Marlene Chism's Blog

For many executives, nothing is technically “wrong.” The business is running. The team is capable, and the results are acceptable, yet decisions feel heavier than they should.

Important conversations get postponed. Energy is being spent, but traction feels uneven. This isn’t usually a confidence problem or uncertainty about the future. More often, it’s a lack of clarity in the present moment.

I need to make an important distinction here. We often use the word “clarity” when we really mean “certainty.” We will never have certainty, but we always have enough clarity to take the first step. Sometimes clarity shows up like a lit candle instead of a floodlight.

Clarity doesn’t mean knowing how everything will turn out. It means knowing what you stand for, what matters now, and what you’re responsible for next.

The good news?

Clarity isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you create. Here’s how.

1. Know What You Want

Have you noticed that most people can easily articulate what they don’t want far more easily than what they want? Ask anyone the question: “What do you want?” and listen. What you’ll hear is “I don’t want…” and “Here’s why I can’t have what I want.” Knowing what you want, whether or not you think you can have it, is the first step to clarity. Knowing what you want doesn’t require certainty about the outcome. It requires honesty about direction.

2. State Your Values

Values aren’t inspirational phrases; they’re decision filters. If your values aren’t stated, it’s easier to get off course. I’ll never forget when I said my mission was “to improve communication and relationships everywhere.” It sounded so good on paper. What came to my attention was the need to curb sarcasm and eyerolling, as these behaviors didn’t align with improving communication and relationships everywhere. Stated values serve as a north star, not only guiding decisions. But exposing misalignment.

3. Understand What Truly Matters

When everything’s a priority, nothing gets sustained attention. Clarity requires making trade-offs explicit. Progress often doesn’t come from doing more—it comes from deciding what will no longer receive your time, attention, or resources. If you notice that things aren’t getting done in your organization, I guarantee execution isn’t breaking at accountability. It’s breaking at either clarity or conversation. The moment a leader notices that priorities are out of order, it may be that there are too many priorities and you aren’t setting up your team for success. Once you have the clarity about what’s going on, the next step is a conversation. Execution almost always breaks at conversation.

4. Choose a Direction

Clarity requires commitment—even provisional commitment. A direction isn’t a life sentence. It’s a working hypothesis; one step at a time, in a chosen direction. But this is where many leaders get stuck: they build a plan before establishing direction. Here’s why: Plans can create a sense of productivity. There’s comfort in checking things off a list. But a plan without direction is just organized activity.

Direction comes first. The plan follows. The purpose of a plan isn’t certainty—it’s alignment. It helps you stay on course, not predict every outcome.

A plan is a guide, not a god.

Choosing a direction reduces mental noise and gives you somewhere to aim.

5. Tell Yourself the Truth

Telling yourself the truth is the hardest step—and the most powerful. It means acknowledging what you already know but haven’t fully named. Telling yourself the truth requires answering some difficult questions: What are you willing to do to get what you want? What’s required? Are you willing to move forward even in the face of uncertainty? Clarity stabilizes when you stop fantasizing about what you wish could be, and you face reality as it is, then make a decision to do what’s required.

Conclusion

Clarity doesn’t eliminate risk. It eliminates confusion. When leaders recognize a lack of clarity, they act—by defining what matters, choosing direction, and telling the truth. In complex environments, clarity is not a luxury. It’s a leadership responsibility.

The post How to Create More Clarity Now appeared first on Marlene Chism.

Organizations talk a lot about transformation. There are planning sessions, strategy decks, and ambitious initiatives designed to move the business forward. Yet many of these efforts stall long before meaningful change occurs.

In my work with leaders, I’ve noticed a pattern. Before real change happens, organizations often pass through what I call the three tragedies of change. What I’ve discovered recently is that the personal journey of reinvention is parallel to organizational change.
(You can watch a recent podcast where I share it in simple language.)

The First Tragedy

Something is off, but you can’t really name it.
Leaders say they want change. They talk about improvement. But wanting something isn’t the same as being willing to confront the realities that must change. The same happens personally when you know you want something more but don’t know what it is.

The Second Tragedy

We know what’s wrong, but don’t believe it’s fixable.
Teams analyze the situation, hold meetings, and explore options. The conversation feels productive, but no one has actually crossed the line into commitment. The parallel in your personal life: you know what you want, but don’t believe it’s possible.

The Third Tragedy

We want the change and believe it’s possible, but we don’t want the risk. This is characteristic of the mindset of resistance. Wanting something but not being willing to do what’s required. Many leaders want guarantees before they move forward. But certainty is a feeling based on prediction. Leadership requires something different—clarity about what must be done next. The parallel personally: You want something more, you know what it is, you believe it is possible, but now you have to take the leap into the unknown.

Real transformation, whether it’s personally or organizationally, begins when at the fulcrum point of change—the moment willingness replaces hesitation.

That’s when conversations become decisions, and decisions become movement.

In a recent SmartBrief article, I explore how leaders can recognize this turning point and why so many transformations stall before it ever arrives.

The post The Three Tragedies of Change appeared first on Marlene Chism.

For more than two decades, I worked inside a manufacturing food plant, wearing a uniform, hairnet, steel-toed boots and rotating stations. I did everything from packing cheese to stacking skids to driving forklifts. On Fridays we tore down equipment for sanitation. On sanitation nights, I used to take a deep breath and say, “I can do anything for eight hours.”

What I learned on that factory floor, while going through a stage of reinvention and desire for change, is the same dynamic I now see in large-scale corporate transformations.

Transformative change passes through three stages.Initiatives don’t fail because of strategy.Transformation strategies fail because leaders miss the fulcrum point of change.

Both individuals and organizations move through three predictable stages before real change happens. I call them the Three Tragedies of Change.

Tragedy One: Something’s Off, but We Can’t Name It

In the first tragedy, you feel some friction. Perhaps you notice a lack of engagement, some unwanted turnover, some performance dips or certain initiatives stall. You see an execution gap and can’t quite diagnose what’s happening. The language is vague:

“Morale is low.”“Communication could improve.”“We need alignment.”

In organizations, this is where execution risk begins to spread quietly. You sense something is misaligned, but no one has the language to diagnose or define it clearly.

Tragedy Two: We Know What’s Wrong, but Don’t Believe It’s Fixable

At this point, we’ve made some gains in naming the situation. It sounds like this:

There’s a lack of follow-through.We have a culture of mediocrity.Accountability is missing.It’s time to do a reorganization to straighten things out

In this stage, it’s easy to think the system is stronger than personal agency. You’ll hear statements such as “That’s just how it is here,” and “We’ve tried before, and nothing changed.” At the core, there’s learned helplessness and frustration. Over time, beliefs shift and hope emerges.

Tragedy Three: We Believe in Change but Avoid the Risk

At this stage, the leadership team knows what must be addressed, and there’s a clear definition of the situation, the outcome, and the obstacles. The first attempt is to do what feels like progress: It’s the getting ready to get ready stage. This is where a 90-day plan is developed, a lunch and learn is presented, and a reorganization is planned. These initiatives are activities designed to avoid the risk of doing the difficult work that change requires.

Tragedy Three is where most initiatives quietly die. The desire is intact, the belief lives, but there’s a need for a mental and behavioral shift to align with the place where change happens.

The Place Where Change Happens

There is a place where change happens. I call it The Fulcrum Point of Change. Change doesn’t happen just because there’s a 90-day plan, or a reorganization so that two conflictual people can work in peace, and it’s not in the consensus, the certainty, or the strategic plan. The place where change happens is a mental and behavioral state—an emotional energy, if you will, and it’s called willingness.

Willingness is the Fulcrum Point of Change: The place where change happens. You must have the willingness to do difficult things:

Confront operational truthDefine constraintsAcknowledge trade-offsRisk being misunderstoodHave difficult conversations about performance and behaviorCommit to building a culture of accountability

I learned these principles through embodiment. When I decided to leave the plant, I didn’t have certainty or a guaranteed outcome. I had enough clarity to make a distinction; to know that even though I didn’t know much about a new future, I knew one thing clearly: “This isn’t it.”

That was enough light to take the first step. And the amazing thing about clarity is that sometimes you start with just enough clarity to take one step, but with each step you get more clarity until you have the clarity of the sun.

In executive settings, I see leaders waiting for certainty before acting. But certainty is a fantasy, and clarity is an awareness and a decision.

The Executive Choice

In executive settings, I often see leaders waiting for certainty before acting, because certainty feels safe. But certainty isn’t what drives change. Certainty is a feeling, based on prediction. Clarity, on the other hand, is a flicker of light; an awareness that leads to a decision.

The fulcrum point of change is a state of willingness. The way to identify the opportunity is when there’s stagnation. Once you notice, you can discern what you’ve been unwilling, up to this point, to see or take action on.

All the planning, strategy sessions, and 90-day plans in the world won’t move the needle unless leaders are willing to act. Because at scale, willingness at the top becomes momentum everywhere else.

Without that pivot, even the best strategy remains theoretical.

This article was originally posted on SmartBrief.

The post The Moment Change Becomes Possible appeared first on Marlene Chism.

If you’ve invested in leadership development, workshops, and other initiatives that didn’t change behavior or produce expected results, you’re not alone.

Organizations spend billions annually on leadership development, yet many still struggle with the same problems: underperformance, communication breakdowns, and lack of accountability. If your leadership training isn’t translating into visible, measurable behavior change, don’t blame the leaders. Blame the unrealistic expectations and the outdated model of leadership development.

1. The Illusion Of Progress

We’ve all seen it. A charismatic facilitator. An energized room. A workbook full of aha moments. Then… silence. Back to business as usual. Traditional workshops often create an illusion of progress–emotional engagement without behavioral follow-through. Why? Because one-time events don’t create new habits. They spark awareness, not transformation.

2. Theory Without Traction

Off the shelf, “Training in a box” often sounds good in theory, but lacks real-world application and lacks coaching expertise. Leaders walk away with ideas but no way to implement them in their daily context. Without access to real expertise, it’s like learning college algebra. It makes sense in the classroom, but doing homework alone, you’re lost in the woods.

3. The Talking Head Trap

Organizations hire facilitators who are polished presenters but lack the experience or credibility to guide real behavior change. Yes, they’re great speakers, and they have enthusiasm. They might even be “certified” in a course, but their deep understanding is limited at best. The result? Inspiration without transformation.

4. Firehose Learning = Shallow Results

When a workshop dumps too much content in too little time — with no reading, no follow-up, or study — it overwhelms rather than empowers. One-off retreats without coaching are just expensive off-sites.

5. Champagne Expectations, Soda Budget

Organizations often want premium outcomes on a shoestring budget. No budget + No time + Great expectations is comedy and drama. I used to say, “Just get a clown and throw a pizza party,” rather than pretend you’re developing your leaders. There’s no shortcut to deep learning.

6. No Coaching, No Change

This may make you angry, but I’m going to say it: Most leaders do not know how to coach. They tell you to do something. But as the saying goes, “telling ain’t training.” I’ve seen this over and over again, when a director tells a manager to “go have that conversation. There are two underlying roots to this problem. The manager doesn’t know how, and the director doesn’t know how to diagnose the problem. So they send the manager to a workshop with a trainer. But there’s another problem with training.

Most trainers train, but they don’t necessarily coach or advise. Trainers and facilitators may know the material, but can’t draw outside the lines of the teaching. Unfortunately, even great training won’t stick without structured support afterward. Coaching and advising bridges the gap between knowing and doing–without it, new skills fade fast.

To read the rest of the article, click here and discover how to shift from event-based to ecosystem-based learning.

The post Why Your Leadership Training isn’t Working appeared first on Marlene Chism.

Senior leaders rely on your front-line and mid-level managers to institute accountability, but most front-line and mid-level managers feel like they’re trying to solve a mystery when it comes to building an accountable department. So, let’s break down the mystery.

Many leaders avoid conversations about performance or behavior altogether. The reasons range from lack of skills, fear of the emotions that might arise, or the belief that their decisions won’t be backed by their senior-level manager. If employees don’t know what they’re doing wrong, they can’t improve. So, initiating difficult conversations is a big piece of the puzzle.

But when these leaders finally initiate a successful conversation that they’ve been avoiding, they feel elated! The tension of avoidance has dissipated and is replaced by a natural high that always comes from taking one act of courage.

Unfortunately, it’s common for the leader to be surprised a few weeks later when old patterns of poor performance, missed deadlines, or dysfunctional behaviors creep back in!

I’ve heard both new and seasoned leaders say, “I had the conversation, and they improved for a while, but now they’re back to old habits!”

What happened?

The leader didn’t know how to follow through with accountability.

Let’s first look at the phases so that you can troubleshoot when this happens to your leader.

Phase 1: The leader avoids a conversation for various reasons. Tension builds up between the leader, the team, and the employee until the leader must take action.

Phase 2: The leader finally summons the courage to initiate a conversation, and to their surprise, it goes well. The leader is confident, and there’s a glow—a feeling of well-being.

Phase 3: Things go well for a couple of weeks, then old patterns resurface.

Phase 4: The leader loses confidence and feels resentment.

Now the leader has to figure out whether to prepare a warning, document the problem, discipline, or initiate yet another conversation. These phases can ruin leadership confidence!

Where did the mistake happen? In Phase 2. The leader felt so good and so positive after the conversation that they failed to set up a second meeting for accountability—to review the progress.

When coaching front-line and middle-level leaders, make sure they connect the dots between the actual conversation and the follow-up conversation.

Here’s how it goes.

Right after the conversation, schedule a two-week follow-up meeting to see how things are progressing.

Before concluding the meeting, plug in a follow-up meeting on the calendar and send a calendar invitation to the employee.

At the follow-up meeting, the leader explains how they are going to measure progress and what kind of coaching might be required.

Knowing there’s a follow-up ensures that if things fall through the cracks, the leader can easily course-correct the problem, versus letting a problem go on for months. In addition, pre-scheduling the meeting prevents you from having to ask for another conversation if things get off track.

We teach the specifics of this method in The Performance Coaching Model. But let me say something even more important. I recently had a director reach out to me to say this: “I bought the Performance Coaching Model to have better conversations with my subordinates, but it has helped me even more to address issues with peers and my senior VP’s.

Photo by Katja Ano on Unsplash

The post The Accountability Gap No One Talks About appeared first on Marlene Chism.

Culture Lives in the Conversation

Culture isn’t what leaders say they value. Culture is what leaders actually talk about—or avoid talking about. If you want to know the true culture of an organization, don’t start with the mission statement or the wall art. Start by listening to the conversations happening in the hallways, the meeting rooms, and the one-on-ones.

The quality of a culture is directly reflected in the quality of its conversations. And the quality of those conversations is a direct reflection of the relationships behind them. High-water-mark relationships lead to high-quality conversations. Strained or shallow relationships produce vague, defensive, or avoidant communication.

If you want a quick culture audit, skip the surveys and listen closely:

Are people speaking honestly, or are they couching conversations in careful politeness?Do meetings contain more ‘verbal ping-pong’ than purposeful dialogue?Do leaders ask real questions, or ask only the questions that confirm their assumptions?Does disagreement feel like a contribution, or a career risk?

You can learn more about a culture by observing how people interact on an average Tuesday than you can by reading a laminated list of core values.

A Tuesday Morning Example

A senior leader I worked with, we’ll call her Dana, prided herself on having an “open door.”
One morning in a leadership meeting, a team member cautiously said, “I’m not sure this rollout timeline is realistic.”

The room went quiet. Dana smiled and replied, “Well, we’ve already committed to the board, so we just need to make it happen.”

On the surface, nothing explosive occurred. No one was reprimanded. No voices were raised. But what happened culturally?

The message was subtle but clear: Concerns are inconvenient, and disagreement means a lack of alignment. After that meeting, the real conversations happened in the hallway.

“That’s never going to work.”

“We’ll just fix it later.”

“Don’t bring that up again.”

Dana didn’t create dysfunction through hostility; she created it through dismissal.

Culture didn’t erode because of strategy; it eroded because a moment of candor wasn’t handled with curiosity.

Relationships Determine the Room Temperature

You cannot have high-quality conversations without high-quality relationships. A strained relationship produces defensive talking points. A trusting relationship allows for candor, curiosity, and even healthy conflict.

Strong relationships show up through:

RespectPsychological safetyFollow-throughMutual accountabilityA sense that ‘we’re in this together.’Self-Awareness: The Root System of Every Conversation

Healthy relationships require healthy individuals. Healthy individuals require self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the leader’s ability to:

Notice their emotions before those emotions hijack the conversationRecognize their narratives and triggersOwn their defensivenessClarify their intentionsPause instead of reacting

That’s the power of self-awareness: it transforms the atmosphere without anyone else having to evolve first.

Alignment: The Stabilizer of Culture

Alignment invites accountability—and accountability protects alignment. Without alignment, conversations deteriorate into micromanagement, vague expectations, or endless do-overs.

Aligned teams have:

Clarity of rolesShared expectationsA common purposeAgreed-upon norms for how to communicateLeaders who address misalignment early instead of waiting until frustration boils overPersonal Development: The Long Game of Culture-Building

The moment personal growth plateaus, conversations stagnate. Leaders who rely solely on technical skill or tenure eventually run into patterns they don’t know how to navigate.

Culture improves when leaders commit to continuous development:

Learning how to coach, not just correctBuilding conflict capacityPracticing difficult conversationsSeeking and receiving feedbackDoing their own emotional workChange the Conversation, Transform the Culture

If you want to improve your culture, start by improving one conversation.

Then do three things:

Prepare with clarity. Know your intention and the outcome you want.Strengthen the relationship. Approach the person with respect and care.Elevate your self-awareness. Own your narratives and manage your emotions.

High-quality conversations build trust. Trust builds relationships. And strong relationships create resilient, aligned cultures—one conversation at a time.

 

Image by Tyli Jura from  Pixabay

The post What Your Conversations Reveal About Your Culture appeared first on Marlene Chism.

Clarity is the foundation of effective leadership. When leaders lack clarity, organizations drift, drama escalates, and alignment becomes impossible. When leaders prioritize clarity, they create focus, confidence, accountability, and direction. Clarity transforms how leaders think, decide, communicate, and act. These twelve principles define the essence of Clarity First Leadership.

1. Clarity Can Change Any Situation

Most problems are not the result of people issues but clarity gaps. Drama grows in undefined spaces—undefined expectations, undefined outcomes, undefined roles. When you bring clarity, you reduce confusion and create a pathway forward.

2. Clarity Is a Decision, Not a Feeling

We confuse clarity with certainty. Certainty is emotional; clarity is intentional. Clarity is choosing what you want, why it matters, and what you’re willing to commit to—whether or not the future feels certain. Clarity is a decision first and a feeling second. Peace is the emotional result of choosing clarity—not the requirement for it.

3. Clarity Precedes Alignment

People cannot align with what has not been defined. Alignment requires direction, boundaries, priorities, and agreements. Misalignment is often a clarity problem disguised as a performance problem.

4. Clarity Before CourageCourage alone can cause unnecessary damage. Clarity gives courage purpose. When you know your intention, the real issue, and the outcome you’re seeking, courageous action becomes anchored instead of impulsive.5. Clarity Dissolves Drama

Drama thrives on assumptions, misunderstandings, and unspoken expectations. Clarity ends guessing, stops gossip, and brings truth to the surface so real conversation can begin.

6. Anger Is Counterfeit ClarityAnger often feels like clarity because it produces urgency, certainty, and emotional intensity. But anger is a counterfeit—an emotional imposter pretending to be direction. Anger is an amygdala response, not a leadership signal. True clarity emerges only after the emotional charge has settled. Peace is what clarity creates, not what creates clarity.7. Clarity Turns Accountability Into PartnershipAccountability is measurement; responsibility is ownership. When leaders separate the two, accountability becomes developmental instead of punitive. Ownership lives in the heart; measurement lives in the head.8. Clarity Reveals Root CauseLeaders often treat symptoms: slow performance, missed deadlines, resistance, and silence. Clarity helps identify the real issue beneath the behavior so leaders can address what’s truly broken.9. Clarity Creates Better Conversations

Difficult conversations become easier when intention and outcome are clear. Clarity turns confrontation into contribution and shifts communication from fear-driven to purpose-driven.

10. Clarity Requires Emotional Integrity

Clarity demands telling yourself the truth before you bring truth to others. It requires owning your stories, your motives, and your part in the dynamic. Emotional integrity precedes effective leadership.

11. Clarity Gives You Agency

Once you know the island you’re rowing toward, you stop drifting. Clarity restores power by directing effort, choices, and energy toward what matters most.

12. Clarity Is a Love Language for Leaders

Clarity is a form of respect. It removes suffering, reduces anxiety, and provides structure. When leaders set clear expectations, boundaries, and roles, they create safety and trust.

Conclusion: Clarity Creates New Realities

Clarity may not immediately change the situation, but it transforms your experience of the situation, and from that clarity of experience, new outcomes emerge. Clarity is creative power. It is how leaders shift narratives, redirect teams, and shape the future. Clarity is a prerequisite to alignment. Clarity comes before courage and before conversations.

Schedule a video call to learn more about The Leadership Clarity Solution, a retreat for senior leaders.

Image by Mohamed Hassan from  Pixabay

The post The 2026 Clarity Manifesto appeared first on Marlene Chism.

Both my mother and father lost their fathers around the age of five or six. Each had a step sibling of the opposite sex, twelve years apart in age. My father’s stepsister was twelve years older; my mother’s stepbrother was twelve years younger.

The parallels, and the opposites of their lives fascinated me as I got older. Their marriage, built on unmet needs and unhealed wounds, couldn’t withstand the daily pressures of limited resources and unhealed childhood trauma. Eventually, their inner conflicts turned into domestic violence, a bitter divorce, and a lifetime of avoided conversations and unfinished business.

Like so many children of emotional chaos, I became hypersensitive; always scanning for tension, reading danger in a tone of voice, trying to keep the peace before the storm hit. Those early years shaped not only my nervous system but also my worldview.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was being prepared for my life’s work. I was becoming a lifelong student of power, emotion, relationships, and human behavior.

Awakening to the Patterns

My first awakening came when I took an introductory psychology course in college. Suddenly, the chaos of my childhood had a name: family systems, dysfunction, anxiety, and emotional inheritance. It was as if someone handed me a roadmap to make sense of my beginnings.

Later, I discovered a life-changing framework called the Karpman Drama Triangle, which helped me understand the hidden dynamics of victimhood, rescuing, and blame. That single model became a foundation for everything I would later teach about relationships, empowerment, and personal responsibility. It inspired my first book, Stop Workplace Drama, and the licensed program The 8 Steps of Empowerment.

Through years of inner work, more self-study, and eventually a master’s degree, I began to reframe my understanding of conflict—from “conflict equals danger” to “conflict is an opportunity for growth.” That realization became the heartbeat of From Conflict to Courage, and the foundation for The Performance Coaching Model.

The Leadership Lesson

Good leadership is less about education and more about transformation. Whatever has happened to you, your setbacks, struggles, and story become your unique leadership thumbprint. You can’t rewrite the past, but you can transform your relationship to it.

Families and organizations both take on the shape of their leadership. In a family, when parents are wounded or emotionally unavailable, children struggle to feel safe and develop confidence. In an organization, when leaders are unclear or avoid difficult conversations, trust erodes, accountability slips, and dysfunction quietly becomes the culture.

Whether in a family or a workplace, the system reflects the level of awareness at the top. Healing, growth, and transformation always begin with those who lead.

To Change the Culture, Change the Conversation

I often say, “if you want to change the culture, you have to change the conversation.”
As long as the voice in your head says, “Conflict means danger” or “Accountability means punishment,” you’ll keep avoiding the very conversations that lead to growth.

But with a shift in perspective, and a new narrative, you begin to see that conflict isn’t the problem. Mismanagement is.

That’s why I write and speak about accountability and courageous conversations: to change the way leaders think and talk about discomfort, clarity, and growth. My goal is to equip leaders with the mindset, framework, and confidence to turn difficult moments into defining ones.

Because when a leader transforms, the culture follows.

The post The Link Between Family Dysfunction and Workplace Drama appeared first on Marlene Chism.

Hypocrisy is easy to see in others but not in ourselves.

Even the best communicators can become blind to their own contradictions.

Dr. Phil built an empire on tough love, truth-telling, and accountability.

Now, his media company is being forced into liquidation after a judge found evidence was deleted and obligations ignored.

This isn’t about schadenfreude. It’s about incongruence; when what you teach and what you practice start to drift apart; when the message and the method don’t match.

For leaders, the problem isn’t just moral; it’s magnetic. You attract what you model.

You can’t preach accountability and practice avoidance.You can’t claim transparency and conceal the facts.You can’t teach people how to face their fears while denying your own.

It’s easy to point out other people’s hypocrisy. And yet, who among us hasn’t done some version of that?  It’s when your mouth says “clarity,” but your behavior says “confusion.” It’s when your platform gets louder while your integrity gets quieter.

Here’s the truth about leadership:

The higher you go, the smaller your margin for incongruence. Because people don’t just listen to what you say; they watch what you normalize. (This isn’t about judging Dr. Phil,) it’s about remembering that alignment is leadership’s real currency, and it’s accountability that protects alignment.

When alignment slips, there’s a consequence: financial, reputational, or relational.

Some questions to ask before we look outward:

Where might my message and my method be out of sync?Where am I practicing “selective accountability”?What truth am I asking others to live that I’ve stopped living myself?

Integrity isn’t a stance. It’s a daily practice. Having standards of behavior, measurements of performance, and people to report to creates accountability. Alignment requires accountability, and accountability protects alignment.

The price of incongruence is always more than you expect.

 

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

The post The Price of Incongruence: What Dr. Phil’s Fall Teaches Every Leader About Accountability appeared first on Marlene Chism.

One of the most overlooked gaps in leadership isn’t about strategy, vision, or even technical know-how. It’s about the conversations that never take place. Instead of leaning into dialogue, leaders often lean on assumptions: They’re not motivated. They don’t care. This generation is just different. What fills the silence isn’t progress, it’s resentment. And resentment is leadership’s silent killer. Resentment builds with each avoided conversation, and it leaks out in sarcasm, passive-aggressive language, and undermining. The truth is that your employees can “feel” your resentment, no matter how you justify avoiding that difficult conversation.

Here are three areas where leaders often fall short, and what happens when these missing pieces derail coaching conversations.

1. Problems Go Undiagnosed

Too many leaders slap the wrong label on the issue. “We have a communication problem” becomes the catch-all excuse. Or worse, the blame is aimed at a generation: “Those Gen (X, Y, or Z).” When problems aren’t properly diagnosed, leaders prescribe the wrong fixes: a workshop that doesn’t stick, a coaching engagement that never lands, or a feedback tool that misses the point.

What’s absent is a structured way to identify the real cause. Without it, resentment builds because the leader assumes “will” is the issue; employees simply don’t want to perform. But most performance problems aren’t just about willingness; they’re a mix of multiple root causes. Skipping diagnosis means chasing the wrong solutions while frustration grows on both sides.

In The Performance Coaching Model, we teach how to think like a consultant, to look for five main root causes and their combinations. Believe me, it’s not just willingness or desire.

2. Coaching Becomes Lecturing

Another thing that’s missing is the actual skill of coaching. Too often, conversations turn into lectures, pep talks, or mild hinting.  Leaders may be overly friendly, excessively hands-off, or so controlling that their teams can’t breathe. None of these behaviors equals coaching. Telling isn’t training, and lecturing isn’t learning.

The absence of coaching skill shows up in revolving doors: constant turnover in a role, repeated hiring for the same job, or performance issues that never improve. When leaders don’t know how to coach, they default to either rescuing employees or blaming them. The result? Stagnation. True coaching requires process, curiosity, consistency, and the courage to diagnose and guide, not just talk.

3. Emotions Run the Show

What’s also missing is the ability to self-regulate. Many leaders wait until they’re boiling over to finally say something, believing their anger gives them clarity. I often say that “anger is not the truth, but it’s the fuel to get you there.” My rule is this:  Regulation before resolution. You can’t coach anyone if you’re dysregulated, and you also can’t coach a dysregulated person. When you’re upset, conversations have the wrong tone and wrong intention. (We teach how to set the intention in The Performance Coaching Model.)

Without regulation, leaders either lash out or wait until annual reviews to unload a year’s worth of grievances. By then, the opportunity for quick course correction is long gone. What’s missing is the willingness to address small issues in real time with calm, simple statements like, “I noticed you’ve missed two meetings. I need you to attend moving forward.”

Closing Thought

What undermines leadership isn’t just the conflicts that arise; it’s the conversations that never happen. When leaders skip diagnosis, avoid true coaching, or let their emotions take the driver’s seat, they create environments where resentment thrives. But when they develop these three missing muscles, they move from avoidance and assumption to clarity and results.

 

 

Image by Amore Seymour from Pixabay

The post When Leadership Conversations Don’t Happen appeared first on Marlene Chism.