Ankit Dua's Blog: Once I started WRITING I feel now I appreciate the Books more.

Cancer made me an Orphan: A Memoir

Cancer made me an Orphan

I don't know how or what to write; it's hard to describe the emotion of losing your mother and father at an early age. My hope to live a normal life vanished when I saw their suffering for so long until the futile end. I lost interest in getting jobs and developing a stable career.

I am just living under the fear that cancer might catch me next. I seriously do not know what to do with my life and what reason there is to live. My constant aim is to live a regret-free life, which will make my life fruitful. I guess death has become more significant to me than living in the present.

I did not directly experience suffering from chemo and radiation therapy. Still, I know what it means to be a caregiver to a cancer patient. I was at my father's bedside when he was dying a slow death. His throat was blocked, and he had to drink water from a spoon to quench his thirst. I also witnessed the skin damage in my mother's breast and dressed the wound daily to ease her pain. Because of these experiences, I rejected marriage. Since I have cancer in my family history, my genetics may lead me to have cancer myself or pass it on to my children.

We all have heard that cancer wipes out families. Maybe I will no longer be here while you are reading this. This emperor of all maladies has already claimed my mother and father. Will cancer hit me, too? It is highly probable, so I assume I have limited time on this earth. This is God's will, so I must accept it. Who are we to deny the gift of the universe? Although I do not believe that it's a result of the karma of my previous life, one thing I am sure of is that if there is hell on earth, then I am living it.

Situations also made me turn against my relatives and friends because I felt, in the end, that every individual is so consumed in his own life that they cannot see the pain of a dying person. This reminds me of the saying of the great thinker Jiddu Krishnamurti: "Every individual is concerned with himself."

Maybe I was emotionally immature or lacked the strength to fight against the adversities. However, as I requested, readers, please refrain from making assumptions and read my story with a sensitive and open mind.

What is the writer’s motivation for leaving a legacy behind? Is it simply ambition, or is there something worthwhile to share? How can the writer determine if their message is valuable to others?

Such are the questions we need to find answers to before we even begin writing a book?

@abouthumanity @duaankit

I believe every artist has to go through this haunting phase when nobody believes that you can make it or that you have any talent. The feeling of worthlessness, but once you cross this line, there is no return.
But what about the rest of the people who are not that lucky or lack the guidance and resources? Their struggle is endless, and who knows if they can ever carve a niche place in society or stay an outcast.

During my father's treatment, we were hopeful even though his cancer was metastatic, so we took aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. Each day desperately waited for the cancer to shrink and then wipe from his body. I actively took part in measuring the vitals. I learned to read P.E.T., and other crucial reports changed doctors, and took second opinions from all the government institutions like P.G.I., Rajiv Gandhi Cancer Hospital, A.I.I.M.S and even Tata Memorial. At every step, we cautiously took decisions. His treatment experience was horrible; he felt nauseated and lived under stress throughout. We feared most of the time because any excuse might take him; his body was in extreme condition because of so many cycles of Chemo and Radiation. Still, despite all this, he got bedridden and had to experience torture before leaving this world.

My mother's cancer was in 4th stage at the time of the diagnosis, so I wished to give her a less painful rest of her life. We were not over-ambitious about wiping cancer. I felt we have to maintain her quality of life. Merely focusing on the longevity of life, but what if she is bedridden? Then there was no use. so I quickly jumped to pill-based treatment, which was a good decision. The corona took her and freed her from the pain.

It's been years since my father and mother were gone, but I still dream they slipped in the washroom. During that time, I was constantly worried that fall prevention was of primal importance because once a patient ended up in bed, nothing was left to save. After that comes bed soars and other such risks. So I kept them on alert and fed them with ideas to avoid such incidents.
"Horror is so engrossed in me that I still get bad dreams."
Ankit Dua

I connected with this book because I had very similar experiences. It has helped me to release some long-suppressed emotions which were becoming a burden over the years. Bronnie has reminded me of my last days with my dying father, who was craving emotional support from me. Presently, my mother is also diagnosed with a terminal illness and requires the same support. Lastly, I, who is witnessing this and is on the way to becoming an orphan, also need emotional help. Now, if everyone will expect, then who will provide this so-called emotional support?

This has been my dilemma over the years, but after reading this, I am relieved and have developed an understanding that it is just a process. Books are often written for entertainment purposes but sometimes looks like these are created to uplift human consciousness.

I am sure that you will surely reshape your life once you read these dying people's regrets. Such is the impact of this book.

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing

Bronnie Ware

My HIglights

Our society has shut death out, almost as a denial of its existence. This denial leaves both the dying person and the family or friends totally unprepared for something that is inevitable. We are all going to die. But rather than acknowledge the existence of death, we try to hide it.

Being sick is certainly one way to dissolve the ego. Dignity disappears into the past forever when you are terminally ill.

Money is just another kind of energy, one that wants to bring good and happiness. But we use it wrongly, giving it power, chasing it, fearing it, unbalancing our lives in its pursuit, as we obsess over it,’ she stated. ‘It is as available as the air we breathe.

Pearl continued, stating that parents, for example, don’t always recognise their own worth and how their intention to raise happy children is one of the greatest contributions anyone can make to society. It breeds good adults. She hated to hear any mother say they were just a mum, when it was a job of true purpose.

I wish I’d not spent so many years in an average job. Life is over so quickly. I knew this from losing my family.


The fear of losing their parent, and perhaps the fear of their own pain, triggered some intense behaviour. I regularly witnessed how detrimental it is to live in a society that tries to keep death hidden.