David McAfee's Blog

If you guessed Dracula, well, you’re wrong. Or maybe not. Hell, I don’t know. Ol’ Vlad certainly seems to have a knack for coming back.

But no. I was talking about me. That’s right. Yours Truly. The goofy fellow in the previous post who was trying to use a set of metal cups as binoculars. That guy is back. And yes, I am working. Again. That’s a good thing, right?

Why do I keep hearing crickets?

Anyway, I just wanted to stop in and tell you folks that production is once again ramping up. I love it when I feel like this. The words just roll right out of my head and on to digital paper. Makes me feel all tingly inside, y’know? Well, not that kind of tingly. Seriously, get your minds out of the gutter, people. Just what kind of readers do I attract, anyway?

Keep watching this space, folks. (Space folks…maybe I attract readers from space? Hmmm…worth looking into.) I’ll be posting a preview of War of the Bachiyr, Book One in the next week. Just givin’ y’all a heads up.

So the family and I all went to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch today. This is the inevitable result of allowing me out in public.

Repeat after me: David McAfee is not fit to be among other human beings. David McAfee is not fit to be among other human beings. David McAfee is not fit to be among other human beings. David McAfee is not…

Yes, folks. I have started writing the next Taras and Theron book. Just this evening, I penned the first chapter. I still have work left to do on a contracted project, and that will continue to take precedence until it’s finished, but at least the next book is started. Finally.

The War of the Bachiyr is coming.

Nope.

Today I am going to talk about Bucket Lists. No, not the movie. (Although the movie is excellent!) No, I’m going to talk about the list itself. You know…that list of things you want to do before you die? Specifically, I am going to talk about my Bucket List, and how many of the things I have crossed off in recent years. That number is a whopping…

3.

Yep. 3. But at least they are a good three. Actually, these three were at the very top of my Bucket List for many years. I’m going to have to think of a new #1, #2, and #3 now. But that’s a good problem to have, isn’t it? Okay, so here we go. The former number one item on my Bucket List was:

Publish a novel.

Well, yeah. Seems I’ve done that. Several times over, in fact.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to be a published author. Now, if I’m being honest, I wanted to be a mega-bestselling published author who sleeps on a pile of money and is constantly surrounded by fiction groupies. Well, the money and fame haven’t happened (yet…heh heh), but I do have several books out there for people to read and enjoy. And for the most part, they seem to hold up pretty well. At least very few people tell me I suck. So that’s something, right?

Anyway, I crossed this item off my list in 2010 when I released 33 A.D. to hordes of lucky… oh, okay… to two or three readers.

So, I’m writing again. Is this a big deal? Probably only to myself and a handful of others. I actually have not written much of anything since the short story Satisfaction for the Lyrical Darkness anthology. And honestly, I am not sure why. Just…kinda been in a funk lately. Blame the movie deal failure. That’s what I’m gonna do.

I’ve never been a speedy writer. Thankfully, I am not as slow as George R.R. Martin (although I wouldn’t mind having his numbers!), but sometimes it does take me a while to get going. I recently got going on a new project (a sequel to something…non-Bachiyr) and it made me remember why I write in the first place. Sitting down and putting words to a story felt awesome! Like coming home for Christmas after being gone for two decades.

No matter how much of a pain it can be sometimes, I love writing. It’s just about the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do, even when I do it badly. So I have developed a theory, and you can tell me if I sound like a loon. It goes like this: I get in a funk, and stop writing. The lack of writing causes the funk to deepen, which causes me not to write. Ad infinitum.

Yeah, that could be it. Or I could just be a lazy asshole. Either explanation is good with me. Honestly, I’m not picky.

In any case, it all boils down to one thing: I have not been doing my job. (Well, okay…one of my jobs. My kids are all still alive and they seem to be growing at normal rates, so at least my Stay At Home Dad duties have not been neglected.) I have not been writing.

That needs to change. And it will change.

Starting tomorrow.

Ha![image error]

No, seriously. Tomorrow. It’s already really stinking late here and the baby hates sleep. Oh, and I’ve already written about 1,500 words today. Not my best day, but not my worst.

So, to those three people out there who are waiting for the next Taras and Theron book: it’s coming. I promise. I have not retired yet. BAIT will be my next release, though. Then T&T. Then…I dunno. Something cool. I’ve been hatching a plot for a sequel to NASTY LITTLE F*!#ERS, but I am not sure if it will ever see the light of day.

Time will tell.

Okay, that’s it for tonight, folks. I hope everyone has a wonderful April 1st.

See Ya!

–David

I know, I was supposed to announce this a week ago. Problem is, my planning skills suck. Big time. I was on vacation in Ft. Lauderdale last week, and I did absolutely no work whatsoever the entire time. Yep. No writing. No thinking about writing. No whining about writing. No blogging about writing, which of course is really just writing about writing, which I didn’t do. No…well, you get the idea.

I spent the entire week going to the pool, the beach, the Everglades, and Wal Mart. I spent it playing with my son. I spent it playing with my daughter. I spent it hanging out with my wife. Basically, I spent the entire week just being with my family, and there has seldom been a better week.

I want to go back.

But all vacations must end. At least until I win the lottery. As such, here I am at the computer again. As I sit down to type, I see I have left some unfinished business here in McAfee Land. There’s this little matter of the last contest that is yet to be decided. Well…technically, it has been decided already. I went to random.org before I came here. But that’s neither here nor there, especially since I’m trying to string you guys alo…er…uh…I mean…up the suspense a bit…before I make the announcement.

I know that’s not fair of me because you guys have already waited longer than you were supposed to. But I’m nothing if not a pain in the bootay, so before I announce the winner, I want to sing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. You guys with me? All right! Let’s make it a rounder, ok? Oh, and instead of beer, let’s sing about that Root Beer flavored beer. You know, this stuff. I love this stuff. MMMMM. So let’s sing about that, instead. Ok? Awesome. Here we go…



99 Bottles of Not Your Father’s Root Beer On the…hey! Stop throwing stuff at me! Put the flame thrower down. Down…come on…hand over the blackjack…Ow! Ow! Cut that out! Put away the box of leeches!

All right! All right! I’ll announce the winner! Geez!

The winner of my fabulous prize is….

Diana McGrath!

Congratulations, Diana! Random.org thinks you deserve a bunch of really cool books, and I have to agree. So if you’ll send me your info, I’ll get these books signed and shipped out to you ASAP. I hope you enjoy them. :D

For the rest of you, I really want to thank you for coming and visiting my blog. But mostly, I want to thank you for spending some of your precious, irreplaceable time on me. I still can’t believe you’d want to, but you do, and for that I have no words.

Well, you know, no words other than “Thank” and “You,” which I already said, so :P.

–David

See the blog title? Yeah, that’s all I had to say today. :)

Sorry for the delay in sending you your books, guys. Hope you enjoy them!

Well, at least on this blog. You can still enter to win a set of books over on TTC Books And More. While you are there, check out their review of 79 A.D. (Spoiler, they liked it. ;) )

So, since this is the last contest, I needed to make it a little bigger. Now, I can only do so much because I’m a starving artist, but I’ll do what I can to make this last contest a good one. Why? Because you guys rock, that’s why. And because I’m the type of guy who likes it when people rock. Got it? Excellent.

Okay, so first of all, you know by now the basic prize, right? You get signed copies of six of my books. Specifically, you get these six books:

Six Awesome Books!

Yep. Those six books. I thought about posting all their titles, along with links to their Amazon pages, but frankly, that’s a pain in the butt. Besides, you guys know the books already, right? Of course you do. Moving on…

In addition to the six books pictured above, I will include a print copy of the Bachiyr Omnibus.

Now, not that this is a massive selling point, but the Omnibus is the only way you can get AFTER: Taras and Theron, Beyond Jerusalem in print. (Okay, okay. I know, I posted links to those two, but that’s because I wanted you to know about AFTER, just in case you didn’t. If you already knew about AFTER, then obviously this does not apply to you…so there.) And yes, I posted all those links just to be annoying.

But wait, there’s more! In addition to the six books and the Bachiyr Omnibus, you will also get this:

I’m In There Somewhere!

This is a print copy of the Necrotic Tissue “Best Of” Anthology. Some of you may know that Necrotic Tissue was my first published credit. I submitted a short (very short!) 100-word story to them as part of a contest. That story, Cardiac Episode, won first prize in the contest and remained an editorial favorite for the remainder of the horror e-zine’s run. I really miss that publication, but I am still friends with the editor on Facebook.

Okay, so right now you are probably thinking “Wow! That’s a lot of books, David!” Well, you’re right. BUT, there is still one more book I am adding to the prize pile. A very special book. One that holds a soft place in my heart. This one:

Ugly Cover, But I Love It, Anyway!

Back in 2010, when I first started working on self publishing 33 A.D., I took a stab at designing my own cover. I drew some cool illustrations by hand, then painted them in guache, then scanned them. Then I had to fix the f***ing image about eighteen times, and it still never came out right. The result of all that hard work and frustration is the book you see in this image. This is one of the very first hard copies of 33 A.D. to have ever been printed. It was never offered for sale with this cover, and this is the only such copy in existence. There are typos all through it, and the formatting is funky, the fonts are dull and boring, and the cover type is about as attractive as dog poop on the bottom of a pair of new $200 Nikes. For these reasons and many others, I love this copy. With all its flaws and issues, it has remained a prized piece of my bookshelf.

And now, it can be yours. Why? because you guys rock, and I want to make the last contest special. Since I can’t afford to give away a Ferrari, these books will have to do.

So, now that you know what this final prize pack contains, I bet you are wondering how you can win it. Aren’t you? Yes, of course you are. You would not still be reading this otherwise. Well, let me tell you, I had to think long and hard about this one. The six books plus the Omnibus and the Necrotic Tissue issue (ha! Tissue Issue…I kill me…) are great, but that copy of 33 A.D. is gonna hurt to pack up and ship. As such, I thought this contest should be extra difficult. I figured I should really make the winner earn it, you know? So I thought up dozens of fun, yet difficult ways for you to win. The ideas ran the gamut from a cross country wheelbarrow race to an arial duel using a pair of identically prepared Sopwith Camels, like this one:

But then I realized that I have a grand total of between one and three readers, and making them risk their lives or fight to the death would be very counterproductive, since such a thing would only serve to deplete my readership. As such, all you have to do to win this prize is leave a comment on this post. NOT on Facebook! (Yes, comments left on Goodreads will count.) This contest will run between now and Labor Day, which is September 7th. On that day, I will assign a number to each comment posted (chronologically, of course.) Then I will visit our trusted friend, Random.org, and enter the range. Random will pick the winner, and someone is going to get one of my most prized possessions.

As usual, any comment counts. You can tell me to stick my head up a bull’s arse, and that will still count as an entry. As such, while creativity is not a factor in determining a winner, I would like to encourage you to have fun with this. Post something funny, or silly, or thought-provoking. Make me think. Make me laugh. Make me retch. Or just make me aware that you want the books. ;) Most importantly, have fun! (and..you know…if you wanted to share this contest on social media, that would not hurt my feelings…)

I hope you guys have a good time with this last contest. I’m looking forward to reading what you have to say. Good luck!

–David



P.S. Just so you guys know, Adam Nel is the winner of the previous contest. He knows (I contacted him) but for some reason I forgot to post that news here on the blog.

Yeah, sorry. That song has been stuck in my head for days. I’m going to have to go in with a power drill to get it out. Is it stuck in your head now, too? Excellent! That means my evil plan is worki…er, I mean, uh…sorry.

In any case, what I really, really want is to give away another set of books. By now you guys should know that the prize pack includes signed paperbacks of 33 A.D., 61 A.D., 79 A.D., Saying Goodbye to the Sun, NASTY LITTLE F!#*ERS, and Old Sins. I know, I know. You know that already. See, the thing is, even though I know you know, I have to say it so people who don’t know what you know will now know. Yanno?

So what is this week’s contest going to be? Hmmm…

I explained in a comment last week why I can’t ask you to fight to the death. The same reasoning applies to the rocket-powered cross country skateboard race. Specifically, I don’t want to be liable for anything like that. I’m just a poor, starving artist type. I can’t even afford shoelaces. That’s why I wear flip flops most of the time. That might be a slight exaggeration, but it might not. I’ll let you guys wonder. Meanwhile, check out this pic of my footwear:

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I lied, right? You’re thinking those sure look like shoelaces holding those things together. Well, you’re right. But I didn’t buy them. They fell from the sky like manna from heaven. Or, if you don’t believe that, then imagine a story you would believe. Got it in your head? Ok, that’s what happened. Yep. Just like you imagined.

Which brings me to this week’s contest. Tell me something about those soda bottle flip flops. Anything. Tell me they are ugly. Tell me they are awesome. Tell me they fell from the sky like manna…oh, wait…maybe not THAT one. I have copyright to think about, you know.

Make it interesting. Make it funny. Make it scary or dramatic or weird. It doesn’t have to make sense. Whatever you decide to say, say it in the comments. :)

I won’t be using Random.org this time. I’ll pick my favorite from among the comments and that person will win the books. Sound like fun? Of course it does! So have at it, folks! Free *cough, cough* literature is on the line!

–David, King of Flip Flops

…going to be very happy in a few minutes when I announce his or her name. ;)

Before I do that, I wanted to post this link to TTC Books And More, where Yours Truly has been selected as the Author of the Month. This means they will be posting reviews, links, and even a contest for more McAfee books. How cool is that? The reason I mention this is because A, it’s cool, and B, if you aren’t today’s winner, you can still go check out the giveaway on TTC Books and More.

See, folks? I’m just giving my stuff away all over the place. I should do a Goodreads giveaway, too. Hmmm…

Okay, so that’s enough stalling. It’s time to announce the winner so I can get to work. So without further ado, tonight’s winner is:

Billy Tillson!

Billy, send me an email at monkeyfeet73(at)yahooDOTcom with your details and I’ll get these out to you ASAP.

The rest of you, don’t fret! I have TWO more sets of these to give away. Plus, as I mentioned, TTC Books and More is giving away an identical set. Yeah, that’s right. If you don’t win here, you can still win over there. So go check them out and see how! Seriously.

As for MY next contest, tune in tomorrow night. :)

Good night, folks!

–David