by Subway & 702*

Between I’m Going Down and This Lil Game We Play….. that’s what Lil Tutu(ME) was singing at 2/3 years for NO REASON but still my favorite songs and yes my kids are slowly learning the words to them.

My mom made sure to create a positive space for us to talk and discuss ANYTHING. Stars in her eyes were stars in my eyes and she made sure to hype them up even harder if she knew I liked them in my own time.

The same cannot be said for Tutu & Alex. As she refused to give me their real names. I was left with these nicknames that she’d given to these boys that she used to babysit. However….. I’m understanding more now that stars in my eyes were stars in her eyes.

I didn’t tell anybody about my deep rooted love for Tutu, the older brother as Alex was the baby brother of the two brothers. No, only my mom knew. And she’d taunt me over the years with the many encounters that she’d had with him and his family and yet she wouldn’t ever give me his real name.

Eventually I stopped caring about his real name but I knew he’d show up one day and I knew we’d have a lot to catch up about. My only hope was that he was happy in life. A lot years has gone by and I would’ve loved to had seen him again. Especially after losing my mom. The very reason why he ever truly existed. Had she not been babysitting him and his brother, I wouldn’t have experienced real love at such an early age.

I knew in writing this story that a many fake azz Tutus would pop out trying to claim a character. Not ever knowing if this boy was real or not just pretending to be the guy in the story. Something I did not want but something I had to accept and deal with.

Lester Reuben Walls and his brother Evan Alexander Walls provided the PERFECT image for my Tutu and Alex. I could’ve left the names as Tutu and Alex but I decided to switch it up a bit. They were actually a little too perfect so I named his brother Carlos instead of Alex or using Evan Alexander. The hope was that everybody would see it as just a story.

A bunch of what ifs and memories. A few could’ve beens and maybe hads. A lot of imagination as well. Over exaggerated truths 4sho!

However…..

If if was a fifth….. I ain’t drunk tho!

My mother knew fully how I felt about me some Tutu and she knew all I needed was his name. Wherever he was I was going to find that boy and he was going to be mine until the end of time.

She refused to tell me a thing because she feared he’d break my heart. Maybe it was fighting as kids. Maybe it’s what she witnessed in those many encounters she had with him and his family but her biggest fear was me having a broken heart by any boy. She wanted no boy to break my heart and whenever it appeared as if they did, she rejected any idea of them ever being good enough.

Now had Lester actually been Tutu….. she would’ve ragged me hard about this book. Would’ve told me to use ANYBODY’s name but his because this is a boy that’s going to break your heart.

A lot like Steel Magnolias when she insisted on having the baby….. or A Walk To Remember when the dad has the hardest time accepting this “bad boy” into his dying daughter’s life.

She knew for a fact that the moment she gave me his name, nothing else she said would’ve mattered. Tutu could do no wrong. He was the perfect little mannish boy to my overly curious azz and despite the time that’s gone by, I would’ve still seen perfection instead of addressing his flaws and forcing him to be a better man.

She seen flaws first and what was perfection when nobody is perfect. Nobody but Jesus they say. Perfection to me was the same to her. As I sit and reminisce on these stories of stars only in her eyes at that time. Now they’ve become so much more to many many people.

Tutu and Alex were stars in my eyes back in 1998 because Tutu was always the perfect gentleman and sweetheart to me. Something these grown azz men still can’t seem to possess. The nature of a real man trapped inside of a child’s body. He was protective in his young age much like Mufasa in this new movie. He didn’t run away from anything. Bold and daring in everything he did. Granted he didn’t want to say Candyman but he didn’t run away while I said it. Granted he was upset about the spider crawling into his mouth in his sleep but he didn’t wake up screaming and hitting himself because of it.

He left a HUGE impact on me in the love department and I have been writing romance stories since the last time I seen him before moving back to Quitman, MS that final time.

So I came across a guy that just so happened had a brother and together they gave me the perfect image of MY Tutu & Alex. While my mother is now dead…. She certainly cannot confirm nor deny who Tutu & Alex really are and I have since moved on.

*Currently Playing: Girlfight by Brooke Valentine*

While I’m not changing anything in that 1st novel, I have witnessed some of the strangest behavior because of this book. As much as I do not desire jumping out on somebody….. these folks in Mississippi will constantly try you and now everybody on the 5 o’clock news looking crazy for no damn reason at all.

The way I thought Jaela Evans had rolled up on me…. I’m actually happy that I didn’t have my glasses because chiiillllleeeeee the jump would’ve been extremely necessary! Had it been her of course. Not assuming but we’ll just say it wasn’t. All because I know if God wanted me to see her and beat her azz then I would’ve seen her and beat her azz. Glasses or contacts or random 20/20 vision…… either way if it was meant to be then it would’ve been.

Full circle…..

My mother ignored the petty digs that Pauline Evans threw her way and 2 months later she was getting buried. I have certainly ignored this Jaela Evans character for a while now. From her need to be me to her need want to fight me. The petty digs that her paid fan base throws my way…..

It’s all unmatched for when God starts tapping that azz.

For CLARITY…..

It did not matter if Lester Reuben Walls & Evan Alexander Walls were actually Tutu & Alex. These are MY life experiences with individuals that I seen as stars when I was a CHILD and in that I wrote this story including the ESSENCE of what those boys would’ve grown up to be like.

So yeah….. if I want to write another about the man then so be it. Shiiiiidddddd Atticus Weathers can easily be Tutu in the NU Book. As the actual writer….. it’s easy writing about somebody that I experienced real love with as a kid not an adult. Since all I truly remember is his smile and his characteristics, it’s easy to promote an image of a man that vaguely resembles him as Lester Reuben Walls does have a nice smile to me. An added bonus….. he has a brother whose middle name is Alexander.

*Currently Playing: Bug-A-Boo by Destiny’s Child*

Not sure if it’s stupidity or jealousy but either way it’s worse than a gnat. The persistence of a troll…..

I tries not to step into those petty murky waters and yet a few too many times did I do just that LAST YEAR….

Na not this year…. too many distractions and not enough congratulations from me to me! As I was indeed a star in my mother’s eyes and now I’m starting to see what she seen and I fully respect her truths and love her for it more than I could’ve had she told me everything under the sun. I didn’t need to know everything. What I knew was enough and what I’m learning would piss her off so bad because it would seem as though I never believed a word she said.

I did…. I did. Just wasn’t bragging and name dropping. Something I witnessed my cousin do when I shared the stories with her. She went on to claim my family as her family because of who they had become in our day and age. Clout was not a word that existed when this cousin did it but I certainly didn’t like that she did it and vowed to not ever talk about my family or my Tutu & Alex.

From the nonbelievers to the naysayers to the clout chasers….. yup I just stfu and ate some cake. In due time…..

*Currently Playing: Before I Let Go by Maze & Frankie Beverly*

Of all the stories that she told….. I enjoyed the story of the 69 Boyz being my godfathers most of all. I practiced Tootsie Roll constantly and even indulged in the candy from time to time.

Now her dating Usher’s uncle and his name actually being Ushery was not ever getting told to anybody after my cousin ran around saying Usher was her cousin because I’m her cousin and my mom is her cousin and since my mom dated his uncle that means her and Usher are basically cousins.

I didn’t want to be around for when you have to face these ‘truths’ or ‘lies’ depending on who’s telling the story of course.

I made sure to keep up with the stories where I met these amazing friends of hers…… family truly as a little bitty baby and I grew up not for a second thinking that I’d ever see them now in adulthood as a mommy of 4.

As my mother stated that she was a dancer and that’s how she met all of these wonderful people. She shared with me how they loved me and that we were indeed family.

I understood that I was a baby. I understood that those people probably wasn’t even thinking about me…. Certainly not after all of these years.

Chiiiiiilllllllleeeeeee de le fame has come and who gives a rat’s ass about some dancer and her baby?!

It was the music video for Flex by Cupid & The 69 Boyz that made me truly want to speak up and share that little tidbit of information….

I’m so happy I ate cake instead.

Simply wasn’t the right time. Had to burn a lot of leeches off first. As a matter of fact the documentary helped solidify the confidence to say something…. On X(twitter) of course.

I had seen the trailer for the documentary and I was intrigued to say something but what can be said when the last time y’all seen me, I was a baby. The only true connection between us has passed away as I didn’t know a thing about any other connections.

Once I learned about my heritage….. I only told my kids. My older two girls as they needed to know their heritage as well but seeing is believing. I placed my kids in the same boat that my mother did with me by telling stories with no evidence. No receipts.

Working with nothing but trust and belief….. FAITH!

Leaving space and opportunity for anybody to come along and pretend or discourage us from knowing the truth.

Seeing their grandmother….. because of course I’m going to show them….. in this FreakNik documentary won’t do ANYTHING for them but it certainly did EVERYTHING for me!

My mom experienced real love around all of you and that’s not ever a bad thing. The most beautiful image of my mother that I’ve seen and I’m praying to God that there’s more. I’ve been overly prepared for the stories.

I really do love y’all!!! It’s how y’all went out of your way to make sure I knew the love was real. Thank you for not forgetting about cha girl!

XOXO

After a year of being back in good ole Mississippi, this update has been long overdue. It’s heartbreaking to say the least and at the same time it’s completely freeing and a true breath of fresh air.

*Currently Playing: As We Lay by Shirley Murdock*

Writing, for me has turned into a true passion of mine. I’ve enjoyed meeting other writers and authors; despite whatever their genre may be. What was once a simple hobby. Something I used to do to pass the time in class after I finished taking those God awful long state exams.

My 1st story at 9 years old, dedicated to nobody in particular. Simply writing to write; allowing my cousin Sheena to read this story over the summer. Thinking nothing of it then of course. I went on to write my second story in 8th grade at Chastain Middle School allowing my classmates and English teacher, Mrs. Smith to read that one.

It was the feedback that Mrs. Smith gave me that caused me to continue writing. Sure, my cousin liked the story but reading wasn’t her thing. Mrs. Smith on the other hand had a degree in the art of reading and grading multiple essays and here I was bored after state exams. As all teachers, she was intrigued to know what her students were giggling about in the corner of the classroom.

Luckily for me, I was still clueless to who or what Zane & Eric Jerome Dickey had written. So the most my characters did in that story was KISS. Just a FYI.

When Mrs. Smith finished the first couple of chapters, she stated with a surprised look, “I felt like I already knew the characters from the beginning.”

I had no idea what that meant but the look on her face made me feel like it was a good thing. So in that I continued writing in a way where my readers felt connected to the characters within the first few paragraphs.

*Currently Playing: Ain’t No Other Man by Christina Aguilera*

It’s taken YEARS….obviously….. for me to settle into a storyline. Then a few more months for me to feel secure in the characters and whatnot.

The publisher in New York that declined my manuscript ‘Secrets of my Heart’s Desire’ gave me some wonderful feedback as she stated, “This particular slowburn romance isn’t what we publish.”

I was diving into waters that I truly didn’t understand and now I had to figure out what made this story a ‘slowburn’ so I went ahead and published the manuscript in order to get feedback as well as understanding.

I learned A LOT as KC Houston and one thing I fully understood was that I wasn’t a Houston. Nor was my mother. There was a man that I do believe she was truly in love with and it’s very much possible that he was truly in love with her as well. When she died, I felt like honoring that love until I realized that, that love actually never existed.

Whether the love was real or not…. It didn’t matter because they never explored that love. A huge WHAT IF that I had to let go of.

From KC Houston to Katrina Chanice….

*Currently Playing: What’s Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner*

As I rewrote Secrets of my Heart’s Desire into Melanin Midas Empire, the only thing on my mind was PROMOTION and diving into a new world filled with video production.

Imagine my surprise when the 1 person I confided in betrayed my trust while the very person whom I dedicated the story to turned his back on me and acted like I never existed to him.

Mind blowing to say the least…..

I made it very well known to Lester Reuben Walls that I was going to write a book about him and make him the perfect bookbae. Somehow me being a woman of my word and doing exactly that became a problem.

Unfortunately this ‘problem’ transpired during a time where I fully embraced who I was as a writer, author, and publisher. I firmly stood my ground vowing that I would not change anything in this story because I couldn’t see what the ‘problem’ was.

*Currently Playing: So What by Pink*

Well quite frankly, I still don’t see what the ‘problem’ turned out to be considering this is a FICTITIOUS story. A what if that I’m extremely proud of.

I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit.

As I now journey into the art of movie making magic, I no longer have the energy to play petty games with that boy. Because yes the harder you come up against me, the harder I’m going in for myself. As I should.

It is indeed heartbreaking as I have stated that the love was real from me to him. Obviously not delusional as I have fully respected this man and his relationships in person however the truth shall set you free I suppose.

From Lester Walls to Atticus Weathers…..

*Currently Playing: Superstitious by Stevie Wonder*

A simple name change I know…. I felt the need to prove a point because if it was going to be this big of a deal then why not say that when I 1st said that I was going to write this book about you.

To incorporate ClickTight Rydaz & Team Flye as a special thank you for letting me write this book. I have apologized for that bright light being shined in their faces and yet all I get in return is indeed….

Mockery, mockery, mockery

From ClickTight Rydaz to Certified TrueBorn Rydaz….

Not an ounce of support. Not a bit of recognition. Nothing but mocking laughter and bullshit while reaping the rewards of my hard penmanship. I suppose you’re welcome.

From Team Flye to The Tantalizing Ten….

*Currently Playing: Last Night by Morgan Wallen*

It’s rather obvious that I wanted the story to APPEAR as real as possible using locals as the stars. Truly I thought it was really amazing to have a light to shine on anybody and I didn’t have any problems with these individuals being the stars.

Pay It Forward

In whatever way that you can. I did it with art and promotion. A book and my truth. The story itself has absolutely NOTHING to do with Lester Walls, Team Flye, or ClickTight Rydaz. They were simply honorable mentions that apparently hated to be mentioned and took that to heart.

*Currently Playing: The Storm Is Over Now by R. Kelly*

Granted, I refused to change my book just because this boy had gotten into a relationship or had been in one and now felt so strongly to go against me. That was his problem not mine. However he fully lied to my face when he said he wanted to see me succeed as he never supported the book. He only made a mockery of it while inviting his family and friends to do the same.

As I stated the love was real, that only made things worse and well I indeed had to be my pettiest about my artwork considering I truly put my all into writing Melanin Midas Empire.

I didn’t need him to like it nor truly support it but I certainly didn’t expect him to fully come up against me like he did. That in itself is the most heartbreaking part of it all. A bunch of people that I have never met, angry about a fictional story simply because of overly common names being used.

*Currently Playing: Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake*

You can lead a horse to water but you certainly can’t make him drink it….

Another ungrateful man with buddies that gas him up to be his most ungrateful self. The TRUTH is that a lot of bullshit could’ve been avoided had we all come together and had 1 simple conversation but that’s just too much like right.

*Currently Playing: 4 Walls (The Aftermath) by Pretty Willie*

Extremely heartbroken….

The disappointment of it all as I accept the reality of changing these names. As a writer, certainly fellow writers understand the value of having finished a project and that’s that on that. No more edits. No more changes!

1 last edit….

1 last change…..

As if that’ll actually stop the harassment and personal attacks because of a gotdamn fictional fukking story but I digress…. It certainly needs to!

Either way all names attached to Lester ShowoutKing Walls in Melanin Midas Empire will be changed. It’s actually not that many but it’ll certainly happen before the week is out.

FYI…

The only ‘SHOWOUT KING’ in my life is The Most High Elohim. I have stated a few times across social media that I only have God. He’s the one that shows up and shows out about me and mine. I dedicate everything in my life to God and GOD ALONE!

Doesn’t matter how hard that is to believe…. It’s MY TRUTH!

*Currently Playing: Truth Is by India.Arie*

There was never a need for validation or recognition. Not even support. It was simply astonishing how hard they all came up against me. And yet life goes on….

As I step into Generational Wealth, I look around and despite my children being held hostage by Darron and Christine (over exaggerated TRUTH) I’m grateful to see the same ones I was homeless with will be the same ones I celebrate LIFE with.

My children….. Aiden Keuna, Peyton Shontell, Braxton Alexander, & Tristian Joanne.

The very reason why I push so hard to get up every morning and get out trying to make a way when there was literally no way. The reason why I’m not angry with anybody because of their lack of support and a broken heart is a thing of the past.

*Currently Playing: Gracefully Broken by Tasha Cobbs Leonard*

Patience is a virtue….

I waited patiently for the moment in which it felt right for me to make these changes. I prayed on it hard because it should’ve never been this big of a deal with so many people. Some not even understanding fully, just happy to cause chaos in somebody’s life.

Something truly special in Tuesday being 1 whole year that I’ve been back in Mississippi, still just as homeless as I was in California. As a matter of fact it became worse from simply being here. At least a year ago I had my car…. The Ford Fiesta that was paid off. Towed in July during a traffic stop. The location of the car is completely unknown. They apparently don’t even know who towed my car. Too busy threatening to throw me on the ground after I asked to see this so called warrant for my arrest.

Took my babies in March after failing to stop and offer help while reprimanding me for having ran out of gas. They placed my children in hell while ensuring that all attempts to get them back are null and void.

The judge stated that I’d be persecuted for leaving the state with my children. He went on to give unworthy praises to Christine for taking in these 4 destitute children.

Wasn’t long before every officer, judge, and social worker was singing a different tune. I continued to pray as only God can help me. Only God can turn this around….

*Currently Playing: Jehovah Jireh by Jekayln Carr*

It’s certainly not what you know but who you know and I for one do not go out of my way playing pranks that involve anybody’s children being placed in harm’s way.

My understanding is ZERO!

I’m out my body about my babies!

Staying prayed up is an understatement and as I am consistently met with hardships from men that have been paid to rape and kill me…. Of course to ensure that I don’t get my kids back….. still I pray.

Even as I type this blog, the need to watch me pee & shower at knife point or gunpoint is at an all time high. I asked for protection in February 2K24 as I realized that too many STRANGERS were now watching me and my kids. I instead received a bunch of belittlement and mockery from anybody capable of protecting me and my children.

Because mental health is only real when it benefits the ones screaming out mental health is real or you need a therapist…. I’m still rather sane while still needing protection from the insane people watching my every move. As I clearly see how people have taken sides forming their own opinions based off of the lies of others.

From people trying to claim my artwork, to pretending to be me, to the point where they feel the need to rape or kill me when faced with rejection because I do not desire a romantic or sexual relationship with them.

I understood a year ago that not every smiling face was a friendly face. I understood that the most standing in Old Tavern in Dec 2K22 and not having anybody to turn to in that moment for protection. As a woman, I’m not trying to fight everybody. As a Woman of God, I have no desire in being angry with everybody. I don’t want drama.

I want respect.

I want honesty.

I want loyalty.

I want peace.

I’m God fearing and yet I’m not afraid to walk alone in the middle of the night however I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have to fight a man because he can’t take no for an answer. I shouldn’t have to argue with a man because he can’t take no for an answer.

*Currently Playing: On and On by Erykah Badu*

This blind man stated it’s how I treat people and I say he’s blind because he couldn’t see it wasn’t how I treated anybody. It was simply a power that I didn’t ask to possess.

In my relationship with God, I have a certain anointing on me. That anointing comes with a certain attraction. A magnetic pull really. I don’t seek them out. They seek me out. Whether positive or negative, I can’t help who I attract but I can be extremely cautious about who I interact with.

Not everybody takes rejection well and I’ve been forced to deal with these people because a group of individuals felt so strongly to ‘teach me a lesson’ and the only lesson being taught is how stupid they were for listening to the devils in their lives while judging me based on a fictional story that they refused to believe I wrote.

*Currently Playing: This Is A Move by Tasha Cobbs Leonard*

And yet everything happens for a reason. Making these changes isn’t going to magically make my need for protection disappear but it will open doors for that protection to come to me.

Believing that Lester, ClickTight, or any of The Walls are oh so eager to provide that protection for me and my children is a false belief that I never once stated. I didn’t know where to go in April but of course I asked for help and protection. They stated loud and clear that they could not help me. Something I already knew as the boy wasn’t even supporting the book. I knew he wasn’t concerned with me or my children’s safety.

I pleaded with his mother, Donna, and was met with rejection when it came to helping and protecting me and my children. In that moment, my only concern was for my children but regardless I given a ten dollar bill from his father for gas and sent on my way to fend for myself.

Unlike these stalkers, rapists, and killers…. I never returned seeking help from The Walls and I only ever attempted to maintain a piece of positive connection with Lester Reuben Walls because of my book.

Made no sense how you agree to a book being written that features you only to completely dismiss the writer after the book has been published and promoted.

*Currently Playing: Long As I Got King Jesus by Vicki Winans*

It’s mandatory that the people know that I’m completely alone in these streets. I only have God. Forced to squat in an unfinished house with the very strangers that get antsy when faced with any kind of rejection.

As long as I’m at my lowest, not rock bottom but under the rock, then my children are fed, clothed, and warm. I hold my head up high because when it’s all said and done God’s gonna get the glory behind this.

And you can bet your last two dollars that as soon as God hands me the keys, I’m burning rubber out of this God forsaken state with all 4 of my babies and the judge can kiss my ass about that!

Too much has happened to say that I would truly be this delusional over some dick. Granted I was petty about my book but this shit is ridiculous how nobody wants to see the truth for what it is.

I’m a pretty girl with beautiful kids…. Beauty can certainly be a blessing and a curse. Pretty does indeed hurt especially when you’re surrounded by pedophiles, rapists, & serial killers. Not 1 man willing to stand up and protect me and my children. That’s all me all the time.

Beauty, Brains, & Talent definitely warrants some form of protection and this entire state called me delusional for leaving. Not for loving some boy that pretended he never knew me.

*Currently Playing: Bigger by Jekayln Carr*

It’s bigger than you think…..