Debra Shigley's Blog

I recently spoke on CBS This Morning about how to decline a promotion. While it may seem like everyone is scrambling for the next rung on the corporate ladder, choosing to turn down a promotion is more common than you think. Coasting isn’t all bad; many people choose to stay put because of work-life balance concerns, or because they feel fulfilled by their work. As I share on the show, I think there are good reasons (like wanting to move laterally instead to shift career paths) and bad reasons (like fear) for turning down a promotion. And if you are trying to convince your employer that you should stay in your current role, remember these tips:

Say you’re flattered.
Couch it as a “win win.”
Ask for a rain check.
Stay visible.
Contribute to the team in other ways (and go above and beyond regularly).

It might be mid-summer, but there’s still time for teens and college students to land a summer job. Yesterday I shared my top tips on the TODAY Show. The first is that you just might need to be a bit more creative and enterprising—get beyond just looking at the mall and think about creating your own job.  Here are a few great summer job options:

Follow the green. If you enjoy spending time outdoors and are physically fit, two great jobs for teens are mowing lawns and caddying. No one wants to mow their own lawn in the hot summer (!), so offer up your services to neighbors and friends or local landscaping companies. For caddying, many golf courses/country clubs have programs geared toward teen caddies and you can make great money ($50-$100 per round, plus tips).

Amusement parks. One of the classic, seasonal summer jobs, and known to be fun and teen-friendly. Six Flags, for example, has parks where 50% of employees are teens aged 15-19.

Catering helper. Local, family-owned restaurants, markets, bakeries can often use an extra pair of hands to help with food prep, administrative duties, and the endless schlepping that accompanies setting up at summer farmer’s markets and events.

Retail sales and stock. These are among the most in demand jobs for teenagers– in part because you’ll likely get an employee discount! Don’t limit yourself to big name stores at the mall; look at local boutiques and businesses that might need help behind the scenes doing stockroom duties and inventory.

Tutoring. If you have great grades and test scores, you might be able to score one of these jobs. Check out sites such as instaedu.com, which allow tutors to work on their own schedule, tutoring students all over the world.

Dear GGG, I currently work in editorial, but I’ve been feeling a bit stagnant in my position. So, I looked around and found a new position at a company close to home (I currently have a two hour door-to-door commute). It’s more in marketing than editorial. I was offered and accepted the position.  The new job involves a $15k pay cut, but I can make up the difference in freelancing (I think) and it’s a five minute commute from my apartment.

After telling my boss, she was upset and said she really wants me to stay. She offered to reduce my workload, gave me raise on the spot, and a small amount of equity in the company. She even said the company would pay for quicker form of commuting and has offered to change the structure around my job so that it’s more bearable. She also encouraged me to stick it out for 6 months. In the midst of all this, I’m planning my wedding.

I’m at a crossroads. Should I take my company’s counteroffer, or move on?

—Bethany, Los Angeles 

Dear Bethany,

It’s a tough call. You’re in an enviable position to have both a job offer on the table and a respectable counter offer from your current company. Without knowing more details about your happiness level at the current job (yes, happiness at work matters!), my gut would say to stay at your current job because they really, really want you to stay.  I would consider two things: first, it will probably be easier to plan the wedding in a job where you already have built up some equity and they are now bending over backwards to be flexible. Second, if you switch to marketing now, it may be difficult (though not impossible) to switch back. I’m a big believer that our careers are, as Pattie Sellers says, a jungle gym, not a ladder, so making a move to a marketing role could be better in the long run. It’s a risk you have to be willing to take.

That said, I think you have to trust your gut and meditate on it. Literally, meditate for twenty minutes in the morning and at night for a few days until an answer emerges. Do what you feel in your heart is best and no regrets.  It will work out either way.

Today I spoke on CBS This Morning about new trends in job interviewing, and whether the typical free form interview is best at evaluating talent. The general thinking is not really, in part because interviewers can have subconscious biases that cloud evaluation of a candidate. One is “similarity” bias—we tend to be biased toward those that are like us, whether that’s age, sex, race, interests or where we went to college. Here is a great discussion of these issues by Adam Grant.

To better find talent, many forward thinking companies are trying for a more objective approach, and the buzzword in interviewing these days is “competency based interviews”(CBIs). Basically, competency based interviews are a structured series of questions that aim to figure out if the job candidate fits the criteria for the job, as demonstrated by how they’ve handled similar situations in the past. The idea is that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. So, let’s say it’s a global job. You might be asked to share a time you demonstrated the ability to work successfully across cross-cultural boundaries, or managed a team of people from different cultural backgrounds.

To help prepare for a structured interview, ask the manager or rep what you should expect from the interview (Will it be straightforward Q&A? Will you have to do any tests or evaluate case studies? Give a presentation? All of these things are possibilities!). Also, take a look at the job description or requirements to get a feel for what are the criteria you may be asked to demonstrate. Do a few mock interviews with a close friend or significant other. Brainstorm 3-4 good anecdotes about specific job accomplishments that show how you were successful in previous roles—and try to work in these examples regardless of what you are asked!

Dear GGGs, Happy New Year! I hope you ring in the New Year in style, and have all your goals achieved and wishes fulfilled in 2013! You might know that instead of resolutions, I like to pick one word themes for the New Year, one of my words for 2013 is share. What can I share with the world that is authentic to who I am? How can I serve? And it is in just this spirit that I share with you my latest project, a web cooking show called Deb’s Kitchen. Here’s the trailer, featuring my hubby Kevin, baby Elle, and toddler Jacob.

When I speak at colleges and companies, women often ask me about what I eat, how I stay fit and healthy despite my busy schedule (and especially since having two babies in three years!). So, I thought I’d share what I actually eat and my cooking tips in a web show. You all know I’m no chef, but these are fast, healthy meals with a gourmet twist—things I actually cook (or, um, prepare) on busy weeknights. We shot 6, five minute episodes in my actual kitchen (with the babies in the background!). It was an incredibly fun experience, and I hope it’s just the beginning of much more to come. Episode 1 launches January 10th. I’d be so grateful if you’d help spread the word!

You can keep up with the show on its Facebook page, where I’ll be sharing behind the scenes pics and stories, giveaways and more. I can’t wait to hear what you think. If you have any feedback, ideas or suggestions for recipes I should feature, ways to promote/market the show, etc., I’m all ears.

Cheers to an AMAZING 2013, and as always, thank you SO much for your support . . . and keep working it!

Dear GGGs, Happy New Year! I hope you ring in the New Year in style, and have all your goals achieved and wishes fulfilled in 2013! You might know that instead of resolutions, I like to pick one word themes for the New Year, one of my words for 2013 is share. What can I share with the world that is authentic to who I am? How can I serve? And it is in just this spirit that I share with you my latest project, a web cooking show called Deb’s Kitchen. Here’s the trailer, featuring my hubby Kevin, baby Elle, and toddler Jacob.

When I speak at colleges and companies, women often ask me about what I eat, how I stay fit and healthy despite my busy schedule (and especially since having two babies in three years!). So, I thought I’d share what I actually eat and my cooking tips in a web show. You all know I’m no chef, but these are fast, healthy meals with a gourmet twist—things I actually cook (or, um, prepare) on busy weeknights. We shot 6, five minute episodes in my actual kitchen (with the babies in the background!). It was an incredibly fun experience, and I hope it’s just the beginning of much more to come. Episode 1 launches January 10th. I’d be so grateful if you’d help spread the word!

You can keep up with the show on its Facebook page, where I’ll be sharing behind the scenes pics and stories, giveaways and more. I can’t wait to hear what you think. If you have any feedback, ideas or suggestions for recipes I should feature, ways to promote/market the show, etc., I’m all ears.

Cheers to an AMAZING 2013, and as always, thank you SO much for your support . . . and keep working it!

Dear GGGs, a friend shared this amazing gift guide with me and I had to pass along the goodness! It’s the To & From Holiday Guide—a digital mag created by style mavens Katie Anderson and Meg Biram, who brought together dozens of fellow top lifestyle bloggers to curate picks for fab, creative gifts this season. Here it is for your perusal (and soon-to-be obsession!). Amazing, right?

I checked in with the ladies to learn how they came up with this collaboration.

What sparked the idea for the guide?

Katie: Giving and receiving gifts is definitely my love language. I’m constantly on the hunt for unique products and brands that people I know will love. However, I know that not everyone feels that way. So many of my friends and family get really stressed out around the holidays and are overwhelmed with all the gifts they need to purchase. A lot of bloggers put together holiday gift guides, but I wanted to create something that is comprehensive, easy to browse and appealed to everyone.

Katie, you said you knew you needed partner to make it happen— why? And how did you know Meg would be the perfect fit?

Katie: This was definitely a two-person job. Not only is it more fun to collaborate with a partner, but it always seems to make the end product better. Meg and I had become friends through blogging and I’ve always loved her style. I also knew that she had experience in graphic design and magazine production. I can’t imagine having done it with anyone else. It was a no-brainer.

How did you cajole the bloggers to participate?

Meg: Both being bloggers we know what types of projects bloggers like to participate in. Everyone is busy before the holidays so we wanted to make it really easy for them to participate. Even though it may not seem like blogging is a small community, it actually is, and all of the participating bloggers know that they can call on us at any time for anything. It’s important to support each other.

So, what item in the guide are each of you most coveting?

Meg: My wishlist is on page 6 & 7. It’s really hard to pick one from that!

Katie: That is a tough question! Luckily I know that my friends and family are using my wishlist (page 4 & 5) to shop for me this year. I am hoping several of those items, including a Wacom Bamboo Tablet, end up under my tree.

For all the moms—and future moms, friends of moms, daughters of moms (heck, everywoman!)— you’ll want to check out Sh*tty Mom, a laugh-out-loud humor book about all those awkward parenting scenarios. Like how to drop off a sick kid at daycare (um, not that I’ve ever tried that haha!). I loved, loved, loved the book and was honored to catch up with two of its co-authors, Mary Ann Zoellner (left) and Alicia Ybarbo, who happen to be producers at the Today Show.

Debra: Okay, why the title Sh*tty Mom?

Alicia: Why not Sh*tty Mom? Whether we choose to admit it or not we’ve all been (or are going to be) Sh*tty Moms . . . Yes, the title is an eye opener (we love attention) but the overall message of the book is to liberate women from this “all or nothing” ideal of parenting. Moms need to cut themselves a break and laugh at those less-than-perfect parenting moments while finding a way to press the recharge button. A happy mom is a happy family. Right?

Mary Ann: Because there is no better word to describe those moments when you just fail as a parent. This isn’t about being a “Bad” mom. It is about being a relatively good mom— but not being that good always. Basically, parenting the way our parents parented.

Debra: In the book there’s a hilarious chapter suggesting McDonald’s as childcare so mom can work. You both have demanding jobs at the Today Show—so how did you find time to write the book?

Alicia: Well, it takes a village! Mary Ann Zoellner, Karen Moline and I were out to dinner—enjoying margaritas and chips and salsa —when we had our Aha parenting moment. We realized that instead of letting the guilt ride us for “life” happening (like buying store bought Halloween costumes or eating one too many take-out meals during the week) we needed to embrace them. Think of it as parenting lite, with 40% the effort. Lowering expectations on yourself allows you to love your children more, smile more, laugh more. Anyhow, the three of us came up with the idea and brought on comedian Laurie Kilmartin (a stand-up comic and writer for Conan) to deliver the funny.

Debra: Most of the book is tongue and cheek, which all us moms appreciate. But what’s your best real tip for managing the proverbial juggle?

Alicia: Let the balls fall where they may. There’s no secret to juggling work/life, because it is truly impossible to do. Understand that some days work is going to win and other days your family will win, but rarely do I as a career women handle both with similar success. Rely on husbands and partners, and thank them often, and be in the moment as much as you can. Now that’s a quality I wish I was better at.

Mary Ann: It’s impossible. Try as hard as you can without driving yourself, your kids or your partner crazy. Some weeks we are great at work, other weeks we are good at home, other times we are good with our husbands. It is a major balancing act and knowing that you will fail to be perfect helps alleviate some of the guilt.

She’s the owner of eponymous Rosie Pope Maternity, author of the new book Mommy IQ, star of Bravo’s “Pregnant in Heels” and mom of three young kids. I spoke with designer Rosie Pope shortly before the birth of her third (we were due a few weeks apart!) about her business and making it all work. Here are three great tips she shared with me:

Organize old-school. We have a huge chalkboard in our apartment that’s near the front door. It has information like who’s picking up oldest son up from preschool; supermarket shopping that needs to be done; if anything needs to be turned in for a school trip so our nanny and family members are on same page. Nobody else can touch it! I normally fill out the board on Sunday evenings.

Prepare the night before. I shower and make lunches in the evening. I try to incorporate my sons in basic things I do in the morning—like sit in the bathroom with me when I put makeup on. They end up painting on the walls with makeup brushes. But we’re doing it together, so it’s a bit of quality time.

Surrender to the chaos of motherhood. It took me being pregnant with my third child to let go of the control. Some days we look around the messy apartment and cry. I did just fall over a Tonka truck. There’s icing in my hair. But my kids are smiling and laughing. It sounds so cliché: you talk to people to who don’t have kids and they roll their eyes, and think it’s crazy that I’d rather be playing with my kids in this chaos than sipping a martini in my Christian Louboutins. But it’s true.

How do you keep some things sacred in a world of 24/7 status updates? I recently spoke on the Today Show about the perils of oversharing– and how to resist the urge to spill the beans in every conversation. During the segment Hoda revealed that when she and Kathie Lee first met, they “blurted it all out.” Certainly life (and dinner parties) would be boring if we never overshared a little. Check out the segment here for some of my tips!