Daniel A. Miller's Blog

In celebrating my 82nd birthday this week, I decided to “jump” in the ocean in Malibu for some body surfing—something I hadn’t done for many years.  I was very quickly reminded (after a few tumbles) that the waves are in control, not me.  

Accepting that undeniable truth over thirty-five years ago began my journey in learning how to embrace, rather than resist, the waves in my own life, and eventually led to sharing my successes and failures in my new book this year, The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’ Currents.

The short time in the water also reminded me of two important, interlinked factors to enjoying more expansive and fulfilling rides— both in the water and our lives:  Fear and Trust.

Fear is the primary catalyst for harmful controlling actions.  Fear causes us to resist and grip and hold on tight to life, thus preventing us from recognizing and pursuing opportunities and paths that could vastly improve our lives.

As I’ve expressed many times, a “fear-controlled life is a serenity-deprived life.”  

Trust is key to countering fear.  When we trust that we will be okay, that we can find a way, whatever the circumstances or outcome, the less fear we will have.   We need only remind ourselves that despite our past trials and tribulations, we are still here.  And will likely be tomorrow, as well!

(For other ways to defuse fear, see “2 Keys to Letting Go of Fear.”) 

Thus, as I was thrown asunder by the waves that day, I trusted that I would find a way to protect myself—and did.   I placed my arms and hands around my head and surrendered to the powerful force of the currents.  The worst thing that happened was that I ended up with sand in my hair and all over my body.

In the book’s chapter “Trusting the Flow,” I express: “Trusting my life currents has enhanced my life in so many ways.   Simply put, it makes life easier.   Trust effectively counters fear, limited thinking, high expectations, and the need to control.” 

That’s even more true at 82!

In the meantime,

May you go with the Wave!

Danny

The post What the Ocean Reminded Me about Trust and Fear on My 82nd Birthday appeared first on Daniel Miller .

I recently had the pleasure of joining Dr. Jessica Higgins on her Empowered Relationship Podcast to explore how the core themes of my book, The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents, can help improve intimate relationships. Together, we unpacked the ways control impacts love bonds and how acceptance and humility can help us strengthen them.

Ocean waves, in particular, continue to model how we can flow with life rather than fight it. Relationships have their own ebbs and flows and when we stop trying to control things, we foster more ease, resilience and soulful connection in love.

Key Takeaways

When we feel disconnected or uncertain about the relationship, our instinct may be to try to fix or manage the situation. But often this tight grip pushes love further away. Letting go creates space for trust and intimacy to grow.

Acceptance is not passive. It’s an active practice of choosing to see and appreciate your partner as they are, not as you wish them to be. This shift softens resentment and opens the door to real connection.

Relationship lulls are normal and can often lead to a clearer understanding and exploration of how love can deepen and expand.

Dr. Jessica’s Relationship Action List

Embrace your partner as they truly are. Release the urge to judge or change them.If you notice yourself trying to control outcomes, pause and choose to trust the natural flow of your relationship.When you feel triggered, ask yourself: What am I really feeling or fearing underneath this reaction?Welcome quiet moments or “lulls” in your relationship—they provide opportunities for insight and deeper connection.Recognize when you’re expecting too much from your partner. Communicate your needs and remember that some things are yours to fulfill.In moments of conflict, lead with humility—own your part, apologize if needed, and invite honest conversation.Offer your full, undistracted attention to your partner. Listen to understand, not just to reply.If you find yourself pulling away, intentionally come back to repair and reopen communication as soon as you can.

 

I hope this episode offers a few gentle reminders for navigating love’s currents with more ease, care and joy. You can listen to the full episode below!

May you go with the Wave!

Danny

The post Riding the Wave Together: Finding Ease, Resilience and Connection in Love appeared first on Daniel Miller .

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Jean Tribek and Alison Martin, the cheerful hosts of the Inside Wink podcast, for a heartfelt conversation about the themes of my new book, The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents.

One of the conversations that stood out was about what I call acceptance conversations. These are the often uncomfortable but important exchanges we have with people who see the world differently—whether politically, spiritually, or even within our own families. We talked about how my chapter “Today’s Tidal Wave” was born out of the growing polarization I sensed before Covid.  I believe that learning to accept others as they are without contempt (even if we strongly disagree), be civil, seek common grounds, and examine the fears that underly many strongly held beliefs—theirs and ours—are necessary if we ever hope to bridge the Great Divide.

Key Moments & Takeaways

The inter-relationship between letting go and acceptance and why we need both

Why setting boundaries with kindness can lead to deeper relationships

How to move through life’s “lulls” with more peace, creativity, and trust

And why it’s important to see the “humanness” in others with opposing views

We even covered morning rituals, painting, pistachio ice cream, and my wife’s incredible one-woman show (Tragic Magic).

I’d be honored if you gave it a listen.

May you go with the Wave!

-Danny

The post Inside Wink Interview: On Life’s Lulls, The Great Divide & the Power of Acceptance appeared first on Daniel Miller .

I recently had the pleasure of joining therapist Cher Anderton on her podcast Make Discomfort Your B*tch—a show that explores the edges of our personal growth and what happens when we lean into discomfort rather than resist it. In this conversation, we dive into the complex relationship between control and surrender—a topic that’s deeply personal to me. I share how my lifelong need to control nearly every aspect of life—work, relationships, emotions—ultimately led to conflict, self-neglect, and a sense of disconnection from myself and others.

Through the lens of my book The Way of the Wave, we explore what it really means to let go and trust life’s unfolding.

Key Moments & Takeaways

The Control Paradox: We crave control to feel safe, yet it often creates more anxiety and insecurity.

Trusting Yourself Is the First Step: Letting go and surrendering begins with building inner trust and awareness.

Acceptance vs. Approval: Accepting reality doesn’t mean you condone it—it means you stop fighting what is and accept the present reality.

From control to surrender: What it means to release resistance and flow with life’s natural currents.

Growth Is Always Possible: Danny reflects on evolving as a parent and person—proving it’s never too late to shift how we show up for ourselves and others.

Whether you’re navigating a big life transition or simply feeling stuck in the grip of control, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate invitation to soften your grip—and trust the wave. Tune in below to listen:

May you go with the Wave.

—Danny

If this interview resonated with you, I invite you to explore my newest book, The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents. The book audiobook (which I narrate myself) is now available on Audible and Spotify.

The post On Control, Surrender & Growth with Cher Anderton appeared first on Daniel Miller .

Like many, I am deeply concerned about the ever widening divide in the cultural, social, and political currents that engulf our nation today.   A divide whose hallmarks are all too often marked by acrimony, divisiveness, distrust, close-mindedness, and even hatred.   I address this existential threat in my blog and in my new book, The Way of the Wave, offering a few small steps I am taking to help bridge the divide.

I have also recently written a poem called “Narrowing the Divide” that encapsulates some key mindsets that I believe are necessary to begin healing the rift.   If the poem speaks to you, I encourage you to share it with others.  You can download the poem here (PDF version / Social Media Friendly).

Narrowing The Divide

A wave that’s Tidal,
But not of the tides.
One with jagged gorges
Dangerously divided.
A wave ensnarled with divergent facts–
None fully true.
One that thirsts on lost hopes,
And nourished by
Fear and distrust.

To narrow the Divide,
Immerse in Nature’s Magic Within,
Everywhere– every day.
Take single steps of acceptance
In the thousand-mile journey.
Ones graced with an open mind,
Void of judgment and contempt.

Remove the darkened shades
That blind another’s humanity.
Find the common ground
In the narrow crevices that remain,
And discover the Truth that was always there.

Until next time,

May you go with the Wave.

—Danny

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I’m honored to share my recent conversation with Wynne and Vicki, hosts of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. In this heartfelt episode, we explored how letting go of control and embracing the creative flow can lead to healing, self-discovery, and a more peaceful relationship with life’s ups and downs. We touched on some of the most personal and transformational themes from my book, The Way of the Wave–trust, enhancing the creative flow, and navigating life’s inevitable lulls.

At its core, this conversation is about how to embrace creativity and life’s unpredictability with openness, trust, humility, and a willingness to let go of control.

Key Themes and Moments:

The Power of Surrender: I share the pivotal moment that inspired the Wave metaphor—after years of struggle and multiple surgeries, I finally surrendered at the beach, watching the waves.   I instinctively realized that the way of waves–knowing they can’t be controlled and that I would be better served by aligning with them–was the key to the healing I badly needed.

Creativity as Healing: We discuss how painting and poetry became powerful creative outlets for embracing the flow, including moderating our expectations and knowing when to “stop overpainting,” which can be applied to any creative endeavor.

Cross-Pollination of Flow: Creativity doesn’t live in silos. I talk about how moving between painting, writing, poetry, and tennis helps enhance creative energy and flow for them all.

Self-Care vs. Self-Neglect: I reflect on my past patterns of self-neglect and how I now prioritize physical, emotional, and spiritual care as foundational for well-being.

Attentive Parenting: We explore the importance of listening—truly listening—when our children open up, rather than rushing to solve or correct.

Navigating Low Tides: What do we do when life feels flat or directionless? I offer guidance on using these times for reflection and renewal rather than feeling something must be wrong.

Reading “Life’s Lantern”: We close the episode with a reading of my poem “Life’s Lantern,” a piece that captures the essence of the journey I’ve been on—and one we’re all invited to walk.

Listen/watch the full episodes below on YouTube, Spotify and Apple.

The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents is available now in paperback, e-book, and audiobook.

Until next time, may you go with the Wave.

—Danny

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I’m excited to share my recent conversation with Dr. Jeff Armstrong on The Aging Well Podcast, where we explored how letting go of control and embracing life’s natural rhythm can help us age with more purpose, joy, and peace. In this interview, we reflect on key lessons from The Way of the Wave and how applying them in our later years can lead not only to wellbeing—but to thriving.

At its heart, the conversation is about aligning with the currents of life as we grow older—letting go of the need to control, practicing acceptance, and embracing and trusting the flow.

Key Themes and Moments:

Thriving at 81: Jeff and I talk about how I never imagined I’d be enjoying life so much in my 80s. I share how aligning with the Wave helped me shift from control to gratitude and joy.Letting Go of Control with Age: We discuss common control patterns—especially later in life—and how loosening their grip can bring more balance, ease, and fulfillment.Self-Care as a Daily Anchor: I share my morning routine and the role that self-care play in keeping me grounded.Creativity & Purpose in Later Years: We explore how painting, poetry, and movement (like tennis) have given me renewed purpose and joy, and how creativity can be a powerful wave enhancer in any stage of life.Judgment as a Barrier: We touch on how judgment—of others and ourselves—can obstruct the flow and what it means to ask, “What’s going on in me when I’m judging?”

I invite you to listen to the full interview below. Whether you’re looking for inspiration to find more purpose in life or simply want to reconnect with life’s natural rhythm, I hope this conversation encourages you to ride your own wave with more trust, clarity, and self-compassion.

The post Thriving at 81: Aging Well by Letting Go of Control appeared first on Daniel Miller .

Welcome back to the Currents of Wisdom Weekly Q&A Series—a space where we explore transformative insights and mindsets from my new book, The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents. This week, we look at one of the most urgent challenges of our time: The Great Divide—the ever-widening gulf between people of opposing social, cultural, and political views. In this post, we explore how acceptance conversations can lead to the meaningful and open-minded dialogue necessary for lessening the divide.

You say that “acceptance conversations” can create paths for narrowing the Great Divide.  How do they work?

I feel our best hope in narrowing the Divide is through acceptance of the other side, particularly people with whom we strongly disagree, or maybe even detest. (As expressed in other posts, that does not mean we need approve or condone what someone does or says).   Acceptance conversations are a way in which today’s alternate universes can begin communicating within one another and create the trust, connection, and understanding needed for healing to occur.

As such, the conversations should be civil, non-confrontational, and open-minded. Its focus is on discovering common grounds and interests and fostering better understanding.  The goal is to see the “humanness” in people with different views.   We can start with talking about our hopes, concerns, and interests, sharing our life histories, and exploring connective subjects, such as pride in our children, caring for our elders, being of service in our communities, and our favorite foods, sports, and hobbies.

The conversations can be structured or informal, one-on-one, in groups with diverse interests, or with family members with divisive histories.  An important emphasis is on listening attentively without interruption, judging, or contempt, to better understand another.   We should not try to convince or persuade another to adapt our views and beliefs, which will only widen the divide.   It’s a conversation, not an argument.   Be curious and ask thoughtful, probing questions to seek clarity and understanding.  Address another’s fears and apprehensions–and ours as well–and be willing to re-examine our own strongly held views.

The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents devotes its final chapter to the Great Divide—a topic I believe is one of the most urgent and complex challenges of our time. The book is now available in paperback, e-book, and an author narrated audiobook.

Let’s start a dialogue!  I welcome your views on this vitally important subject.

Until next time,

May you go with the Wave.

—Danny

Learn how to Judge Less: Read Part 5 of the Currents of Wisdom Series.

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I’m excited to share my recent conversation with Mark Farrell on the Insight podcast, where we explored the inner journey of letting go and learning to flow with life—no matter what wave comes your way. In this interview, we touch on several themes from The Way of the Wave, including control, parenting, surrender, and the tidal wave of our times: The Great Divide. At its heart, the conversation is about embracing the Wave in everyday life—tuning in to life’s natural rhythm to discover not just clarity and calm, but also surprising joy, connection, and freedom.

Key Themes and Moments:

Getting Out of Your Own Way: Mark and I talk about how control can show up in subtle ways, and how taking an honest inventory of your “control habits” is the first step toward freedom. Benefits of Wave Enhancers : We look at how wave enhancers—like acceptance, humility, and self-care—can help realign us with life’s natural rhythm.The Guidance Over Control Shift: In parenting and beyond, I’ve learned that guiding others is much more powerful than trying to control them. When we meet others where they are instead of trying to shape them to our image, connection deepens.Riding the Wave of Division: We also discuss The Great Divide, the growing sense of separation in our world, and how small practices—like listening without judgment and seeing the humanity in others—can soften even the most polarizing interactions.From Rock Bottom to Surrender: At one point in the conversation, I open up about a personal low: multiple failed nose surgeries that eventually led me to a deeper kind of surrender. I no longer had the energy to fight life. And that surrender? It changed everything.

I invite you to listen to the full interview below, where we explore how embracing the Wave—rather than resisting it—can help us move through uncertainty with greater grace, wisdom, and ease. Whether you’re navigating burnout, parenting, or just trying to slow down and live more intentionally, I hope this conversation offers something meaningful for you.

 

 

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Welcome back to the Currents of Wisdom Weekly Q&A Series—a space where we explore transformative insights from my new book, The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents. In this series, I share practical wisdom on embracing life’s natural flow to overcome challenges, reduce stress, and cultivate inner peace. This week, we take a closer look at another powerful Wave Obstructor: judgment—and why being more accepting helps us release it and move through life with greater compassion, humility, and self-awareness.

Many of us are quick to being judgmental of others, yet you say that “judging harms mainly ourselves.” How so, and how can we be more open to others’ differences?

Do you ever find yourself rolling your eyes over what someone does?  Or find yourself thinking or saying things like “You’re doing it all wrong!”, “He talks too much”, or “They’re way too indulgent with their kids.”

When we judge or criticize the choices and actions of others, our focus is on finding fault or flaws with them. That diverts our attention (and intention) from where it can do us the most good: ourselves and what we can do to improve our lives. In terms of the Wave, when we focus on how others navigate their life currents, we can’t navigate our own well.

We can be more open to others’ differences by being more humble, less self-righteous, and examining our own motives. That’s why I continually ask myself, “what purpose does my judging serve?” I haven’t found a good answer yet.

Above all, I believe to judge less, we need to be more accepting. When we accept people and things as they are, there is little need for us to judge them.

Here are a few Inquiries and Reflections that can help you do that:

Make note of your judgments for a day, or even half a day. Be sure to include the silent ones that you keep to yourself.         What feelings or beliefs are behind your judgments? Do they serve any useful purpose?How often do you judge yourself?  What do you gain by it? Are they the same kinds of things that you judge others by?

If this reflection resonates with you, you can explore more practices like this in The Way of the Wave: Nature’s Model for Navigating Life’s Currents, available now in paperback, e-book, and audiobook.

Until next time, may you go with the Wave.

—Danny

Want to dive into another wave obstructor? Read Part 4 of the Currents of Wisdom Series: Control—The Greatest Obstructor of All

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