Daniel Winter's Blog

Competition has always been in my blood. I primarily attribute that to my dad who swam at the state level in high school and always challenged me to compete as a child. Even though my competitive nature has led to plenty of negative situations, I still consider it one of my greatest strengths today.

Competition certainly isn’t something I’ve always seen as a strength. In college, I took my very first StrengthsFinder test and found out that competition is in my top 5 strengths. Up until that point, I had never thought of my competitive nature as a strength. I more just saw it as an attribute of my overall makeup. “Hi, I’m Daniel. I’m from Amarillo, have brown hair, am right-handed, and am competitive.”. Seeing that competition is considered a strength helped me to rethink how I viewed that characteristic. Strengths are traits that we may naturally gravitate toward, but they’re also things that we can sharpen and choose how to employ.

With this new perspective, I started looking at my competitiveness as a tool that I could dial up when it served a situation well. Sports are an obvious example of this, but school and work also presented plenty of chances to tap into my competition strength. When I first started my career in healthcare consulting, the performance statistics for our hire class were public knowledge. This meant I could tap into my competitive nature to motivate myself to higher levels of performance based on the performance of my peers. On the other hand, I also had to be mindful of situations where my strength of competition was the wrong tool to employ. A friendly game of volleyball between casual players? Probably a good time to dial it down. Working with a peer who struggled to grasp a concept and felt they were falling behind? Probably not the best time to point out a difference in our stats.

For those that still see competitiveness as an alpha, douchy trait, let me share a couple of other benefits to the trait:

One, having a competitive streak can make you better at literally everything IF you pair it with a healthy amount of humbleness and maturity. When I was younger, it wasn’t uncommon for me to give in to the urge to be a sore loser mentality and refuse to play something I couldn’t win at. But as I grew older, I started to understand that I wouldn’t be good at everything but I could still “compete” by training to grow personally and beat my own standards day after day. By making competition more so caring about playing a good game versus just winning, it helps me to be more invested in anything I do and to seek to improve.

That leads me to my second point. Competitive people are incredibly easy to motivate. If you want me to be locked into an assignment, literally all you have to do is make it some sort of game or competition. It could be the most menial task imaginable but if it’s a competition, I’ll put forth a maximum effort. Knowing this about myself has helped me to stay motivated throughout my entire career and has helped me motivate others that share that trait.

For all the competitive people out there, I challenge you to see that trait as a strength that can be used or put aside depending on the situation. I also challenge you to learn how to be gracious in defeat. For all those that get rubbed the wrong way by competitive people, I challenge you to embrace that strength a little more and to also extend a little grace to the guy or girl in the office that makes everything a game. Sometimes that’s the only way that they can stay focused.

-Daniel

If I had a golden rule, it would probably be the golden rule because who am I to second guess Jesus. But if I had to pick a silver rule, it would be to give others the benefit of the doubt.

Assuming the worst must be some sort of ancient survival mechanism because it seems to be the default setting for many people. If a friend doesn’t text back, it’s because they don’t like you anymore. If there’s a whispered conversation between coworkers, it’s probably about you. Or when someone makes an off-handed comment that offends you, they did it with the express intent of triggering you. Look, I’m not saying those things never happen but I’m willing to bet they happen far less often than we think they do. Assuming the worst may be the best setting when operating in life and death situations but in everyday life, it can completely sabotage our relationships.

When we jump to the worst conclusion, we turn two other important psychological concepts against us: self-fulfilling prophecy and confirmation bias. Let’s think about a friend who might occasionally overlook responding to you. If you believe that this is because of a growing issue with your relationship, then your mind will look for other instances that confirm this feeling and ignore any evidence to the contrary. You can quickly become convinced of something not even remotely true based on a sporadic series of events. What will naturally follow is that you’ll start to act colder to that friend since you believe the feeling is mutual. Now at this point, you’re creating real tension that your friend will certainly catch wind of. Your actions will fulfill your own prophecy.

If you’re reading the above example, I hope you’re thinking, “this is silly, they should just talk to each other about what’s going on!”. Good friends and strong communicators will absolutely nip this tension in the bud by going to the source and removing opportunities to assume. But how often do you take that same vulnerable step with coworkers or newer friends? This is where benefit of the doubt comes in.

The gold standard for building good relationships is to communicate openly about issues bothering you. The silver standard is to provide benefit of the doubt. Not every slight or issue we face will be worth the time and effort to bring up. These small frustrations just come up too often and with people, we may not have the depth to engage further with. In those situations, I recommend defaulting to give benefit of the doubt. I guess that this will only improve your mood and relationship with others. Give it a try! What do you have to lose?

If you were to ask me when my favorite time of life was, chances are that my gut reaction would be whatever came before my most recent “big life change”. My answer might also depend on how close I am to my next big life change. As I think back on different phases in life, I can honestly say that I’ve ultimately enjoyed each new phase a little bit more than the one before. Maybe I’ve been lucky to feel positive about all my life phases, even middle school, but I think that I deserve a little credit for this feeling of satisfaction. My life has not been devoid of tragedy but that’s a post for another time.

What I want to focus on is the challenge I’ve tended to face when ending one life stage and moving to another. At the start of nearly every change, I find myself feeling nostalgic for the phase I’ve just left and sometimes more than a little unhappy. This really hit me during my freshman year of college. Cringy Facebook status posts and messages will forever immortalize just how melancholy I felt at the time. I had left my hometown as a senior who felt like I had school figured out, had a great group of friends, and was thrilled about the prospect of college right in front of me. However, once I was actually in college and couldn’t look forward to it anymore, life felt less exciting. College work was much tougher than high school work, my friend group had shrunk dramatically, and I wasn’t one of the best frisbee players in town anymore. As I spent various late nights watching MTV music videos and throwing a pity party, I had a thought that completely changed the way I viewed my current situation. As a freshman in college, I felt mopey because I was comparing my current situation to what I had just come from, being a senior in high school. But that wasn’t a fair comparison. In reality, I should be thinking back to what my experience was like as a freshman in high school. When I thought back to that time in life, I suddenly realized that my current situation really wasn’t all that far off. In fact, being a freshman in college was significantly better than my experience as a freshman in high school. That one mindset change completely turned around a tendency to romanticize and wish for days past. Instead, I now had hope and excitement knowing that if I was able to reach a point where I loved high school after the relative misery starting out, I could certainly grow to love college even more. As it turned out, I was right. By my senior year of college, I laughed at the idea of high school being my life pinnacle. Can I still look back on those memories fondly? Absolutely, it represented a peak moment in life. But I also know that I have so many other, higher peaks to look forward to.

Adopting this mindset has helped me strike a healthy balance of appreciating past moments in life while still enjoying where I’m at now. It’s a great reminder that reaching peaks took work and effort.

Hopefully, this resonates with others and offers some relief to those that might currently find themself in a valley!

-Daniel

PS. If you’re interested in other mindsets I’ve found valuable, check out my book!

I’ve always said that the mark of a great friend is someone who thinks you’re much funnier than you really are. Using this measure, Sam would easily be my best friend. From high school all the way to now, I know that spending time with Sam guarantees that we’ll both crack each other up over something that others would only groan at.

As Andrew and I discussed who we wanted to interview first, we landed on talking to someone who embodied commitment since we had just finished a series on the subject. Sam immediately leapt to mind as one of my most loyal, committed friends. No lie, he is the Texan version of Samwise Gamgee (minus the gardening). Sam shares a ton of great insight about what inspires his loyalty and the benefits of loyalty within the podcast so I won’t repeat that here. Instead, I’ll share a couple stories and insights we didn’t have time to cover within the episode.

#1 Loyalty Requires History

When Sam asked me to be his best man in his wedding, he gave me a reason that I’ll never forget. Even though there were lots of guys that, at that time, were more present in Sam’s life, he told me that he wanted me as his best man because I knew some of the older, less attractive versions of himself and stuck around as Sam grew in maturity. Obviously, I could’ve said the exact same for Sam. I often joke with my wife that if she had met me in high school, there’s no way she would’ve been willing to marry me. But Sam did know me in high school. He was one of my best friends. When you have that kind of history with someone you either become blinded to the person they have become due to past experiences or you have remarkable clarity about how significantly someone has changed in comparison to those experiences. That’s where loyalty, not blind loyalty, can be so meaningful. As friends, partners, and people we should bring a more critical eye to the history we have with others. Be careful not to discount someone that may have been a screw up 15, 5, or even 1 year ago. At the same time, don’t let that person off the hook for not growing during that same time person. Loyalty should mean expecting and seeing the best in those we’re closest to.

#2 Loyalty Requires Courage

How many of you have been in a situation where someone has started to rail on your favorite sports team, musician, or movie and the rest of the group seems to completely agree with the disparaging opinion? Do you find it tough to be loyal to your interest and go against the group? What about when it’s a group talking badly about a friend? Does your loyalty still show its head? Another reason I consider Sam one of my most loyal friends is that I witnessed him stand up for a person or cause he’s loyal to even when surrounded by the most hostile critics. Many times it’s been for something silly like baseball, but I’ve also seen it when it comes to something that really counts. His faith. In moments where it would be much easier to sit quietly while others voiced negative views of Jesus, Sam is one that will always speak out in defense. Sam’s courageousness makes his loyalty really count for something.

#3 Loyalty Shouldn’t Be Blind

Love and loyalty are two positive attributes often given a negative spin when coupled with blindness. Many times I think we confuse blindness with benefit of the doubt, but that’s a post for another day. In some cases, blind love or loyalty truly exist and neither situation is desirable. When it comes to loyalty, this really should be a two-way street. By loyalty flowing both ways, it opens the door for some of the most hurtful yet helpful truths to be spoken between parties. The fact of the matter is that people change over time. This can be a positive, growth change or a negative, decay change. If our loyalty lies with the person that we love, then we should help them to that positive growth. If we remain loyal to a stagnant idea of someone, we open the door to decay. When I first when to college, I invited Sam to visit for spring break. At the time, Sam thought he would stay in Amarillo after graduating. My entire goal during the spring break visit was to convince Sam to leave Amarillo and come to Texas A&M. This was contrary to what Sam wanted at that time but as his friend, I truly felt it would be beneficial for him. Ultimately Sam did come to Texas A&M and experienced so much growth from it. Had he stayed, we would have remained friends and it’s entirely possible he would have grown in other ways but it’s more likely that he would have stagnated and been a lesser person for it. I’m still loyal to not only Sam but to the best version of him. If our friends can’t help protect us from ourselves, who can?

If you want to hear more about Sam and loyalty, please check out his interview on Dead by Tomorrow.

-Daniel

Earlier this year I read a book that caused me to totally rethink several of my productivity habits. I was so taken by the concepts of the book that I actually asked if I could cover the concepts with my peers at work in a development session. The book is called Deep Work and it’s unlikely that this blog post, my podcast, and my own book would exist without it.

Deep Work’s basic premise and that our desire and ability to “go deep” has been diminishing as a society and thus, those with the ability to complete deep work will see their value skyrocket. Within the book, going deep means long, uninterrupted work sessions to complete tasks of meaningful value. The anti-thesis of deep work would be answering 100 shallow emails that only require minimal attention or effort which leads to tasks switching and focus fragmentation.

Trying to find space for deep work both within my job and my personal life was not easy, but I become completely convinced of the value after finishing the book. Within my job, I did one major thing to foster an environment where deep work could happen. If I was ever going to go deep, I first needed to make sure that those I worked closest with saw the value of deep work and could take advantage of it themselves. I accomplished this by creating a schedule for each of my three direct reports where they had a two-hour block once a week in which they would go into do not disturb on chats and both their teams and peers knew that they should not expect a response outside of emergencies. During that block, they should strive to complete tasks that were tough to complete with split focus. After proposing the idea, the prevailing response was that this sounded nice but there’s no way it would actually work. Fortunately, the team was still willing to try out the schedule despite hesitations. Fast forward a couple of weeks and the idea yielding extremely positive results. During deep work time, the team felt so relieved to be able to give dedicated focus to tough tasks hanging over their head. Covering for a teammate that was in deep work time felt easy because each person knew how valuable that time was. By adopting this approach, the term "going deep” became part of team lingo and we all worked together to give each other space to do so when needed.

In my personal life, I followed suggestions from the book to make it very easy for me to go deep quickly whenever the opportunity presented itself. The tasks that most often required depth were writing Dead by Tomorrow and podcasting. By having a set template in place which removed the need to think about shallow things like formatting, I could quickly jump right in to deeper thought on concepts. Using Google Docs meant that I could access my work nearly anywhere and I could use comments to mark exactly where I had left off from before.

I definitely recommend this book for anyone looking for ways to have a more laser focus in work or life. The book did a great job first confirming the need for that focus and then giving tips on how to achieve it.

-Daniel

If you’ve read either of my first couple blog posts, I’ve referenced a mysterious book that Andrew Monroe and I co-wrote. If you’re reading this blog post, get ready for the mystery to be revealed! Andrew and I’s first book, Dead by Tomorrow, is officially available on Amazon!

As long time fans of self-improvement, Andrew and I wanted to share perspective from two young men that weren’t quite New York Times best selling author millionaires but have still found success and satisfaction.

The basic idea of our book is that we have a limited time to pursue our goals so it’s important to make daily steps towards the legacy we would want to leave when our time is up. Within the book, we talk about how to be more intentional in several areas that we have found important in life so far.

Also, if books aren’t your thing then check out our podcast instead. The content follows the same beat. Just click on the DxT Podcast link up in the top right of the page.

We’re excited to share a book that hopefully will do some good in the world and hope some of you consider checking it out. Kindle and paperback go live December 14th. If hardbacks or audiobooks are more your thing, stay tuned. I’ll write a post when those are ready.

Last thing, if you’re excited about the book at all, especially after you read it, please consider sharing it with someone else or leaving a review on Goodreads. Self-publishing is really a grass movement sort of thing, so I need all the help I can get.

-Daniel

PS. I’ll totally sign any books should anyone actually care :)

It’s official, I can now legally make dad jokes. The jury is still out on wearing New Balance, maybe that will be a milestone for kiddo #2. In a year filled with turmoil and uncertainty, God truly provided me an undeniable sign of his faithfulness.

Back in March of 2019, Hillary shared some life-changing news with me as I returned home from a work trip. We were pregnant! I was overjoyed in that moment and immediately started planning how we would share the news with our family. As the weeks progressed, we started seeing signs that not all was well with baby Winter. Ultrasounds could not find a heartbeat and it became clear that a miscarriage was imminent. Losing our first child was heartbreaking.

After some time to mourn and heal, Hillary and I once again received the joyful news that we were pregnant in January of 2020. My joy was undiminished however Hillary felt as much fear as anything else. Fear that our journey would end in heartbreak again. We spent a great deal of time in prayer and on one particular day, I strongly felt that I wasn’t just praying for our baby but that I was praying for our baby girl. In that moment I felt the promise of joy to come.

Fast forward several weeks and we had the ultrasound to reveal the gender of our baby. Since I’m not as much fun to surprise, Hillary and I decided that I would get to find out the gender, and then I would plan the gender reveal where Hillary and our families would find out. When Hillary brought home the envelope, I felt a wave of anticipation. As I pulled out the sonogram and say the text declaring “It’s a girl!”, my eyes filled with tears. This was confirmation of the promise that I received back in February. Baby girl was coming.

On October 3rd around 4:30 am, Hillary and I sped toward Baylor hospital as she worked through contractions. In the car, we prayed for 1. Healthy baby and healthy mom. 2. A smooth delivery process. Those prayers were answered to a tee. By 4:30 pm, we were holding baby Rylee in our arms after a flawless delivery by Hillary.

Our experiences with pregnancy served as two clear reminders. The world we live in has pain, suffering, and loss. Yet despite the suffering, there is joy, hope, and redemption. I do not believe that I could appreciate the height of joy in holding baby Rylee had we not experienced the depth of sorrow in losing baby Winter.

I’m overjoyed to be in the dad club and will proudly pull my phone out to show anyone who even hints at asking to see pictures or goofy videos. Even better, I now have a license to pun. You’ve been warned.

-Daniel

Back in high school, YouTube really started to take off. Fellow millennials will remember Lightsaber Kid and the Numa Numa dance as the forerunner of all online entertainment. Julian Smith was a personal favorite of mine. At the time, the true concept of a YouTuber didn’t exist yet but that didn’t stop my friends and me from dreaming about making our own YouTube content.

One Saturday morning, Andrew, Wenqian, and I decided we would take our first stab at YouTube stardom. Our idea was to create informative videos about how to learn various life skills. I’m pretty sure the first video we tried detailed how to disarm someone attacking you with a knife. Yeah, life skills. Anyway, we quickly gave up on the attempt and went back to playing Halo.

Fast forward 15 years and now we’re back in the pursuit of content creation. This time, Andrew and I decided to launch a podcast called Dead by Tomorrow (DxT) to create informative episodes about how to learn various life skills. Stick with what you know right? Instead of verbally describing how to disarm someone attacking you with a knife, Andrew and I instead brought focus to areas where a more intentional mindset could help you to better enjoy day to day life. We strongly feel that the goals we hope to achieve within our lives should receive attention sooner than later.

Starting the podcast really wasn’t much smoother than trying to become YouTube famous however our attention spans had slightly improved over the last decade. Eventually, Andrew and I realized that our podcast works best when we treat it as a personal call to talk about things we find important in life. Also having that call in an enclosed closet does wonders. So for any would-be podcasters, follow those two golden rules and you’re set. For all our podcast listeners, thanks for taking the time to listen to our personal phone calls. We hope you find them as fun and meaningful as we do.

-Daniel

Growing up I often heard the adage, “like father like son.”. While I am certainly similar to my father, the apple also doesn’t fall too far from the matriarchy tree. Part of that is probably due to the whole genetics thing, but I also attribute many similarities to the fact that my mom was my teacher up until 5th grade. Even after 5th grade, she sometimes subbed for my English teachers in middle school. Though she didn’t quite follow me into high school like George Feeny, my mom did continue to impact my “career” as a writer.

Not only does my mom teach English and writing, but she’s also a published writer herself. You can find her works at theeducatorsroom.com and justbetweenus.org. She also has her own blog at nocoincidence63.wordpress.com.

Now that I’m following my mom’s footsteps in publishing, I have to take time to recognize her as my first teacher, editor, and way setter. Thank you mom for instilling a passion for writing. Thank you for providing both feedback and encouragement not only on my upcoming book but on just about every literary work I’ve ever produced. You da real MVP.

-Daniel

A little over a year ago one of my lifelong best friends, Andrew Monroe, published his first book, A Leaf and Pebble. The publication of this book was a huge achievement for my friend and I had nothing but joy for his achievement. Seriously, look the book up and buy it. I bet he’ll even sign it for you.

During the process of writing and editing the book, Andrew asked if I would be willing read the rough draft and share my thoughts. I felt honored. Truly. How often do you get the chance to give feedback on something that a friend has spent years creating? How often do you have a friend spend years creating anything in the first place? I told Andrew I would be happy to and then did my best to pick things apart knowing that it would only help make the final product better.

Once editing was finished, I mentioned to Andrew that it was a pleasure to collaborate on the book and I was a little sad to be done. I also shared that it was tempting to write my own spin on situations at times. Andrew, being both a great friend and a visionary, replied that we should write a book together. If anyone had asked me that same question a few months earlier, I would’ve declined without a second thought. But here was a chance to do something great (or at least fun) with a friend that had already blazed the trail.

Despite my lifelong love of books, having my mother as an English teacher (you’ll hear more about her soon), and filling more journals than I care to admit, never would I have dreamed that someday I might publish a book. It’s amazing where life can take you if you keep dreamers for friends and maintain an open mind.

Be on on the lookout for an official book announcement soon! If it’s great then you’re welcome. If not, blame Andrew for putting me up to it.

-Daniel