Becky Robison's Blog

I’m honored to have been invited back on WNYC’s All of It with Alison Stewart! In yesterday’s segment, we not only discussed my new book, but we also took listener calls about the tremendous weight—both psychological and physical—of getting rid of your dead parents’ stuff.

Take a listen on the All of It website.

My book launch at Carmichael’s in Louisville was amazing! They had to put out extra chairs! I can’t believe so many of you showed up!

I mean, I can believe it, because you’re awesome. Nevertheless, I was flabbergasted. And I didn’t even forget how to speak aloud or sign my name! A resounding success.

Remember, I’ll be at Women & Children First in Chicago at 7pm CT on January 29th. Please RSVP on their website so the bookstore can get a headcount! I’d love it if they have to add extra chairs, too.

If you can’t come to an in-person event, I’ll be doing an Instagram Live at 7pm ET on January 21st with Lauren Seeley, death doula and facilitator of NYC’s Silent Book Club of Death. Very much looking forward to it!

Imagine it’s your birthday. Someone will inevitably say: “Another year older. How does it feel?”

It feels pretty much the same, of course. But deep within your gut, you can sense an existential tickle. A potential. Something has changed, but you’re not yet sure how that change will manifest.

Anyway, that’s what publishing a book is like.

Thank you so much to everyone who has bought My Parents Are Dead: What Now? A Panic-Free Guide to the Practicalities of Death. And a huge shout out to Josh, who gave me my first five-star review on Amazon. I have no idea who you are, but you’re my new favorite person.

Still have plenty of celebratory book launch events coming up, both online and in-person. Join me.

That’s not true. Some wonderful bookstores are hosting launch events for my dead parents book. But you know what I mean.

January 6 > Ask Me Anything About Death!
6:30pm ET | Instagram Live

I did a ton of research for My Parents Are Dead: What Now? A Panic-Free Guide to the Practicalities of Death. On publication day, I’d like you to quiz me. Send death-related questions in advance to hello@deadparentswhatnow.com, and join me on Instagram live (@deadparentswhatnow) for answers. I’ll do my very best.

January 14 > Becky Robison in Conversation with Kaira Tucker
7pm ET | Carmichael’s Bookstore on Frankfort | Louisville, KY

Join me, Becky Robison (writer, orphan, accidental death expert) for a conversation and book signing with Kaira Tucker (librarian, cemetery enthusiast, goth) at the Carmichael’s on Frankfort Ave. It’s going to be a blast.

Late January > Chicago

The event is basically confirmed, but since no one is returning any emails around the holidays, let’s just say you should put January 29th in your calendar and plan on heading to a beloved bookstore in the Andersonville neighborhood. I’ll let you know if anything changes.

That’s a great question.

Ultimately, I’d love for you to buy my book whenever. Now. On its publication date a few weeks from now. Three months from now. Five years from now. You get the idea.

But to explain why I’m pushing preorders so hard, you’ll need to know a bit about the inner workings of the publishing industry.

Publishers love it when their authors’ books receive early attention. It indicates that the public is excited about the title and eager to get their hands on it. So excited and eager, in fact, that they may even spread the word to other folks, or buy multiple copies, or request it from their local library.

When publishers see solid preorders, they’re more likely to do a few things:

Provide more attention and support to the author

Spend more money promoting the book

Give the author another book deal (!)

Of course, preorders won’t guarantee any of that—but they help. And yes, it is harder for debut authors to get preorders because they have a smaller platform! That’s why preordering a book is one of the best ways you can support any author, not just me.

Remember: If you preorder My Parents Are Dead: What Now? A Panic-Free Guide to the Practicalities of Death and submit your receipt, I’ll send you a free copy of “In the Hole,” my original funeral-planning game. It’s more fun than it sounds. Details here.

The Columbarium is a free, weekly newsletter where the history of death and dying meets practical advice about the same. Enjoy this issue from the archive—and if you like it, consider signing up!

While it’s common to include partners and children as beneficiaries in your will, you don’t have to. You could leave everything to your favorite celebrity if you want. (New party game: f*ck, marry, kill, bequeath.)

But in most U.S. states, probate courts won’t let you disinherit your surviving spouse entirely—they get a forced share, regardless of what your will says. (Sometimes this is called an elective share; the surviving spouse can choose whether to take what’s left to them in the will or the state-mandated forced share.) 

Whatever is left of your earthly possessions, your still-living husband or wife is guaranteed a portion, even if there are lots of greedy creditors waiting to get their hands on the estate. 

But not in Georgia. Georgia is the only state in the nation with no forced share for surviving spouses. 

I learned about this while reading a 1,000-page law textbook for research, as one does, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. Why was Georgia so callous? So cruel? I had to know. 

As it turns out, Georgia has a whole different system called year’s support. Either a surviving spouse or a minor child can petition the court for exactly that—what they believe is a year’s worth of support from the estate to get back on their feet. The catch is that other potential heirs and creditors can file objections to this petition. Based on all this, the court decides how much money the spouse or child will receive for their year’s support.

It might not be as much as they originally asked for. It might not be anything at all.

Not only does this seem mean-spirited, but it also seems like a logistical nightmare, right? The courts have to do so much extra work, hearing all those petitions and objections and whatnot. 

But when Jeffrey N. Pennell examined Georgia’s probate court records in 1996 and 1997, and again in 2017, he found that it was rarely an issue. The people who had wills almost always provided for their surviving spouses, and in cases of intestacy, the courts granted something. 

So maybe it’s just a different strokes for different folks situation. Still seems harsh, if you ask me. 

My website is about dead parents, not dead spouses. But you can still learn about wills and trusts there. 

Sources: Georgia Probate Law Group; Robert H. Sitkoff & Jesse Dukeminier, Wills, Trusts, and Estates, eleventh edition

Ever heard of a preorder campaign? Publishers often suggest you offer a freebie of some kind to incentivize people to preorder your book—especially when pub day is getting close.

My Parents Are Dead: What Now? A Panic-Free Guide to the Practicalities of Death is coming out on January 6, 2026. That’s only six weeks!

So what’s the freebie, you ask? An original funeral planning game by yours truly.

That’s right. I said “funeral planning game.”

Your fictional father has been killed in a tragic badminton accident. Through a series of dice rolls, it’s now up to you to arrange his last hurrah without exceeding your budget.

It’s fun. I promise.

Details here.

Recently I appeared on the Dying to Know More podcast! Ashley and I chatted about estate law, ghost cars, death acceptance, the worst day of my life, and more. I realize that may sound boring or sad (minus the ghost car thing, which probably just sounds weird), but it was a blast. Check it out!

Big news, folks. My Parents Are Dead: What Now? A Panic-Free Guide to the Practicalities of Death received A STARRED REVIEW in the Library Journal! What an honor! 🌟

Here’s what the country’s largest library trade publication has to say about my book:

“A valuable resource to be consulted both before and after the death of a loved one.”

I agree!

Enormously grateful to Library Journal for the kind words, and to librarians everywhere. Librarians are the coolest people ever, and many of them have supported my work from the very beginning. That they enjoy my book means the world to me.

Obligatory reminder to preorder, if you haven’t already. :)

The Columbarium is a free, weekly newsletter where the history of death and dying meets practical advice about the same. Enjoy this issue from the archive—and if you like it, consider signing up!

Apart from Halloween decorations, have you ever seen R.I.P. written on a gravestone? You might have seen the full phrase rest in peace, or even the Latin requiescat in pace. But the abbreviation? I haven’t.

The strangeness of this never occurred to me until I was on a cemetery tour organized by the Louisville Free Public Library. (Libraries rule.) R.I.P. is a crucial element of the headstones we picture in our minds, but it’s difficult to find in real life.

Where did R.I.P. come from? Where did it go? [Insert obligatory “Cotton Eye Joe” joke here for the 90s kids.]

The Roman Catholic church can take credit for this one. The Latin version, requiescat in pace, literally means “may he begin to rest in peace,” and it began popping up on early Christian tombs in the 8th century. It wasn’t meant to be a simple epitaph, but rather a prayer. In fact, the phrase still often appears in Catholic Requiem Masses. 

As the Catholic church spread, so did requiescat in pace, which was eventually shortened to R.I.P.—a heck of a lot easier to carve. The Protestant Reformation didn’t stop its popularity. Instead, the various Christian denominations adopted R.I.P. for their own graves. 

By the 18th century, it was ubiquitous. And when R.I.P. came over to England, they made it easier to say by translating it into their own language—rest in peace. 

It’s easy to find the origins of the phrase, but as for why R.I.P. lives on in social media posts and not on gravestones? That’s harder to determine. 

Some think it has to do with the secularization of the phrase. As R.I.P. became associated with the physical body rather than the soul, it became a cliché—and no one wants their eternal resting place to be old hat. Trends come and go, even in the cemetery. 

Plus, monument makers no longer have to carve by hand, so abbreviations aren’t necessary. They can laser cut a whole book on there if that’s your style.

What do you want on your tombstone? (Again, for the 90s kids. Tombstone pizza commercials? Anyone?) Whether it’s R.I.P. or something else entirely, you have options. Monument companies typically offer dozens of designs; here’s an example. 

Remember, the cost of a headstone is separate from the cost of a cemetery plot, which is separate from the cost of the casket, which is separate from the cost of preparing the body. It’s a lot to think about. More to consider here. 

Sources: Lee’s Summit Tribune, ThoughtCo, Funeral Help Center