Cancer made me an Orphan: A Memoir

Cancer made me an Orphan

I don't know how or what to write; it's hard to describe the emotion of losing your mother and father at an early age. My hope to live a normal life vanished when I saw their suffering for so long until the futile end. I lost interest in getting jobs and developing a stable career.

I am just living under the fear that cancer might catch me next. I seriously do not know what to do with my life and what reason there is to live. My constant aim is to live a regret-free life, which will make my life fruitful. I guess death has become more significant to me than living in the present.

I did not directly experience suffering from chemo and radiation therapy. Still, I know what it means to be a caregiver to a cancer patient. I was at my father's bedside when he was dying a slow death. His throat was blocked, and he had to drink water from a spoon to quench his thirst. I also witnessed the skin damage in my mother's breast and dressed the wound daily to ease her pain. Because of these experiences, I rejected marriage. Since I have cancer in my family history, my genetics may lead me to have cancer myself or pass it on to my children.

We all have heard that cancer wipes out families. Maybe I will no longer be here while you are reading this. This emperor of all maladies has already claimed my mother and father. Will cancer hit me, too? It is highly probable, so I assume I have limited time on this earth. This is God's will, so I must accept it. Who are we to deny the gift of the universe? Although I do not believe that it's a result of the karma of my previous life, one thing I am sure of is that if there is hell on earth, then I am living it.

Situations also made me turn against my relatives and friends because I felt, in the end, that every individual is so consumed in his own life that they cannot see the pain of a dying person. This reminds me of the saying of the great thinker Jiddu Krishnamurti: "Every individual is concerned with himself."

Maybe I was emotionally immature or lacked the strength to fight against the adversities. However, as I requested, readers, please refrain from making assumptions and read my story with a sensitive and open mind.