David Jester's Blog - Posts Tagged "romance"
Extract: Kieran’s First
An extract from my new book "An Idiot in Love":
As usual I had been paired with Max. He was gathering paintbrushes and supplies like a hoarder at a boot-sale.
He was always excited at art-time, his parents were strict and rarely let him make a mess, so in times like these he really let loose. Our corner of the classroom would look like the Somme before the afternoon was out.
‘I’m going to paint pirate ships, and sunsets, and islands full of treasure and–’
‘Great,’ I said, cutting into his ramblings.
His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated. He held brushes in both hands, his arms — bent at the elbows, pointing towards a piece of A3 paper stretched over our desk — were waving up and down.
‘And–and–and–and,’ he stuttered quickly.
‘You’re not going to pass out are you?’
‘–and Lions and tigers and trees–’
I peered across the room at Laura. She was standing over her canvas, surveying the white paper. A brush was gently grasped in her right hand and pressed to her neck, a stray forefinger stroked the hairless flesh around her jaw. She chewed gently on her bottom lip, nibbling a dried flake of skin which clung to the fleshy fibres.
‘–and birds and fish and horses–’
Laura had teamed up with her friend Jenny. Jenny was popular with the boys, or at least with the boys who thought enough about girls to make her popular. She was one of the first to go out with Lenny and still spent a lot of time following him around. He seemed to like her, but these days there wasn’t a girl that Lenny didn’t like.
‘–and Spiderman and Batman–’
I quickly thought about what I was going to say and realised I didn’t have the slightest idea what to say or where to start. Remembering Mark’s words: What’s the worst that could happen? I forced images of being beaten up by Kerry Newsome out of my head and sauntered over to Laura and Jenny’s table.
‘–And Spaceships!’
‘So…’ I stopped a few feet short of their table and dug both of my hands into my pockets. Standing on my tiptoes I tilted over to glance at their blank paper, making sure I had their attention. ‘What you girls got planned?’
Laura was smiling and I reciprocated. I liked her smile, it made me smile. It was broad, wide and unashamedly happy. It was like a clown’s smile, only I didn’t wet myself when I saw it.
Jenny on the other hand, wasn’t smiling. She was staring at me with her eyebrows arched upwards, one hand on her hip. ‘Not sure, what about you?’ she looked over my shoulder and nodded towards Max.
I turned around. Max was frantically waving his hands and springing up and down on his heels. A high pitched screeching sound steamed out of his grinning lips. He sounded like a boiling kettle.
‘Oh my god,’ I muttered softly.
‘He looks happy,’ Laura noted, adding “and dangerous” in her mind.
I turned back to the girls and looked sheepish. ‘He gets excited,’ I said, ‘bless him.’
They exchanged a smile.
I slumped my head downwards, staring at my feet as I nervously tapped them into each other. ‘So, I was thinking,’ I began, deciding to wing it. ‘Would you mind being — do you want to be–’ I coughed, I couldn’t say the words. I looked up briefly, but shot back down again when I saw they were staring expectantly at me.
‘Do you want to be my girlfriend?’ I forced the words out, then I waited.
The brief silence that followed seemed like an eternity. I had taken a step back incase she decided to swing for me. I was envisaging her standing on top of the table and yelling, “Everyone, you’ll never guess what ugly little Kieran McCall just asked me” when I received a reply.
‘I’d love to.’
That had been roughly what I wanted to hear, but not quite, because it had been spoken by Jenny.
I looked up to see her wide eyed stare waiting for me. Her hand had gone from her hip, the what do you want look had disappeared from her face. She looked happy.
‘Oh.’
‘I never knew you liked me,’ Jenny declared.
I tried to smile but it didn’t look convincing. I didn’t really want a girlfriend so I wouldn’t have minded about looks, or even personality to an extent, but Jenny scared me. There was an intimidating bossiness in her eyes that I didn’t like.
I wanted to say, “I don’t like you. You’re mean and you scare me.” I wanted to tell her I was talking to Laura and would have never thought of asking her out. I wanted to say many things, but what finally came out of my mouth was, ‘Of course I do.’
She shook her arms excitedly and made an oooo noise, for a moment she reminded me of Max and I thought things might be okay. I didn’t much like Max either but I still considered him a friend, maybe Jenny could be the same. Those thoughts didn’t stay with me for long.
After a drink on New Years my father had told me that women were great until you married them. He said that a cloud of darkness falls over them the minute you say I do, and they’re never the same again. I thought it was just the drink talking, but then I saw that darkness cover Jenny.
The smile faded from her face. The excitement and delight disappeared. She glared at me with all the enthusiasm of a scientist at a Creationists Conference and said: ‘we’ll meet up at break-time. Be quick, don’t mess about, I can’t stand people who mess about. Got it?’
I stood still and silent, not sure how to react. I was wondering if the brief smile on her face had been imagined whilst trying to recall if I had said I do at any point.
‘Don’t stand there looking like an idiot,’ she blared. ‘Go back to your own table.’
‘Oh, okay. Sorry.’ I turned and began to trudge back, wondering what had just happened.
‘And I want a present,’ Jenny called after me.
I turned back, incredulous. ‘What? What present?’
‘Something nice.’
‘But I didn’t get you anything, I don’t have anything to give you.’
‘Well, you should have thought of that earlier.’
‘But–but–but.’
‘Just get one Kieran,’ Jenny said, turning her back to me.
Defeated and deflated I slumped down next to Max who was hacking away at the paper. ‘I’ve got a girlfriend,’ I said, my voice trickled out my mouth like it didn’t want to leave.
Max didn’t take his eyes off his painting. ‘Laura?’
‘Jenny.’
‘I didn’t know you liked her.’
‘Me neither.’
An Idiot in Love
As usual I had been paired with Max. He was gathering paintbrushes and supplies like a hoarder at a boot-sale.
He was always excited at art-time, his parents were strict and rarely let him make a mess, so in times like these he really let loose. Our corner of the classroom would look like the Somme before the afternoon was out.
‘I’m going to paint pirate ships, and sunsets, and islands full of treasure and–’
‘Great,’ I said, cutting into his ramblings.
His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated. He held brushes in both hands, his arms — bent at the elbows, pointing towards a piece of A3 paper stretched over our desk — were waving up and down.
‘And–and–and–and,’ he stuttered quickly.
‘You’re not going to pass out are you?’
‘–and Lions and tigers and trees–’
I peered across the room at Laura. She was standing over her canvas, surveying the white paper. A brush was gently grasped in her right hand and pressed to her neck, a stray forefinger stroked the hairless flesh around her jaw. She chewed gently on her bottom lip, nibbling a dried flake of skin which clung to the fleshy fibres.
‘–and birds and fish and horses–’
Laura had teamed up with her friend Jenny. Jenny was popular with the boys, or at least with the boys who thought enough about girls to make her popular. She was one of the first to go out with Lenny and still spent a lot of time following him around. He seemed to like her, but these days there wasn’t a girl that Lenny didn’t like.
‘–and Spiderman and Batman–’
I quickly thought about what I was going to say and realised I didn’t have the slightest idea what to say or where to start. Remembering Mark’s words: What’s the worst that could happen? I forced images of being beaten up by Kerry Newsome out of my head and sauntered over to Laura and Jenny’s table.
‘–And Spaceships!’
‘So…’ I stopped a few feet short of their table and dug both of my hands into my pockets. Standing on my tiptoes I tilted over to glance at their blank paper, making sure I had their attention. ‘What you girls got planned?’
Laura was smiling and I reciprocated. I liked her smile, it made me smile. It was broad, wide and unashamedly happy. It was like a clown’s smile, only I didn’t wet myself when I saw it.
Jenny on the other hand, wasn’t smiling. She was staring at me with her eyebrows arched upwards, one hand on her hip. ‘Not sure, what about you?’ she looked over my shoulder and nodded towards Max.
I turned around. Max was frantically waving his hands and springing up and down on his heels. A high pitched screeching sound steamed out of his grinning lips. He sounded like a boiling kettle.
‘Oh my god,’ I muttered softly.
‘He looks happy,’ Laura noted, adding “and dangerous” in her mind.
I turned back to the girls and looked sheepish. ‘He gets excited,’ I said, ‘bless him.’
They exchanged a smile.
I slumped my head downwards, staring at my feet as I nervously tapped them into each other. ‘So, I was thinking,’ I began, deciding to wing it. ‘Would you mind being — do you want to be–’ I coughed, I couldn’t say the words. I looked up briefly, but shot back down again when I saw they were staring expectantly at me.
‘Do you want to be my girlfriend?’ I forced the words out, then I waited.
The brief silence that followed seemed like an eternity. I had taken a step back incase she decided to swing for me. I was envisaging her standing on top of the table and yelling, “Everyone, you’ll never guess what ugly little Kieran McCall just asked me” when I received a reply.
‘I’d love to.’
That had been roughly what I wanted to hear, but not quite, because it had been spoken by Jenny.
I looked up to see her wide eyed stare waiting for me. Her hand had gone from her hip, the what do you want look had disappeared from her face. She looked happy.
‘Oh.’
‘I never knew you liked me,’ Jenny declared.
I tried to smile but it didn’t look convincing. I didn’t really want a girlfriend so I wouldn’t have minded about looks, or even personality to an extent, but Jenny scared me. There was an intimidating bossiness in her eyes that I didn’t like.
I wanted to say, “I don’t like you. You’re mean and you scare me.” I wanted to tell her I was talking to Laura and would have never thought of asking her out. I wanted to say many things, but what finally came out of my mouth was, ‘Of course I do.’
She shook her arms excitedly and made an oooo noise, for a moment she reminded me of Max and I thought things might be okay. I didn’t much like Max either but I still considered him a friend, maybe Jenny could be the same. Those thoughts didn’t stay with me for long.
After a drink on New Years my father had told me that women were great until you married them. He said that a cloud of darkness falls over them the minute you say I do, and they’re never the same again. I thought it was just the drink talking, but then I saw that darkness cover Jenny.
The smile faded from her face. The excitement and delight disappeared. She glared at me with all the enthusiasm of a scientist at a Creationists Conference and said: ‘we’ll meet up at break-time. Be quick, don’t mess about, I can’t stand people who mess about. Got it?’
I stood still and silent, not sure how to react. I was wondering if the brief smile on her face had been imagined whilst trying to recall if I had said I do at any point.
‘Don’t stand there looking like an idiot,’ she blared. ‘Go back to your own table.’
‘Oh, okay. Sorry.’ I turned and began to trudge back, wondering what had just happened.
‘And I want a present,’ Jenny called after me.
I turned back, incredulous. ‘What? What present?’
‘Something nice.’
‘But I didn’t get you anything, I don’t have anything to give you.’
‘Well, you should have thought of that earlier.’
‘But–but–but.’
‘Just get one Kieran,’ Jenny said, turning her back to me.
Defeated and deflated I slumped down next to Max who was hacking away at the paper. ‘I’ve got a girlfriend,’ I said, my voice trickled out my mouth like it didn’t want to leave.
Max didn’t take his eyes off his painting. ‘Laura?’
‘Jenny.’
‘I didn’t know you liked her.’
‘Me neither.’
An Idiot in Love
