Rebecca Mildren's Blog - Posts Tagged "parenthood"
Between the Reality and the Dream
Sad to say, but my immediate reaction to the "reach for your dreams" and the "you can achieve whatever you set your mind to" mantra of Disney movies and Facebook memes is to cynically shake my head. Why set people, kids especially, up to fail? Be realistic! I feel like shouting. Very few people ever realize their dreams!
And yet, I am one of the biggest dreamers and accomplishers I know. Sometimes I push myself too hard. This month, I am thankful that my chosen workload did not end in a nervous breakdown. Sometimes it does, and I am forced to stare my limitations in the face. I hate it when that happens.
But the facts of the matter are: All humans might aspire to greatness in some way, but we all have only so many hours in a day. We all have only so many personal resources we can put to use. We all are not equally gifted in all areas.
Point in case: Malcolm Gladwell has said you can master any skill if you put in 10,000 hours of practice. Scientists have supposedly debunked that assertion. Still, it's a heady delusion we humans thirst to espouse. I can do anything! I can be anything! Then we go watch a TV show or scroll through Facebook posts instead.
Honestly, I have not taken well to parenthood. I never realized how much time, energy, and grit-your-teeth-you-can-do-this it takes. And because parenthood isn't my only dream in life, I often feel trapped between the urge to be the ideal parent I know I could be if that was the ONLY thing I did in life, and the inner urge to do more. Be more.
Besides being a mother, I am also a wife. A daughter. An aunt. I am a writer. An artist. A musician. I am a Christian. A philanthropist. A philosopher. The list goes on. I suppose it's time for the pebbles-sand-jar don't-always-put-the-biggest-priorities first analogy, but instead, here's my personal pep-talk for today, as I look back on a month of WAY too much overtime:
1) When I feel like I'm stuck focusing only on one area of life for a while, it's good to remember that there are seasons to life. In a certain season, we can concentrate more on one aspect of ourselves, while leaving others on the backburner. Those aspects of us aren't dead, unless it's time to move on, and even then, those aspects we've developed will forever be a part of us. Even an Olympic figure skater or gymnast who devotes virtually every waking hour to her craft for years on end eventually gets married. Has children. Starts a business. Does something else with her time.
2) Instead of feeling paralyzed by my inability to be doing what I'd like to be doing, I can accept that I am a limited human being. Yes, I can get in shape, write a book, be an awesome mom, get involved with community outreach, do an excellent job in my work, and be a gourmet chef. But I cannot do that all at once, and that's OK. So, yes, today the kids ate dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and I worked on my writing craft. Another day, I'll cook a delicious and nutritious meal for them. We'll get out of the house and go on a trip. Just because I can't be and do all things at once doesn't mean I should let discouragement rule or throw in the towel in any of those areas.
3) I should not see reliance on outside resources as a failure. While I've had a very busy month, my super-supportive husband has helped pick up the slack with housework and the kids and has done his utmost to put a buffer between me and any energy-sapping distractions. I can choose to feel like I've failed my family, or I can choose to be grateful for the love and support I've been given. No one reaches their dreams all on their own.
And yet, I am one of the biggest dreamers and accomplishers I know. Sometimes I push myself too hard. This month, I am thankful that my chosen workload did not end in a nervous breakdown. Sometimes it does, and I am forced to stare my limitations in the face. I hate it when that happens.
But the facts of the matter are: All humans might aspire to greatness in some way, but we all have only so many hours in a day. We all have only so many personal resources we can put to use. We all are not equally gifted in all areas.
Point in case: Malcolm Gladwell has said you can master any skill if you put in 10,000 hours of practice. Scientists have supposedly debunked that assertion. Still, it's a heady delusion we humans thirst to espouse. I can do anything! I can be anything! Then we go watch a TV show or scroll through Facebook posts instead.
Honestly, I have not taken well to parenthood. I never realized how much time, energy, and grit-your-teeth-you-can-do-this it takes. And because parenthood isn't my only dream in life, I often feel trapped between the urge to be the ideal parent I know I could be if that was the ONLY thing I did in life, and the inner urge to do more. Be more.
Besides being a mother, I am also a wife. A daughter. An aunt. I am a writer. An artist. A musician. I am a Christian. A philanthropist. A philosopher. The list goes on. I suppose it's time for the pebbles-sand-jar don't-always-put-the-biggest-priorities first analogy, but instead, here's my personal pep-talk for today, as I look back on a month of WAY too much overtime:
1) When I feel like I'm stuck focusing only on one area of life for a while, it's good to remember that there are seasons to life. In a certain season, we can concentrate more on one aspect of ourselves, while leaving others on the backburner. Those aspects of us aren't dead, unless it's time to move on, and even then, those aspects we've developed will forever be a part of us. Even an Olympic figure skater or gymnast who devotes virtually every waking hour to her craft for years on end eventually gets married. Has children. Starts a business. Does something else with her time.
2) Instead of feeling paralyzed by my inability to be doing what I'd like to be doing, I can accept that I am a limited human being. Yes, I can get in shape, write a book, be an awesome mom, get involved with community outreach, do an excellent job in my work, and be a gourmet chef. But I cannot do that all at once, and that's OK. So, yes, today the kids ate dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and I worked on my writing craft. Another day, I'll cook a delicious and nutritious meal for them. We'll get out of the house and go on a trip. Just because I can't be and do all things at once doesn't mean I should let discouragement rule or throw in the towel in any of those areas.
3) I should not see reliance on outside resources as a failure. While I've had a very busy month, my super-supportive husband has helped pick up the slack with housework and the kids and has done his utmost to put a buffer between me and any energy-sapping distractions. I can choose to feel like I've failed my family, or I can choose to be grateful for the love and support I've been given. No one reaches their dreams all on their own.
