Anne Marie Bennett's Blog: Stories That Stir Heart & Soul

On April 22, “this guy” and I celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary

We met four years before that, so technically we’re celebrating 35 years together

This is one of the first cards I made, and I found it to be a very interesting process speaking from the card as if I were Jeff!   It gave me a whole new perspective on our marriage . . . and on him as a person.

This is the journaling I did back in 2005 (when we’d been married for 10 years):

Who are you?
I am the one who loves you unconditionally.  I am the one who is fun and easy-going and loves to laugh.  I am the one who is strong and stable and steady.  I am your rock.  I am the one who is hard-working and dependable.  I am the one who loves people and who always believes the best of people. I am the one who embodies positive living.  I am the one who is a good father and who wants the best for my children.  I am the one who manifests abundance by the way I live and think.  I am the one with a big, wide heart.

What do you have to give me?
I give you an abundance of love and support and kindness and grace.  I give you the knowing that you are unconditionally loved.  I give you my everything.  I give you financial security freely and with no strings attached because I love you.

What do you want from me?
I just want your love, and for you to be kind to my children and to my mother.  I want you to be there for me, and to have fun together with you on our many vacations.

And this is the way this Neter answers my questions today, after 35 years of loving . . . can you see/hear a difference that suggests a long journey?

Who are you?
I am the one who continues to love you unconditionally, no matter your moods and perceived failures. I am the one who supports your creative endeavors. I am the one who said “We will get through this together” when you told me you had breast cancer. I am the one who has honored your long desire to live in Maine. I am the one who gives you space to read and write and make art. I am the one who is proud of you. I am the one who has honored my commitment to walk beside you, no matter what. I am the one who loves my children and grandchildren. I am the one who loves going to the theatre with you, and watching TV with you, and snuggling with you and Louis at night before we sleep. I am the one who depends on you to help me see what I cannot see.

What do you have to give  me?
My gifts to you are my solid foundation, my generous spirit, my loving heart. I have the gift of steadfastness that has kept you steady on your journey forward. My gifts include financial wisdom and a practical approach to living and to our lives. 

What do you want from me?
I want you to speak kindly to me.  I want you to grow older with me. I want you to enjoy our time together. I want you to understand that we are very different people, and to focus on what we have in common instead of our differences. I want you to remember that I love you.

I am the one who knows how to mother myself.

I grew up with a mother who was always there for me physically, but because of her own lack of a nurturing mother growing up, she wasn’t one who nurtured me with unconditional love and kindness.  I missed out on having a real “Mommy.”

After practicing SoulCollage® for a few years, I realized that I could “mommy” myself and so I made several cards to depict this Mommy and Me relationship that I had missed out on as a child.  This is the one card of all my “Mommy and Me” cards that remains in my deck, as a vivid reminder that I can be nurturing and loving and unconditionally accepting towards myself.

Most of the time when I read from this card, it is the Mommy inside of me talking, but recently I drew it in a short reading and I noticed that the little girl was speaking this time:

Who are you?
I am the one who loves being held and cherished by Mommy.  I am the one who can completely relax when Mommy is holding me.  I am the one who feels safe in her arms.

What do you have to say to me today?
My message for you today is this- even though you had an earth-mother who couldn’t and didn’t give you this, you have an inner mother just waiting for you to open your arms to her. Open up on the inside.  Let Mommy hold you when you need to be held. Let go of the notion that you have to do everything yourself, and let yourself be held.

If you have a card with two distinct Neters (energies) on it, like this one, try doing the I Am the One Who… exercise with EACH of the voices and see what you discover.

She’s imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help

She is messy but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie

~ Sara Bareilles, She Used to Be Mine
from the Broadway musical Waitress

In the musical Waitress (based on the movie of the same name, starring Keri Russell), the theme of “pie” is woven throughout the whole show. The main character is Jenna who is gifted at creating delicious and unusual pies. She is known for combining unusual ingredients to create unique, exquisite taste sensations. Immediately after seeing the movie for the first time in 2007, I went out and bought a cookbook devoted solely to pie. It’s several hundred pages long and the only recipe I ever made was for a divine cherry pie, although I will admit that I let “Mrs. Smith” make the crust.

At first I was surprised by my fascination with pie. I grew up with a mother, grandmother, and a couple of sisters-in-law who made pies from scratch without blinking an eye. So while I’ve always enjoyed eating pie, for some reason, I didn”t inherit the “pie gene” and I will confess right now that I’ve never made a pie where the crust didn’t come from the freezer section of the local grocery store. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I never really thought very much about pie before this movie and musical made me stop and ponder.

At the beginning of the story, Jenna’s life is a mess and she feels trapped within her job in a diner and her marriage to a man who is unable to love. At one point in the musical she sings “She Used to Be Mine” (see lyrics above). The song comes on the cusp of a major change for Jenna, and she is beginning to let go of who she used to be, readying herself to embrace who she will be.

Take a moment now . . . slowly read the lyrics to yourself; speak them out loud if you won’t be disturbing anyone else.

What Jenna is describing is all of her inner parts and pieces. Some are bright flavored; some are sour. Some are sweet; some are bitter. But what’s important is that they are all a part of her and as she sings, she is embracing that fact. As she says, they’re all “mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.” I love that she is able to see it as beautiful even though some of the pieces are sharp or difficult to accept.

Because of Waitress, I have begun thinking of pie as a metaphor for my own life. It takes a unique mix of ingredients to make a pie come out tasting and looking whole and balanced, just as it takes a unique mix of qualities to make up my own whole self. So as we move into the holiday season, I encourage you to call to mind these lyrics whenever you come across pie- in your recipe box, grocery store, mixing bowl, dinner table, or even in a magazine ad. Remember that you also are a unique and wonderful mixture of “ingredients” and celebrate each and every one!

With all of this in mind, I made a SoulCollage® card to remind me. Here is what she said to me recently:

Who are you?
I am the one who bakes creative and delicious pies. 
I am the one who is a mixture of tart and sweet and bitter and flaky and smooth, just all my pieces mixed up together.
I am the one who loves to create and my palette is the ingredients and my studio is the kitchen.

What is your message for me today?
My message for you today is this… It’s time to embrace and savor and appreciate the mixed-up but flavorful mess that is you!

Several years ago, when learning about the chakras, I “met” a rainbow-feathered owl in a guided imagery meditation one day. After working with that Neter, I realized that Rainbow Owl is the Companion to My Companions!  I do love it when the Neters make themselves known to us in dreamlike states of being. Here is my card to honor him. (Sorry, I cannot remember the name of the artist, but the owl image is definitely not copyright-free and I believe I bought it on Etsy).

Here’s another card (left) I made around the same time, totally intuitively, just loving how the images came together. Here is what the girl said to me:

I am the one who bows to the Companion of my Companions. I am the one who has made friends with my chakras and therefore with my body.

I am the one who journeys deep within, down and down to my innermost cavern where the Inner River flows.

I am the one with feathers in my hair, just as there are feathers on my Owl Companion.

My message for you today is simple- bow to your body, dear one. Allow ITS wisdom to lead you. Float again in your Inner River… all will become clear.

This is an intuitive card that I made a few years ago. It’s only two images and now it’s one of my favorite cards. 
Here’s what she said to me recently:

Who are you?
I am the one who has paused on my journey. 
I am the one who stands on a magical sparkling rainbow path-way.
I am the one who is looking down at my feet.
I am the one who is wearing  a sparkling rainbow dress.

What is your message for me today?
My message for you today is this . . .
You are in a pausing-place on your own journey right now. Instead of feeling frustrated or guilty about pausing, I suggest you look down with gratitude at your own feet that have brought you this far! Notice the magic that is all around you! Savor this new colorful place that is meeting you where you are. The journey will continue soon enough, when you are ready. You will know when you are ready, and the magic will go with you, not to worry.

 

I made this card several years ago, in direct response to this quote from songwriter Leonard Cohen’s “Anthem.”

There is a crack in everything,
that’s how the light gets in.

I keep this card in my deck because it’s a soul-tending reminder that what I perceive as faults, flaws, difficulties with others . . . are merely pathways for me to open to Spirit (or God, the Universe… whatever you choose to call this Higher Power that unites us all).

Who are you?

I am the one who sees and repairs the cracks in this broken vase.
I am the one who is watched over by the brilliant beautiful flower growing through the crack in the wall.

What do you have to say to me today?

My message for you today is this: look at the cracks in your own life and relationships today. Can you see the beauty there in spite of the cracks? Can you let the Light of Spirit shine through those cracks?

Thoughts to Ponder:

What does the Leonard Cohen quote mean to you?

Identify some of the “cracks” in your own life this week. Health? Relationships? Life’s work? Family?

Choose one and identify where the larger Light might be shining through.

Do you ever feel like giving up on a goal or a dream? I think it’s common ground for most of us, so when I found myself drawn to this image of these people on the ground, I resonated with this part of me who sometimes wants to give up. 

It’s important to remember that this Neter is only ONE PART of me whole, kaleidoscopic self!

Who are you?

We are the ones who are tired and discouraged. We are the ones who want to give up. LIFE IS HARD, we say.  Writing is hard. Sometimes being kind is hard. Stopping over-eating is hard. We just want to stop it all and give up. Please don’t make us keep going.

What is your message for me today?

Our message for you is this: we know you want to be on this journey with your new book and your inner work, but we are tired and it is hard. Could you please give us some love and encouragement instead of being mad at us for wanting to give up?

Same Card, Different Day

Who are you?

We are the ones who want to give up. We are weary and tired from trying to make all these changes. We feel cracked and dry and parched. We are the ones who are trying to stop you from achieving your dreams.

What is your message for me today?

Our message for you is this: We NEED you to HONOR our fatigue. We need you to reassure us that we can rest first, before moving on. We just want your acknowledgment that this is hard for us. We need you to notice that all the Trying makes us want to give up sometimes. We want you to not push us away.

We don’t REALLY want you give up… we just need time to rest before going any further.

Questions to Ponder

Feel free to ponder these questions in your journal, or respond to one or more of them in the comments below.

1. Is there a part of you who sometimes just wants to give up? If you were to ask this part “What do you want and need most right now?”, what does it say to you?

2. What does this “let’s give up” part of you look like? What does he/she/they need? Do you have a card that represents this part of you? If not, try making one!

3. Sometimes it is important to let go of a dream or a goal because it just isn’t realistic any more. How can you tell the difference between Giving Up and Letting Go?

 

I fell in love with the image of this woman the first time I saw here and she fits right in on this background of an autumn sunset.

This is what she said to me in a short daily reading this morning:

Who are you?

I am the one who is old but not feeble.

I am the one who is laughing out loud.

I am the one who is sitting on an old wooden chair.

I am the one who is content with who I turned out to be.

I am the one who is wearing Mala beads because my faith is important to me.

I am the one who is in the winter/sunset of my life and who isn’t worried about a thing.

What do you have to say to me today?

My message for you today is one of acceptance with where you are sitting right now. 

Slow down and ENJOY every little thing that is happening to and for you.

Look around you. Is the sun REALLY setting on your life right now? I don’t think so!

When was the last time you laughed like this? Give yourself more moments like that, more laughter.

Does this woman have something to say to YOU today?
Ask her “who are you?” 
Then just listen…. listen for what she says.
If you want to capture her wisdom, then write her words in your journal and carry them in your heart.

 

There’s a wonderful scene in an old Ally McBeal episode that I love to refer to when talking about the SoulCollage® Committee Suit.  If you’ve never seen it, Ally McBeal was a delightful comedy about a quirky lawyer and her life and loves in Boston in the 1990’s. 

In this scene, Ally is telling John Cage (another lawyer, even more idiosyncratic than Ally) about how a small dancing baby has been following her around.  This baby has been appearing to her at the strangest moments and it’s really starting to drive her crazy.  She has tried ignoring this imaginary baby, and she has even tried kick-boxing it out of her life, but it still continues to “haunt” her.

At this point, John tells her about a time in his life when he kept dreaming about his long-deceased aunt, who was insisting that he have tea with her. 

Ally is fascinated, because John’s problem sounds so similar to her own.  “So what did you do to stop the annoying dreams?” she asks.

“Simple,” John replies.  “I had tea with her.”

I think of this in relation to all of my own parts that make up my Inner Committee.  If there’s one that’s really pestering me for attention, then the very best thing for me to do is to sit down with it and listen.  Instead of ignoring it, or  trying to kick it away in frustration, I invite it in to my inner play room and have a little tea party with it. 

Putting It Into Practice

Take a moment to see if there are any dancing babies and/or long-deceased relatives following you around this week.  Or any other inner voices that are acting out and causing you bewildering moments of embarrassment. 

Instead of wishing it would go away, simply name it and then find some time to sit down with it. 

You can do this by making a SoulCollage® card for it, or by asking it “Who are you?” and writing down its answers for a few minutes.

Hawaiian shaman Hank Wesselman teaches that every child who is born into this world has a bowl of perfect light within him/her/them. If the child lives from their center and honors this light, then he/she grows in strength, ability, and wisdom. However, if they do things against their light’s true nature, or if they allow feelings like hate, fear, or judgement to rule them, then a metaphorical stone is dropped into their bowl of light.  Every stone that is dropped into their bowl obscures some of the light in their bowl. If enough stones fall into that bowl, the light will eventually go out.  However, when the child is ready, all he or she needs to do is to practice Kalana, which means forgiveness of self and others. This practice (and it is a practice!) enables us to turn our bowls upside down and allow the stones to fall out, one by one (and sometimes all at once!).  In her book, Girls Rising, Urana Jackson says: In the course of a human life, some experiences and events will inevitably lead us away from our highest nature. It is important to remember, however, that the core essence of who we are is exquisite and whole; and, perhaps just knowing this is one of the essential ways of bringing us back to our light.  In the northern hemisphere when we experience the season of darkness, we are see less and less light until after the Solstice on December 21. But any time of year is fitting for looking into our personal bowls of light and inquiring of ourselves what, if any, stones are in the way of our own intended light.  We could also think of this bowl of light as our SoulEssence. Each living being has this spark of the divine Source within them, including you. The practice of Kalana can help to remove any stones that hold judgement of others, or any stones that represent events we need to forgive in ourselves or others. Putting It Into Practice:

Give yourself a restful five minutes today and listen to the song, Bowl of Light, performed by Trevor Hall.  In your journal, explore these questions, or any others that arise: Am I carrying stones in my own bowl of light?Can I name some of these stones right now?What would my life look like if I let go of some of these stones?What does my bowl of light look like?Consider making a SoulCollage® card for your own bowl of light. Or make a card to honor one of the “stones” that you’ve let go of.