Lance Carbuncle's Blog: Shut up and eat your pudding

Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed now available as kindle book at Amazon

and in all other formats at Smashwords

Grundish and Askew is now available as an ebook here on Goodreads.com. Check out the free sample of the first 20% of the book. When you like what you see, you will want to buy the entire ebook. I have discounted the sale price for Goodreads members. Go check it out and please spread the carbuncle.

Go check out the new blog entry at LanceCarbuncle.com

Lancecarbuncle.com has been completely redesigned. Go check it out. Look at pictures of my balls. Visit Uncle Hank. Check out the books page where I have new package deals for signed copies of both of my books.

Spread the Carbuncle. Hey there, on the Lance Carbuncle Facebook Fan Page I will be giving away signed books to two people who are randomly selected from my Facebook Fan Page. The random giveaway will be conducted on August 31, 2010. So join the fan page now, Bitches! And, tell your friends and enemies to do so, too. Also, I may be giving away other signed books to people who have in some way helped to promote either one of my books. Let me know what you have done or can do to help spread the Carbuncle. You can post a review of one of my books somewhere or take silly pictures of yourself with my books or whatever you like. If I am impressed, I may give you a free signed book or some other junk such as my dirty jockstrap or one of my used Kleenexes. One lucky winner could even get a signed picture of my balls (I have many, including soccer, rugby and medicine balls). So get to it.

That is all,
Carbuncle

Big News! My second novel,Grundish and Askew, is the 1st place winner in the humor category of the Reader Views 2009 Literary Awards.

Of course your question is, what does this mean to you? Well, you can now tell people that you are virtually friends with Award Winning Author, Lance Carbuncle. The awe that this will most certainly inspire may be too much for those with weaker constitutions. Be careful with this information as it may cause the following in persons with weakened immune systems: myocardial infarctions, torn sphincters, bloody gums, the vapors, and, an inexplicable sense of hopelessness and shame.

What does it mean for Carbuncle? I do not know, but, I suspect that my award certificate (or whatever it is that they give me), along with a handful of crack rocks, will probably get me a blowjob from a toothless hooker with tape worms and a yeast infection. Carbuncle is definitely moving on up.

All jokes aside, Grundish and Askew is now an award-winning book. That’s pretty cool. And thanks to Reader Views for recognizing good writing when they saw it. I hope they don’t take any offense at me goofing on their award and strip me of it. Hurry up and buy a signed copy of the book before I am stripped of my award like some Miss America winner whose slutty past caught up with her. What are you waiting for? Check out the latest blog entry on Lancecarbuncle.com for information on investing in a signed copy. Do it now, before I punch you in your taint.

The Next Best Book Club just posted an interview with me. Go check it out and see what a big tool I am.

http://thenextbestbookblog.blogspot.c...

Listen. Here's your chance to help support independent authors. Okay, here's your chance to support me. If you enjoyed my book, SMASHED, SQUASHED, SPLATTERED, CHEWED, CHUNKED AND SPEWED, would you consider going on the Powell's Books website and voting for my book for a Puddly Award. It would be very much appreciated. And, if you do so, I will pray to the god of your choice that you are given karmic rewards such as outrageous riches, unending physical gratifications, and/or a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for Chilis. If you are of a mind to be kind to me, please go to the following link and vote for SMASHED:


http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-97816...


Muchas gracias,

carbuncle

Signed copies of Grundish and Askew are now, for a limited time, available on Lancecarbuncle.com. Go to the blog section and click on the Paypal Buy Now button in the most recent blog entry. The sale price is $11.00 (less than the price on Barnesandnoble.com or Amazon.com). Go get ‘em before they sell out.

My new novel, Grundish and Askew, is now out and available on Amazon and Barnesandnoble.com. Holy shit. What are you waiting for? Go forth and buy it now, before it gets banned for being too awesome. Be the first one on your block with a copy. You know you want it. You know you need it. Go get it. More to come on Grundish and Askew developments.