Alan Fadling's Blog

Blog by Gem Fadling

With the holidays approaching, I thought it would be good to revisit our annual conversation about loving detachment.

 

Most of us have at least one person in our lives who can be difficult to be around. It’s good to remember that we have choices and do not have to be hooked into another person’s unhealthy dynamic. So, let’s remind ourselves of what’s true.

 

How can we learn to be with people without being drawn into their behavior in a way that robs us of our own presence and joy?

 

Many of us grew up in situations that caused varying degrees of hurt or trauma. Because of that, we may have developed a kind of internal antenna that scans a room to determine if we are safe.

 

We read the room, take its temperature, and make unconscious decisions about how to manage or control situations. Some of us engage with energy and intensity, while others withdraw or shut down.

 

Either way, this antenna keeps us perpetually “on duty.” This sensitivity was once helpful, and it kept us safe at the time. It protected us, and for that, we can be grateful. We can always befriend our inner loyal soldiers.

 

Yet as we mature, it’s good to notice when this kind of hypervigilant self-protection no longer serves us. Over time, anxiety, stress, and emotional exhaustion can emerge.

 

One way we can step into healthy boundaries is by ensuring we aren’t over-carrying the people around us and that we aren’t attached in unhealthy ways.

 

The invitation is to care, but not to carry.

 

Think of Atlas bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. We can learn to notice when our mental and emotional antenna begins to engage. You may be a deep feeler, which is a beautiful gift. But it can also become exhausting if it’s always active.

 

We can extend compassion to those around us, but we don’t need to pick them up and carry them in our backpack.

 

As we grow, it’s good to remain grounded in God’s love and in a healthy sense of self. This isn’t selfishness—it’s selfhood. You have been lovingly created by God, and his invitation is that we love others as we love ourselves.

 

Healthy boundaries within God’s care help us love ourselves so that we can love others with more grace and freedom.

 

Let’s explore two ideas that can help us move toward peace this season: boundaries and loving detachment.

 

Boundaries

Healthy boundaries exist for a reason. If someone is truly unhealthy for you, you don’t have to remain in their presence. You can walk away or make choices that protect your well-being.

 

I know this comes with its own relational dynamics. Boundaries are a large topic on their own, and you can learn a little more about them HERE. But remember this: you have agency and choice about who you spend time with.

 

Loving Detachment

Loving detachment helps us navigate the regular “I don’t prefer this person” moments that arise in daily life or family gatherings.

 

It’s a beautiful thing to remember that each one of us is on a journey. We are all in process. Some are walking their process and others aren’t…but that’s their choice.

 

Loving

The first loving act is to love yourself as God loves you.

 

It’s okay to recognize your once-trusted antenna and choose to let it rest as you engage healthy boundaries. Find that solid inner place where God sees you, loves you, and holds you. From that growing confidence, we extend love to others.

 

The second loving act is to love others as God loves us. Engage people without judgment or the need to fix. It’s often our inner critic or hero complex that worsens already tense situations. Practice quieting the judgments and fixing tendencies, and rest in healthy separation.

 

Detachment

Detachment means recognizing that everyone gets to decide for themselves how they will act, what they will say, and what they will do.

 

The key to your peace is to let go and let them. Easier said than done, I know. That’s why we call these practices—we practice.

 

The good news is that you also get to decide how you will act, what you will say, and what you will do. You don’t have to be hooked onto other people’s dynamics. You can simply let go.

 

The gift we give ourselves, and others, is the grace to let each one move at their own pace, by their own choice. Loving detachment can help us live this out.

 

I pray that your gatherings this Thanksgiving and Christmas will be blessed, and that you’ll remember you are loved exactly as you are. May that same grace flow from within you to others throughout the season.

 

Reflection  

How might I lean more deeply into God’s love as I enter this season?
What might loving detachment look like for me in the weeks ahead?
Take a moment to pray, asking God for the grace to stay awake, aware, and full of compassion.

 

Recently, we celebrated ten years of Unhurried Living and shared how your generosity has shaped countless lives. Today, we want to tell you about one of them. 

Meet Adrianna, a Next Gen pastor at a large Southern California church who joined our recent PACE cohort. Early in the training, she shared about the challenges of pacing her ministry. As the training concluded, she shared:  

“PACE helped me shift from doing things for God—with the best of intentions—to living with God in everything I do. Not just in the big spiritual moments, but in the ordinary moments of everyday life.” 

 

Over the 21 months of PACE, Adrianna learned that God’s invitation was not to strive harder but to rest deeper. Near the end of our final retreat, she said something we’ve heard from more than one leader: 

“My situation hasn’t changed…but I have.” 

That’s what your giving makes possible—transformed leaders who lead from peace instead of pressure, from presence instead of performance. 

We’re passionate about helping younger leaders like Adrianna discover this sustainable way of life and ministry. Many can’t afford the full cost of PACE, so your gifts provide scholarships that make their participation possible. 

Would you consider joining us as a monthly partner right now? Even a small monthly gift helps sustain this ongoing ministry and extends your impact well beyond a single moment. 

Here’s how your generosity makes this all possible:

$25/month provides digital tools and free resources for leaders worldwide.
$82/month helps underwrite a quarter scholarship for one leader in our 21-month PACE training.
$165/month helps underwrite a half scholarship for a leader in our 21-month PACE training.
$325/month provides a full scholarship for one leader’s participation in PACE.
$7,800 covers the entire 21-month journey for a leader who couldn’t otherwise attend. 

 

Whatever the amount, your giving nurtures a generation of leaders learning Jesus’ unhurried way. 

Every gift, large or small, helps another weary leader rediscover the gentle, unhurried way of Jesus. Thank you for walking with us in this work. 

 

 

What if your morning didn’t begin with hurry, but with holy attention? In this episode, Alan Fadling shares how simple, grounded practices help him begin each day in God’s presence.

 

Over the years, Alan’s early “quiet time” has matured into a rhythm of relationship—an unhurried meeting with the Living God. He describes his morning flow of silence, Scripture reading, singing the psalms, praying for others, and reading spiritual classics like The Philokalia.

 

You’ll hear how these rhythms have become daily invitations rather than obligations—ways of remembering God, listening for his voice, and resting in love before the day begins.

 

Resources mentioned:

The New Coverdale Psalter(Anglican House Publishers)
YouTube video about The New Coverdale Psalter
An Unhurried Life
An Unhurried Leader

 

Whether you’re exploring new spiritual rhythms or returning to familiar ones, this episode offers encouragement to meet with God as a friend. Learn how simple practices—quiet, prayer, and Scripture—can nourish your soul and prepare you for the day’s work in a deeply unhurried way.

 

Blog by Alan Fadling

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to confuse drivenness with faithfulness? Especially in leadership, we often feel the relentless pull to do more, be more, and prove more. Yet beneath the surface, something vital is being depleted.

 

We end up tired in ways that a simple day off cannot repair. This is not the fatigue of good and meaningful work—it’s the weariness of striving to earn what God has already given us.

 

The desert fathers told a story that names this ache. An older man saw two younger men struggling to break down a large rock:

 

“My brother,” he said, “what is this work you are doing?”
“We are struggling with this extremely hard rock and we can barely manage to break it.”
“You are right to say we,” the old man replied, “for you have not been alone in tackling it. There was someone else with you, someone you did not see, someone who was not so much helping you as viciously driving you on.”*

 

Those younger men thought their drivenness was virtuous. But in truth, they were being pushed by an enemy who cared nothing for their souls.

 

Workaholism does this. It produces activity, but not fruit. It drains instead of nourishes. It leaves us exhausted rather than joyful.

 

The good news is that we can learn to discern the difference between hard work energized by grace and toil driven by anxiety or people-pleasing.

 

Grace always leads to life. Drivenness never does.

 

Reflection Questions

When have you mistaken drivenness for faithfulness in your leadership?
How do you experience the difference between soul-draining toil and grace-energized work?
What one sign of unhealthy drivenness might God be inviting you to notice this week?

 

Footnotes:

*John Cassian. Conferences 9:6. Trans. By Colm Luibheid. New York: Paulist Press, 1985, p. 105.

 

 

What happens when you spend an entire year learning from the life and wisdom of a trusted spiritual mentor? In this conversation, author and spiritual director Lori G. Melton shares her experience walking alongside the insights of Mister Fred Rogers, America’s favorite neighbor.

 

Drawing from her book Journey with a Giant, Lori invites us into a year-long spiritual practice of choosing a “giant of faith” to learn from. She shares how reflecting on Fred Rogers’ approach to life, faith, and presence helped her slow down, deepen her relationship with God, and gain clarity about her purpose.

 

Whether you choose Fred Rogers or another spiritual guide, this conversation will inspire you to:

Embrace the wisdom of those who have walked with God before you
Cultivate habits of presence, patience, and listening
Experience steady spiritual growth without striving

 

If you’ve been feeling spiritually stuck or longing for deeper connection, this episode offers a gentle yet powerful way to take the next step on your faith journey.

 

About Lori G. Melton:
Lori G. Melton is an author, spiritual director, retreat leader, and a member of Hope*Writers. She and her husband, Bryan, are the creators of the Sanctuary Stirrings Podcast and the founders and directors of The Sanctuary at Bear Creek Retreat Center, which serves hundreds of people a year. When she’s not writing, speaking, or welcoming guests, she enjoys spending time with her six children and three grandchildren.

Blog by Gem Fadling

Two weeks ago, I shared Part 1 of our exploration on Unhurried Productivity. You may want to go back and READ THIS to refresh your memory.

 

In that first post, we talked about how unhurried productivity begins with intentionality. We looked at four starting practices: 

Start with a Grounding Morning Routine
Prioritize What Really Matters
Block Time with Flexibility
Practice Single-tasking

 

Today, I’m offering four more ideas that can help you step off the treadmill and move forward with greater intention and focus.

 

Schedule Mindful Breaks

It may sound counterintuitive, but taking regular breaks actually boosts fruitfulness. It gives your mind a chance to rest and reset so you can return to your work with fresh energy.

 

When I sense an inner pushing inside myself (“I have to get this done now!”), I pause and take a mini-break. If I’m composing content, I stand up and walk away from my computer. I don’t allow myself to keep producing when I feel that inner push. That’s my signal that I’m no longer working from my heart but from a hurried energy I don’t want to nurture.

 

You might try the same thing the next time you catch yourself pushing to get something done. It often feels like pressure, anxiety, or even frustration. Step away from your project. You might even step outside, take a brief walk, or simply take a few deep breaths.

 

Ideally, you wouldn’t have to wait until the pushing starts. You can build these pauses into your time blocks and give your mind and heart regular space to breathe.

 

Practice Gratitude

An unhurried day isn’t just about how you manage your time, it’s about your mindset. Practicing gratitude helps you focus on what’s good, even on busy days. This simple practice shifts your perspective and can help reduce feelings of stress or overwhelm.

 

Write on a piece of paper or open your notes app and jot down five people or things you’re thankful for.

 

Gratitude is a natural perspective shifter because it turns your attention toward what you have rather than what you lack. Choosing gratitude lifts your eyes a bit higher and gives you the lift you need.

 

As Paul reminds us, “Set your mind on things above…” (Colossians 3:2).

 

End Your Day with Reflection

Take five minutes at the end of your day for a mini examen. Reflect on any felt grace, notice any places of resistance, and set an intention for your next day. Bring all of this to God in prayer.

 

Reflection is a simple yet central practice that leads to wisdom. It helps you learn more about yourself and your patterns. Over time, you may notice what needs to shift to keep you from becoming over-stressed or disconnected from what truly matters.

 

An Invitation to Start Small

You’ve heard me say this before: start small, simple, and gracious. You don’t have to implement all of these ideas at once.

 

Pick one or two that resonate with you and give them a try. Then, gradually add others until you find a rhythm that works for you. Together, these eight practices form a gentle rhythm of grace for both work and rest.

 

The invitation is to move through your day with presence, purpose, connection, and focus. This is so much better than chasing busyness to prove your worth or living in distraction mode.

 

I don’t want to live like the ball in a pinball machine, and I imagine you don’t either. So slowly but surely, move toward people, activities, and work that are life-giving rather than life-draining.

 

I realize not all of us have control of our work environments, but we do have choices in our personal lives. Remember, any of these eight guidelines can be tweaked and tried in any area of life…one at a time and at your own pace.

 

Reflection  

Which of these ideas will you try this week?
How might setting your mind on things above help you in your current rhythm?
What small step could you take to begin?

 

 

What if reading could become a spiritual practice—not just for gaining knowledge, but for nourishing your soul?

In this episode of the Unhurried Living Podcast, Alan Fadling talks with Jeff Crosby—author of World of Wonders: A Spirituality of Reading—about the formative power of books. Together they explore how stories, poetry, memoir, and even Scripture can shape our hearts, spark wonder, and help us encounter God’s presence in the pages of a book.

 

In this conversation, you’ll discover:

How books can become trusted companions in your spiritual journey
Why stories, poetry, and memoir awaken wonder and reshape our hearts
Practical ways to cultivate a reading life that nourishes your soul
How reading Scripture slowly and reflectively forms us over time

Blog by Alan Fadling

In my early years as a new Christian, my pastors and spiritual leaders often recommended the virtues of a morning quiet time. It became a very meaningful practice for me. Sometimes it was a source of guilt when I was not as regular as I expected myself to be. I’ve heard some people refer to this sort of practice as old-fashioned or legalistic, and it certainly could become either of those things.

 

I’d like to share a bit about my own morning practices. Over the years, many different elements of my mornings with God have nourished me, encouraged me, and refocused my attention on God-with-me.

 

There is nothing magical about meeting with God in the morning. I have some rhythms of how I meet with God in the evening as well. I just like beginning my day with God in that way. It feels like a faithful response to Psalm 5:3, “In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”

 

These days, I begin my morning meeting with God with fifteen minutes of quiet prayer. Silence is still often challenging for me. There is something in me still that wants to do something, say something, accomplish something. Silence is good training for noticing but not following that anxious voice within me.

 

I often sit in a reading chair in my home office that looks out into our backyard. Since Covid-19, we’ve kept a line of bird feeders back there that is a lively gathering in the mornings. Dozens of birds are having their own morning practice, and I enjoy watching them. I thank God for his creativity and his care that I see in these beautiful little birds. God’s care for them reminds me of the far deeper care God offers me. I feel the truth of that and come to more deeply trust in God’s love, little by little.

 

I’ve also been reading through the Gospel of John monthly since the beginning of the year. I wanted to soak in the life and the words of Jesus as John recounts them. John has long been my favorite of the four Gospels because the divine nature of Jesus shines through his very human interactions. I’ve long loved the Upper Room passage in John 13-17.

 

I will often take a verse or two to my journal and reflect prayerfully on it. I’m not trying to do exegesis as much as I’m seeking to hear how these words intersect with my today as I find it. How does the Spirit speak these words to me?

 

Another practice I’ve come to love is singing the psalms. For twenty-five years, I’ve found a lot of grace in trainings and retreats hosted by monasteries. And most of those have been Benedictine monasteries who pray the psalms daily in community. This way of singing the psalms using simple plainsong melodies has been a gift. Augustine is believed to have said that “The one who sings prays twice.”

 

I’ve been enjoying a new psalm book produced by Anglican House Publishers. It includes musical notation for a number of different plainsong melodies I use when I sing the psalms. You can view a YouTube video that talks more about this resource. This psalm book (or psalter) guides me in praying through most of the psalms every two months.

 

Another element of my mornings with God is praying for others. I have a method of arranging the various circles of people in my life using my smartphone Notes app. It syncs with my computer and I’m able to add notes in either location as I become aware of needs I want to remember before God.

 

Basically, this weekly rhythm of intercession begins with a few notes that reflect praying through my own intentions: my rule of life, some real-time formational prayers in which I’m seeking God’s grace, some prayers about my intentions in the areas of eating and exercise, and a few statements of vision, purpose, and priority. (For example, I am regularly praying our mission statement).

 

I also pray for my immediate family, extended family, close-by friends, leaders, and others in our church. I pray for various persons and events related to my work: our board and staff, my coaching clients, our donors, our PACE communities, upcoming speaking engagements, peers in formation, and people I’ve mentored over the years. I also pray for national, state, and local government officials, some who have yet to discover and trust the love of Jesus for them, and leaders in other parts of the world I’ve been honored to serve over the years.

 

This rhythm of praying is spread out over a week so that I am able to hold prayerfully the main people and opportunities in my life.

 

Finally, I read for fifteen minutes in a spiritual classic. Recently, I read Julian of Norwich’s Showings, a fourteenth-century vision of divine love and trust. She has been encouraging me to more deeply and fully trust in the unfailing love of God for me.

 

These have proven to be life-giving ways for me to remember God, acknowledge God, listen for the voice of God, and be responsive to God’s initiative toward me. I think of it more as a time of receiving than a time of spiritual performance. I have a few metaphors that help me frame my perspective in these daily mornings with God.

 

Morning meetings with God are a meal—literally nourishing. Engaging the Gospel and the psalms and being in the presence of the One who speaks nourishes my soul. I bring the hungers and thirsts of my soul to God, and I find something good that feeds me.

 

Morning meetings with God are training. There are times, and plenty of them, when my “I don’t feel like it” feels stronger than my soul hunger for God. Distraction seeks to divert me from my morning seeking. Busyness and a very long to-do list still tempt me to get going in the morning on my work.

 

But the dailiness of my prayer is training my will to persevere. Quiet trains me in presence—to God, to myself, and to others throughout the day. My engagement with scripture in these ways grows my vocabulary in conversation with God.

 

Morning meetings with God are conversation with a Friend. As my mentor Chuck Miller often said (and I’ve quoted him more times than I can count): “Prayer isn’t just something you do. It is Someone you are with.”

 

I’m not merely “doing a spiritual activity.” I’m not checking off a task on my daily to-do list. I’m sitting in the presence of Father and Son in the power of the Spirit. This is personal. This is relational. This is communion. This is conversation. I am actually meeting with the Living God.

 

Morning meetings with God are responding to an invitation. As a leader, I’m tempted to define my life mostly in terms of my activities. But as I wrote in An Unhurried Leader, leaders must pay attention not only to their activities, but also to their receptivities.

 

Before we speak we must listen. Before we go to work, we come into the presence of God. Before we serve others, we must receive the service of Jesus in our lives. Before we bless others, we ourselves must receive the continual blessing of God.

 

It’s a great gift to rise early to meet with God. There is something that happens in my soul that I carry into the rest of my day.

 

I hope you sense the joy of the Father’s heart and God’s invitation to you to come and meet with him. He is the kind of Father who delights when his children come to spend time with him.

 

For Reflection 

What has been your own experience of meeting with God in the morning? Where (and why) might you have been resistant?
What practices have been meaningful for you when you meet with God? Are there any practices that don’t feel as meaningful anymore? Why might that be?
How would you like to proceed in meeting with God day by day? What might God be inviting you into?

 

 

 

Every day, we are bombarded with thousands of messages promising happiness, comfort, or even identity if only we buy the right product. But beneath the noise of advertising lies a deeper reality: we are already loved, already chosen, already whole in Christ. In this episode, Gem Fadling shines a light on how consumer slogans shape our sense of self and offers a way back to the truth of God’s word. 

 

This conversation explores the difference between the “false self” and the “true self,” and invites us to embrace the pace of grace rather than the rush of consumption. 

 

Listen in to learn: 

How advertising shapes our view of identity and worth 
The difference between the “imposter self” and the “true self” 
How scripture re-anchors us in God’s love and presence 

Blog by Gem Fadling

Today, we’re diving into a question I hear often: “How can I be productive without feeling rushed or overwhelmed?”

 

Let’s begin with the word “productive.” I know I used it in the title and the opening question…and yet, I want us to consider pivoting to the word “fruitful” for our conversation here. The idea of productivity is fine, but sometimes it can trigger my proclivity toward bolstering my ego or staying unconsciously busy.

 

Fruitfulness is certainly a word from the Gospels, and I think it’s a more suitable way for us to move forward in our process of unhurried leadership. In John 15, Jesus speaks of much fruit that lasts. That is what I want in my life, and I’m guessing you desire this too.

We’ve all had days packed with meetings, to-do lists, and that pressured feeling of being behind. It’s exhausting. But what if I told you that you could actually get more done by being...unhurried?

 

Allowing stress or anxiety to be our internal engine can squeeze out creativity, discernment, and focus. If we learn to have a revved-down inner pace, we can stay open to all three of these beautiful gifts. More and better work could emerge from a less stressed body and mind.

 

Even top experts who coach executives are now touting the benefits of doing less, focusing, starting small, and engaging in some sort of meditation.

It is possible to be fruitful without being frazzled.

One of the reasons we feel stressed or overwhelmed is because we are using our busyness to distract ourselves. And then we want to distract ourselves from our stressed feelings, so you can see how this is a vicious cycle.

 

The ideas I’m sharing can help move us out of mindless distraction and into a more intentional way forward. These ideas aren’t inflexible rules or life hacks. Think of them as guidelines you can adapt to fit your day-to-day life.

 

Start with a Grounding Morning Routine

Your morning sets the tone for your entire day. Begin with something simple that helps you feel centered. Maybe it’s a few minutes of praying, journaling, or even a simple breath prayer (The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want, Psalm 23).

 

This isn’t about cramming in a long checklist of morning habits, it’s about choosing one or two practices that help you wake up gently and set an intention for your day.

 

Prioritize What Really Matters

Not all tasks are created equal. It’s good to focus on what truly matters.

Ask yourself, “What are the most impactful or important things I need to address today?” By narrowing down your focus, you eliminate the noise and make space for meaningful work. Even on a day when you have many appointments, knowing what is most important for you keeps you focused and intentional.

 

One thing that helps with this is planning ahead. It is very difficult to prioritize when you are at the mercy of other people’s demands. A good rhythm of life is imperative if you want to be able to prioritize that which matters most. I’ve created a video that will help you begin a rhythm of life, so be sure to check it out.

 

Time Blocking with Flexibility

Time blocking is a powerful tool to organize your day—and remember to remain flexible, because of course surprises happen. Break your day into chunks for focused concentration work, meetings, breaks, and personal time. Allow some buffer time between each block to avoid feeling rushed. Buffer time can become your new best friend.

 

I do this and it works well for me. My mornings are for spiritual practices and concentration work, such as writing or preparing talks. Then late morning to mid-afternoon is for appointments, and late afternoon is for any additional admin that needs to be worked on. I also try to set aside one day per week and one week per month that is focused solely on content creation. This allows me to sink into deep work without distraction.

 

Practice Single-Tasking

We live in a world that celebrates multitasking, but it’s one of the biggest productivity myths. When you try to juggle multiple tasks at once, you muddy your focus and end up feeling scattered.

Give your full attention to one thing at a time. It’s all you can really do anyway. Multitasking is a myth. You give only a portion of yourself to two or more items as you switch back and forth between them. This also trains you in non-presence. You can only be fully present to one thing or person at a time. So choose to single-task. Your heart, mind, and body will thank you.

 

I’ve got four more ideas for you that I’ll share in two weeks. For now, spend some time with these reflection questions and feel free to try one of these this week.

 

For Reflection:

Which of these ideas would you like to try on this week?
What are your thoughts about productivity vs. fruitfulness?
What might a greater inward focus do for your own heart and intentions?