Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "family"
Kidnapped
When Daddy took me from my bed telling me we were going on a trip, I was so excited. But, as he carried me out to the car—that he'd left running—I began to get scared. I didn't know why. I was with Daddy, afterall. And Daddy wouldn't do anything to hurt me...would he?
As he slowly drove away from the house I felt something was wrong. It wasn't until he neared the highway and told me to lie down and go back to sleep that I remembered Judy. I screamed for him to go back to the house. He'd picked me up so quickly that I'd left Judy, my doll, my best friend in the whole world, on my bed.
He just had to go back for her!
But Daddy only yelled and again told me to lie down and go to sleep. How could I sleep without Judy? I'd never been without her since my second birthday when Daddy had given her to me. I cried and cried and begged him to go back. He became furious, and with fire in his eyes, he turned around in the seat and told me to shut up about the damn doll. When I couldn't stop crying, he threatened if he had to pull the car over to the side of the road he would give me something to cry about.
It was then that I knew something else was wrong. Terribly wrong. Daddy had never hit me or yelled at me before. He was acting so mean; I believed I would be very sorry if he stopped the car. I also thought, by the way he was acting, that he didn't love me anymore. But how could that be? He was taking me on a trip, wasn't he?
As night turned to day and back to night again I began to wonder if I'd ever see my home again, my grandparents, or even my mother.
I felt so lost. So scared. So alone. What would I do if I lost Daddy? I had to stop making him mad at me! I worshipped Daddy. It was my fault he got mad and yelled at me. All I had to do was be a good girl and everything would be okay.
I didn't know how my life was going to change—forever...
I'll be adding more blogs, but if you can't wait, please visit my website to learn more about me and my book.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Scars of Abuse
As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?
As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?
While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?
Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.
Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.
The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.
During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.
All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.
For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?
I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.
Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.
My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.
Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.
Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.
Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.
Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.
It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.
If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.
All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Cutter's Revenge
A Serial Killer Stalking…
In the last of the bitter memories trilogy, a man believing he has amnesia walks the streets in Haskell trying to remember who he is; where he came from. In reality, Stan Clark has blackouts where one or more personalities take over Stan’s life, leaving him with no memories of that timeframe.
Numerous men and women are vanishing from small area towns. Henry Frye, Munday’s police chief, is at his wits end after one of his own officers’ turns up missing and a “secret” town meeting is called. Henry fears his days as police chief are numbered. He doesn’t know a serial killer will soon be stalking his own backyard.
Jasmine Goldberg, a dispatcher Henry hires from Abilene is determined to find out all she can about the missing people. She uncovers an old Army report with a picture showing frightening, sadistic eyes of a Stan Clark, later nicknamed “Cutter” by the Army.
A car fitting Clark’s vehicle is spotted on the highway, but seeing the patrol car, he makes a run for it. Officers from area towns join the chase, pursuing the vehicle to a house high on a hill. Once inside, the officers stumble upon a delusional maniac hiding in the basement, and a gruesome sight upstairs.
Before years of lies from the past can destroy him, Henry opens his heart and soul to the two women he loves deeply—Lori, his new mistress, and Sarah, his dead sister’s daughter he adopted—praying Sarah can forgive him as she learns the truth.
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Message me at: suejulsen.books@yahoo.com
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
FROM THE HEART AVAILABLE IN AUDIO
The narrator is Beth MacEwan, and she did an awesome job of bringing life to this very special book that exposes feelings never shared before now.
Follow the link below to listen to a sample of From The Heart:
http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=det_twe...
Visit my website to see all of my books and to find out what's coming out soon:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
BOOK REVIEW "AN OLD MAN" by Eric M. Black
This book of poetry takes readers through Eric's early adulthood memories. On the surface this is life experiences by a younger man, but taking the time to read deeper; to read between the lines, shows a man who has suffered from loss and heartache time and again, but has risen above so many things that could have taken him into a deep depression. Instead, Eric chose to write about his trials and to ask for help along the way as needed, bringing us a man who has found his way in life filled with love.
LITTLE GIRL LOST (part 9)
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...
I never knew from one day to the next what life was going to throw at me. I wanted to believe Daddy would be there to protect me and to take care of me, but Daddy was a cruel man. He only cared about himself, but I still loved him. I trusted him and I believed in him for six long years — until I found out...
Other books in this series:
Trophy Murders combines truth with fiction in an action-packed crime story while delving more into my life after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia.
Cutter's Revenge, again mixes truth with fiction as I continue my story after being adopted. While another serial killer stalks our little town, I'm living a dream as I write my story's ending the way it could have been if...and it's an ending my fans love!
All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Books are wonderful gifts, and any or all of my books would be a great gift this Christmas for yourself or for a loved one. Enjoy!
To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and From The Heart, my new poetry book taken from times in my life that also includes stories that inspired the writing of each poem, please follow the link below to my website.
NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. It contains strong language and heart-wrenching content. In Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge the language is toned down, a lot, bringing this part of my story to a close.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
LITTLE GIRL LOST (PART 11)
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...
I didn’t know it at the time, but the FBI had been called in to try and find me. Uncle Henry and my grandfather were blaming themselves for my kidnapping because they’d let their guard down. But, why wouldn’t they? For months Daddy had been acting like he hated me, and he’d said many times that he didn’t want to be tied down with a snotty-nosed kid. So why would he kidnap a kid he hated so much…?
Mama began drinking more and more trying to drown her sorrow. Then one day she realized she was a full-blown alcoholic. However, she didn’t care, and said…
Other two books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed crime story of pure fiction, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn't wish on any kid!
Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write part of my story the way it could have been if...turning this part of my life into a fantastic and exciting ending!
My Newest Book — non-fiction
From The Heart is a book of fifteen poems written from events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio, with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did a wonderful job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!
To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon, please follow the link below to my website.
NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heart-breaking content, but it was my life. The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often.
All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Please consider my books as a great gift this Christmas, either for yourself or for a loved one. Enjoy!
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
BITTER MEMORIES, the LIES (part 1)
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...
Daddy had lied from the start, even while dating Mama. He told everyone he was an only child, but he had a brother...a twin brother!
We stayed with this brother and his family for quite awhile, but Uncle Frank wasn't a nice man, and his three sons were no better than their father. Staying with them was one of the worst and most terrifying times in my short life...
Other books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed pure fiction crime story, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid!
Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning my life into a fantastic, exciting, and happy ending!
My Newest Book — non-fiction:
From The Heart is a book of fifteen poems written from events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio, with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did a wonderful job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!
NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heart-breaking content, but it was my life. The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often.
All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Please consider my books as a great gift this Christmas, either for yourself or for a loved one. Enjoy!
To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon, please follow the link below to my website:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
BITTER MEMORIES, the LIES (part 2)
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...
We stayed with lots of different women while on the run, but this one particular night still stands out in my memories. Daddy had a fight with the woman we were staying with before they went to bed.
During the night I heard a scream that woke me. I’d gone to sleep with the TV on so I assumed the scream came from there, but not long after that scream Daddy came out of the bedroom with a strange look on his face.
He told me to get up and get ready to leave, but he had blood on his hand. I asked him about it, and he said he’d killed a mouse in the bedroom…
Other books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed pure fiction crime story, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid!
Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning my life into a fantastic, exciting, and happy ending!
My Newest Book — non-fiction:
From The Heart is a collection of fifteen poems written from events in my life, including short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating. She did a fantastic job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!
NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heartbreaking content, but it was my life. The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often.
All books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. If you still need a gift this Christmas, or would just like a new read for yourself, please consider one or all of my books. Enjoy!
To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon, please follow the link below to my website:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
MY HOLIDAY BLOG
Happy Holidays to all my friends and followers! My wish for everyone is peace and joy and an abundance of love and precious memories this Christmas season.
Thank you for all your continuing support this year! I look forward to meeting many more new friends in the coming year!
THE BOOKS:
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is the book that started it all. Written novel-style for easy reading, this is a true story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...
Other books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed fiction crime story, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid!
Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption, mixing truth with fiction. Anyone who’s read the other two books will know what’s true and what isn’t. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting, and happy ending!
My Newest Book — non-fiction:
From The Heart is a collection of fifteen poems written from events in my life, including short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating, and she did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!
NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heartbreaking content, but it was my life.
The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often, plus tossing in the serial killers does make for a very exciting (even a bit twisted and sadistic) read.
Turning to poetry for a time, in From The Heart I expose feelings never shared before.
All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews.
To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon (just waiting on cover art to be finished), please follow the link below to my website:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
