Ingrid Jorgensen's Blog

Yep, this is the last post on this blog. In a couple of days this blog will cease to exist. That doesn’t mean that I will stop writing. And you will still be able to follow my writing adventures, but on another blog.

Why?

First of all, I had made a distinction between myself as a writer (Ingrid Jorgensen) and myself as a photographer (Ingrid Dendievel). And this didn’t feel good anymore. I am one person and this person likes to be creative with photography and writing. Thus there will be only one blog.

Another reason is that I used this blog too much for the wrong purposes. I have been talking about my classes for example. But that is part of a whole other life. It feels out of place here. And last but not least, I whined too much. Way too much. I have been whining about The Shadow and The Other Woman. Are they really so important?

Last week, 2 persons pointed out to me that I was still stuck in the past. And that is so true… The Shadow and The Other Woman never cared about me, why should I care about them? They are simply not worth it. These two people ruined my life, but that is the past.

This is the present! And it’s looking damn good! I have a new soul mate, I can be creative again and people seem to enjoy my writing and my pictures. It’s time to say “goodbye” to Ingrid Jorgensen and “hello (again)” to Ingrid Dendievel. So join me on http://ingriddendievel.wordpress.com!

After we had all calmed down, we continued our debate with the questions “What is the perfect man?” and “What is the perfect woman?”.

For the first question, all my male students came up with the same answers: the perfect man is strong, loyal and has a sense of responsibility. We women added that he is also intelligent and honest. All men and women agreed.

When the male students started talking about the perfect woman, I first heard a lot of talk about “tits” and “ass”. When they saw that we women did not appreciate this, they changed their mind and came up with the following qualities: patient, calm, serene, tender, intelligent. Intelligent? Yep, apparently their prefer an intelligent woman; they don’t want to spend their life with a “supid blonde”. And they all quickly admitted that they can’t live without a woman.

Things became hilarious when the men asked us women if we thought they were macho. We turned the question around: do they think they were macho? The Muslim men said no, whereas we women said yes. We all had a good laugh about this one, but it was interesting to see how we perceived ourselves and each other.

Last but not least, one of the Muslim men said that for him it was very important that his wife shared the same religious views. Immediately, the other Muslims joined him, whereas the others didn’t (seem to) care about religion at all.

Can we indeed say that Muslims are more traditional or more conservative? More religious? Are all Muslim men macho? Are we talking about religious differences or differences in education? What do you think?

Image via CrunchBase

Here we are again! Yes, I know I missed Wednesday’s check-in, but I have a very good excuse: the day before my MacBook went to Mac Heaven, probably to join Steve Jobs.

So, on Wednesday afternoon I bought a new PC. I wanted to buy a MacBook again, but unfortunately my budget didn’t allow this. We had had the car fixed about a month ago and that had cost a lot more money than we had thought. Hence, I find myself with a Windows PC again. Transferring all my pictures, music and documents from my Mac to my PC was a nightmare – a long nightmare – but I have finally made it. Now, I have to get used to another OS and another keyboard.

Since the end of Round 3, I haven’t written a single word. It’s not because I am lazy or don’t have the time. And I am not demotivated either. Not writing was actually a deliberate choice.

Why? Although I didn’t write, I read what I had written so far. There I was on my sofa, listening to Diana Krall and reading. And thinking. And I finally came to the decision that I wasn’t satisfied with what I had written. At all.

I will continue with Lulu – our fictional dog – telling about our big summer trip. Maybe I am mistaken, but I still think it’s fun. And I talked about it to other writers and they told me to continue with it. I just have to be careful that the novel is about our trip and not about her, which is a mistake I made in my first novel.

I soon discovered what was bothering me… I have spent too much time and energy and words (!)  on trivial places and events. I mean, let’s be honest… Who is for example going to be interested in all these small Danish villages that we visited during the first days of our trip? I am not going to omit them from the novel though, but I will spend less attention to them. And then I can take my time to describe those places and events that are really worth it.

So, here are my goals:

1. Rewrite the first chapters.

2. Add an additional 10.000 words.

Tomorrow will be a new start! I am behind with my blogging and editing pictures, so that will be something for this afternoon.

About a week ago, I had an interesting debate with my students about men and women and their role in society. I had started by telling them an anecdote. As I have mentioned before, about half of my students are Muslim men.

Anyway, the first issue we tackled was women and work. I asked them what they thought about women earning a living. I was a bit surprised when I heard that all of the men had nothing against women having a job. The Muslim men had a couple of remarks though.

muslim woman (Photo credit: Jarek Jarosz)

The first remark was about the kind of work. For them it is clear that there are jobs that are suitable for women and jobs that are not. They had no problems with female teachers and nurses for example, but a female truck or bus driver was out of the question. Those were jobs for men. Work that implied a lot of physical effort or that was dirty or both was not suitable for women.

What about a pc technician? My students follow a training to become one and one of them is a (non-Muslim) woman. Moreover, they all know that I at some point in my career worked as an IT helpdesk agent. The non-Muslim answered that both sexes should be capable to do this kind of work. I saw the Muslim men looking at each other and hesitating. Finally, one of them said that it was no problem and the others agreed. I am not sure whether they were really convinced about this or whether they said it out of respect for me and their female colleague.

The second remark concerned the household. My Muslim students were okay about a woman having a job, but her career should not interfere with her duties at home! Raising children is a priority for both parents, but when it comes to cooking and cleaning, that is clearly something for women. Non-Muslim men on the other hand participate in the household.

At this point the debate became very lively. I asked the Muslim men what they would do in case of divorce for example. Who is going to cook for them? Who is going to clean their house? Who is going to wash their clothes? The answer was very simple: they would move back to their parents’ home! And they added that a man who cooks and/or cleans is not a real man!

As you can imagine the non-Muslim men were not too happy about this remark… But the biggest shock came when our female student announced that she didn’t know how to cook at all, that she didn’t like it and that she did not have the intention to learn it. Ever… For about two seconds, there was absolute silence and then all hell broke loose! All the men now turned against her, but she didn’t care about it.

Then they all looked at me. Do I cook? Sure, I do, but not every day. My soul mate is at home all day, whereas I have a fulltime job, the blog, my novel and my photography. So, there are evenings that I cook and evenings that I don’t cook. And most of the household is done by my soulmate. I wanted to add that during the weekends we do some stuff together, but at that time half of the group had become so boisterous that I decided to have a break.

Afterwards, the debate continued… But that’s for another post!

I think the title says it all…

But I am not desperate. My goal was 10.000 words and currently I am at 9.057. But why didn’t I make it?

RWB/RWBA symbol: motorway (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Very simple: I spent most of July and August on the road! And when I came back, I really needed to get used to the rhythm of everyday life again. In the meantime, I rediscovered a couple of passions, but recently I have found a good routine. I feel good with it; I have even discovered that the more I write, the better I feel!

So I am confident about the future! I am going to make it! Yes!

Every week, I try to spend at least one hour of debate in Dutch with some of my students. My group of future pc technicians have acquired a good level and it’s always fun to talk about something else than IT. Lately, we have been talking about emancipation and the role of men and women in society. Important remark: about half of the members of this group of students are Muslim men.

Today, I started my debate with an anecdote. It’s an event that happened a couple of years ago. I had completely forgotten about it, but the memory came back last Friday when I saw one of my colleagues reading an IT magazine.

Magazines, Connaught Place (Photo credit: prolix6x)

Anyway, a couple of years ago I went to a store in Brussels where they sell magazines. The shop was quite small and when I came in there were 2 female customers and one male. At the counter there was a young man of North-African origin. He greeted me and I greeted him back.

Since it was the first time I was in this store, I had to look around to find the magazine. Or at least the section where I could find it. And then the young man at the counter decided to help me.

“The women’s magazines are at your left.”

Isn’t that nice? Without asking for it, I get help. The problem is that I never read women’s magazines. Never. I tried to do that some years ago, but I simply couldn’t see anything interesting in them. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against women who read them; I am just not interested in fashion, raising children, housekeeping and so on.

And then it happened. Since the young man seemed to be helpful, I told him what I was really looking for.

“That’s very nice of you, but I am actually looking for an IT magazine.”

Immediately, four pairs of eyes were looking at me. Had they never seen a woman buying an IT magazine before? Apparently not. The young man was confused at first, but then came up with another question.

“What kind of IT magazine does your husband want to read?”

Now, it was my turn to be surprised.

“I don’t have a husband. I am looking for a magazine about Apple products, preferrably in Dutch or English.”

Four mouths dropped open completely, but quickly closed again. The female customers looked at me as if I came from another planet and the young man at the counter seemed to have lost all power of speech. Finally I found the magazine I was looking for. I went to the counter and paid for the magazine.

When I left the shop, the two women said to each other that they had never seen a woman buying an IT magazine. They didn’t whisper this to each other, they said it loud enough so that I could hear it. I am not sure whether they did this on purpose. The male customer only looked at me and shook his head… Had I committed a crime or something?

How do you think my students reacted?

The last weeks I had to deal with two major problems. The first one was about finding the right rhythm to write or better said: combining writing with the other major activities of my life, namely teaching, traveling, blogging and photographing. Problem number two was about missing the feeling of freedom, especially while being on the road.

I am happy to report that I am doing a lot better! My weekends are devoted to excursions and then I enjoy the feeling of being on the road to the fullest. Even if it’s only one day every week, I feel fantastic afterwards and it keeps me going! And since my teaching schedule has suddenly changed, I now have more time in the evenings to do some writing. No, a lot of writing! All this means that I have solved my 2 biggest problems!

steam (Photo credit: Capt’ Gorgeous)

And I have noticed something else… On Monday, I had a bad day at work. There are simply days when you seem to be unable to teach a group something. They are tired or not feeling well or simply not in the mood. On top of that, I had a very bizarre conversation with my boss, not about my work, but about my personality. Anyway, once I was back at home and I had finished blogging, I started writing. And writing. And I felt better!

More than 7.000 words and counting! Full steam ahead!

You all have seen them as well; these movies where a married man or a man in a relationship meets another woman in a bookstore or on the street or at a party and falls in love with her. Then there is a broken heart and the end of the marriage or the relationship.

I always feel angry when I see these movies. I am angry with the man for being unfaithful, I am angry with The Other Woman for being a b**** and with the wife (or girlfriend) for being stupid. Yes, for being stupid. I mean, really, can’t you see the signs? Can’t you that he is cheating on you? Can’t you see that he doesn’t deserve you?

No, you can’t. I know that now.

In July 2009 – my annus horribilis – I got a friend request on Facebook from the son of a female business associate of the man I now call The Shadow. In the beginning, I hesitated. I had seen the young man a couple of times, but I knew very little about him. But out of politeness (and I have to admit, out of curiosity as well), I accepted the request.

In the beginning, I ignored this new Facebook friend. But one evening, when I was bored, I decided to have a look at his pictures. I had heard a lot about his mother; she was trying to open a pub and The Shadow helped her with the administration and the bookkeeping. Or at least, that’s what he told me. And why should I doubt him?

And then .. I saw THE PICTURE. The picture of The Shadow and his associate. The two were at a party or in a restaurant, holding hands and about to kiss each other. They were looking in each other’s eyes with a passion, a deep love, a longing that I had never seen before. And the other pictures also confirmed that this associate was more than just a friend. Much more…

I felt as if somebody had slapped me in my face. I felt humiliated and stupid. There it was. On the Internet. For everybody to see. The young man’s friend list was full with people who knew me and I knew them. They all knew about It. Except me. And now I did.

It took me a couple of days to get used to the idea that The Shadow was cheating on me. Then I decided to confront him with The Picture. But I soon discovered that the son of his business associate had removed his profile from Facebook. Coincidence or not? And actually why had he befriended me on Facebook? And was I supposed to see The Picture?

To cut a long story short: until this day, The Shadow still denies that he had had a relationship with The Other Woman. He claims that he never had sex with her. Apparently, it’s the sex that defines a relationship for him. But I don’t care about the sex! I did care about the fact that he was always there for her when she needed him and spent more time with her than with me. And I certainly did care about the fact that there was more than friendship between the two of them and that he hadn’t been honest about it.

Divorce Cakes a_006 (Photo credit: DrJohnBullas)

To make it even worse, the moment The Other Woman knew that I knew, she started bullying me. I never understood why… Even when The Shadow had left my apartment, she continued. She stopped the day The Shadow and I signed the divorce agreement.

In my last post, I said that I was going to concentrate on the present and no longer on the past. Now I realize that that is easier said than done. Last evening, I discovered how much the past still has a grasp on me. And how easy I get carried away.

And again, it started with a friendship request on Facebook. This time it was my soul mate who got one. From an old schoolmate. A female schoolmate. They immediately started putting stuff on each other’s profile. She is married with two kids and she is trying to get all the schoolmates together for a reunion.

Now, I know that my soul mate isn’t interested in this woman. And he doesn’t want to go to this school reunion. But nevertheless, he said that he was currently living in Brussels and he even gave her his telephone number. Interesting detail: he didn’t mention me. ME. The girlfriend. The fiancée. WTF???

FOTO35 VOLCANO ERUPTION STROMBOLI ITALY time exp 03 (Photo credit: Real.Views)

Ever seen a volcano eruption? Well, my reaction was worse… Oh boy, I don’t know what to think about all this? Is she just a woman with honest intentions? Or is she also The Other Woman? My soul mate pointed out this morning that even if she is such a woman, there is no way that he is ever going to leave me. He has his own free will. No woman is going to steal him away from me.

Maybe I am too emotional. Maybe I am becoming paranoid. Maybe I am paranoid. Or is this post-traumatic stress? Maybe I am just crazy. No, I am simply stupid!!! Why do I allow myself to get carried away by such things? Because I cannot let go of the past! That’s it! And is The Shadow really worth it that I still keep coming back to the same bad events? NO, HE ISN’T!

Time to move on…

In 1997 I started writing movie reviews for an online magazine. I had always liked movies, but from that moment on they became my passion. I went to the movies 2 – 3 times a week and immersed myself in different kinds of movies. When I met The Shadow, I was of course intent on keeping that passion alive.

In the beginning I didn’t have any problems. I kept going to the movies and writing reviews. The Shadow was even proud of my work and read all my articles. And then one Saturday evening it all changed.

I had arranged to go to the movies with some of my friends who also wrote for the same magazine. The Shadow was in a bad mood, because he hadn’t been invited. This invitation was strictly for people who wrote for the magazine. But when he discovered that all these friends were male, he became furious. We had such a terrible fight about it that I had to cancel my appointment.

The fact that I had male friends was too much for him. Gradually I had to stop seeing all male friends. But even when I had done that, he didn’t calm down. Because of a lack of (mutual) trust, his jealousy developed into paranoia. Whenever I went out – alone or with female friends – he bombarded me with text messages and telephone calls. On the other hand, when he went out with friends and disappeared for one or two days, he became furious when I tried to find out where he was.

At the end of our relationship he had become so paranoid that I had actually lost all of my personal freedom. I didn’t go out anymore. I didn’t go to the movies anymore. I had lost my passion, because somehow in my mind the concept of “movies” had become connected with “his paranoia”.

The same happened with cooking. I love to cook and I love to experiment in the kitchen. Before I met The Shadow I regularly invited friends at home and I cooked a whole menu for them. I discovered the delights of many cuisines via cookbooks and magazines.

But when you live with a partner who is jealous, you invite less people. At the end of our relationship the only people who were welcome were his friends. Now, I try to be very open-minded, but unfortunately I didn’t get along with these people. I don’t like people who use napkins to wipe their nose. I don’t like people who steal stuff from my apartment while I am busy in the kitchen. I don’t like people who become so drunk that they fall off their chair.

I lost interest in cooking, also because The Shadow was hardly at home whenever I came home in the evenings. Maybe his mistress was a better cook … And cooking when you are alone is not exactly fun. So, another passion was ignored. I hardly ever came into the kitchen anymore.

But that is the past. This is the present. The Shadow is gone. I have a soul mate with whom I am very happy. A soul mate who would love to go to the movies with me. A soul mate who is curious about my recipes. A soul mate who is not jealous. And who doesn’t have a mistress.

In the beginning of this week, I made tuna lasagne. And it felt great! It felt great to be in the kitchen again! To mix ingredients and see them being transformed in a meal. A delicious meal. And maybe we’ll go to the movies this weekend!

It looks like I have to fit two new activities in my busy lifestyle. But I don’t complain. What has been taken away from me has come back. My personal freedom. My passions. Trust.

To be honest, not much…

During my holiday of almost 5 weeks, I had no routine at all. I got up whenever I felt like it, ate when I felt like it, did excursions when I felt like it and wrote when I felt like it. And now that freedom is gone and I miss it.

In other words, I find it difficult to adapt myself to routine again. Any routine. And although I do know that I need a certain routine to keep on writing, I simply can’t give up that freedom and the life of being on the road.

Freedom (Photo credit: Josef Grunig)

It doesn’t help either that I have two colleagues who seem to be experiencing the same problems. Or maybe it’s just my imagination. It doesn’t help either that finally summer has arrived in Belgium. It doesn’t help either that I am still blogging about my big summer trip. And writing about it?

In other words, I feel like I am stuck between routine and freedom. But I am a good girl. I am blogging again and I did do some writing. But not as much as I wanted to. Currently I am at 4.125 words.

And there’s another element that has very recently come up: I have rediscovered two old passions of mine. But that’s going to be for another blog post.