Kay Goldstein's Blog

My latest blog post, "Inspiration: Breathing In Our World", is featured on  Jennings Wire: The World of Success. This post dives into topics including: inspiration, imagination, and fully taking in our surroundings. Enjoy!

 Many people have asked me what was my inspiration for Star Child. The answer to that may be simple, but what I have been learning about inspiration is in some ways more intriguing. First I looked up the word. Inspiration comes from the Latin root inspirare, meaning to breathe in. You might notice also that spirit comes from this same root word. I like to think of creative inspiration as a breathing in of spirit.  

 Why is it some of us feel inspired and others not? Why does some inspiration result in something produced in the physical world, such as art, music, a new culinary dish, a mathematical theorem or new invention? What supports the experience of inspiration?

 Let’s start at the beginning. What happens when we have breathed in something? From a physiological point of view, when we breath in air it expands our lungs, filling the air sacs that are laced with tiny capillaries that capture and carry the oxygen to every part of our body. Those same air sacs are permeable in both directions. They fill with carbon dioxide produced as the oxygen interacts with our organs and fuel sources. We exhale what has been produced and start again with the next breath. This process is necessary for our survival.

In the world of imagination we humans also have our own powerful alchemical processing ability. I believe this too, is necessary for our survival and evolution as humans. What we “breathe in” with our senses and our mental perceptions goes through the refinement of our own personal matrix made up our memories and experience, our physical and emotional terrain, our DNA. What is assembled is then “breathed” back out into the world in a unique way. That is why being open and accepting of our selves, just as we are, allows for many creative opportunities in our art, our relationships and even our experience of the divine. 

Think of those air sacs in our lungs. The more flexible and expanded they are, the more they can take in what is needed and the ”bigger” we become. There is more “flow”. Restricting our responsiveness by limiting our beliefs, “holding our breaths”, or even overloading our circuits to the point of numbing, narrows the flow of information and feeling and possibilities.  

In the case of Star Child, the inspiration came to me in a flash, fully alive and shimmering like a bolt from the sky. But my experience of that, my taking in of that moment was enabled by being fully awake to the beauty of the world around me. In this case it was a meadow overlooking the ocean bathed with the golden light of early evening. The moment was further nurtured by having just come from a writer’s workshop where I shared the collective writing processes of my fellow participants. And then there was the question that I had never before let myself ask that opened the last door: “What if I were to write fiction?” 

 In a sense the pump had been primed, the ground was fertile for something new to grow.  We are naturally creative when we take care of the “ground” that is our selves, add ingredients to fertilize and renew, step outside our everyday routines and use other parts of our brains and bodies.

 But the journey did not end there. I had to embrace what I had breathed in at that moment. I had to trust that there was meaning in my devotion to the task.  So even when I was not writing, I was letting that inspiration show me my world with new eyes where everything past and present that I saw and heard and touched might transform into a part of the story. Eventually I was willing to devote myself fully to the work and it was there I found the joy of losing myself in writing and traveling in the world that unfolded on the page. That is when inspiration can become manifest - when we surrender to it.

 Quite coincidentally, just as I was inspired to sit down and write this piece, I came across this video: "Shots of Awe." I was inspired all over again when the narrator, Jason Silva discussed inspiration with his rhapsodic, visual montage. Take a look. Take a deep breath. Take it in unfiltered. It may inspire you. 

There are many lessons in Star Child. It is a small book packed with layers of meaning: from the simple tale of two children learning about the world of humans to the very cadence of the written words which take us to a place of magic and comfort. I only realized what the primary lesson of the book was after I had published it. It is embedded in the line spoken by the Ancient Mother: 

“Finding yourself is the only journey that matters.” What does that really mean?

To me it means that each of us is here for a reason and therefore have been given unique talents and perspectives. When we are faced with challenges, and we all will be, using our strengths will help us maintain balance, peace and increase the likelihood of finding some joy in our everyday lives. If either we don’t know or ignore what we have been given, we disconnect from our source of strength, our uniqueness. We then make choices based on very limited information because we don’t use our intuition, or we may blindly follow what others tell us to do or we are paralyzed by the fear that we might make a mistake. Eventually we lose our way. Our passion for life and sense of self are eroded.The piece that we have been uniquely given to make the world a better place is lost. This is what happened to the main characters of Star Child. As we travel with them , we see the ways, sometimes small and sometimes dramatic, that they use to find their way back to their true selves.

We all lose our way, sometimes many times in our lifetime or even in the course of a day. It is the human condition. Like the star children, we must learn to find our way back. 

What are the steps  or practices we need to do to help us be ourselves?

1. First, set a clear intention: “I want to know and be true to myself.”

2. Pay attention to what brings you joy, raises your levels of energy and excitement, brings contentment or activities that you can become totally lost in: painting, working with children, fixing cars.

Conversely, pay attention to what depletes you, causes you to be afraid, makes you feel off balance or give you a nagging feeling that you are pretending to be someone you are not. The choices we make in small moments can add up to big changes in our lives.

3.Use your imagination: Take a few moments each day or give yourself time for discovery.  Meditate, or write in your journal, or walk in nature, try a class you always wanted to take to expand how you see your life. Get to know how you feel. Empty your brain of expectations and “shoulds” so you can expand your awareness of possibilities.

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”  ~Albert Einstein

4. Don’t judge yourself. As you get to know the truth of who you are, the more you accept yourself, the less energy you waste on worry and negative thoughts. Use that energy to discover new ways to make your life work for you. Use that energy to express yourself.

5.  Ask for help. Every human has experienced the pain of disconnection, fear and insecurity. We can learn from one another and get encouragement. 

6. Take risks and make course corrections as needed. Remember that each of us will forget who we are sometimes and get off course. That is when we go back to the practices. If we feel our true self is not in alignment with the life we are living, then our practices can help us to change a career, relationships, ways of thinking, or lifestyles. 

7.  Don’t blame others for your unhappiness. You are the only  person responsible for living your own life and making choices.

8.Remember we are not in control of everything and we don’t KNOW everything. Many self help programs empower us, but also enforce the false idea that we can always be in control of our lives and the world around us. This thinking puts us on a hamster wheel of trying to be perfect or to control everything.

9.Consider that what we choose to do in the small moments of our lives does matter. Are we choosing to move closer to our truest best self, or away? This choice we have control over. The more in touch we are with our selves, the whisperings of our own hearts and not just our rational minds or ego, the better we can make those decisions.

Is the quest for finding ourselves just another form of “self-absorption”? 

There are differences between being absorbed just in our own well being and developing our truest best selves so we can contribute to the welfare of others and bring our gifts to a world that really needs our help. This is not about ego, but about recognizing the essential part of the world that we are so we can serve something bigger than ourselves.

How does one develop your true self if you work two jobs or are trying to care for family members or have a major disaster strike you or your family?

Immediate survival needs must take precedence. But if we take even some time in small moments to know and appreciate our strengths and weaknesses, then we can better solve problems of daily living. If we do this consistently, then we develop a core strength and confidence that can help us and others in times of crisis.

Besides, as  Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” 

 

http://www.thestarchildbook.com/news/...

http://www.thestarchildbook.com/news/...

Kay was recently featured on WFLA-NBC, Tampa-St. Petersburg-Sarasota, FL speaking about “Finding Yourself and Being Yourself"—one of the main themes of her book, Star Child. This show premiered on over 100 TV stations across the country. 

Kay was recently featured on WFLA-NBC, Tampa-St. Petersburg-Sarasota, FL speaking about “Finding Yourself and Being Yourself"—one of the main themes of her book, Star Child. This show premiered on over 100 TV stations across the country. 

Here is the text of an interview I did for Over My Shoulder Foundation, a non profit organization that encourages mentoring. I was thrilled to be asked to do the interview:

Today Kay is being interviewed by Shannon Smith, a youngster from Boston, MA. You know what? This isn’t the first time that Over My Shoulder Foundation has handed the reigns over to a young inquiring mind and gotten amazing results. Remember when 7-year-old Carly Ann Connors did a mentoring interview with American Idol contestant Ayla Brown? These interviews demonstrate how the Mentorology cycle makes magic for those involved, the mentor (traditionally older) becomes the mentee…

Enjoy this interview.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder and Executive Director

“I have always believed that  the things we say and do in the presence of a young person can have great impact, even years later and even when we have long forgotten the encounter. We never know, as we live our lives and draw from our many experiences, how we can be of real help to others. But we must try to remember that our attention and focus in the presence of another can be a real gift.” 

-Kay Goldstein on Mentoring

 

Shannon Smith: Hello my name is Shannon Smith from Boston,Massachusetts. I am here to ask you about your wonderful and inspiring mentoring book, Star Child. Questions like: why you wrote it, what is love. This book is a really wonderful and inspiring book.  It made me feel like everyone is special in their own way. I really want to know, what message do you want people to get from this book?

Kay Goldstein: I loved getting your request and hearing how much you felt inspired by Star Child. You obviously got the main point, which is that everyone is special in their own way and that our purpose is to find our true selves and express those gifts.

I wrote the book because I was inspired by the characters who sort of arrived in my imagination in moment of inspiration- and totally unexpectedly. I then found that I loved the images of world that was flowing onto the page. I liked being in my own imagination and was constantly surprised by what happened. I also thought it was a great way to think about important questions about life and reflect on some of the things I had been learning. But mostly I wrote it because I loved doing that. 

What is love? I don’t think I have all the words necessary to describe it. Love is bigger than all the words put together.  It is the driving energy /force of the universe. Love is most powerful when allowed to flow freely from our hearts. It then connects to everything  and everyone.

 This book was based on love, compassion and soul mates-- do you personally have an experience like this?

I am fortunate to have many experiences of feeling unconditional love and acceptance and compassion. Many people have shown me how to find this: some were formal teachers, others were family members, others were friends or even strangers. I think that the most important thing is that we learn to feel unconditional love and compassion for ourselves.

About soulmates: Terra and Marius were obviously very powerfully connected from the beginning. But what the story shows is that they learn to be fully themselves before they can freely offer themselves in relationship to the other.  Every relationship has the potential to teach us new things about ourselves and can therefore have meaning. Sometimes relationships feel very negative and we can learn something from that too.  One of my wise teachers once said, “a Soul does not need a mate.” I think that may be true, but I also believe that some relationships help bring us closer to our true self than others. And, the closer we are to living as our best self, the more likely we are to find others to support that journey.

As for my personal journey, I have been married for 42 years. I can’t honestly say that my husband is or is not my "soulmate". But I know that I am constantly learning something from this relationship and that it continues to grow in a loving way. I feel clearly that our relationship was meant to be.

 The girl “Terra” in this book takes care of and helps a couple. How did you come up with this?

Terra’s relationship with the old couple reminds me of times when I grew up in my grandfather’s house. I used to help him in his workshop and I loved sewing and being useful. I did not purposely try to incorporate this into the story, but it was easy to draw on my own experience and sweet to remember how much I liked doing those things. I have also been a caretaker of others as they aged.

Shannon Smith 

What inspired/drove you to become an author and your other occupations?

That is a good question. There are times I wondered myself. Since I have had many careers and jobs, one would have to wonder why I kept changing and evolving. Each time I made a change in my work, it was because something really drew me to do that. When I stopped practicing as a psychotherapist and became a full time cook and food entrepreneur, it was because I loved doing it and found a way to really express my creativity. But I used the skills I had learned previously to help manage employees and the stresses of running a business.

Later I sold my business when I had small children and found it impossible to do both without burning out. Each time I thought I was changing my self image and public identity along with my career. But something about me and how I look at and interact with the world never really changed. Looking back, I see now how everything I have done has led me to this particular juncture in my life: writing and talking about the challenges and meaning of life here on Earth.

 Why did you pick these characters to take place in this book?

I think the characters picked me  Some were drawn from my life experience, but sometimes they just appeared on the page when I was writing. It can happen when we let go and just let our imaginations take over.

 Do you want this book to help other children’s lives? What do you mostly want them to get from reading this book?

I do hope that young people find comfort and inspiration from this book and can use it as a kind of roadmap to remind them of ways to travel on their life journey. I think though that that only thing I really know about this book right now is the joy and love I felt in writing it. I hope all my readers experience some of that.

 

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions about your inspiring book, Star Child.

I am so happy to be able to answer your questions about Star Child and the process of writing the book. From beginning to end, from the first moment of inspiration to the day of publication, was more than 15 years! That seems like an awfully long time to be writing such a simple and relatively short book. But I believe that it took that long for me to be able to both understand the purpose of the book and to become simple enough to write it

Are you inspired by an author, a teacher, a friend? Tell us how they mentored you! Please SHARE your mentoring storieswith Over My Shoulder Foundation, consider donating to our non-profit and don’t forget to follow Over My Shoulder Foundation on Facebook too, especially this January during National Mentoring Month.

I like to say that the beaches, meadows, trees and cliffs of Martha’s Vineyard are the “paper “ upon which I wrote Star Child. I don’t think the story would exist if it had not been for this nurturing, vibrant and sometimes mysterious landscape. Everywhere I go now I notice how particular places found their way into the book. When I hike  through Fulling Mill Preserve or walk on Lucy Vincent Beach or see the ancient oak on State Road in West Tisbury, I am reminded in the most visceral way of the presence of the  the main characters of the book, star children Terra and Marius.  

As I have recounted previously, it was while driving along South Road overlooking the Allen Farm sheep meadow and the cliffs of Lucy Vincent that the idea for the story came to me. Months later, I was surprised to see that my description of Terra’s cottage was so similar to a house that is nestled into the edge of Chilmark Pond not far from that meadow. It is as if the the spirits of these places were whispering to me as I wrote. The island itself became my muse. 

 This summer I began photographing some of these places to share with the readers of Star Child.  I hope you enjoy them.

 

                               

                                                          Where Star Child began. “She stood in the waving green meadow...”

 

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The rock where the dolphins placed Marius.

 

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“That evening, the star child watched the dusky pink shadows retreating from the porch and followed them with her eyes across the broad sky to the edge of her world.”

  

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“Stopping to pay respect to the path that lay before her, Terra opened her heart and mind to what she might find.”

  

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“Terra slowly surveyed the landscape until she saw a large tree. It seemed to beckon to her...”

 

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“They saw the dark line of clouds approaching on the horizon.”

  

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 “the filmy face of the moon” 

 

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The beach where Marius and Terra played and the Sea Rock.

 

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Doctor’s Creek, the “reedy stripe of water” where the loon lived.

  

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Marius “noticed a parting of the shrubs that led into the forest. He was drawn inward...”

 

 

 

 Selling your own book can be a full time job. Nowadays, this seems to be true for authors no matter who your publisher is..unless of course you are already a celebrity with a six figure advance. I have also noticed that it doesn’t leave much time for actual writing. 

 I spend my days researching reviewers and bloggers, updating social media, scheduling radio or bookstore appearances, posting on websites and linking everything together..and fixing the inevitable glitches. Why is it that my video interview occasionally disappears from my website? Why does Amazon run out of books, tell customers it will take 4 weeks to ship, then start filling the orders the same day? Beats me.

 This afternoon I am composing interview questions for a TV taping next week. It seems that TV interviewers don’t have time to actually read the book so the more help you give them, the more likely they will ask relevant questions. Who knew?

 The book arrived 6 weeks earlier than expected so everything went on fast forward and a few things slipped through the cracks..i.e. changing the publication date so the distributor could actually list Star Child in its data base and stock some books. Radio interviews got scheduled and bookstores in those areas could not get books.Inexplicably, all of this has made me laugh. I consider most of the last two months one long focus group and crash training course. I am learning a lot and I am in this for the long term, not obsessed with making anyone’s bestseller list.  After all there are no vampires in this book and Star Child  is not for the Fifty Shades of Gray crowd.

 In the midst of the daily grind, I procrastinate and occasionally muse about how will I get Star Child to Oprah. That is a little like strategizing on how you will win the lottery. And like winning the lottery, a lot of magical thinking is involved about how life would be different if Oprah read my book. There is no question in my mind that she would like it. If only...

 But like most things and opportunities in life, the real joy and meaning comes from what I do every day. That boils down to selling one book at a time. It has become my new mantra. For instance, there was the woman in the post office in Chilmark who wanted to know what book I had written after overhearing my postman talk about my daily trips to mail out copies. A conversation ensued. A new and unexpected reader was found.  Last week I got an email from a  stranger who had met my brother on the coast of North Carolina. She found her way to my website and told me how excited she was to read Star Child.  

 And funny how touched and surprised I am to get those lovely notes from friends who took the time and spent the money to buy Star Child and then tell me what they liked about it. Some even admitted that they did not expect to actually like the book..after all, it was not a cookbook and sounded a little “spiritual” for them.

 I guess this next phase of Star Child is taking the same steady course it has always taken. Things reveal themselves to me and I am continually surprised. I work hard and then wait. Last week in one day I got three overwhelmingly positive reviews and notes from some of my dearest and oldest friends. 

“This is the book you were born to write,” said one. “ Your writing has risen to a whole other level...” said another. “I read it one rainy afternoon on my porch...” Sigh.

 If the Star Child story is about the value of being your true self then my commitment to publishing it has already brought me more than I could have imagined. Friends have volunteered to give book parties. Strangers tell me they keep a copy on their bedside table for inspiration. A teacher is reading Star Child to her students. Recently, an angel of a friend ordered 150 copies of my book. 150 copies!!! I was speechless. 

 It seems the more I am surrendering to the idea of selling one book at a time, making the effort every day as a commitment to my own work, the more help I get from every quarter. So who needs Oprah, when I have friends like mine?