Jenna Winters's Blog

So now that my book has been out for a few months, many members of my family have been able to read it. While I was nervous to release my work into the world, I was most nervous for family and friends closest to me to read it--particularly my family.

Why?

Because then they would discover that I had been lying to them for a long time. No, not actively lying...really...but definitely hiding something big from them for a long time.

I was afraid that they would be angry at me, or feel betrayed. I was worried. So when reactions started pouring in from those I love most, I held my breath.

And it turned out to be ok.

I had a lot of people saying something along the lines of, "I was with you during this time--I had no idea you were unhappy." Or, "Wow, I can't believe I didn't realize that something was wrong?" Or even, "How did I not know?"

My response?

"I'm a good actor."

No one got angry with me. They just marveled at my ability to mask, and later were saddened that I bore that burden in silence.

It is a freedom to be able to bring to light something that for so long you've kept in the shadows. Working to keep something hidden is exhausting, making sure sure the cracks don't show is a full-time job.

I'm not hiding anymore.

Uncomfortable Conversations with a Jew by Emmanuel Acho

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This was a really tough read. It was dense and hardly what I would call relaxing. With that said, I think the title is accurate as it made me uncomfortable, and I welcomed that discomfort into my space. I really appreciated that the tension between Emmanuel and Noa was not edited out. They certainly disagreed on certain points, which gave me permission to have honest dialogue with myself on the points where I found myself conflicted with what Noa was saying. To read this book right now, in this current moment, is tense--but it doesn't negate her experience at all. I likely would have had a totally different and more relaxing experience reading this book two years ago...but this isn't about my comfort. I appreciated the long, detailed accounts of the history of Jewish oppression and the diaspora. I often had my phone out to take deeper dives into the people and time periods she discussed. So this book took me beyond the words on the page and allowed me to learn even more than I counted on. I think this is an important read.



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Once my book was published, the question I was most often asked was, "How does it feel to have your story out there?"

My response: "Naked, vulnerable."

In all honesty, it was almost unsettling at first to have people around me know so much more about me than I knew about them. I would look at people who I knew had read the book and think, "Wow, now you know these intimate details of my life."

In those first few days of people telling me they had read my book, I was almost awkward around them. I didn't know how to act. I wondered what they were thinking about me, and about Ryan, now that they knew so much more of our story.

But my fears and self-consciousness were unfounded. People have been more than gracious with being let in on what were painful growth experiences for me. More than that, they've been able to connect with the vulnerability that I've put on full display.

There may come a time when my nakedness leaves me open to attacks, but even then, I will have to let that go. When someone else decides to be naked and vulnerable like I have, then we can talk.

As a first time author, I am in completely new territory when it comes to getting my book out there. I want to celebrate this accomplishment, and at the same time, I'm resisting the urge to go hide in a corner.

My memoir is extremely vulnerable and there are parts that are raw enough that I still cry thinking about them.

So I decided to celebrate with friends and families one month after Takes More Than Love's publication date at a bookstore in downtown Omaha.

I celebrated at Urban Abbey, a beacon for social justice and inclusion. I felt at home in this space and read passages from the book--sharing my own journey of racial healing.

It was a magical night.