D. James Eldon's Blog

I dream that I am awake

talking to you

when I wake

alone

see the dormant

phone

it’s as if falling

from a great height

and the big black crow

out the window

he yells “fool”

but I know better

very soon now

the phone rings

(D James)

sometimes it is silent

and sometimes it is loud

sometimes we think it

needs attention

sometimes we want

more

sometimes we give it

and sometimes we take

but really

all it

needs

is to be

(D James)

this thing

that runs through my heart

like a freight train

knocks me down

and lifts me up

at the same time

brings me joy

and reminds me

to stay open

be vulnerable

this thing

unnameable

random

vast

deep

it knows no bounds

reaches deep inside

blows me away

scatters the pieces

to the darkest edges

of the universe

and somehow

makes me whole

again

how do you do that?

(D James)

it is the nights

that are most difficult

waiting

wanting

for the morning

that brings your voice

it is the nights

that are long

sleepless

restless​

hoping for a world

where 1+1=1

it is the nights

it is the nights

it is the nights

when darkness

grips my heart

renders me incapable

until the dawn

returns you to me

d. james

forgetting that thing

I was going to check

wandering around the web

lost in its tangential branches

late night

grows later

as internet minutes

never correspond to clock time

eyes close

a finger rests

on a repeating key

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(D James)

it’s not that I can’t sleep

it’s that I don’t want to

an old habit

one that’s returned

with age

like a child

overtired

afraid I might

miss something

the city at rest

a cloud moving across the night sky

a song on the radio

or mother’s return

I stay up

waiting for the sun

waiting for something

to happen

until I’m too tired

to be tired

then I’ll go to sleep

(D. James)

must do

must always do

be doing

or be dead

action

moves the world

no time for anything

other than the doing

the being

is busy

busy

being busy

with all the doing

rushing

to the end

gold watch

and a monthly check

then a trip to eternity

never wondering

until it’s too late

where all this busy business

really gets us

(D James)

freed from the bondage

of thought

if only in the moment

it takes to breathe out

we are whole

and left at one

with all

(D James)

it’s become apparent

that my beliefs

belong to others

every thought

each action

triggered

by a past experience

something I’ve read

heard

or seen

there is nothing original

in being a non-conformist

for even that now

is simply conforming to non-conformity

this too does not originate

from me but from another

so perhaps it is not

in ideas

or language

that we are unique

it must be

in that other place

beyond words

beyond the edge of our skin

out in the far reaches

where what’s in the skull

is quiet for a moment

where we connect

with all that is

all that ever was

or ever will be

with the all of all

(D James)

there are things I’ve done

that I would never tell

things I’ve said

I want to unsay

things I’ve seen

that do not disappear

by closing my eyes

thoughts

that cannot be unthought

rationalized

justified

explained away

apparently

you know what

I mean

because here

in the shadows

they say everyone

is hiding something

(D James)