Neil Leckman's Blog - Posts Tagged "wurms"

The longer days and crisper nights were a sure sign for me that the holidays were on their way. Walking to school, kicking up fresh piles of leaves, with the smell of wood fires in the air, as people try to fight the morning chill, were always my favorite part of fall. When I got home I could see that mom had been brooding all day, trying no doubt to think up something horrid to say to my sister. In our family the fall stormy weather brought with it a storm of another kind, the full on, in your face, smack down family Christmas. This was preceded by a smaller event, the thankless giving dinner, the giving part was usually one bit of lip service, possibly followed by a food fight with the younger participants. Personally I had never been able to figure out the unwritten rules for engagement, and in fact they may have just been winging it all these years.

The only thing that I knew for sure is when someone asked, “Could you please pass me the…” whatever followed was irrelevant, because this was almost always followed by something sailing closely past my face. Mashed potatoes, corn, peas and once a nicely formed aerial glob of tomato soup, with one of those fish shaped soup crackers in the middle. I do give credit for the clearly defined first strike, which comes in response to the lobbed food, sometimes almost before the food has had time to reach its target. My cousin mike and I would warily look around the table at the squinty eyed glares of the adults, trying to gauge who it would be this year. He’d shrug as he looked at me, because all the adults looked primed and ready to fire at the sounding volley. Thankless giving was a full on family event, whereas smack down Christmas was a more intimate affair.
Prior to the smack down is the proper placement of the tree, so that participants have a full opportunity to crash into it, shattering bulbs and tinkling of tiny pieces of glass as they hit the floor ads a festive touch to things. One year my sister bought one of those Christmas trees made out of aluminum foil, with a spotlight that had a rotating colored disk in front of it. That was quickly discarded though in favor of a live tree, that was covered with flock to make it look like snow. Nothing like the scent of a chemically induced snow storm to cover that otherwise annoying smell of pine. Nothing beats the toxic high of being trapped in a small room with a chemically induced snow covered tree to enhance the smack down experience.

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It should be noted here, for those wanting to hold their own smack down Christmas, the day has to start out mellow and niceties shared between the soon warring parties. This adds a nice bit of irony to things.

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The day should begin with a nice hearty family breakfast, to ensure that stamina is maintained throughout the event. Gifts are exchanged, with lots of hugging, and appreciation shown. This is a crucial part now. Very soon regret should be expressed that more could not be given, due to budget restrictions, planter alignment, or whatever excuse immediately comes to mind. Regrets over a slovenly lifestyle that led to such cheap displays of affection, and some nice digs about errors made during an ill spent youth. Immediately this is followed up by some heartfelt shoving, with a couple of quick rabbit punches.

It is at this point that you can decide to wind things down a notch, or go full tilt into the main event. The best tactic seems to be a nice sucker punch to the back of the head of the other participant, as they turn, pretending lack of interest in further grief. Rules are out the door, except all sharp objects, or firearms be placed in a room separate from the festivities. Hair pulling, neck biting, floor thumbing using your opponents head are all allowed. There are no special awards for first blood, other than bragging rights. Rolling, slapping, kicking and of course punching are all encouraged. Spectators should try to find a large couch or overstuffed chair to sit in, this allows participants to bounce off the furniture and make you feel more like part of the event. After a good hard workout, cracking of ribs and noses time out is granted. This allows both parties to glare at each other as they gasp for air.

When the fight has been beat out of them both parties must be willing to get mushy and tearful, tearful apologies about unfair ploys expressed and hugs given. This is usually done just in time to pull that golden brown turkey out of the oven and placed mid table. Everybody expresses awe at such a wonderful feast and after a hasty prayer begin filling their plates. Laughter and crooked smiles are freely given through swollen lips and tears flow from partially swollen eyes as another festive holiday goes down in the record books. Thankfully for all this is followed by a somewhat silent night!!

Click here for the entire interview.
Excerpts from the interview:

IDI – Who’s your target audience? What aspect of your writing do you feel targets that audience?

NL – I consider whoever my words land on to be my target, that’s why I like flash fiction, it’s a lot like using a shotgun. There are even people out there that write stories the length of a tweet, or 144 characters, now that’s challenging. It’s amazing what some people can do and that is the beauty of writing.

IDI – Everyone has their own dream. What’s yours… best seller, feature film adaption, fame, riches, Pulitzer?

NL – That people like what I write, plain and simple. I live by the philosophy, ‘If a novel falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?’

IDI – Everyone has visions of where they see themselves in the future, be it a year or five. Where do you see yourself in five years? Where did you see yourself five years ago? Did you make it there?

NL – Sitting in a little park feeding pigeons, I’m not sure why because I’m not that fond of them. I am wearing pants, which is a plus, and I have a big bag of crumbs. So even if I have no fans I do have the birds, and that’s something, I’m not sure what, but it’s mine!!

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Click here to go to a page of some of my poetry.

Idyllic town peaceful days
Something hides in the haze
Quietly waits to be free
When it comes to devour me

Crimson raindrops fall, large, fat with life, a soothing sound

Peaceful as the day fades and takes life away, somewhat profound

Mixing with the red clay it swirls down the large drain

Rapidly until the sun cracks the clay, leaving not one stain

Beneath the desert a rumble sounds, hungry once more

Phantom like it rises from the sand, “Last Chance Store”

Like a Venus flytrap draws them in with of sweet nectar

The smells of food cooking hang heavy in the dessert air

Red station wagon pulls in; family enters to get a meal

Windows shut, screams fill the air, and this can’t be real!!

It sinks into the ground leaving a large blood stain

That will vanish again with the afternoon rain

This is a novella I wrote about the "Lake Tanna" corporation. It is part of a series of stories that also crosses over into "Tales of New Dodge" and "Wurms". It is in all of the ebook formats for free. I did this so people could see if they like what I read, or not. Flip of the coin...

Lake Tanna - Ballad of Ruby. I look forward to any review or feedback you may have, enjoy.

I think that last batch of sea monkeys ate my cat!!!

Sometimes listening to other people's conversations isn't good!!
"Doesn't it, though? You, with that beer, talking to a tree. Then all those chattering baby skulls. That nutter with the giant banana made out of slugs, and the awful fight with the guy in the panda suit who kept projectile vomiting. Good thing the police were all dead by then.

When I was in fourth grade there was a man who would come to our school, Logan Elementary, sometimes on a Saturday. For a dime he would show us silent movies of Laurel and Hardy from his collection in the gymnasium. He brought in his own projector and set it up in the middle of the room. The school set up folding chairs and made free popcorn. He would talk about the actors and the movies themselves while they played. It was a blast.

Back in those days I was part of 'The Crossing Gaurd', a group of kids that wore bright vests and I would operate the switch to the yellow flashing light over Hamilton street. It was a special thing to be a part of that group.

It had to be the remains of some ancient civilization, crumbled building covered in creeping vines, and tall statues that looked a little like the ones from Easter Island. It had taken us four weeks to get here through some of the thickest jungle known to man. One man had already died from a poisonous snakebite, and another had taken ill with some strange fever. Once we walked into the ruins it became deathly silent, not even insects could be heard.
Turning to Williams I asked, “Isn’t it strange that it’s so quiet?”
The giant statues all turned towards us…

Chuck asked me to spend the night at his house. I always liked spending the night at Chuck’s house. He had one of those mechanical metal Hockey games where you could slide the players up and down the ice and turn them to shoot. Sliding those metal rods in and out of the game could get mighty loud in a heated match. It was while I was staying at Chuck’s house one night that I dislocated Chan’s kneecap. We were running around outside, playing tag or kick the can when Chan and I ran into each other and fell down.
Getting up he glared at me, “I am going to KICK your ass!!”
It wasn’t so much what he said as how he said it, slowly, with emphasis on the word kick. Chan’s parents had sent him to all types of martial arts classes since he was old enough to walk. The only place my mother ever sent me was to the store, for some milk or a can of stewed tomatoes. In other words I was severely outclassed. Chan walked towards me slowly glaring at me the whole time. I kept backing away looking for something to help me. To my right was an old baseball bat lying on the grass. Reaching down quickly I snatched it up and held it in front of me.
“You know that’s not going to help you.”
Probably true, but it made me feel better about my chances. When Chan stepped in to grab me, with all his weight was on his right leg, I stuck. His kneecap was floating at that moment and all it took was a light tap with the bat to knock it to the side. Chan crumpled to the ground screaming in agony. I threw the bat from me like it was a pit viper. I had no idea that it would be that effective and quite frankly it scared me.
Chuck told me three weeks later that Chan had to have surgery on his knee. He also told chuck that he forgave me and wanted me to come visit him. He’s still waiting.
We were outside playing and Chuck’s mom called us over to the porch. I made you boys a couple of bologna sandwiches and there’s some kool-aid for you too. We ran up the back porch shoving at each other trying to be the first one inside. The back porch was one of those screened in porches; there was a washer and dryer as well as some shelves for cleaning supplies storage. Chuck’s mom also kept some jars out there that she used for canning. It was cool inside his house. His mom had set two plates with bologna sandwiches on them at the table. Next to them were a couple of tall glasses of Kool-aid next to them. They were so cold that water drops were forming on the outsides of the glasses.
“Be right back” I ran down the hallway to Chuck’s bathroom. I really had to go badly. When you’re a kid it seems like you can hold it almost until you pop. When you get that message that your time has come you’d best be moving along. A couple of minutes later I walked back into the kitchen.
Chuck gave me that quizzical look. His Kool-aid was half gone and his plate was already empty. Sitting down I grabbed the Kool-aid and took a big swallow. As I was reaching for the sandwich he asked me, “Did I ever tell you where Mayonnaise comes from?”
“Nope, don’t think so.”
“You know that shelf on the back porch that mom keeps stuff on?”
“Of course.”
“She always keeps a bunch of full mayonnaise jars out there too, but I ain’t ever seen her buy any mayonnaise at the store. When we run out she cleans the jars and puts them on the shelf. Then a couple of days later they’re full again.”
“Bullshit!”
“If I’m lying, I’m dying.”
Taking a bite out of my sandwich I looked up at him.
“OK, so how did they get full again?”
Lowering his voice almost conspiratorially and leaning closer he said, “I snuck down one night, and hid out there in that space between the washer and dryer. After a couple of hours I fell asleep. Then the sound of the screen door squeaking open woke me up. It was pitch black, so I couldn’t see a thing at all. I just heard this sniffling, shuffling sound as something large moved over by the shelves. I could hear the sound of jars being moved around. I knew that this must be the secret to how mom got here mayonnaise. Standing up I turned on my flashlight and shined it where the shelves were. Do you know what I saw?”
“Nope” I said through a mouthful of food.
“This seven foot tall half snake lizard monster. It had a long tail that dragged along behind it. Its body was covered withal of these really nasty oozing pus covered sores. The sores were all red and swollen and white stuff was seeping out of the tops. While I watched it turned away from me and picking up one of mom’s clean jars placed it next to one of those sores. Then it squeezed hard and the white stuff slide out and filled the jar. I was so shocked all I could do was stand there and stare at it. Finally when it was done it turned and for one brief second it looked at me with these eyes that were full of pain and misery. Then it shuffled back out the door and was gone.”
I spit my piece of sandwich into my hand and put it on my plate, “That’s disgusting!!” I said, taking a big drink of Kool-aid to wash down the now sour taste in my mouth.
Standing up Chuck walked over and grabbed my unfinished sandwich and sat back down eating it.
“Sucker!!” oh man, that was classic. Sitting there laughing, Chuck looked pretty pleased with himself. To this day I can still remember as we ran in to get those sandwiches through the back porch. I had glanced over at that shelf. There, on the floor in front of where the jars were, had been a big slimy animal footprint of some kind. Say what you want, from now on I eat all my sandwiches with mustard.