Thom S. Rainer's Blog

I pastored a church for 14 years before I became a seminary professor more than 29 years ago. I loved pastoring, and I miss some part of it every day. I miss preaching to the same people each week, baptizing new converts, serving the Lord’s Supper, officiating weddings, overseeing child dedications, and honoring believers and their Lord at funerals. I miss celebrating victories and sharing heartaches with other believers.

On the other hand, my role as a church consultant has also reminded me that pastoral ministry is tough. Our congregations are likely not as messy as the church at Corinth, but they’re still messy. People still sin. Undiscipled people—including some who’ve never become believers in the first place—are still in our congregations. At the same time, our enemy aims his arrows at churches in hopes of turning believers against each other.

So, what do we do when ministry’s a mess? I make no claim that I’ve always been successful in working through the mess, but here’s a response that has helped me recurrently for several decades: return to your call.

I realize that folks debate the nature of a “call,” but I cannot deny what happened to me. I was not raised in a Christian home, and no one in my family (at least to my knowledge) had been praying for me. Certainly, no one was praying that I would be the next “preacher boy” in the family. Nevertheless, it was the first time in church in my life that I sensed my call to preach.

I talked with my pastor at the end of the service, and he helped me pray to be a Christ-follower. As he began to make the closing announcements from behind the pulpit, I sensed clearly in my mind these words: “I want you to preach my word.”

I did not know there was a call to preach, nor did I even know there was a Holy Spirit. All I knew is what I heard in my head and heart. So clearly did I hear these words, in fact, that they have never wavered in 50+ years since I first heard them. Now, it’s hard to estimate how many times I’ve returned to those words over the years.

When church conflict kept me up at night, I returned to my call.When my best church friends turned against me, I returned to my call.When I was tired of living in the fishbowl of ministry, I returned to my call.When my church stopped growing and I grew frustrated, I returned to my call.When others tempted me by dangling more prominent positions in front of me, I returned to my call.When church members fought for their turf and distracted our ministry efforts, I returned to my call.

The words, “I want you to preach my word,” have given me direction, inspired my vision, granted me purpose, and provided me with guardrails in making career choices. Even in the messiest days of ministry, my calling has kept my feet on the ground.

I don’t know what your calling was like. Perhaps it was not as dramatic as mine. Maybe yours was progressive as you learned over time what God wanted you to do. I don’t know the details of your call, but I do know that the God who calls us is also the God who sustains us.

Run to Him, and return to your call when ministry gets messy.

The post What to Do When Ministry’s a Mess . . . appeared first on Church Answers.

At Rooted Network, we often talk about spiritual rhythms. In fact, the word “rhythm” is essential when thinking about an effective discipleship strategy. 

When we talk about rhythms, we’re referring to the spiritual habits and disciplines outlined in Acts 2, practiced by the early church. The word choice is intentional because these actions were not isolated but rather repeated; they were ingrained into the lives of those early followers and it was through these repeated practices that they grew closer to God, each other, and were formed into the image of Christ. This model of spiritual formation in your church is timeless. 

Spiritual rhythms are essential if we and the people we lead want to move forward spiritually. For true disciple-making to occur, we must commit ourselves to the ongoing and habitual practices of prayer, daily devotion, sacrificial generosity, worship, service, and more. Though most Christians agree with that necessity, comparatively few of them intentionally incorporate these rhythms into their lives with consistency. We are too busy, too committed, too tired, or too complacent to do so it seems. 

This is a primary challenge in modern congregational engagement. 

That means we, as church leaders, are swimming against the tide when we call people to these rhythms. For people to devote themselves to these rhythms, they must sacrifice something else. Sleep, leisure, comfort, money – these things and more represent the price that has to be paid in order to live a spiritually oriented lifestyle. 

So how can we, as leaders, help people make that sacrifice and integrate these rhythms into their lives? 

Here are three practical suggestions for your church leadership toolkit:

1. Model Them: The Power of Pastoral Example in Spiritual Formation

The old adage is true – some things are more caught than taught. That is to say people learn more from observing and imitating others’ actions and behaviors than from formal lessons or explicit instruction, especially when they respect and love those they are observing. This principle is key for authentic leadership. 

One of the most effective ways to help people integrate these rhythms is by demonstrating them ourselves. As pastors and ministry leaders, this is our first call. Are we living the rhythm of worship? Of sacrificial generosity? Of daily devotion? And if we are, are we inviting others to participate with us, or are we only instructing them to do so? People are looking for a leader worth following. 

2. Make Room for Them: Simplifying Church Programs for Deeper Growth

Sometimes, especially in church leadership, we make the mistake of thinking that more is always better. We provide more programs, more opportunities, more studies – and we do so with the best of intentions. But it’s possible that in our attempts to provide more we are actually overburdening people to the degree that they do not have the emotional or logistical capacity to embrace these essential rhythms. This can lead to ministry burnout for both staff and congregation members. 

One way we can demonstrate the importance of these spiritual rhythms is by intentionally freeing up time on people’s capacity. That might well mean eliminating some of the programming opportunities we are currently offering, or at least freeing people of the obligation to participate in all of them. Creating a clear and simple discipleship plan is more effective than a cluttered calendar. 

But as we do so, it’s important we communicate the why behind that schedule trimming. If we demonstrate our willingness to get rid of other opportunities, we are simultaneously communicating the great importance of the spiritual rhythms. This shows a commitment to sustainable ministry over busy activity. 

3. Resource Them: Providing Practical Tools for Spiritual Disciplines

It’s one thing to tell people they need spiritual rhythms; it’s another thing to actually resource them to embrace them. That resourcing comes in multiple ways. This is about equipping the saints for the work of ministry in their own lives. We can provide and recommend Bible reading plans. We can structure our small groups around the expectation of daily devotions rather than weekly participation in a group only. We can build in the expectation of service in the community and provide bandwidth to make it happen. 

Ultimately, by offering these practical discipleship tools, we can create an environment that gives everyone the best possible opportunity to embrace these rhythms. But before building a new strategy, it’s critical to know exactly where you’re starting from. 

For more information on the spiritual rhythms including study experiences built on each one, visit experiencerooted.com/rootedrhythms.

The post The “What” and “How” of Spiritual Rhythms appeared first on Church Answers.

For years, church leaders have sounded the alarm about the departure of younger generations. We’ve analyzed the data on Millennials. We’ve debated how to reach Gen Z. Entire conferences are devoted to the “next generation” and what the church must do to keep them engaged.

All of that is needed. But there is another exodus taking place in our churches, one that rarely makes the headlines and seldom finds its way into our strategy sessions. It is the quiet departure of senior adults.

Unlike younger generations, seniors don’t typically leave with dramatic announcements or angry social media posts. They simply fade. A pew that was once filled by a faithful couple is now empty. A Sunday school teacher who served for decades suddenly isn’t there anymore. A widow stops attending after her friends pass away. There is no confrontation, no uproar, just absence.

This overlooked exodus matters. In many congregations, senior adults are the backbone of weekly attendance. They are often the most faithful givers, the most consistent volunteers, and the most reliable prayer warriors. When they drift away, the church feels it in the offering plate, in the fellowship hall, and in the spirit of the congregation.

If we only focus on the losses among younger generations, we risk missing another erosion that is happening right in front of us. The church cannot afford to ignore the silent exodus of senior adults. Their presence is not optional; it is essential.

The Numbers Behind the Trend

When we talk about church decline, statistics usually center on the younger generations. But the numbers tell us something sobering about our older adults as well. Their presence is not as strong as it once was, and the data confirms what many pastors quietly sense: senior adults are slipping away.

Gallup’s research over the past two decades reveals a clear trajectory. In the year 2000, about 60% of Americans over the age of 65 attended church weekly. By 2020, that figure had dropped to 45%.

That is a 15-point decline in just one generation. Pew Research, which has followed the Silent Generation (born before 1946) and older Baby Boomers, reports a similar drop of nearly 10 percentage points in religious attendance within the past decade. These are not just isolated cases. This is a trend.

For smaller churches, the impact feels even sharper. In many congregations under 200 in attendance, senior adults make up the majority of the most faithful members. Their absence is noticed immediately. When one senior couple stops coming, it can represent not just a percentage point on a chart, but the loss of stability, giving, and presence that the church has depended upon for years.

We should not dismiss these numbers as an inevitable consequence of aging. Yes, health challenges and mobility issues play a role, but the consistent decline across demographics shows that something deeper is taking place. Senior adults are quietly withdrawing, and too often, we are not asking why.

Why Seniors Drift Away

The reasons senior adults drift away from church are often complex, but they usually don’t come with loud complaints or angry emails. More often, they are subtle, quiet, and deeply personal.

For many, the most basic issue is mobility and health. Driving at night becomes more difficult. Hearing and vision decline. Even simple steps like navigating parking lots or stairs can feel like barriers. Some seniors serve as caregivers to a spouse or family member, leaving them too exhausted to attend.

Others experience the painful loss of peers. A Sunday school class that once overflowed with friends now has only a few remaining members. Loneliness sets in, and church becomes a reminder of what has been lost. Without the community they once had, seniors may feel less motivated to keep attending.

There is also the reality of shifting church priorities. Many congregations rightly focus on reaching young families, but the unintended consequence is that seniors feel sidelined. They hear constant talk of children’s ministry, youth events, and “the next generation,” but rarely hear their own lives addressed. What was once “their church” now feels like someone else’s.

Finally, changes in worship and leadership can create a sense of disconnection. A new style of music, a different pace of service, or a younger pastor who doesn’t understand their history—any of these can leave seniors feeling like strangers in their own congregation.

Most seniors don’t storm out. They just quietly step back. And too often, no one notices until they are gone.

The Financial and Ministry Impact

When senior adults slip away, the impact is far greater than an empty seat on Sunday. Churches often feel the loss in two major areas: finances and ministry strength.

Financially, older adults are the backbone of giving. The Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability (ECFA) notes that adults over 65 contribute about 40% of all donations to U.S. churches. They are faithful, consistent givers who often view tithing as non-negotiable.

When they drift away, the offering plate feels lighter almost immediately. This decline not only affects day-to-day operations but also missions, benevolence ministries, and outreach efforts that depend on steady funding.

The long-term effect is also sobering. Many churches have benefited from legacy giving, where senior members include the church in their estate plans. But if these same members disengage before those decisions are finalized, the church may lose out on resources that could have fueled ministry for decades to come.

The ministry impact is just as significant. Senior adults are often the most dependable volunteers. They show up early. They stay late. They lead Sunday school classes, staff kitchens, fold newsletters, and provide countless hours of service behind the scenes. Their quiet, steady presence is irreplaceable.

When senior adults step away, churches don’t just lose participants; they lose pillars. The loss is felt in the prayer life of the congregation, in its financial stability, and in its volunteer culture. It is not an exaggeration to say that when seniors drift, churches weaken.

Missed Opportunities for Ministry

One of the greatest tragedies in the silent exodus of senior adults is not only their absence, but also the opportunities the church misses when they disengage. Far from being a burden, seniors represent some of the most underutilized assets in the body of Christ.

Senior adults bring a wealth of wisdom and life experience. They have walked through decades of trials, faith decisions, family struggles, and cultural change. Their stories are testimonies that can inspire younger believers, yet many churches rarely give them a platform to share. Instead, their voices are often muted while newer programs take center stage.

Many also have the gift of availability. Unlike younger families juggling children and careers, seniors often have more time to invest in mentoring, prayer, or hands-on ministry. Paul’s vision in Titus 2—older believers pouring into the lives of younger ones—remains as relevant today as it was in the first century. Yet in too many churches, this opportunity goes unused.

Seniors also embody stability and prayerfulness. They may not always be loud or flashy, but their consistent faithfulness provides an anchor for congregations in a culture of constant change. Ignoring this anchor is like building a ship without ballast—it cannot weather the storm.

The silent exodus of senior adults is more than a problem to solve; it is a missed blessing. If the church does not intentionally draw seniors back in, we will forfeit one of God’s richest resources for discipleship and growth.

How Churches Can Respond

If the silent exodus of senior adults is real—and the evidence shows that it is—then churches must move beyond acknowledgment to action. This is not a peripheral issue; it is central to the health and future of our congregations.

The first step is intentional care. Many seniors need practical help: transportation to services, assistance with technology for communication, or even a friendly visit when mobility is limited. These small acts communicate that they are not forgotten, that they still belong.

Second, churches should design intergenerational opportunities. Too often, ministry is segmented—children over here, youth over there, seniors off to the side. But when generations come together in worship, service projects, and small groups, both young and old benefit. Seniors gain energy and connection; younger believers gain wisdom and perspective.

Third, churches need to invite seniors into visible leadership and mentoring roles. A retired teacher may be the perfect mentor for young parents. A widower who has walked through grief could guide others in their darkest hours. Their stories and faith are powerful tools for discipleship.

Finally, pastors and leaders must speak directly to the struggles seniors face—loneliness, health concerns, caregiving burdens. Just as we address parenting or marriage from the pulpit, we must address these issues with compassion and hope.

If we reclaim our seniors, we don’t just solve a problem—we restore a vital strength to the church. Their voices, prayers, and presence remind us that every season of life matters in God’s Kingdom.

The post The Silent Exodus of Senior Adults appeared first on Church Answers.

In a post-information and internet age, it is becoming increasingly difficult to sift truth from lies. You can find anything online to affirm, or deny, your feelings, your theology, and even your motives. With so many competing voices and endless truth claims, it’s no wonder so many feel disoriented. And perhaps the enemy is seizing the moment—using doubt, Google searches, AI chatter, devastating news cycles, and even tremendous loss to sway people toward believing a lie.

But this is not a new tactic. From the very beginning, in Eden, the serpent asked a deceptively simple question: “Did God really say…?” That one seed of doubt was enough to shake humanity’s confidence in God’s goodness and truth. And it remains the same strategy today. What is remarkable, and perhaps sobering, is how this same subtle strategy remains the chief temptation of our age.

I remember growing up in a faith community where questions weren’t always welcomed. We were taught to take what was said, accept it, and move on. Being a natural questioner and deep thinker, I often felt isolated, like my curiosity was unholy, even rebellious. Wrestling with hard questions left me feeling like I was doing something wrong, rather than engaging with God honestly.

It took me years to realize that doubt itself is not the enemy. In fact, doubt is often a painful but necessary tool God uses to lead us deeper into truth. It forces the question: Why do I believe what I believe? When approached rightly, doubt can become a doorway to freedom and clarity, not a source of shame or deconstruction.

Doubt comes in many forms, and each type presents its own challenges:

Intellectual Doubt: This is when ideas collide and our minds ache for clarity. Maybe it is a passage of Scripture that feels hard to reconcile with what we know, or a concept of God that stretches the limits of our logic. Intellectual doubt pushes us to think deeply, to research, and to wrestle honestly with evidence and theology. We see a glimpse of this in Thomas, who longed for tangible proof of Jesus’ resurrection. What I love is that the Bible does not hide this kind of doubt, and Jesus’ response was not to scold but to meet Thomas with compassion, showing him His hands and feet. Intellectual doubt is not a reason to retreat; it is an invitation to grow.

Emotional Doubt:  Life experiences often stir questions that logic cannot answer. Suffering, disappointment, or unmet expectations can leave us wondering if God is really good, really present, or really trustworthy. Emotional doubt is messy and deeply human, yet it can also become a bridge to empathy, resilience, and a deeper, more authentic faith when we bring our feelings honestly before God. This is the doubt we see in the Psalms, where questions rise raw from the heart and answers do not come in clichés or coffee cup theology.

Moral Doubt: At times, doubt arises because truth conflicts with our current way of living. If we are honest, being a follower of Christ costs us something. God’s Word will often confront our habits, desires, or comfort zones, and that tension can make us want to question or even compromise what we know to be true. Many people wrestle here, choosing to bend their beliefs in order to justify living in a way that goes against Scripture. Moral doubt tests not only what we believe, but also who we want to be and how we want to live. Facing it with courage does not diminish us; it reminds us, as Paul declares, that even when we surrender our own desires and lose what the world prizes, we gain Christ and everything He offers.

So, how do we navigate doubt without being overwhelmed? The answer is not to ignore it, suppress it, or pretend it does not exist. The answer is to anchor ourselves in the Source of all certainty: God Himself and His Word. Scripture is more than a book of rules or ancient stories; it is the living, reliable foundation that illuminates truth in a world of confusion.

Doubt becomes destructive only when it is left unresolved or allowed to lead us away from God. But when we engage it intentionally, being honest about our questions, wrestling with them thoughtfully, and seeking counsel in biblical community, we discover freedom. Freedom to ask hard questions. Freedom to wrestle. Freedom to grow in understanding. Freedom to discern truth in a noisy world. Freedom to live with clarity, confidence, and hope.

Engaging doubt requires both courage and humility. It means admitting where we struggle, recognizing where we need correction, and being open to God’s guidance and the wisdom of others. It means sitting with discomfort instead of running from it, leaning into Scripture as our anchor, and allowing our minds, hearts, and souls to wrestle fully with what we do not yet understand.

I have learned that doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is often the path through faith. When we bring our questions before God, wrestle with them honestly, and walk in humble community, doubt can become a catalyst for deeper trust, clarity, and freedom.

So the next time the whisper comes, Did God really say…? do not recoil. Lean in. Ask. Seek. And let God meet you in the questions with nail pierced hands and feet.

The post Did God Really Say? Wrestling with Doubt and Finding Freedom in Truth appeared first on Church Answers.

It’s a massive change that few church leaders are noticing.

For decades, the conventional wisdom was simple: younger generations flocked to bigger churches with contemporary music, better tech, and full-service programming. That assumption may now be outdated. According to a groundbreaking 2023 national study of churchgoers, a majority of 18- to 34-year-olds—exactly 55%—say they prefer smaller churches.

And this isn’t just some internet poll or denominational one-off. The finding comes from This Place Means Everything to Me: Key Findings from a National Survey of Church Attenders in Post-Pandemic United States, published by PRRI (Public Religion Research Institute) and the New York-based nonprofit organization, Faith Communities Today (FACT).

The survey is large, recent, and credible. Conducted in late 2023, it offers one of the most detailed snapshots of what church life looks like post-pandemic, with a nationally representative sample across regions, ethnicities, and denominations.

The phrase “smaller churches” was clearly defined

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The post The Church Number: 55% Younger Adults Prefer Smaller Churches appeared first on Church Answers.

God opened the door for my first pastorate in the summer of 1989. I had no seminary education, and two dormant years toward a bachelor’s degree in Bible. The president of the small college I had attended was an interim pastor at a small country church. He recommended me, and, following one trial sermon and a three-question interview (no lie), I was called to be the pastor.

I thought I was ready, but I was so green Crayola could have named a new crayon after me. 

The church had a strained relationship with former pastors. As I recall, the average pastoral life expectancy was approximately 2.5 years over the previous 40 years or more. As it turned out, I was less than average. 

Many years and many conversations with pastors later, I have confidence that the things I didn’t know as a young pastor are common among young pastors. Here are a few of them.

That people really meant they wanted the church to grow.

Almost everyone wants their church to grow, but few pastors know what Sister Suzette means by it.

Many people mean, “Help me get my kids back in church.” Others mean, “Help us get our former, very disgruntled members back.” Others mean, “Let’s try to reach more people like us.”

People who haven’t experienced the lava-hot blast of Kingdom growth rarely suspect the messiness it entails. Many pastors haven’t. I’m not suggesting people were lying when they said they wanted the church to grow. But what people say and what a young pastor hears are often different things. 

That my best and worst sermons never were that.

If you’ve been preaching longer than five minutes ago, you likely have the experience of thinking, “Wow. That was a solid sermon. I was firing on all cylinders. God surely used it!” Conversely, “Man. What a dud. Even I was bored with it. God will need to work a miracle.”

Rarely are those extremes ever true.

I always tried to be prepared. I never remember “phoning one in” because I didn’t want to study and pray. Usually, it paid off. At the least, it was coherent, biblically faithful, and reasonably on point. On occasion, I didn’t have any heavy critique to level at myself.

Other times, I wanted to quit before I got through my notes. Preaching with a distracted mind, or a sermon you can tell in real-time isn’t hitting the mark, is akin to running barefoot on Legos. Yet, invariably, someone would come to me after a “terrible” sermon and say, “Pastor, God really spoke to me today.” God always reminded me that His power is in His Word, not in what I say about His Word. Whether or not I feel effective in presentation neither elevates nor quenches the dunamis (dynamite) of the gospel.

That I could preach without my personal preferences and baggage.

I was in ministry for a long time before I learned to search myself for preconceptions and baggage from my own life and experiences that affected my preaching. Being entirely naïve, I believed (mainly because I had heard it preached) that I could be a ship without barnacles sailing the gospel sea. 

I’ve since learned that scraping the hull is hard work. 

The fact that I spent years in a fundamentalist church affected my preaching. The fact that my formative years were solely influenced by “fire and brimstone” preachers affected my preaching. That I was repeatedly warned, “Touch not God’s anointed,” affected my self-perception and that of my congregation. 

That lack of self-examination, repentance, and renewal affected me. And them.

That the theology I had been taught isn’t all the sound theology there is.

My early Bible college studies were at an Independent Baptist school where one specific eschatological stream was taught. “Taught” is inaccurate. More accurately, it was elevated to Mississippi or Amazon strength. 

In fact, I never learned theology from American theologians outside of those my pastors agreed with. No Asians, South Americans, Ugandans, Kenyans, First Nations peoples, or modern Europeans need apply, save John Stott and Martyn Lloyd-Jones. 

Again, to my frustration and shame, it took years of ministry for me to read outside the theology I’d always been taught. If I had looked more broadly earlier, my congregations and I would have reaped the benefit.

That I shouldn’t try to emulate the well-known pastors in my tradition.

Not long after I answered the call to preach, I remember, boiling over with the hubris of youth, saying to my mother, “I want to be the next Adrian Rogers.” With wisdom, she replied, “God doesn’t need another Adrian Rogers. He needs a Marty Duren.”

Without debating whether God “needs” a particular preacher, her point was clear: God called me, and He knew what He was getting into when He did so. The impact was so lasting that, years later, when a couple I had known from our teenage years told me, “You preach just like (our pastor from those years),” I immediately sought to let God shape me as me, not as our former pastor. 

Clearly, there are practices, nuances, and study habits we can learn from preachers of every era. But, if Phillips Brooks was right in that “Preaching is truth communicated through personality,” then God’s calling is for my personality, and yours, to be a unique channel of gospel communication for His glory.

What are some things you thought you knew as a young pastor but got wrong?

The post What I Thought I Knew as a Young Pastor—But Got Wrong appeared first on Church Answers.

Almost two decades ago, a church member asked me a straightforward question: “What things should we all do all the time?” This person understood individual calling and spiritual gifts, which can vary with each believer. He wanted to know the timeless expectations of every church member that never change.

Simple question. But a challenge to answer.

The question was more off-the-cuff, but it got me thinking. Over time, I landed on these seven expectations that I now teach at every membership class in my church.

1. Worship: Saying “Yes” to God

Worship isn’t just singing on Sundays. It’s a posture of surrender to God’s will. True worship happens when we seek God Himself, not just what He gives. That means laying down personal preferences, engaging with your church family regularly, and keeping your focus on His glory. Weekly worship isn’t a ritual to check off. It’s spiritual nourishment that strengthens your walk with Christ.

2. Grow: Making Disciples Who Make Disciples

A Christian belongs to Christ; a disciple follows Him daily. Spiritual growth happens best in community, not isolation. The most effective way to grow deeper in your faith—and help others grow—is by being part of a group. Whether it’s a Sunday school class, Bible study, or life group, these smaller circles provide the encouragement and accountability we all need.

3. Serve: Reaching Outward Beyond Yourself

Jesus came “not to be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45). Following His example means using your gifts to meet needs inside and outside the church. Service isn’t about finding the perfect role for yourself; it’s about filling the gaps where help is needed. Look for opportunities, take initiative, invite others to join you, and remember—the ultimate goal of serving is to share the good news of Jesus.

4. Give: Honoring God with Your Offering

Generosity is a tangible way to express worship. Every gift matters to God, not just the large ones. Giving isn’t about guilt but gratitude, recognizing that everything we have comes from Him. Sacrificial giving goes beyond convenience. It changes the way you live and guards your heart against greed. When you give through your church, you’re investing in God’s mission and uniting with others for the cause of Christ.

5. Pray: Prioritizing God’s Will Through Prayer

Prayer is more than presenting requests. The purpose of prayer is to align your heart with God’s. Jesus taught His disciples to pray with a focus on God’s name, kingdom, and will. As you make prayer a daily habit, you’ll find it connects every part of the Christian life: it fuels evangelism, deepens unity, and shapes decisions. Pray alone and with others. Pray for your church’s leaders, ministries, and mission. Prayer keeps your priorities anchored in God’s purposes.

6. Seek Unity: Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

Unity doesn’t mean uniformity. The point is not about everyone looking or acting the same. Instead, it’s about being bound together by God’s Word and mission. That often requires setting aside personal preferences for the sake of the gospel. Jesus’ command to “do to others as you would like them to do to you” (Luke 6:31) applies inside the church too. A unified church is a powerful witness to a divided world.

7. Sacrifice: Putting Others Before Yourself

Sacrifice is the glue that holds all the other expectations together. Romans 12:1 calls believers to be “a living and holy sacrifice.” That means surrendering time and resources for God’s mission. Healthy churches are built by members willing to put others first, give up personal comfort, and work together as one body for the sake of Christ.

Joining a church is more than putting your name on a roll or attending worship services. Membership is a commitment to live out your faith in community. The Bible describes the church as the body of Christ, where every part belongs to the whole (Romans 12:4–5). If you’ve said “yes” to membership, you are also committing to these seven expectations that form the foundation for belonging.

We have a resource to help you teach these seven expectations in your membership class. We’ve provided everything you need with The Complete Membership Class Toolkit. With this toolkit, you will also receive a copy of 7 Basics of Belonging: The Meaning of Church Membership.

The post Seven Expectations of Every Church Member that Should Never Change appeared first on Church Answers.

I’ll admit it: I struggle with delegation. It’s tough for me to admit that fact because of what it says about me, but an admission is a first step toward addressing the problem. If that’s where you are, I challenge you to take this quiz. Identify the reason(s) you don’t delegate, and then determine one step you will take in the right direction.

We base our worth on results. When we base our value on the success of the organization we lead, seldom do we delegate responsibility to others. It’s simply too risky to do so.We ignore the Body of Christ imagery in 1 Corinthians 12. We deny this imagery when we choose to play the role of every part of the Body – either by doing it all ourselves or by “cleaning up” what others have done.We’ve never seen good delegation modeled. In many cases, our own role models did all the work themselves, and we’ve followed faithfully in their steps.We suffer from “idolatry of the self.” What else can we call it if we believe (a) no one can do it better than we can, and thus (b) no one else should do it?We don’t have time or energy to train others. Training is time-consuming and messy. It’s just easier to do it all ourselves and cloak our efforts under “the urgency of the gospel.”We like control. Let’s face it: with every person we train and release, we move one step away from controlling everything under our watch.We’ve had bad experiences with delegation. Our past stories are defeating. We’ve spent so much time cleaning up messes that it’s just easier to avoid the mess in the first place.We have no system in place to help believers determine their giftedness. How can we delegate to people whose spiritual giftedness and passions we don’t know? And, that they themselves don’t even know because we offer no such training? Our churches don’t always see the need. “After all,” they say, “that’s why we hire staff.” For church members who think this way, delegation is just laziness and irresponsibility.We fear others will do better (and perhaps get the glory). Few people want to admit this possibility, but some of us wrestle with this thinking. Why let somebody else do it if that other person gets the recognition? We don’t see the vast needs of the world. It’s easy to hold on to everything when the full scope of our ministry is only our church and perhaps our community. Multiply those needs by the 4 billion people in the world who have little exposure to the gospel, however, and the need to delegate becomes obvious.We don’t pray enough for laborers. If we truly prayed like Jesus taught us in Luke 10:1-2—asking for more laborers—we would need to be prepared and willing to share the workload with others.

If you see yourself in this blog post, what one step will you take to begin to address your own life and ministry? Write down that step, and share it with an accountability brother or sister. Then, go do it!

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On rare occasions, I wish I could read minds.

To be honest, most of the time, I have absolutely no desire to know what people are thinking. Life is complicated enough without hearing every opinion or internal reaction floating through the heads of those around me. But there have been a few moments—some personal, some pastoral—when I would have gladly welcomed the ability.

Take birthdays and anniversaries, for example. I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit wondering whether I got my wife the right gift or remembered the right date. But in the years I served as a pastor, the wish to read minds became less about convenience and more about survival.

Nearly every week, pastors share with me stories of moments when they missed something important—something they were expected to know but were never actually told. It’s as if some church members assume that pastors have a divine ability to sense every need, every occasion, and every disappointment.

Of course, we don’t.

But the expectations remain, and they’re often unspoken—until they’re violated. Then they erupt.

Here are seven common scenarios where pastors have “failed” at reading minds. And each of these examples reflects a deeper challenge that churches must face with honesty, grace, and a healthy dose of clear communication.

1. When a Church Member Is Sick or in the Hospital

“I got chewed out by a church member a month ago,” one pastor told me. “I failed to visit her while she was in the hospital. When I told her I didn’t know she had been admitted, she looked me in the eye and said, ‘You should have.’”

No phone call. No email. No family notification. Just the unspoken belief that the pastor should have sensed it somehow—through a sixth sense, perhaps, or a moment of divine revelation during a staff meeting.

This scenario is painfully common. The pastor is expected to be omniscient, while the member forgets that real communication involves… well, actual communication.

It’s heartbreaking, too, because pastors do care. Most would have been there in a heartbeat had they known. But they can’t show up where they’ve never been invited—or even informed. 

2. When There Is a Death

“I missed a funeral, and I’m still getting criticized for it,” noted a Colorado pastor. “A church member’s mother died. The funeral was about an hour away, but I didn’t hear about it until after the fact. When I apologized, she told me she doesn’t think she can keep giving to a church where the pastor neglects her.”

Let that sink in.

The pastor wasn’t notified. He wasn’t given a chance to care. Yet he’s still being judged as if he was negligent.

This is more than a scheduling error. It’s a sobering example of how some members equate care with telepathy. And when that expectation isn’t met, the spiritual ramifications—trust, giving, and participation—are put at risk.

3. When Emphasizing Ministries in the Church

This one came from a Church Answers mentoring group. A pastor had been giving more public attention to the children’s ministry than the student ministry. It wasn’t intentional favoritism—it was a reflection of the reporting culture.

“The children’s ministry sends regular updates,” the pastor explained. “They hold quarterly check-ins, invite me to events, and share stories. I rarely hear anything from the student ministry.”

That nuance didn’t matter to one elder, who warned the pastor that he was “in trouble” for appearing to play favorites.

Once again, the pastor wasn’t ignoring anyone on purpose—he was simply more aware of the ministry that made itself visible.

You can’t champion what you don’t see. And pastors can’t read the internal expectations of ministry leaders who remain silent.

4. When There Is a Meeting

“She knew I didn’t know about the meeting,” the pastor said, “but she was still furious.”

The woman in question had hosted a team meeting for a church initiative. The pastor was never told it was happening. Yet afterward, she scolded him for not attending.

“The pastor is supposed to know what’s going on in the church,” she said.

How? By spiritual osmosis?

This situation illustrates how church dynamics can sometimes mirror dysfunctional family systems, where people expect others to “just know” their needs, their plans, and their disappointments.

Meetings require calendars. Calendars require invitations. And pastors require heads-up notice, not hindsight blame.

5. When the Budget Is Being Prepared

“You don’t care anything about our ministry,” the deacon said. “There’s not a single dollar allocated to us in the new budget.”

The pastor was stunned. He hadn’t heard a word from the deacons about their desire for funding. Nothing was submitted. Nothing was discussed. Yet now, they were offended.

It was mind reading gone wrong—again.

Church budgeting is always delicate. But it becomes volatile when people assume their ministries are visible and prioritized without ever making them known.

A budget isn’t a theology test—it’s a communication tool. And silence during the planning phase guarantees disappointment when the numbers are finalized.

6. When Someone Wants to Talk

“Pastor, I’ve been really down lately. I don’t know why you haven’t taken time to call me.”

The pastor paused, then explained: “She was struggling with depression, but I didn’t know. She never reached out. She never told anyone. I have over 500 members in the congregation. I can’t possibly know what each one is going through unless someone tells me.”

This isn’t cold-heartedness—it’s reality.

Pastors aren’t omnipresent, and they aren’t emotionally intuitive for hundreds of people at once. They want to be available, but they rely on members—and ministry leaders—to tell them where the pain points are. 

7. When Someone Celebrates a Special Occasion

“I don’t know if I’ll survive this one,” a pastor confessed. “I missed the 50th wedding anniversary of one of our senior leaders. Her husband doesn’t attend church, and no one mentioned the celebration to me. But that explanation doesn’t seem to matter to her.”

In this case, the pastor didn’t miss out of laziness or neglect. He missed because he never knew. Still, the disappointment was real. The hurt was personal. And the fallout felt permanent.

Anniversaries, birthdays, and other milestones matter deeply to people. But pastors can’t possibly track all of them. Without help, they will miss some—and they’ll often carry the blame.

The Real Problem (and the Simple Solution)

In each of these seven examples, there is a common thread: unspoken expectations.

Pastors are expected to be aware, available, and attentive—even when no information has been shared. And when they inevitably fall short, the relational damage can be disproportionate and long-lasting.

But the solution is simple. Painfully simple.

Communicate.

Don’t assume your pastor knows what’s going on in your life. Don’t expect pastors to be at an event you didn’t invite them to. Don’t blame them for not acknowledging something you never shared.

Pastors and church staff carry hundreds of responsibilities and concerns every single week. They are shepherds, yes—but not psychic ones. They’re people who care deeply, but who can only respond to what they know.

So tell them. Talk to them. Write a note. Send an email. Make a call.

When communication replaces assumption, ministry flourishes.

Let’s stop expecting mind reading—and start practicing mutual grace.

The post Seven Areas Where Pastors Have Failed at Reading Minds appeared first on Church Answers.

When speaking with Christian parents, I often sense a quiet anxiety about the faith journey their children might take. Many of them, especially those who are very active members of an evangelical congregation, worry that they might do or say something that causes their children to abandon their Christian faith and join the growing number of people who identify with no religion. I believe they are concerned, of course, about the eternal souls of their children, but they also worry about the social scorn they could face from other parents once it becomes known that their children “fell away” from the church. 

There are notable examples that highlight this concern. Tony Campolo, a sociologist, was renowned for his passionate sermons about God’s grace and the importance of forgiveness. However, one of his sons, Bart, became a prominent secular humanist as an adult. Similarly, John Piper’s son Abraham gained a significant

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