Beth Buelow's Blog

Welcome to episode 172 of The
Introvert Entrepreneur. I’m your host, Beth Buelow, and I’m grateful that you’ve
joined me for this, my final episode of this podcast. It’s been a great 8 ½ year
run, and I’ve made the difficult decision to come to completion with the show.
Rather than have a final interview with someone – I mean, who wants to be your
last guest?! – I’m going to share with you some of the story of how I arrived
at this point and what comes next. My hope is that you join with me on that “what’s
next” part of the journey, and in hearing my story, it supports you and
provides some food for thought about any pivots you have going on in your life.
I’m titling this blogcast episode simply “Endings and Beginnings.”

For some reason, when I thought of an image to go with this post, a Möbius strip popped into my head. Here’s one I made for the occasion.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
(Lots of wise people, frequently misattributed to Mark Twain)

A lot has changed since I launched The Introvert Entrepreneur in May 2010. The biggest change has been an explosion of resources for introverts who want to embrace who they are and make personal and professional choices that align with their energy. It’s been amazing to see how many people are carrying what I call the “Introvert Pride of Ownership” banner. If they’re not leading the charge, they are openly following and sharing. We might be considered quieter than our extroverted counterparts, but we are definitely not silent. And we’re definitely getting a more prominent seat at the table.

The change in the conversation has
been seismic. This is the perspective I offer in almost every presentation I’ve
given over the years: when I first launched in 2010, I set up a Google Alert
for the word “introvert.” I wanted to see how the term was showing up online
and specifically, in the media. The vast majority—80-90%­­­­—of stories that landed
in my inbox used the term in the context of a crime or tragedy. “The alleged
assailant was quiet and kept to himself… neighbors say he was an introvert.” That
ratio slowly started to shift within a few years to more positive stories.
Fast-forward to 2018, and 80-90% of the stories are focused on introverts as
leaders and business owners; improving our networking, sales, or dating skills;
or deepening our understanding of who we are and what makes us tick.

It’s been encouraging to witness, and
I hope I’ve played a small role in helping the conversation evolve and take a
turn towards empowerment.

As different voices have joined in, full of new ideas and fresh energy, I find myself called to exploring other areas that have touched my heart and moved my spirit much like introversion has. With my book, “The Introvert Entrepreneur,” I feel there’s an ongoing legacy that will continue to serve the world in wonderful ways (as will the archives of this podcast). I will always share its message wherever I feel it will be of service. That won’t change.

I’ve spent the past two years in a liminal space, or as past podcast guest Rabbi Sherre Hirsch puts it, in the hallway between the rooms of my life. And one thing I’ve learned is that entrepreneurs are innovators and inventors not only of products and services; we innovate and invent our selves.

It’s my core business—and in some
ways, my identity—that gradually has been shifting. My personal innovation and
self-invention drive has been moving into high gear. Those who know me well
don’t see this as a change at all; they see it as an evolution of who I’ve
always been. It’s just that now, I’m going to make it official.

I’m pivoting my work from entrepreneur coaching and a focus on introverts to broader conversations about questions around identity, purpose, and values, leadership coaching, and conflict skills development, including mediation and mediation coaching. I’m really taken with the concept of ZOPA and the foundational belief that healthy conflict is essential to healthy relationships. ZOPA stands for the “Zone of Possible Agreement”; one key way to move from conflict to cooperation is to hold a ZOPA intention: communicating with Empathy, Truth, Curiosity, and Humility, with a commitment to finding an intersection of interests through explorations of identity, values, and life experiences.

I’ve started those conversations through a new podcast called “How Can I Say This…”, which I launched in September. You can learn more about it and listen to episodes at howcanisaythis.com or searching for it wherever you listen to your podcasts. The podcast allows me to tap into and nurture one of my superpowers: finding the words to express whatever is stuck in your throat, and sharing those words in a way that they can be heard.

Before sharing more, there are two important
questions to answer: Will I still work
with introverts? Absolutely! I am one, I speak introvert, and I love being
able to support our growth. What about
entrepreneurs? If they have a business that intrigues me and that I think I
can add value to, then yes, I’m game to explore it!

Back to the path forward. Over the
past two years or so, I’ve been feeling a need to expand my skillset and
services to encompass what I’m calling Communication Capacity Building. This
includes how to have healthy, respectful, productive conversations with others,
especially those with whom you have a disagreement, either about a specific
situation or issue, or a broader ideological difference. There are two words
that have guided me over the years that I feel this new direction is going to
help me manifest and facilitate: peace and grace.

Peace doesn’t mean freedom from
conflict or tension. To me, to embody peace means we can hold the tension of
differences without the need to be right, change others, or sit in judgement.
We can hold the possibility that there’s truth in any point of view. Sometimes
the heart of that truth is fear. Sometimes it’s love. Sometimes that truth is
personal and not shared by others (and even may considered wrong by others). Peace is possible when we can release our tightly
held, black-and-white notions of right/wrong and consider the idea that there’s
more than one truth. Once we recognize that, we can listen more carefully to
one another. And listening to another’s story, to their motivations and what
it’s like to be them, helps us be open to finding a space where we can
co-exist, if not in harmony, at least without hurting each other. Approaching
others with an intention for peace, not war, is a good start.

Grace is a word I could unpack for a
long time. I visualize it as a clear prism with sides that reflect and absorb
in equal measure. I associate numerous words with it: Compassion. Forgiveness.
Empathy. Understanding. Abundance. Lightness. Freedom. Kindness. Openness. I
wonder what it would be like if we looked at one another—and ourselves—through
the lens of grace. Perhaps we’d be gentler and listen more deeply. Maybe we’d
be quicker to reach out and extend a helping hand. There’s a chance we’d be
less attached to our ego, more aware of our interconnectedness and
interdependence. Through the lens of grace, we have more space to be vulnerable.

Leading with peace and grace is one
way of leading with love. It’s how I try to approach conflict that happens
within myself and between others. When we come to the table from a place of
curiosity, assuming best intent, and releasing attachment to being right or
“winning,” we can start to, brick by brick, take down the walls that divide us.
From that place, hearts and minds are more pliable and able to be transformed.

If that sounds woo-woo and squishy to you, that’s okay. I’ve long ago embraced my woo-woo paradigms in the spirit of expressing myself authentically. Yes, it’s helpful to learn the 10 steps to better listening, or to find out what your style is according to the latest assessment or quiz. Structure gives us an excellent jumping off point (as it has when we start with the framing “introvert” and work out from there). And, even more important than tips and tricks, is your perspective, your intention. You know, the woo-woo stuff. Mine starts with peace and grace. If you start with fear, ego, or scarcity, all of the lists and quizzes in the world won’t help you be a more effective communicator or build more trusting relationships with yourself or others.

Case in point: I recently saw a woman
in a coffee shop in a t-shirt that said in big letters, “I’m not arguing, I’m
just explaining why I’m right!” That’s the challenge in a nutshell. I
understand that the sentiment is supposed to be funny. But it’s the modus
operandi for too many people! Laughing at communication dysfunction is okay, as
long as we don’t normalize it, which puts it on the slippery slope towards
acceptability. Accepting disrespectful, ego-centric speech is part of what has
led us to become a crasser, less tolerant, divided society.

As my work in the world evolves, I am
excited to spend time with individuals and teams to examine, identify, and
confront the root causes of conflict. We will co-create a path and a plan to
move through the challenges that includes mutual responsibility,
accountability, and commitment to lasting transformation. Does that sound
idealistic? Maybe, especially if you’re in the tornado of conflict yourself.

But what would it be like, even if it
seems far-fetched, to believe in the possibility of resolution? Isn’t that
better than living in the certainty of strife?

When I reflect on my core messages
that go beyond the introvert niche, I land at the intersection between the work
I’ve been doing and the work I feel called to do moving forward. Where I
witness transformation is when people fully embrace who they are
(self-acceptance with compassion); listen to and believe their truth (trust);
and choose to live their truth and articulate it to others (courage).

When people hold back who they
are, and when they lack the space for deep critical thinking and discernment,
then the loudest, most repetitive voices win. Influence becomes twisted and
external, based on number of followers, likes, shares, and tweets, rather than
on being about changing hearts and minds. And we start to make decisions or
define our personal success based on what’s most politically and socially
acceptable, rather than our inner truth.

I have felt a personal restlessness and emptiness over the past year as I’ve realized how much my work has been consumed by the seeking of external validation and the futility of that pursuit. The ideas that fill my cup – safe spaces, silence, soul searching, spirit speaking – aren’t in the lead. There’s a tension between hustle and heart that I’ve danced with for years, and I feel depleted and called to shift my focus. There are new conversations to be had, those that contribute to the healing of our individual hearts and minds and that of our collective consciousness. I feel an opportunity to come full-circle from where I started my coaching journey, when I focused on empowering language and communication with self and others. This new direction is a different way to serve and live out my Vision and Purpose as I defined it in 2008 during coaching training. This is what I wrote more than 10 years ago (woo-woo alert, LOL!):

I am
Shekinah. Dwelling place of divine expression, powerful feline grace, soft
forgiving earth. Wellspring of perception, humor and peace. River of deeply
felt compassion and joy. Loyal Sherpa and spiritual midwife.

My
purpose is to live within the questions, hold the sacred space between the
words, gratefully and courageously receive and create possibility, and inspire
others to fully realize their essence.

It doesn’t matter if you’re an entrepreneur or working within an organization: what’s most important to your feeling of purpose and contribution is that you are living at the intersection of your gifts – your superpowers – and the world’s needs. How that manifests will probably shift many times over the course of your life. That’s what I’m experiencing right now. The core values are the same, but those values are flexible in how they show up.

I’ll be honest: it’s taken me a while to fully accept that it’s time to pivot. Where I’ve been has been safe and wonderful. Sharing with you, serving you, and learning from you has been one of my life’s greatest gifts.

I remember the day it really landed with me that it was time to move on. I was interviewing one of the many fabulous guests I’ve had on this podcast, and as she responded to my questions, I heard myself. It was like I was interviewing myself in that she was answering using the same words and phrases I would have used. And that’s when I realized that my inspiration well was dry, because I didn’t have the energy to keep deepening my own introvert message so that it was unique again. There were, and there continue to be, new voices emerging that I want to yield to. I invite you to follow them all and see them as your partners on your journey towards being your best self. You’ll find links to them on my website, theintrovertentrepreneur.com, which will be evolving over the next few weeks to be focused on my book, the podcast archives, and directing you to resources to support your curiosity and growth.

There’s more I could say, because how can I distill more than 8 years of learning and gratitude into 20 minutes? I’m sure I’ll publish this final episode and realize later there was something important I meant to say and forgot to include. And I’m sure I’ll feel a pang of disappointment for having missed the opportunity. I’m reminded of a quote from Leonardo Da Vinci: Art is never finished, only abandoned. The same could be true of almost anything in life, and it’s certainly true for the work we do. We never really get to truly finish it. We do the best we can, and then when it’s time, when we feel ready and even if we don’t feel ready, we move on. We abandon it to make space for something new. In this case, it’s less of an abandonment, and more of a release. I can picture myself releasing a bird – and in this case, the bird is all of the content I’ve created over the years – and letting it fly on its own. I’ll still check in with it, and I’ll keep nurturing my book, which is my lasting gift to the conversation. But releasing it feels right, and it’s time.

Since 2010, I’ve been focused on supporting you as an introvert, as you embrace who you are, your strengths, and your power. The wonderful result has been individual transformation. Now it’s time to turn my energy towards transformation through community.

Being a coach has changed my life. I
see others—and myself—as whole, capable, and resourceful. I see leadership as
the facilitation of possibility. I’m more open to outcome, not attached. I
believe that once we know someone’s story, we can’t see them as “the other.” I
know that creating the gift of space and grace helps us see and hear one
another more clearly.

I now feel called to “be coach” in a
new, expanded, deeper way in the world. That’s part of what moves me forward
into the unknown, the latest and greatest liminal space in my life.

Thank you for being part of this journey, whether you’ve only listened a short time or been with me for the past 170+ episodes. I’m beyond grateful for more than 150 brilliant guests I’ve had over the years, and to Paul Messing, my always-accommodating podcast producer, who has made my life easier and this show more professional.

As for you, my listener friend, I believe in you and your power, your introvert strength, and your capacity to make amazing contributions in this world. I hope you’ll follow me over to my new space, which right now is focused on the How Can I Say This… podcast. From there, I expect I’ll be sharing, as I discover them, the new sandboxes I’ll be playing in.

And until we meet again, remember that success is an inside job.

The post Ep172: Endings and Beginnings [Blogcast] appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Ep171 Show Notes: Katie Rasoul

Meet Katie

Katie speaks to entrepreneurs, team leaders, and C-level executives, who are high-achieving and often introverted. She is a TEDx speaker alumna and author of the best-selling book, Hidden Brilliance: A High-Achieving Introvert’s Guide to Self-Discovery, Leadership and Playing Big. Katie believes that high-achieving introverts are way too awesome to be playing small, meant for bigger things than a slow death by conference calls. She also co-hosts The Life and Leadership Podcast as a platform of conversations for powerful people to level up. Katie is a leadership coach and culture advisor helping leaders grow personally and professionally through her company, Team Awesome. She has led leadership, organizational development and HR best practices for more than a decade. She is a mom, proud advocate for her awesome hometown of Milwaukee, and macaroni & cheese aficionado.

Katie’s Introvert Island Book Selections

Tiny Beautiful Things | Cheryl Strayed

Kid President’s Guide to Being Awesome | Robby Novak and Brad Montague

Blank Journal | (I chose the Dean Russo “Dog is Love” Journal ~BB)

Connect with Katie



Katie’s Website
https://www.teamawesomecoaching.com/


YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zV1Y8IShds


Her Book
Hidden Brilliance: A High-Achieving Introvert’s Guide to Self-Discovery, Leadership and Playing Big


Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/TeamAwesomeCoaching/


Twitter
https://twitter.com/TeamAwesomeMKE


LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/katie-rasoul-cpc-mba-8ab2149/


Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/katie_rasoul/


Podcast
http://lifeandleadershippodcast.libsyn.com



Also Mentioned

How Can I Say This… (new podcast from Beth! Launching 9.4.18)

If You Enjoyed the Show

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Ep170 Show Notes: Craig Shepard

Composer Craig Shepard finds innovative ways to bring our attention to the ordinary through music and stillness. We discuss releasing assumptions and embracing mindfulness. as well as how to build trust through small gestures.

Meet Craig

Craig Shepard makes music related to stillness. Growing up in Connecticut, he would go for long walks in the middle of snowy nights, stopping to listen to the sheen of millions of snowflakes hitting the ground. Recent projects include On Foot: Brooklyn, a 91-day, 780-mile walking project in New York, and Trumpet City, a mass outdoor installation that has been realized in Seattle, New York City, and in Zurich and Bern, Switzerland. He directs the Music for Contemplation concert series and organizes Creating Music Together workshops and retreats.

Craig’s Introvert Island Book Selections

Calvin & Hobbs | Bill Watterson (I chose “The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes”)

The Power Broker | Robert Caro

Agnes Martin: Her Life and Art | Nancy Princenthal

Learn more about the Jan 2019 retreat mentioned in the podcast

Connect with Craig

Music for Contemplation

On Foot Project

On Foot: Brooklyn

Facebook

If You Enjoyed the Show

You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.

*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!

The post Ep170: Craig Shepard on Stillness, Music, and Challenging Assumptions appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Ep169: Tracy Guillet on Fully Embracing Your Introversion

Meet Tracy

Tracy Guillet is founder of Quiet Pathways, which is specifically designed to meet the needs of introverted individuals. In Tracy’s private practice as a Clinical Social Worker, she offers counseling to those that are introverted who are dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship and work issues, as well as loss and grief. She identifies very much as an introvert and loves sharing what she knows about introversion. She is on a mission to create the introvert norm so we can stop comparing ourselves to extroverts! Tracy is also a mom to three great kids; 2 introverts and an extrovert.

Tracy’s Introvert Island Book Selections*

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail | Cheryl Strayed

Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers | Gordon Neufeld

My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry | Fredrik Backman (I share this title as a bundle with other Backman books, including the wonderful “A Man Called Ove”)

Connect with Tracy

Quiet Pathways

Facebook

Quiet Pathways Podcast 

If You Enjoyed the Show

You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.

*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!

 

The post Ep169: Tracy Guillet on Fully Embracing Your Introversion appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Ep168 Show Notes: Morra Aarons-Mele

Meet Morra

Morra Aarons-Mele is the author of “Hiding in the Bathroom: A Roadmap to Getting Out There (When You’d Rather Stay Home).” Morra is the founder of award-winning social impact agency Women Online, hosts the podcast Hiding in the Bathroom, and created the influencer network The Mission List. She was founding Political Director for BlogHer.com, and has written for the Harvard Business Review, FastCompany, O the Oprah Magazine, Forbes, the Wall St. Journal, the New York Times, and The Guardian. Aarons-Mele is a graduate of Brown University and the Harvard Kennedy School, and lives in Boston, Massachusetts.

Morra’s Introvert Island Book Selections*

Pride and Prejudice | Jane Austen

War and Peace | Leo Tolstoy

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare: Comedies

Connect with Morra*

Hiding in the Bathroom: How To Get Out There (When You’d Rather Stay Home)

WeAreWomenOnline.com

HidingInTheBathroom.com

Facebook: facebook.com/morra.aaronsmele

Twitter: twitter.com/morraam

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/morraaaronsmele/

Podcast: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/hiding-in-the-bathroom/id1102773197?mt=2 

Other Resources

National Institute of Mental Health: Depression

National Institute of Mental Health: Anxiety

suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Contact Beth

If You Enjoyed the Show

You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.

*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!

The post Ep168: Morra Aarons-Mele on Introversion, Anxiety, and Hiding in the Bathroom appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Audio version intro:

We’ve all heard the expression, “you have to take time to stop and smell the roses.” But how often do we actually DO it? And do we fully appreciate the benefits of noticing the good in life?

Welcome to Episode 167 of The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast. I’m Beth Buelow, and I’m pleased to be back with you after a break in the action. This episode is a blogcast, an audio version of my most recent blog post. Together we explore the value of slowing down long enough to absorb the good in our lives. The idea holds true for us as leaders, entrepreneurs, and plain old human beings.

In the spirit of celebration, I want to take a few seconds to share that this month marks the 8th anniversary of the founding of The Introvert Entrepreneur! This podcast has been around the entire time, and it’s been the beating heart of the community. I’ve interviewed almost 150 people over those 8 years and loved speaking with every one of them. And combined episodes of this podcast have been downloaded more than 1.2 million times! Thank you for being part of the community by being a podcast listener, book reader, or social media follower. I hope in some small way, I and my guests have contributed to your success. And thanks for 8 years of cultivating introvert pride!

Now on to the blogcast, which is titled “You’re Only 30 Seconds away from a happier life.”

The grass is always greener where you water it.

Ten years ago when I was a student in coach training, we were taught a basic structure of a coaching session: clearing, sharing of wins, session focus clarification, coaching conversation, bottom-lining, and accountability setting. There are certain freedoms I’ve taken depending on the client and circumstances, but I’ve generally stuck to this formula.

Lately I’ve been questioning the “sharing of wins.” It sometimes feels frivolous, like it sets a tone that coaching should be all about the positive. What if you just had a stinky week? What if the energy you bring to the session flows out of a string of disappointments? And then you have me, asking a cheerful, “What wins have you had since we last spoke?” You might want to reach right through the phone and strangle me.

I decided to tweak my opening question slightly to “What’s a win or highlight since we last spoke?” Even when a client feels they don’t have a clear win, there’s usually a bright spot in their week that they can name. It also probably releases any pressure they might have felt to come up with a suitable win worth sharing (even though I emphasize that it’s about any kind of win, large or small, public or private… we still can think only certain wins are worthy of sharing!).

After trying the altered question a few times, it still felt a bit forced. I wasn’t sure if it was going to survive future coaching sessions.

Just as I was on the edge of jettisoning the win question, a client reminded me of why it’s important. He came to his session wanting to focus on reaffirming his commitment to a few habits that he knew were crucial to his entrepreneurial success. The first habit: patience.

We started by defining what patience meant to him, what it felt like, and where he already had practices in place to support it. He noted that patience meant he left time to ruminate, to deeply reflect on questions and situations without rushing to solutions or answers. It also meant holding the tension between acceptance of his current state (“everything’s happening as it should, in its own time, in its own way”) while having a growth mindset (“I can do more and want to keep growing and challenging myself”).

What enables you to hold that paradoxical state of “it’s all good” and “it can be better”? First, we have to truly believe that it is “all good.” That’s where acknowledging our wins becomes powerful. When we take the time and energy to really sink into our wins, to completely own them, they become evidence that all is, indeed, good. The more evidence we have, the more energy we have to keep moving forward.

“Celebrate what you’ve accomplished, but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed.” – Mia Hamm

Dr. Rick Hanson has a wonderful TEDx Talk titled “Hardwiring Happiness.” My summary of the key point: most of us, in an average day, have good and bad things happen. Maybe ten good things happen, one bad thing happens. We go to sleep that night with a single thought: that one bad thing. We dwell on the losses and forget the wins, the happy moments. Hanson invites us to center ourselves in those happy moments. We need to savor them more and embed them in our memory, instead of letting them breeze right past us.

In the talk, Hanson leads the audience through a short visualization exercise, which I went along with when I watched the video. My mental movie conjured up a group of colleagues for whom I felt great affection, and who I know cared for me. They were a source of happiness for me. I recalled each of them, smiling at me, in my mind’s eye. The entire exercise only took about 30 seconds. But those 30 seconds caused a profound shift in my mood. I had chosen to watch that talk because I was feeling less than happy, less than winning. By the end, I felt enormous gratitude and a sense that not only were things going to get better… they were already okay as they were.

See what I did there?

By grounding the “win” of having these wonderful, supportive people in my life, I reminded myself that I wasn’t alone. Their presence meant something was going right. And with such amazing people in my corner, something was going to get better.

Let’s try the visualization exercise right now. This is a variation on what Hanson did during this TEDx Talk.

Get into a comfortable position and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Bring to heart and mind someone that you knows cares about you, or take yourself back to a recent happy moment or win. Hold the image of that person or event. Now notice the feeling you have as you sit with that image. You’re trying to help that image become a feeling that becomes part of you. Take a few deep breaths. Continue to be aware of the feeling. Open your eyes when you’re ready.

As Hanson says in his talk, “…once you get it going – you’re moving out of concept to experience – stay with it. It’s kind of a critical mass of time, a threshold. Things have to last long enough in our experience to transfer from short-term memory buffers to long-term storage, including emotional learning. And meanwhile, you could sense that this experience is going into you, you’re absorbing it. It’s sinking into you, feeling loved, as you sink into it.

“A simple moment – 10, 20 seconds usually won’t change our life. But bit by bit, it can really make an enormous difference.”

So, to return to my client, what does this have to do with his quest for patience?

Think about when you’re feeling impatient. You probably are stressed that things are moving too slowly. You’re restless. It feels like nothing is going the way it should. All you notice are the bumps in the road, the detours, the gaping potholes that stifle your progress.

One way to restore balance and serenity is by—you guessed it—being able to draw on a body of evidence of wins that says “remember that time you did this, and it worked out?”

The only way we have that evidence to draw on is if we remember the wins in the first place. And we remember them by grounding them… naming… sharing… making them part of our DNA.

“Remember to celebrate milestones as you prepare for the road ahead.” – Nelson Mandel

There is no win too small to acknowledge. Let me give you a simple example. I walk my dog every day, and I have a choice about where to take her. I turn right out of our driveway, and we end up walking around the high school. I turn left, and we’re walking towards a fantastic local bakery. The bakery is a longer walk, but the lure of a Bavarian creme donut is compelling. And some days, it feels downright magnetic. When I choose to turn right, away from the bakery, I mark that as a win for my intention to consume less sugar.

Sure, I didn’t turn down the donut when it was right under my nose. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I made a conscious choice. What makes it evidence is that I actively acknowledge and give myself credit for turning right. I take a moment to notice and name what it feels like in my body to do it. Telling myself, “I have willpower,” helps me the next time I need it.

Evidence will now tell me that when I feel impatient with my progress with weight loss (throwing my hands up and saying, “What the heck, it’s just a donut!“) or when I feel a sugar craving, I can “turn right” and choose something different. The past wins and positive feelings have been cemented in my psyche, so it’s easier to fall back on them when needed.

Another client described his process of absorbing wins so that they become part of him: he mentally puts on a jacket that has velcro on the outside, and when something good comes along—a compliment, expression of gratitude, an acknowledgment—he pictures that feedback sticking to the velcro! Then he’s wearing all of those positive thoughts, like a garment. In the fast-paced and stressful work environment that’s part of his everyday, this visualization technique keeps him cloaked in good energy, and that helps him to be a stronger leader for his team.

This is all a very long way of saying that acknowledging and celebrating wins contributes to your resilience. It’s not just a feel-good exercise. It’s water in the desert that keeps you fueled for the journey. And if you’re a solopreneur or small business owner, there’s likely no one who’s going to tell you, “Way to go!” when something good happens. You have to do that for yourself.

By starting a session with “What’s a win or highlight?”, I’m encouraging my clients to get in the habit of noticing, feeling into, and sharing their wins and happy moments. They are strengthening their capacity to weather the ups and downs of life. There’s nothing frivolous about that!

We’ve all heard about gratitude journals; what about victory journals? What if you took a moment at the end of each day to reflect on any and all wins you experienced? What went well, and what was your role in making it happen? That last part is important; it helps you to remember for the next time you’re feeling discouraged. And if you start to say, “I got lucky,” stop. There might be a bit of luck involved, but we make our own luck. We make it by being persistent. Having patience. Being open to possibility. Being curious. Picking up the phone, sending the email, asking for help, supporting others. Cement your win by considering what made it possible.

“Celebrate your life, you are your own light,” says Lailah Gifty Akita, founder of Smart Youth Volunteers Foundation. By regularly taking even just 30 short seconds to fully absorb your wins and bright spots, you shine your light that much stronger.

That benefits not only you; it’s one simple way you can make the world a brighter and better place.

What’s true for you? How do you celebrate and acknowledge your wins? Why is it important to you? And if you want, please share a win here in the comments! Let us celebrate with you!

Contact Beth

Learn about Coaching and Strategy Sessions

The post Ep167: You’re Only 30 Seconds Away From a Happier Life (Blogcast) appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Ep166: Jennifer Kahnweiler


Meet Jennifer

Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, Certified Speaking Professional, is an author and global speaker hailed as a “champion for introverts.” Her bestselling books, The Introverted Leader, Quiet Influence, and The Genius of Opposites have been translated into 16 languages and help introverts throughout the world expand their leadership capacity. Jennifer has deepened her knowledge and appreciation for introverts through her work as a learning and development professional and speaker at leading organizations like General Electric, Freddie Mac, NASA, Turner Broadcasting, the US Centers for Disease Control, the American Management Association, and TEDx Centennial Park Women. She has been invited to deliver keynote speeches and seminars in Australia, Vietnam, Japan, Germany, the Netherlands, and Paraguay. She has also been featured in Fortune, Forbes, Time Magazine, The New York Times, The Huffington Post, and The Wall Street Journal. Jennifer serves on several professional boards and derives joy from being a mom and grandma and serving as a mentor to many professional women. She is based in Atlanta, GA.

My 2013 interview with Jennifer about her book Quiet Influence

Ep94: Jennifer Kahnweiler Reveals the Genius of Opposites

Jennifer’s Introvert Island Book Selections*

A personal journal

Manhattan Beach: A Novel | Jennifer Egan

The New Yorker

Connect with Jennifer*

Her website

Take The Introverted Leadership Skills Quiz

The Introverted Leader 2nd Edition: Building On Your Quiet Strength (pre-order now, available 3/6/18)

The Genius of Opposites

Quiet Influence

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

Instagram

If You Enjoyed the Show

You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.

*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!

The post Ep166: Jennifer Kahnweiler and The Introverted Leader appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Ep165: Marianne Griebler

About Marianne

Marianne Griebler is an award-winning marketing communications strategist, writer and speaker who helps her clients put the power of words to work for them. As a two-time LinkedIn Top Voice for Marketing and Social Media, she also specializes in taking the myth and the mystery out of the largest online professional network. Her insights on marketing have been featured on U.S. News and World Report, ABC News Australia, 9News Denver, CNBC, Inc., PR Daily, and more. She lives in Chicago with her family, where she goes to the theater and hangs out by Lake Michigan as much as humanly possible.

Marianne’s Introvert Island Book Selections*

American Heritage Dictionary, 5th Edition

New Yorker Short Stories (I decided to link to Nothing But You: Love Stories From The New Yorker, since this podcast is going live right on the heels of Valentine’s Day. ~Beth B.)

Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life | Bill Burnett and Dave Evans

Connect with Marianne

mariannegriebler.com

–> mariannegriebler.com/introvert

Twitter

LinkedIn

Other Items of Interest

Steve McCullough & Buyer Aligned Selling

Work with Beth (Coaching)

If You Enjoyed the Show

You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.

*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!

The post Ep165: Marianne Griebler Shares Smart Branding Strategies appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Ep164: Jeffrey Shaw, author of LINGO



About Jeffrey

Jeffrey Shaw is a repeat guest, last on this podcast in April 2016. From Jeffrey’s perspective,  having a keen eye isn’t just for what one sees, but also for what one senses. Having been one of the most sought after portrait photographers in the U.S. for more than three decades, Jeffrey Shaw, a.k.a. the Lingo Guy, uses this honed intuition to teach entrepreneurs how to attract their ideal customers by speaking their Secret Language. Jeffrey is host of the popular business podcast Creative Warriors, a nationally acclaimed keynote speaker, a business coach for entrepreneurs, and author of the recently released book, LINGO: Discover Your Ideal Customer’s Secret Language and Make Your Business Irresistible.

Get the LINGO resources Jeffrey mentions in the interview here: www.jeffreyshaw.com/introvert

Jeffrey’s Introvert Island Book Selections*

The Magic of Getting What You Want | David J. Schwartz

A Curious Mind | Brian Grazer, Charles Fishman

Keynote Mastery | Patrick Schwerdtfeger

Connect with Jeffrey

jeffreyshaw.com

LINGO: Discover Your Ideal Customer’s Secret Language and Make Your Business Irresistable

Creative Warriors Podcast

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

LinkedIn

If You Enjoyed the Show

You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.

*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!

The post Ep164: Jeffrey Shaw on Discovering Your Customer’s Secret Language appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.

Ep163 Notes: Grace Judson on Conflict Transformation

About Grace:

Grace Judson has a vision of a world where people talk about what matters.

Because they do, their businesses, careers, and lives flourish. Their professional and personal relationships thrive. They achieve their goals and enjoy meaningful success. And they make a difference in the world.

Her mission is to help leaders, teams, and individuals transform conflict, navigate tough business negotiations, and heal relationships.

Connect with Grace

www.gracejudson.com

The Five Deadly Shoulds of Office Politics: how they mangle your career (and what to do about them)

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

The Connection Incubator Group on Facebook

Grace’s Introvert Island Book Selections*

Never Split the Difference | Chris Voss

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy | J.R.R. Tolkien

The Phantom Tollbooth | Norton Juster

If You Enjoyed the Show

You can subscribe to The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast on on iTunes or Stitcher. Please leave an honest review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to hear more news from The Introvert Entrepreneur including and beyond the podcasts, join the enewsletter mailing list.

*Amazon links are affiliate, meaning I receive a few pennies when you purchase through my link. You get some retail therapy, I get additional resources to keep bringing you great podcasts. Win-Win!

The post Ep163: Grace Judson on Conflict Transformation appeared first on The Introvert Entrepreneur.