Robyn Wheeler's Blog

Are you a perfectionist? Does everything you do have to be flawless? How about your expectations of others? Are you disappointed when your spouse, coworker or children fail to do things exactly the way you do? If so, you are causing your own frustration and anger not to mention extreme harm to your loved ones. How? Because no one is perfect and no one performs tasks exactly like you do. When your spouse doesn’t fold clothes like you do and an argument insue’s because you told him or her that they didn’t fold them “right,” the argument is your fault not theirs due to your unrealistic expectations. It took me years to learn this. My parents are perfectionists as their parents were before them and so are me and my sibling. But what are you really doing when you tell a loved one they are not doing it “right?” You are telling that person that they are not as good as you, they are not worthy of being loved and that you are always right (therefore superior) and they are always wrong. And if you raise children in that kind of environment, they will grow up with poor self-esteem, believe that everything they do is not good enough and that they do not measure up to others. On top of all that, they will probably develop a habit of lying to you more than once because getting caught not living up to your expectations feels worse to them than telling a lie. Is that really the attitude you want them to have? I grew up not able to make the bed without any wrinkles, didn’t get good enough grades (average of 3.2), didn’t place or score highly in sports or music and never had the dishes as clean as they should be. I have lived my entire life with poor self-esteem, believing everyone was better, smarter and prettier than me and eventually, thought of killing myself just a few years ago. If it weren’t for the wonderful wisdom of Dr. Wayne Dyer I probably would not be here right now. Dr. Dyer convinced me that I do not have to be perfect and never will be perfect. No one else will be either. But I am still loved and worthy just the way I am and so is everyone else on the planet. He taught me to not be afraid to make mistakes but to enjoy and treasure my mistakes as they will make me stronger and better than I used to be. He taught me to laugh at goof-ups and blunders instead of beating myself up because I misspelled a word in my book or cited the wrong reference. It’ s all small stuff. All of it. Including how your clothes are folded, which way the TP hangs on the roll and waiting in line in traffic or the grocery store. Instead of insisting on having things “your way,” try adapting to your environment and other people instead. Unless, you are truly facing a “life and death” situation, (i.e. being chased by a wild, angry grizzly bear, being diagnosed with a terminal disease, traumatically injured in a car crash, etc.) it’s all small stuff. Life will go on even when you make mistakes and those that hold no expectations of themselves or others will always be happier than those who do. Want to get rid of your anger? Get rid of your expectations first. They anger will subside after that and only after that.Born Mad

Ridding yourself of anger may sound easy to some people however it takes a lot more than reading a book or taking a class to truly live anger-free. No one can do it for you, so one mustn’t look outside themselves for solutions but search within instead. The biggest problem is that anger is a vicious cycle. Let me explain. If an individual is angry, odds are that person does not want to try anything new. They blame others for things that are their own fault and believe they know all they need to know. (I was one of these people for decades). If a person is unwilling to try new things and believe they “know it all” already, that person will miss out on trying the very thing that can rid them of their anger. If you don’t try something new you won’t get rid of your anger and if you are angry you won’t want to try something new. In addition to that (if that weren’t bad enough) one angry moment leads to another angry moment. Anger doesn’t fix things it just leads to more anger. Anger is like fire, it spreads if not put out quickly and efficiently. And there’s the cycle. At some point, maybe when you hit your all-time-low or “rock-bottom,” you’ll be willing to do anything and everything it takes to move on, grow and progress as a human being. At some point, you’ll have to save your own life by being flexible and open minded. Keep in mind that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. One cannot make progress when one refuses to change. Many people do not like change. I say “Bring it on!” Change is necessary and you may even find you like the change better than “the old way.” So if you are angry, wondering why you can’t shed those terrible thoughts and feelings, try, no rather, dare, to do something new. If it doesn’t work, try something else. But keep going, until you do find that one method, that one strategy that helps you live anger-free. Force yourself to break the cycle. It isn’t easy. Nothing in life worth fighting for is easy. But if you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way. The exciting news about this concept is: one day anger-free will lead to two and two will lead to three and so on. Now, I know that the longer I go anger-free, the less likely I am to get mad in the first place.

Mother Teresa was born in Albania in 1910. She spent years of her live as a Catholic nun dedicated to humanitarian work for the poor, sick, dying and the orphaned carrying out numerous missions the world over for hospices and homes for people with HIV, leprosy, tuberculosis and much more. She is not with the lord she loved so much but she behind many wonderful words we can and should all learn from.

I ran across a quote by Mother Teresa that is very fitting, profound and worthy of mentioning especially in our society today where we seem to be obsessed with what we can gain and profit rather than what we can give to others without anything in return. If everyone on earth took these words to heart and practiced them as much as they could, we’d be living in a very different world today.

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway. ---Mother Teresa

These words are tacked up on my office wall so I may reread them everyday,letting the meaning truly sink in to my soul.

If you have trouble with anger, resentment, wanting revenge for past wrongdoings or difficulty making decisions in a precarious situation, remember these words my Mother Teresa—they may just help you become a better person.

Don’t think posting this quote on the wall can help you? Do It Anyway. And see what happens.

Recently, one of my relatives told me that Dysthymia is nothing more than a mild depression, that I should do my research and I was making a big deal out of nothing. Nothing? Depression is nothing? Here’s why I wrote a book on this rarely talked about disorder:
1. Mild depression can be just a detrimental and devastating to a person and their loved ones as much as a severe depression. At least ¾ of people with dysthymia also suffer from another psychiatric disorder, such as anxiety disorder, OCD, or drug addiction or alcoholism. In and of itself dysthymia can create havoc on a persons psyche and relationships with everyone they know or encounter. But add to it one or two more untreated disorders-that’s a recipe for disaster.
2. Individuals with dysthymia have a higher than average chance of developing major depression. Which means, if you live with untreated dysthymia for any length of time, as I did, the chances are very good that you will one day sink to all time low possibly even not wanting to live. What is so mild about that?

3. This mental disorder is genetic. If one member of your family is proven to have dysthymia, there is a great possibility that others in your family are affected by it as well. One person in a family with dysthymia is bad enough, but more than one or all members of a family could spell disaster for the cohesion on the group. (See previous blog titled "Anger Has Ripped My Family Apart)

4. Many men and women do not ask for help for depression either mild or severe. But 80% of all people with any form of depression can be helped by medical treatment. Which means, not only is a mild depression devastating, but there is no reason for individuals to tolerate it as if it can't be helped. Seek help, find a treatment that works and your life will turn around for the better. You will feel like a new person.

5. A major sign of Dysthymic disorder is excess, chronic anger. Anger destroys. It destroys whatever and whomever comes along it’s path. Chronic anger and angry outbursts are never good. You will never make friends with anger –your own or anyone else’s. Nothing more than mild depression? No such thing. Depression in any form is a mental illness and needs to be treated. You owe it to yourself, your family and friends and everyone you meet on a daily basis to NOT live with such a debilitating and life-long malady.
If you had diabetes would you refuse to take your insulin? If you were diagnosed with cancer would you refuse any and all treatments you might benefit from? If you had tuberculosis or lymes disease or malaria, would you refuse treatment? I'm betting you most likely would do whatever possible to restore your health and well being. Mental disorders are no different. Please try anything and everything to help yourself and restore your sanity.

There is no such thing as “nothing but a mild depression”. There is much more to dythymia than a sad mood every now and them. Depression is depression. Please seek help so you don’t have to live even one day of your life depressed.

If you suffer from any form of depression you have two choices. One, you can ask for help from a professional or two, you can live with depression hoping no one will notice and it won't affect your life much.

The statistics are staggering. Over 40% of women do not seek help for depression due to embarrassment. Over 50% of men with depression do not seek help due to fear of appearing weak. So lets look a little deeper at the costs and benefits of the two options.


1. Even a mild depression can turn into a severe depression very quickly. Depression not only hurts the person suffering from it but their family and friends will be effected as well. Hoping that no one will notice is not reality. Someone is likely to suspect something. Depression is noticable in my ways and on many occasions.
2. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. That is not your fault. It is not of your doing or your choosing. You did not go to Wal-Mart and buy a box of depression, take it home and give it to yourself like you would dye your hair or take a laxative. So why be embarrassed by something that is and was totally out of your control? As someone who spent over 40 years living with a mild depression, I am more embarrassed by those years than with the one that I've admitted to having Dysthymia. Being diagnosed and getting treatment was the best thing to ever happen to me. It is not weakness to seek help when you need it-it is weakness to NOT seek help when you need it.
3. Every day living with depression weakens you, your coping skills, your ability to be a good parent, spouse or sibling. If you seek help and improve due to treatment, that’s strength, not weakness. Seeking treatment for your illness will make you a role model, someone your family can look up to and turn to in tough times. Someone whose actions they can follow. Not having enough respect for yourself and your family to seek help for an illness IS weak and cowardly and arrogant.
4. You’ll won't save money on a mental health assessment, prescriptions and follow up visits-those things can be expensive- but the emotional toll it will take on your every day wil be immeasurable. The financial cost vs. the emotional improvement and stableness you will feel in your everyday life are not comparable. Before I was diagnosed, I would have given Anything, whatever money it costs, to find a cure. The cure is priceless.
5. If you don't ask for help, you don’t have to admit to your faults and your shortcomings. You might have to "bite the bullet" and eventually "tuck your tail in between your legs" but putting your ego aside might just be the best thing you ever do. It was for me. Admit your faults so you can learn and grow. Grow so you can be the person you were meant to be. Be the person you were meant to be because you are only here for a short while-make the most of it while you can.

Seeking help will do several things:
a)improve your quality of life
b)avoid severe depression
c)improve relationships with everyone you know
d) allow you to feel real freedom
e) expand your horizons
f) help others
The list can go on and on and on.When you are happy, your perspective changes, you are emotionally stable, willing to try new things and meet new people and you will feel good about yourself and others.
You’ll have to admit to your mistakes, misgivings and misperceptions. You’ll probably feel terribly guilty at first but those feelings will pass and you’ll be able to move on to a better life, move on to a new and improved you.

So which one do you prefer? A lifetime of denial, depression, feeling no joy and destroying relationships? Or would you rather set your ego aside, admit you need help, finding a treatment-the answers to what's been hold you back- and feeling better than you have ever felt in your life?
The choice is all up to you……

Which one do you choose?

A Ho’opono-what? Ho’oponopono. It’s an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. I was first introduced to this idea in November 2010 at an I Can Do It! Conference in Tampa Florida by author Marci Shimoff (Chicken Soup for the Soul, Happiness for No Reason.) Ho’oponopono is seen as a mental cleansing; a form of asking for forgiveness, forgiving others and taking 100% responsibility for your actions believing that peace and harmony can only be remedied and strengthened by confession and apology. And it’s actually very easy: every day when you wake up or before going to sleep at night repeat these words either out loud or to your self-


I’m Sorry

Please Forgive Me

Thank You

I Love you.


Many years ago, Ho’oponopono was only performed by members of clergy or priesthood. Today, modern versions have been updated to include families, family elders or just one person wishing for peace and harmony.

In addition, if you wish to extend this practice, you may also repeat the loving/kindness practice which is as follows:


May you be safe, happy, healthy and live with ease.


Just think of someone you know and love that you would want to send good wishes to. You don’t have to call them or tell them you’ve sent them these friendly, nonviolent thoughts, just say their name and wish them the above thoughts. Pick one person everyday to say Ho’oponopono and the loving kindness practices and see what happens-to them and to you. For more information on these practices, go to www.marcishimoffblof.com or www.Happinessfornoreason.com .

Robyn Wheeler is the author of Born Mad, a true story about her struggle overcoming a minor depression known as Dysthymic Disorder.