Sangeeta Bhagwat's Blog

Ever been in an argument? I’m sure we all have!
Whether it is an intellectual debate, an outburst of road rage or a violent, bitter and long lasting family feud – the one common factor is our righteousness.

Through it all, we tend to remain convinced that we are in the right.
We have deeply emotional articulations of everything that justifies, defends and enhances our position. Often, we are perplexed as to why the other party disagrees with our reading.

In this emotionally charged place – where we see ourselves as reasonable – we forget how blinkered we actually are. We forget that the other person is experiencing the exact same certainty and belief in their own conclusions. We forget that we all have a natural tendency – to place ourselves at the centre of things and view the world from this one singular perspective.

But naturally, no two individuals occupy such identical vantage points.
Each one has their own experiences, conditioning, priorities, beliefs, values, fears and hopes.
To expect our goals, choices, behaviours and therefore actions to be aligned at all times with others – is to invite resistance and suffering.

A direct, effective way to reduce our discomfort and unhappiness would be to not make it all about us and our priorities. But this is difficult for almost all of us. To think from our individual perspective alone – is all that we have known. It seems natural, obvious and the only way.
The more that we are identified with our separate self – the harder this task. And the more aware that we are aware of the interconnectedness of things – the easier this task.

As a step towards greater harmony and peace, what we can do is to work on elasticising our mindset:
Just as we exercise our muscles, we can practise widening our perspective. We can habituate ourselves to taking a step back and see things more objectively and inclusively. As we do this more frequently, it starts becoming second nature. Eventually we start understanding that we can co-exist with divergent opinions, even learn from them. And we don’t have to park blame and anger on anyone – including ourselves.

If this seems like an interesting approach to investigate then you may like tapping on EFT points as you read the script below. (If you aren’t familiar with EFT, then please visit my website and/or get my book: “Emotional Freedom Techniques“). Remember to have a glass of water before you start!

For me to be right,
The other doesn’t have to be wrong.
The other being right,
Doesn’t necessarily make me wrong.
There are multiple ways
In which the same thing can be seen:
Remember – a diamond has multiple facets
Yet we often remain fascinated
With just one particular gleam
Blind to sides that remain unknown, obscure or unseen.

But by being enamoured with our perspective alone
The beauty of the entire truth remains concealed.
Caught up in proving our own interpretation
We stop all questioning, asking or listening.
Hurt, frustrated and resentful
We then nurture the victimhood one is feeling.

What if there is more to be understood here?
What if there is a resolution I am missing?
How much distress are my blinkers costing me?
How much pain is my stubbornness creating?

What would it take to let go of all these constraints
And to consistently remember:
That while what I see feels solid, real and true,
What the other believes, thinks, feels or argues
Is also based on a similarly concluded proof?

How much more understanding would I have of the situation?
How much more tolerance would I show?
Would I be more co-operative and willing
To let go?
Of anger, accusation, resentment and sadness
Demands, insistences and the conclusions I made before?

What if the other is not out to hurt me, or wrong me?
What if they feel exactly the same way…
Unheard, misunderstood, ignored, judged, rejected
Violated in some subtle way?

What if I became ready, willing and able
To dissolve my investment in just one facet of a diamond
And embraced the full value of a whole gem instead?
What clarity would emerge?
What all would change?
Would I find that there is no longer a need
To perpetuate my own or the other’s pain?
That no gain can come from arrogance, blame or shame?

What if I paused my attempts
To impose a narrative on events?
To come from a place of watching the unfolding
Rather than painting dramas and tragedies, heroes and villains?
What if instead of being caught up in cause and effect
I focused my energies on my own response?
Would I find it easier to maintain balance and calm?

Let me give myself permission
To try this way at least this once…
To choose greater harmony,
Reclaim peace, and spread joy all around.

If you enjoyed tapping on this and notice any changes, you may like to record the above in your own voice and tap along once a day for 7-10 days. Let me know how that works for you!

Year-ends provide a good excuse for review, reflection and redirection.  
We become aware of the passing of time more deeply and hence tend to take stock and re-evaluate our current ways. However, most reactive New Year Resolutions run out of steam in a few weeks and we fall back into old patterns.

To truly make a shift, we need to first quietly reflect on what we would like for ourselves and then methodically create an environment that is supportive of such change.

A list of generative questions flowed spontaneously on this subject – so I am sharing them here for those who would like to take a deep dive…. You may use them as journaling prompts or as afformations.
For those familiar with healing tools such as EFT, Access Consciousness Clearing Statement or Now Healing, you can use them as clearings.

At the very least, a brief consideration of these prompts may give you powerful insights.
Taken to heart – they can perhaps help you chart out a definitive roadmap to actualising your best.

Would be happy to have your comments. And if you find these useful… do share with others!
Here is the list:

What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my connection with Source?What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my connection with my Self?What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my other relationships?What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my energies?What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my health?What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my finances?What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my career?What would take me closer to feeling a 10/10 in my awareness?What am I using as a compass to navigate my decisions?
Does this compass reflect my deepest values?Whose advice or company do I turn to?
Do they model how I would like to be?Who or what is holding me back?
How can I reduce that limitation in my life?Where am I taking things most personally?
What would change if I became objective in that one thing?What am I most afraid of?
How do I heal this?Letting go of which particular grievance would have maximum impact on my life?
What would enable me to make this one closure happen?What am I avoiding?
And why?What am I seeking?
And why?Who am I being that I don’t want to be?
What am I doing that I don’t want to do?
What would I rather be doing instead?
What excuses am I using to procrastinate and delay this change?What one thing do I need to start doing right away?What one thing do I need to stop doing right away?What do I most appreciate?
How can I have more of that experience?What would it take for me to shift from a survival mindset to a thriving mindset?
How much would change if I did that?Who or what is encouraging my growth and evolution?
How can I increase this energiser in my life?

Anything preventing me from having clarity on any of the above, disentangle now.

In one of my Tai Chi classes, Sifu George kept reminding us all to slow down.
He said that if you are going slow enough you will catch your errors and take remedial action before you commit them.

Sure enough, I could easily see that the slower I go, the more attentive I become. The more I notice, the less energy I waste. Instead of resistance and awkwardness, suddenly there is flow, coherence and smoothness in my movement. All of which betters my form.
During Tai Chi practise, the value of this thought and the change it brings about is obvious, though rather difficult to implement. (Despite two years of regular practise, I often remain a little faster than the optimal pace.)

To further incorporate this degree of presence and awareness in life as it unfolds is surely challenging. However, whenever I test this in in reality, I find it to be illuminating and rewarding.

To illustrate, let me share one of my simple experiments:
Recently, I was visiting family in another city. If one leaves early in the morning, it’s usually a 4 to 4.5 hour drive, with a limited 15 minute halt midway. This, despite the fact that I tend to speed on the expressway stretches. I have done this scores of times, so I have the timing down to pat. I also know that leaving even half an hour later than usual adds significant traffic time to the drive.

As the monsoon has begun, I decided to start at daylight, an hour later than usual. I was also determined to drive slower this time. Given the delay and my reduced speed, I fully expected to take at least 5 hours to reach.
Yet, resolute and patient, I maintained a safe and steady pace throughout. It was green and beautiful all around and I could drink in the surroundings in my left lane. In keeping with this mood, I even took a longer halt than usual, savouring my breakfast leisurely before resuming the drive.

To my surprise, after all this, I reached my destination in less than 4 hours!
Slowing down helped in not only reducing risk but also in reaching earlier whilst enjoying my journey.

Its been a few days since I got back, but I am still ruminating over this 3D, counter-intuitive result:
Reducing effort and slowing down can actually enhance value, efficiency and overall speed.

Of course, this is old news for Tai Chi and Taoist Masters. But I find it interesting that such routine, day to day experiences are scattered throughout all our lives and yet, we often fail to assimilate their impact.

All the outside cues and demands would have us believe that we need to go faster, and not slower.
And the more that one gives in to the ‘monkey mind’, the more it jumps all over the place.
The consequent stress and urgency leaves little room for taking pause on a regular basis and busyness and hurriedness are mistaken to be proof of our adaptation and progress.

However, in reality, these diminish our self awareness, our clarified and complete reading of the situation and consequently limit the quality of our response.
What we need is not blind speed, but a highly attuned awareness and a fluid agility.

For me, this incidence has reinforced my conviction that as transformations and transitions continue in the outer world, there is merit in growing stiller in the inner world.

How about you?
If there seems to be a way to improve your productivity and wellbeing would you not be interested in giving it a try?
What if the answer lies not in more, but in less?
Less distraction, less urgency, less fear-driven, less force?

They say, if you don’t have time to meditate for 20 minutes, you need to meditate for 40 minutes.
But I suggest that if not quantity – it is surely worthwhile investing in some quality recharge time.

A 5 minute Exercise to Reclaim Peace, A Swift Aura and Chakra Cleansing Tool or 5 minutes of Zhan Zhuang (Standing Meditation) can all be remarkably rejuvenating and centring.
Many more meditative and clearing options are available for free at my website and at other sites online.

Do consider incorporating one of them into your daily routine.
You may be surprised at what a difference it can make!

(If you do give any of these practises a fair shot, please share your experiences…Would be happy to hear your own observations. And if you find any of these posts useful or interesting, please do share them with others.)

Feeling stuck? Have dreams that seem to be put on pause?

Found an old note of mine.
Perhaps it will raise your spirits during these overcast days!

Remember the olden days when you had to hunt for that particular length of cloth – specific to what you had imagined, and hand it over to your tailor, trying to communicate what you sought?  

The hesitation, the suspicion, the wondering if he could ever execute your thought? 

And then the trials and fittings, the attempting to translate what each one saw and understood into a workable design.  

Until you finally arrived
At an end result that was beautiful.  
One of a kind.
A little different from what you expected, yet suited you just fine.

And you turned to the master craftsman, to whom you had entrusted your dream.
Finally seeing. 

This may have been your first suit. But he had stitched many more. 
He had not been inattentive, insensitive or unresponsive to your pleas – contrary to what you had felt before.
He had skilfully been putting together – with you – the joy and ease you now wore.

But the next time you had a dream
It all happened again.

How slowly we learn.
How easily we forget!

~ Oct 2015

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Just as the space around us requires regular decluttering and tidying, our energies also benefit from some routine housekeeping. This short exercise will help in restoring your mind, body and energies to a calm, clear and refreshed state.

Unlike most guided meditations, it is relatively fast paced and only a little over 5 minutes in duration. This is for two reasons:
1. To encourage the inclusion of at least a few minutes of rebooting every day.
2. Energy changes need not necessarily be time consuming. Those who have worked with me are well aware that a lot can be shifted in just a few minutes.

So give it a try with an open mind and let me know if it works for you!
Best done every morning and evening, feel free to use it whenever you feel low or weighed down.

(An audio recording of this guided meditation(in my voice) is available at anchor.fm. You can also download an mp3 file by clicking here.)

Settle comfortably in a sitting position with your spine erect.
Feel your weight drop into the seat below.
Allow your attention and energies to come back to your centre, becoming completely present to the here and now.
Imagine as though you are breathing deeply in and our from your heart. Take a couple of such slow, relaxed breaths.

Now run your attention quickly up your spine with each of these following statements:
Align to Wholeness now.
Disentangle from everyone and everything else now.
Disentangle from all inner and outer distractions now.
Align to a decluttered inner and outer space now.
Repair energy field now.
Reintegrate now.
Align to wholeness now.

Notice the clearer and calmer feeling emerging within you.

Next, let’s do some chakra cleansing and balancing.
Let’s begin with visualizing a comforting Emerald green light holding you and surrounding you in all directions.
Now imagine a foamy white light pouring in through the top of your head, flowing down throughout your body and filling you up. 
Seek out any dark or heavy areas and make sure these dissolve throughly in this cleansing white light.
Once the entire body is filled with foamy white light, we will go to the root chakra at the base of your spine•

Imagine the root chakra being polished by the light into a shiny red jewel. Allow it to be cleared, cleansed and balanced, until it appears fresh and sparkling.

Now move up to your sacral chakra. Imagine the foamy white light rinsing the sacral chakra. Allow it to be cleared, cleansed and balanced, until it looks like a bright orange crystal in your mind’s eye.

From here we go up to the solar plexus, bathing it in the same foamy white light. Allow it to be cleared, cleansed and balanced, until it glows like a bright yellow orb.

Move further up to your heart chakra.  Let the foamy white light purify and unburden your heart chakra. Allow it to be cleared, cleansed and balanced, and watch it turn into vibrant, pulsating green emerald.

Lets move up to the base of the throat now. Visualise the foamy white light polishing the throat chakra. Allow it to be cleared, cleansed and balanced, into a sparkling blue crystal.

We move our awareness to the third eye. The foamy white light cleanses and sharpens its clarity. Now the third eye gleams like a powerful indigo gemstone.

Now, we are ready to move to the crown chakra at the top of your head. Allow it to be cleared, cleansed and balanced by the foamy white light until you see it shining like a vibrant, translucent violet crystal.

Notice how all your chakras feel clarified, alive and energised.
Imagine all these rainbow lights flowing fluidly from the bottom of your spine to the crown chakra and overflowing like a fountain all around you.
Seal your aura with a beautiful, healing and energising golden light.
Take a deep breath, marinating in all the aliveness and serenity, both within and around you.
Whenever you feel ready, rub your palms together, cover your eyes and then open them slowly.

You are ready to step out, balanced and refreshed!

This is not the time to give up. This is the time to deepen our practises.

I should be over this.
I have been reading books, blogs and memes,
Listening to podcasts, seeing videos,
Taking workshops, personal sessions
Sharing, venting, journalling...
Meditating.I should be a pro by now.
Akin to a buddha in a new skin.
Untouched by troubles.
Unfazed by change.
Balanced and energetic,
Without a break.

I expected to be serene by now.
Smiling in the face of all adversity.
Beyond dis-ease, lack, or uncertainty,
An effortless manifestor of my dreams.
With control and mastery over my destiny.But life is yet challenging...
With twists and turns
That leave me shaken, tired,
Unable to bend things to my will
I resist what is
And a different reality desperately yearn.

Peace evades me.
Resilience falls short.
Depressed and unhappy,
I grow angry and distraught
I look for someone or something to blame...

Is it me? Is it the teachers?
Is it the spiritual path
Or the new age ways?
What has let me down?
Was it all a waste?
Am I so far from the everlasting nirvana
I was so sure I would taste?Or is it as simple as accepting
The reality of where I stand
Admitting any limitations, misunderstandings, impatience
Or overconfidence...

Also acknowledging that I am not where I started,
Some things have indeed changed
But if I have not got all that I expected
Perhaps the path is not to blame.

While there have been side benefits
Of spiritual tools, learnings and practises
These were not their inherent purpose,
Nor their ultimate gain.
They were intended as enablers
To realise the Truth,
Rise above the game.
To know that nightmares and dreams
Are equally illusory,
And to treat them just the same.Perhaps it is best to acknowledge
That all the time and effort I have put in
Has yielded some happy results
But prioritising, realising and embodying the larger truth
May take far more application, persistence and patience.

So I give myself a pat on the back
For having come this far,
But make peace with where I stand,
With honesty and without rancour.
There was a reason that monks and the like
Devoted their entire lives to the spiritual ways...
And if I choose to include it as a part time pursuit,
I must accept this slower pace.

In the manifest world,
Natural tides will continue to ebb and flow
Life and death, ups and downs,
Balance and frazzle, will all continue to show.So I choose to renew my commitment,With consistency, persistence and patienceAttending to my need for an immediate, improved experienceAnd the desire for my mind, body and ego To be in a healthier space.All the while remembering That this apparently real and gripping drama Of 'me', ' my life' and 'this world'Is not all there is...A higher realisation awaits.

If you resonate with any part of this, I would recommend reading through this poem again whilst tapping through the EFT points. Repeat a few times, until you feel emptied of all your self judgement, frustration and sense of failure.

Would be happy to hear how it worked for you! Do drop a line in comments below.

Photo by Michael Judkins on Pexels.com

Doing our best in all areas within our control is not only practically useful but also helpful in building resilience and acceptance of whatever unfolds.

For those of us who have the time, energy and ability right now, the responsible and compassionate thing to do is to put our matters in as much order as we can for the sake of our loved ones.
Without undue delay.

While it is practical to prepare for the possibility of an untimely death at any time, during a pandemic – this need is even more urgent.

Can you imagine the delays and difficulties that are going to clog the legal and financial system after such a huge number of sudden departures?
If you would like to minimise the hardships that loved ones are forced to deal with at the time of your eventual death(whenever that may be), here is a pragmatic checklist to help get you started:

If you/family members do not have Medical Insurance, make this a priority. If you have dependents consider the need for Life Insurance as well. Some policies can be obtained online and do not require you to wait for medical tests which may be difficult to complete at this time.Give access to some of your funds to another family member if you have not already done so. Many households have the dependents totally unaware of banking/financial details. Remedy this.Sometime back, I had received a wonderfully pragmatic and useful forward. This document: Familymustknow.pdf compiled by Mr. R.K.Chopra (as per the document) offers a comprehensive template of practical information gathered in one place for your family. Download and fill it up!Add/Update nominations to all your assets if you have not already done so. (It is usually a mandatory requirement these days.)Execute a Will. Death can be quick and sudden and with our superstitious ways of avoiding all discussion and action around Wills, many families are going to be left struggling in the aftermath of this pandemic. Ideally, have it made and registered with professional help. Though in some cases, it may be possible to use a simple template that you sign and have witnessed by two others. At the very least, as an interim/emergency solution, let your potential successors know your wishes clearly so as to avoid debate amongst them.Make a Medical/Living Will or make your views clear to your family so that they are not left arguing or struggling over such decisions should that time arise.If you have pets, minors, disabled or elderly dependents, identify suitable Guardians in the event of any mishap. Check on their willingness and discuss other details with them. Execute any necessary documents. In some cases, you may need to get legal help in setting up a trust or other formalities.Start decluttering and organising your possessions. This will help you feel better for multiple reasons and is practically beneficial to the entire family.Don’t wait to forgive those you need to. Or to express apology or love in places you have held back. You still have the opportunity.

Additionally, invest in your health on a daily basis with a seriousness that reflects an answerability to yourself! Appropriate diet, exercise, meditation and inner work will boost your immunity rather than it being depressed by obsessing over news, social media or whatsapp forwards.
Living well also improves the chances of us accepting the inevitability of our death, as and when it happens.

My website and blog offer numerous more articles and free resources that can contribute towards mental wellbeing in current times. Listing some of them below:

Getting Through The Storm- Clearing Pandemic Fears11 Ways to Address HelplessnessA 5 minute exercise to reclaim peaceSmooth Transitions – Clearings To Help Loved Ones Through Their Dying Process13 Clearings To Address The Fear Of The UnknownFrom Suffering To Lightness – An EFT Script For Pain9 Clearing Statements To Address The Fear Of UncertaintyTools For EmpathsIt’s Your Life – A Practical Handbook for Chronic AilmentsMarathi version of “It’s Your Life – A Practical Handbook for Chronic Ailments”:“He Ayushya Tumchach Aahe Na?The Caregiver’s Manual

Please use the search box to find more resources relevant to your needs.
Those feeling the need for customised support, will find details on online consultations at my website SereneReflection.com

Peace be with you and your loved ones!

(PS: If you find any of the above useful, please do share this post with others.)

Loneliness: A subject of deep vulnerability.
Readily admitted to by some and a secret shame for others.

Even as social media has turned up the volume on comparison with our peers and our consequent need to appear(if not be) partnered and/or popular, it has oversimplified its cause as also its resolution. Hence, the more common ways that we try to deal with loneliness is by numbing or distracting ourselves.
More Netflix, more FB/Instagram, more shopping, more alcohol, more substances, more parties, more sex, more vacations.
More work, more workouts, more workshops, more meditation, more retreats.
I could go on. But you get the point.

Anything in excess can be counterproductive and takes us further and further away from our deeper truth.

To make matters complicated, common beliefs and behaviours perpetuate some long-standing myths:

“If only I have a partner/spouse…”“If only I am accepted as a member of a particular family/clique/group/cult/etc…”“If only I have a child…”“If only I lose weight…”“If only I have a particular car/home/net-worth…”“If only I have a particular status in society/designation at work….”“If only I could travel to newer places…”“If only these lockdown restrictions end completely…”

Such (and similar) laments end with us convincing ourselves that our resolution lies in either being validated by others, ‘fixing’ ourselves, or changing our location.
But if we were to honestly share our experiences with each other, we would discover that none of these may satisfactorily heal the void we are aiming to fill within ourselves.

That special relationship, new community or exciting adventures may bring a temporary high. But unrealistic expectations, especially from romantic partners, can soon lead to disappointment and lostness again. A break-up may feel as bad (or worse) than withdrawal symptoms because we may need to de-addict ourselves from a particular person. Parking all our requirements in one person, group or place and growing miserable in their absence is neither fun for us, nor for the object of our affection.
Instead, a more realistic recognition and honouring of the multiple connections in our life is strengthening and also comforting in times when loneliness does visit.

Loneliness is defined as a ‘feeling of unhappiness and discomfort that we feel due to a lack of perceived connection.‘

As I often share with my clients, it is helpful to understand our own loneliness before we can accept it and address it in the best way possible. There are many possible components to this experience of disconnection and the importance of each contributor differs for each of us. By identifying our own subjective needs, we can deal with our specific situation more effectively.

But before beginning the difficult task of meeting our loneliness head-on and objectively, a few reminders:

You are not the first one to experience this, nor will you be the last. Everyone goes through phases of loneliness at different times.It does not make you lesser or wrong in any way. You may be experiencing loneliness, but it does not define you. It is human to experience highs and lows – Nobody is happy all the time, even if their newsfeed says otherwise. Like all feelings, however persistent or recurring, This Too Shall PassWhile we associate loneliness with being alone, the truth is that we can also feel lonely in a crowd. Being in a relationship or being a part of a family/unit does not in any way guarantee us escape from this discomfort. In fact, that kind of loneliness is perhaps even more painful than being alone. (On the other hand, being alone can be wonderfully liberating, comfortable and even uplifting!)

Loneliness feels as though we are missing out on something, that there is an emptiness within us to be filled. Put differently, ‘I need something that I do not have‘ is the kind of thinking that dominates this state. The associated expectation that ‘it’ does not seem available in the near future only adds to our despair and unhappiness.

Instead of unsuccessfully chasing an elusive, magical solution to an ill defined problem, lets spell out what it is that we are actually missing. The following questions can help detail our own individual requirements:

1. “Which of my needs am I trying to fulfil (as I believe this will free me of loneliness)?”
2. “Are these reasonable needs or do I need to question my thoughts around them and eliminate/alter this perception?“
3. “If these needs are reasonable, what are the various ways in which these needs can be met?“
4. “Are the answers that I imagine realistic and available to me right now, or do I need to start with a modified, accessible version?”

The second question is as important as it is unwelcome.
In our pain, it is often difficult to see that it is not the situation, but our thoughts that need to change. However, if you are willing to shift underlying beliefs and assumptions, you grow in power and become less affected by external factors. For many of what we consider as essential ‘needs’ are actually our ‘wants’. And the more of these that we drop, the less unhappy we are.
Further, everything comes at a price. So for example, if one wants a live-in partner then one has to be willing to make all the adjustments that come with living with someone else. Or if one wants to feel the security that comes from being in a family/community, one has to shoulder responsibilities and the restraints on independence that come with it. So are you ready, willing and able to pay such a price? If not, then one first needs to build that capacity.

What needs remains after this preceding inquiry, we can examine across the four categories below.

Acute loneliness is undoubtedly difficult and the pandemic lockdowns have stretched many of us. While I do not expect the included suggestions to provide easy, immediate or complete relief for you, I do hope it gives you a fresh lens with which to respond to your loneliness. In that, perhaps you will discover ways to enhance your wellbeing that may have not been apparent before.

(Do note that some resolutions that occur to you may not be realistic or available right away, but you can then explore if some modified version will help for now.
For example, if I am missing family but can’t travel to them due to lockdown, can I connect with them more frequently over calls? Or perhaps sit in meditation and connect energetically?
Asking yourself, “What one step can I take right away that will make me feel better?” can be significantly useful and feel definitely better than continuing on a downward, pessimistic train of thought.)

Now let us look at the different types of unmet needs that could be contributing to our loneliness:

Physical Needs

A caring touch is a fundamental human need. In fact, even if we have received less touch as a baby (perhaps due to the absence or incapability of our carers), it can leave a long-lasting emotional mark on our personality. Further, as adults, cultural taboos, the danger of unhealthy touch and our inability to voice this need without inhibition or shame can leave one longing for physical touch. Sexual drives are different from this and these too vary from person to person. Quite often, the need for intimacy is confused with the need for sex.

Understanding which of these three play a dominant part for you can help you change your remedial measures. For example, attentive, loving self massage or a professional therapy at a spa can go a long way in comforting a TLC need. Being hugged by a friend, or your pet can soothe your nerves. Not being in a committed relationship need not mean you deny yourself opportunities for physical pleasure. From vibrators, friends with benefits, to apps, there are multiple options available in this day and age for those who prefer them.

However, do remember that intimacy is not necessarily of the sexual kind, nor is it restricted to physical hugging, cuddling, etc. If sex still leaves you feeling empty, then consider whether the intimacy you seek is actually different: Emotional intimacy looks for mutual caring and sharing, intellectual intimacy requires the meeting of thoughts and ideas, spiritual intimacy shows up in the form of respect of each others’ faith, shared purpose or support of each other’s journeys. Perhaps one of these require more attention in your life.

All forms of intimacy do however require us to be authentic and vulnerable. So we also need to concurrently build and grow our own readiness to show up more openly and create safe spaces that enable that.

Emotional Needs

These can range from emotional intimacy as mentioned above, to being witnessed or heard, to feeling the comfort of having someone around us. We may be requiring validation or at least encouragement from others to feel good about ourselves. The human brain is also geared to give a great deal of weightage to belonging as being part of a unit implies safety and security(as was true for our hunter/gatherer ancestors).

Conditioning and popular beliefs convince us that need and love are the same. That is, we desperately need someone(often a specific person we become obsessed with) to be around and to reciprocate our feelings with similar intensity. But this is where we must take a step back and understand that ‘loving someone’ and ‘needing someone’ are two different things. List all the things that you think you need this person for and grow in your own abilities and readiness to deal with them. Your enhanced self esteem, independence and freedom will soon have you recovering from any loneliness pangs and open up possibility for a more appropriate match. (For example, a lot of people continue to stay on in relationships that have long turned sour, only because they are unready or unwilling to take on the other’s duties and responsibilities. In such cases, the loneliness comes from staying in a unhappy relationship!)

It is helpful to know that tools similar to those used for anxiety such as meditation, exercise, EFT, Bach Flower Remedies, etc., can soothe the mind and body. A surprising amount of comfort can be obtained by playing white noise, ASMR tracks, calming frequencies( eg. Solfeggio) or even playing the radio/tv in the background. You may recall how the ticking of an old fashioned clock mimics the heartbeat of a mother and thus calms a baby or puppy. Or why lonely seniors tend to leave the radio or tv on. Even listening to a story podcast told in a gentle voice can be surprisingly effective in lulling an adult to sleep. Making some of the suggestions listed at “16 Effective Ways To Dissolve Unhappiness” a part of our daily routine help in building resilience to get us through low phases.

A great deal of emotional needs can be met by authentic engagement. If it is possible with a wise friend, great! If not in person, you can always reach out virtually. However, sometimes, it can even be with a complete stranger and for the briefest of moments. In fact, the connection that we are longing for is not dependent on the past or the future that we have with another. It is found in being completely present to another in this current moment. Most of us are too distracted and pre-occupied to do this consistently. But practise this more intentionally, and you will be amazed at how many encounters right from the shopkeeper to the colleague at work, from the street dog to even the tree in the park provide you with a deep sense of reassuring, warm connection. (This really is a case of being the change you want to see.)

Try asking yourself open ended questions which steer awareness, thoughts and attention to new possibilities. You need not have specific answers to start with, but eventually things start changing because you are looking through a different lens. Examples include:

“What activity/class have I not yet tried that would help me meet likeminded people?”“Which people or groups would I like to travel with?”“What would it take to find my tribe?”“What activities have I not yet tried by myself? What if shopping, dining or traveling alone can be an uplifting experience? What would it take for me to be ready, willing and able to give that a shot?”“Which online group or offline meet-up would align with my interests?”

(You can use the above with energy clearing tools like EFT or Access Consciousness Clearing Statement.)

As loneliness is often associated with the missing of a special person in your life, it may be pertinent for you to reflect on “Who Do You Become In Your Closest Relationships?” In a sense, our relationship with ourself is perhaps the most intimate one in the outer world. It is experienced 24/7 for as long as we live. Though you may associate your loneliness with the absence of a particular person, in truth you may actually be yearning to meet who you your self become in the company of that person! In which case, exploring ways and means to bring out, encourage and nurture those aspects in yourself on your own will bring you great joy and personal growth.

Intellectual Needs

Some of us find enjoyment and connection in intellectual and philosophical discussion. For the deep thinkers, the sensitives and those who do not conform to mainstream thinking, there can be a strong sense of alienation. For those of us, it is important to develop self acceptance of being a minority and my EFT script such as The Road Less Travelled may help with that. In this case, it can also be helpful to actively reach out to online groups, read and listen to others with similar interests and release the uneasiness that arises from believing yourself isolated. You are not alone.

Spiritual Needs

Underlying all the needs listed above is our inherent calling to remember our true nature. As we tend to be identified with our personas and caught up in the outer world, it usually takes us a long time to realise this.

It is only when we develop a healthy sense of our self and at least begin to tick off items on our bucket list that we begin to notice that some mysterious core need remains unmet. This kind of loneliness is leading you back home. It urges you to truly know who you are at your core. To meet the part of you that remains unchanged through everything and is beyond all roles, definitions and limitations,
In my opinion, this part is universal and stubborn in its call, though its volume may differ for each of us.

Instead of trying to deny it, change it or run from it, meet it head on. Sit alone with it, undistracted, and let it transform you. Start with a few minutes at a time and build the ability to embrace it. Let it be a slow, gradual process of spiritual and self inquiry. There is no hurry here. But once this leads you to remembering your essence, your Source, all the other challenges of life become much easier to navigate. It becomes possible to welcome company when it comes and to enjoy being alone with equal ease. One learns to play this game of life, with all its ups and downs, with lightness.
As they say, the truth shall set you free.

Meeting physical, emotional and intellectual needs in our immediate experience while rebuilding our connection to our spirit feels pragmatic to me. Prioritising spiritual growth alone is not an easy path to walk. There is a time, pace snd suitability for everyone. Being honest with where we are and accordingly mapping our way forward is the best way to experience lasting shifts.


If you find any of the above useful or thought provoking, please share this link with others.

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It may be the season to be jolly. But it is also very much the season of FOMO pangs.
“Keeping up with the Jones” has been a phrase that has been around for many years.
However, in recent years we have now gained an unprecedented access to witnessing highlights of others’ lives. I say highlights because in the majority of the cases you are being shown the edited version of a story.

The brightest moments, the most luxurious indulgences and the most “arrived” symbols of success and happiness dot the digital canvas. Two decades back, images were rarer and more difficult to share around as compared to today. And as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
So being bombarded as we are with these scintillating moments and frequent news from not only our immediate circles, but from every corner of the globe and every privileged class, much confusion can be generated.

The ego tends to compare. The ego tends to compete. The ego tends to crave.
All of which makes us forget that for every positive outcome being projected, there are numerous ‘outtakes’ that one is not seeing.
That for every choice that is made, there are pros and cons.
That current life stage, circumstances and appropriateness differ for everyone.
That however smart or conscious we consider ourselves, we are continually being manipulated by the digital platforms and advertisers to seek more, spend more.
We forget that there are infinite experiences available in this world and we can never possibly have all of them in one lifetime.
We forget that by using our resources and precious, limited time in one way, we may be denying ourselves the space and energy for what we truly value or actually contributes to us in some way.
We forget that who we are is not defined by our material possessions, nor our social media accolades.
Dismissing rational thought, self awareness, and acceptance of the fact that we are all different, we get caught in the game of keeping up with our elevated perception of others. Imagining that others have found a way to magically have pleasure after pleasure, without any challenges and we are missing out on that life.

FOMO compels us to chase more, never convinced that we are enough or have enough.

FOMO is “used to describe that feeling of anxiety which many people experience when they discover that other people have had fun together, been successful at something, or done just about anything which they might have wanted to be involved in. FOMO manifests itself in various ways, from a brief pang of envy through to a real sense of self-doubt or inadequacy.”

~ Macmillan Dictionary

It is utterly human to want to belong. To want to be part of a ‘happening clique’. To crave a high in a world that often seems to tether towards a dystopian end fast. We can also tell ourselves that our discontent or envy fuels our ambitions to be more, do more and have more. But in reality, if this justification is only diminishing our life experience and causing us stress, its time to pause and take stock

For FOMO affects our self esteem, makes us feel helpless, left out and sorry for our self. It skews our ideas of normal and lowers our self confidence. Anxious and relentless, we could make urgent, impulsive decisions with dramatic, long term consequences.
In short, FOMO leaves us feeling disturbed, on-edge and disgruntled.
The irony is that all this unhappiness is being caused by a desperation to feel a happiness/peak experience that we imagine another is having. (We have no way to actually know the full truth of their experience.)

The bottomline is that any fear driven choice can never be fully satisfactory.
Every temporary high is quickly followed by an equally strong low that anxiously looks for the next proof of belonging, status, excitement and happiness. For the underlying fears remain undiluted. Unattended, we can end up in an endless, often hedonistic, repetitive, eventually mind-body-energy-emotions-finances depleting loop.
Hence, a pause and asking ourselves a few questions may be worth our consideration:

What if instead of choosing from a fear of missing out I chose from a love for my self and existence instead? What is FOMO making me choose that I am better off refusing? What if I shifted my attention from what others appear to be enjoying to what I genuinely enjoy for myself? What if I chose to move from a complaint of lack to an appreciation of how I am and what I already have? What if I were more attentive and receptive to whatever is present instead of lamenting over what I imagine I am missing out on? What if I moved from a lens of comparison and competition to creative self expression and self mastery instead? What if I expanded my awareness from the temporary, illusory and elusive and allowed the permanent, real and omnipresent to weigh in as well?

If the above inquiry appeals to you, consider using along with EFT, Now Healing or Access Consciousness as energetic clearings.

I would be happy if this post helps contribute to a soulful, sustainable joy, sense of peace and an appreciation of all that you inherently are in the coming new year. Cheers!

Photo by Kelsey Knight on Unsplash

Space is on my mind.
Thanks to Google’s many reminders on upcoming changes in their storage policy, I decided to take a look at my digital storage and see what needs to be cleared out. Surprise, surprise! It was not all the travel photos that were taking up maximal space, but the attachments in emails from years ago – when things tended to be forwarded on email rather than on Whatsapp.

Tons of irrelevant, practically useless, non-personal but heavy attachments weighing down my bandwidth and occupying precious space that could be better utilised. Or left clear and empty!
As I framed that thought – I felt it could very well be some near-forgotten memories, experiences or perspectives that I could be talking about.

Like ancient bricks unknowingly laid down as a foundation for the story of our lives to come, things that bothered us years ago remain at the bottom of our narratives.
From times when we knew less, were less strong, less experienced and less aware and hence more sensitive and wounded by things that were perhaps not intended that way, not a personal attack and not that threatening – there still remain wounds, hurts and consequent beliefs about our self and the rest of the world. Is it any surprise that most inner work will take us down to some distant point in time rather than finding the emotional charge from a present moment alone?
Objects and spaces tend to carry for us the imprint, memory and association of all that they have been witness to. So moving them along can shift a lot for us internally.

Just as clearing up our inner spaces encourages us to have neater and more organised surroundings, freeing up the outer space helps us feel fresh within.
As an example, if you’d like to feel clearer in your head, your desk/bedside space would be a good place to start tidying. Similarly, reviewing and emptying your digital storage may feel surprisingly refreshing.
For the digital world is also representative of our overwhelmed, ‘put-aside-for-later’, consumerist, unaware, distracted and denial-based ways of modern living.

My late husband would jokingly say calculating the per sq.ft. cost of holding on to things one had no real use for was incentive for minimising possessions and space requirements. When you live in Mumbai, that number can truly be impressive and a influential factor for all practical purposes!

However, as my energetic sensitivity has grown over the years, I think the emotional and energetic cost is the real decider. As I released objects and the energetic weight they carry, I began to to grow more mindful of the ease, lightness and closure that brings. On the other hand, hoarding clutter and keeping storage(physical, mental, emotional or digital) overflowing tend to create an unconscious strain on the mind and keep signalling a need for important inner and outer housekeeping.

The end of the year is fast approaching. Like with every new beginning, we would all like to usher in newness, excitement and joy with this change of date.
But if reading this article has you wondering if you need to empty your cup to prepare to receive something fresh – may be you would like to get started with a symbolic emptying of your mailbox or google drive?
Or if clearing physical spaces is your calling but seems too daunting a task – do have a look at Clearings to Help Declutter and Stop Hoarding!
If you are drawn to inner housekeeping, do browse this blog for plenty of free resources.
You are also welcome to learn about how signing up for personal consultations can help you.

No matter where you start – I hope you enjoy the emptiness you reclaim for yourself!

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