Loren A. Olson's Blog
April 8, 2022
New Review of No More Neckties
From D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review.
Readers of essays about psychiatry, aging, and life changes will find Dr. Loren A. Olson's No More Neckties a fine blend of medical and personal memoir.
It compliments the prior book, Finally Out, with a focus on Olson's evolving life, from family secrets and forming relationships within the gay community to sexual and social revelations that influenced the course of his life.
The chapter titles that segregate these experiences into subjects are particularly evocative ("Can I Pray Away the Gay" and "I Didn't Expect Sex to Be This Difficult," among others), setting the stage for discussions of gay lifestyles and the move from attempting a heterosexual life to entering the world of gay relationships in midlife: "I left my marriage at the beginning of the HIV/AIDS crisis. I knew few gay people. I didn’t know how to begin dating as a middle-aged gay man. I worried about how my daughters would introduce me to their prospective boyfriends. Once again, I had magnified the negative and minimized the positives. Whitney and Krista had plenty of boyfriends, but not one ever made my sexual orientation an issue."
It should be cautioned that No More Neckties is sexually explicit. Readers who look for more circumspect descriptions should look elsewhere; but those who appreciate candid surveys of sexual and emotional pathways will find the mix of physical and emotional connections satisfyingly straightforward.
This frank approach isn't limited to graphic sexual encounters, but also is represented in psychological self-assessments which are equally hard-hitting: "I never intended to break my vow to their mother or to walk away from my children. Yet I have never second-guessed my decision to come out."
No More Neckties's special perspective in following a family man's transition from a heterosexual marriage to accepting his feelings for men will gain it attention from any reader who has been (or knows somebody) 'in the closet' and who is interested in the process of coming out and growing into one's true identity.
By reflecting on past, present, and future relationship possibilities, Dr. Olson injects positive reflections into his memoir that will serve as inspirations and road maps to others who are making (or have made) such transitions: "But all of us have evolved into much more complicated individuals than we anticipated. We have expanded our world to include a new definition of family."
Libraries strong in memoirs about the gay experience and the process of making the leap to a different definition of family and connection will find No More Neckties unerringly frank and attractive to patrons.
Readers of essays about psychiatry, aging, and life changes will find Dr. Loren A. Olson's No More Neckties a fine blend of medical and personal memoir.
It compliments the prior book, Finally Out, with a focus on Olson's evolving life, from family secrets and forming relationships within the gay community to sexual and social revelations that influenced the course of his life.
The chapter titles that segregate these experiences into subjects are particularly evocative ("Can I Pray Away the Gay" and "I Didn't Expect Sex to Be This Difficult," among others), setting the stage for discussions of gay lifestyles and the move from attempting a heterosexual life to entering the world of gay relationships in midlife: "I left my marriage at the beginning of the HIV/AIDS crisis. I knew few gay people. I didn’t know how to begin dating as a middle-aged gay man. I worried about how my daughters would introduce me to their prospective boyfriends. Once again, I had magnified the negative and minimized the positives. Whitney and Krista had plenty of boyfriends, but not one ever made my sexual orientation an issue."
It should be cautioned that No More Neckties is sexually explicit. Readers who look for more circumspect descriptions should look elsewhere; but those who appreciate candid surveys of sexual and emotional pathways will find the mix of physical and emotional connections satisfyingly straightforward.
This frank approach isn't limited to graphic sexual encounters, but also is represented in psychological self-assessments which are equally hard-hitting: "I never intended to break my vow to their mother or to walk away from my children. Yet I have never second-guessed my decision to come out."
No More Neckties's special perspective in following a family man's transition from a heterosexual marriage to accepting his feelings for men will gain it attention from any reader who has been (or knows somebody) 'in the closet' and who is interested in the process of coming out and growing into one's true identity.
By reflecting on past, present, and future relationship possibilities, Dr. Olson injects positive reflections into his memoir that will serve as inspirations and road maps to others who are making (or have made) such transitions: "But all of us have evolved into much more complicated individuals than we anticipated. We have expanded our world to include a new definition of family."
Libraries strong in memoirs about the gay experience and the process of making the leap to a different definition of family and connection will find No More Neckties unerringly frank and attractive to patrons.
March 17, 2012
Rainbow Book Fair
I have been very busy promoting "Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, a Psychiatrist's Own Story." I will be attending the Rainbow LGBT Book Fair in NYC on 3/24/12.
I also have speaking engagements coming up in Virginia, Houston, Phoenix and Las Vegas.
I also have speaking engagements coming up in Virginia, Houston, Phoenix and Las Vegas.
May 18, 2011
Interview with Loren Olson and his ex-wife
Some of you may be interested in hearing this interview I did with my former wife about my coming out.
http://iowapublicradio.org/news/talk-...
http://iowapublicradio.org/news/talk-...
April 13, 2011
Finally Out review books and Amazon
I just received this note from my publisher:
Sending them on Monday! Sorry for the delay, but Amazon wiped out my
initial supply with a big stock order (good indication that the Amazon
is seeing interest in the book!). I have more paperbacks coming on
Monday to fulfill the Goodreads and remainder of the LibraryThing
review copies.
Warmest,
Anthony
I appreciate everyone's patience. As a new author, I didn't understand how long it takes after I finished writing to bring the final product to market.
Loren Olson
Sending them on Monday! Sorry for the delay, but Amazon wiped out my
initial supply with a big stock order (good indication that the Amazon
is seeing interest in the book!). I have more paperbacks coming on
Monday to fulfill the Goodreads and remainder of the LibraryThing
review copies.
Warmest,
Anthony
I appreciate everyone's patience. As a new author, I didn't understand how long it takes after I finished writing to bring the final product to market.
Loren Olson
April 4, 2011
Library Journal Review
“Part memoir, part psychology book for the lay reader, this is informative and compassionate … Olson succeeds in offering himself as a sort of role model and in providing vital information to older gay men. Inspirational.”
March 4, 2011
A Review of Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight
Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, a Psychiatrist's Own Story
Loren A. Olson
inGroup Press
Softcover $15.95 (241pp)
9781935725039
People who come out as gay in later life face challenges different from those who come out when they're younger—they may have families, marriages, and professional colleagues who are affected by their seemingly sudden shift. Too, they may face anger or resentment as children, spouses, and even those in the gay community question why they didn't realize or admit their homosexuality earlier.
First-time author Loren Olson knows this terrain all too well. The distinguished
psychiatrist came out when he was forty, after a lifetime of "living straight." He notes that until he was that age, he didn't have any idea he was gay, he simply suffered from a sense that things weren't right: "It seemed that I had to work harder to feel like a man than other men appeared to, but I could never speak of my confused feelings to anyone."
His journey from heterosexual marriage to living as an openly out gay man to marrying his boyfriend and living on a farm in rural Iowa is a captivating tale rife with abundant introspection and analysis. Drawing on his career as a psychiatrist, Olson examines his
childhood and adolescence through a fresh lens, peering gently at the components that may have left him "in the closet" for so long.
Expertly integrating his personal story with psychology research and thought, Olson creates a type of hybrid work that blends well. The use of memoir gives the more academic parts an intimate, softer edge, while the employment of psychology gives Olson's story a broader context.
For example, when describing the immense difficulties that came with feeling something was "wrong" inside him, Olson brings in work by Jonah Lehrer, who noted that minds contain two distinct systems of thought: rational thought and feeling thought. Olson writes that the need for harmony in our thinking is why men like him experience significant conflict between their rational thought, in believing men should love women, and their feeling thought, which tells them they're attracted to men.
The barricades that become erected in the mind can be formidable as a result, but if even a small crack develops, feelings can flood in that are confusing and overwhelming. Olson then weaves in his personal experiences as to how these fissures affected him, and changed how he thought about himself and his sexuality.
For those who have struggled with coming out, Olson's expert combination of private struggle and professional reflection will prove invaluable. His down-to-earth, conversational tone makes the work even more accessible, and his story will likely be embraced by anyone facing the same issues or even just intrigued by the topic.
(March 2011) Elizabeth Millard
Loren A. Olson
inGroup Press
Softcover $15.95 (241pp)
9781935725039
People who come out as gay in later life face challenges different from those who come out when they're younger—they may have families, marriages, and professional colleagues who are affected by their seemingly sudden shift. Too, they may face anger or resentment as children, spouses, and even those in the gay community question why they didn't realize or admit their homosexuality earlier.
First-time author Loren Olson knows this terrain all too well. The distinguished
psychiatrist came out when he was forty, after a lifetime of "living straight." He notes that until he was that age, he didn't have any idea he was gay, he simply suffered from a sense that things weren't right: "It seemed that I had to work harder to feel like a man than other men appeared to, but I could never speak of my confused feelings to anyone."
His journey from heterosexual marriage to living as an openly out gay man to marrying his boyfriend and living on a farm in rural Iowa is a captivating tale rife with abundant introspection and analysis. Drawing on his career as a psychiatrist, Olson examines his
childhood and adolescence through a fresh lens, peering gently at the components that may have left him "in the closet" for so long.
Expertly integrating his personal story with psychology research and thought, Olson creates a type of hybrid work that blends well. The use of memoir gives the more academic parts an intimate, softer edge, while the employment of psychology gives Olson's story a broader context.
For example, when describing the immense difficulties that came with feeling something was "wrong" inside him, Olson brings in work by Jonah Lehrer, who noted that minds contain two distinct systems of thought: rational thought and feeling thought. Olson writes that the need for harmony in our thinking is why men like him experience significant conflict between their rational thought, in believing men should love women, and their feeling thought, which tells them they're attracted to men.
The barricades that become erected in the mind can be formidable as a result, but if even a small crack develops, feelings can flood in that are confusing and overwhelming. Olson then weaves in his personal experiences as to how these fissures affected him, and changed how he thought about himself and his sexuality.
For those who have struggled with coming out, Olson's expert combination of private struggle and professional reflection will prove invaluable. His down-to-earth, conversational tone makes the work even more accessible, and his story will likely be embraced by anyone facing the same issues or even just intrigued by the topic.
(March 2011) Elizabeth Millard
February 26, 2011
New review
This review of Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, a Psychiatrist's Own Story from John Riley Myers: "Finally Out resonated for me on many levels as a gay man who married, raised children and came out at fifty-one. Loren Olson's own story of coming out in middle-age touches on universal truths that speak to a generation of gay men who have left the closet later in life or are contemplating that journey." John Riley Myers,author of Prince of the Pharisees:
February 23, 2011
Book review
Just learned that Library Journal is going to review "Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight."
February 22, 2011
Finally Out is just about out
Spouses often become suspicious of infidelity because something is disrupting the normal day to day functioning of their relationship. The offender may be angry, critical or dissatisfied. He may act guilty, anxious or disengaged. Attention, including sexual, may decrease, or in fact, increase.
One gay man confronted his partner, saying “Do you have a boy friend? You’re no longer present here with me in this relationship.”
Men who have sex with men are often the focus of the spouses' concerns. Some women have gone searching for clues, and having found some, put their spouse "on probation." Perhaps this may responsible for the strong interest in Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight among women. There is more interest from women that I had expected.
We've been working dilligently to make the last minute changes in the book before it goes to print in early March. Pre-orders have been strong; that's encouraging. The number of requests for the "giveaway" books almost blew me away!
I have been working on promotional activities as well. I have written articles for several journals and web sites and I am continuing to get requests.
I will be speaking in Boston at a Harvard writers' workshop and also at the Brookline Mental Health Center in late March. Will also be doing book signings there.
One gay man confronted his partner, saying “Do you have a boy friend? You’re no longer present here with me in this relationship.”
Men who have sex with men are often the focus of the spouses' concerns. Some women have gone searching for clues, and having found some, put their spouse "on probation." Perhaps this may responsible for the strong interest in Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight among women. There is more interest from women that I had expected.
We've been working dilligently to make the last minute changes in the book before it goes to print in early March. Pre-orders have been strong; that's encouraging. The number of requests for the "giveaway" books almost blew me away!
I have been working on promotional activities as well. I have written articles for several journals and web sites and I am continuing to get requests.
I will be speaking in Boston at a Harvard writers' workshop and also at the Brookline Mental Health Center in late March. Will also be doing book signings there.
February 15, 2011
The Joys and Pains of Being Gay on Valentine's Day
This essay was originally posted on Huffington Post:
Even though for most people Valentine's Day is a night for great romance, almost from the time I came out at forty, for me it has been bittersweet. Although for twenty-four years I have shared many romantic Valentine's Days with Doug, the love of my life to whom I am now legally married, on Valentine's Day two of my best friends died tragically because they were gay. There is a strange irony that loving someone of the same sex could bring both such joy and such pain.
I met Ken in a support group for gay fathers. The group was instrumental in resolving many of the conflicts I had about my hidden homosexual desires. Everyone there had come out to their wives and they were seeking to find ways to deal with the loss of losing their families. These men were my entire circle of friends when I first came out.
to read the rest of this post: my link test
Even though for most people Valentine's Day is a night for great romance, almost from the time I came out at forty, for me it has been bittersweet. Although for twenty-four years I have shared many romantic Valentine's Days with Doug, the love of my life to whom I am now legally married, on Valentine's Day two of my best friends died tragically because they were gay. There is a strange irony that loving someone of the same sex could bring both such joy and such pain.
I met Ken in a support group for gay fathers. The group was instrumental in resolving many of the conflicts I had about my hidden homosexual desires. Everyone there had come out to their wives and they were seeking to find ways to deal with the loss of losing their families. These men were my entire circle of friends when I first came out.
to read the rest of this post: my link test
