Shannon Yvette Tanner's Blog

The fastest way to go crazy is by trying to change someone else.

If you are one of the 5 million people who have purchased Melody Beatties’s classic bestseller: “Codependent No More,” you are familiar with the powerful practice of detachment. If you have not read the book, but felt drawn to the subject of this article, you may be one of the estimated 80 million adults who struggle with a tendency towards codependent behaviors in your relationships.

 

What is Codependency?

“A codependent person is overly concerned, obsessed with controlling, managing or “fixing” the behaviors of other people. Codependency is an unhealthy dependency on other people’s moods, behaviors and actions in order to feel ok.”

 

Adult-attachment is healthy. Codependent attachment is not.

A healthy level of dependency on another adult is the basis for all adult-bonded relationships. Yet codependents take attachment much further. Their fixation with another becomes a block to their own wellbeing, self-care and personal growth.

In codependency, the “object” of our focus becomes all consuming and we neglect the only true power we have, the ability to change and heal our own lives. Detachment is the underlying strategy of healing our over-focus on another human being.

Below, I will describe how untangling your life from another human being positions you in your rightful place of peace, power and above all, sanity!

 

 

“Detachment is not detaching from the person whom we care about, but from the agony of involvement.”

– Al-Anon Member

 

Detachment allows us to work on ourselves, it empowers us to live our lives, take responsibility for our own journey, solve our problems, feel, choose, decide and take action. Detachment releases from the self-perpetuating emotional prisons many codependents find themselves in: obsessing, controlling, overthinking, and worrying.

“If we’re focusing all of our energies on people and their problems we have little left for the business of living our own lives.”

– Melody Beattie

 

Worrying and obsessing over someone else’s life is a clever hiding place for people who are afraid to face themselves. I lived in this space for many years in my first marriage and in other relationships. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my personal calling is to soul-healing work. I am a wounded-healer. And yet the ultimate call of any soul-work is SELF first. We cannot give to others what we do not first cultivate within.

 

It is not about what we are obsessing over or outwardly pursuing, the question remains: “What are we avoiding?” Fixated on managing, controlling or changing others is a soul-level-distraction from the energy, focus and discipline it takes to heal our lives and empower our personal peace and happiness. We are “busy” in our heads, yet paralyzed with thoughts and ineffective in action.

 

We are pre-occupied and therefore we neglect self-responsibility.

Detachment gives us the power to take our lives back. Surrender opens the door to freedom. Until we let go, we are in emotional chaos. Surrender is an invitation to new levels of freedom, ecstasy and joy. The choice to let go, surrender and detach is compassionate and loving to all parties involved.

 

Give people permission to BE

 

Pride and ego attempt to manage and control, love and humility allow. Personal growth must be chosen, not forced. The decision to heal, grow or evolve is a private matter. It’s heavy emotional and spiritual lifting for the person who choses that path. In order for a person to own their choices, they must be the one to make them. Trust the process of growth in other people’s lives. Trust God’s peace and truth to be the space between you and another person. Trust the process of life rather than resisting and going against it.

 

Detach in order to focus on self-care.

Surrender to invite God’s power and limitlessness.

Let go. Make room for bliss and peace.

Relax.

Allow.

Receive.

 

EXHALE…

 

Detachment frees us from paralysis and mind-chaos. We make room for serenity, clarity, profound peace and inspired action.

When we let go, surrender, detach, we empower ourselves with the energy needed to get on with the business of transforming our own lives.

We give the people we love space to choose freely, we provide them with the inspiration to evolve as we display the alluring beauty of our personal growth.

Remember YOU are the focus; your soul chose this particular journey to learn what it came to learn and to then use that wisdom to inspire others. Let them be. Let it be. Give yourself permission to walk in deeper levels of wholeness, confidence and freedom, it is your birthright. You deserve nothing less, now before we go, let’s reflect upon and recite the sacred Serenity Prayer together:

 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Amen

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The locks we place around our hearts will imprison us.

No matter how spiritually evolved we are, we all struggle with insecurities, self-doubt and fears that keep us from showing up fully in life and in love. Most of us started off playing roles, wearing masks and playing emotional games out of a need to self-protect. Yet our self-protective devices never meet the core needs of our souls, to know and be known by someone intimately. The emotional weapons we employ to protect ourselves from others end up hurting us the most.

 

These patterns of self-defense, act as an emotional armor to our true power source, honesty and vulnerability. The ability to be wholly seen, intimately known and unashamed is pure freedom. These immature patterns of self-protection build barriers around our hearts, shackles around our souls and fences around our minds. All of the self-protective measures we use to keep “them” and pain out lock us in and stagnate our growth. We limit the depths of joy we can experience when we attempt to manage and control the process of authentic human connection. We limit life and forfeit our genuine self, settling into a counterfeit, surface identity.

 

 

Are you Really REAL?

 

We all claim to “keep it real!” Nobody wants to be accused of being a phony. And yet, when we stack the desire to be authentic up against our primal fears of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, judgment or the pain of being misunderstood, the fear can feel so intense that we find ourselves in the familiar, yet soul-diminishing place of keeping up the roles, games and masks.

 

Our hearts yearn for meaningful connection; our fears seek refuge in what appears safe. Yet, playing it safe is a voluntary departure from the courage we’ve been given by God to grow and expand our capacity to love. Growth requires courage. Only when we allow another person to access our truth will we clearly see and experience ourselves. God did not design us to grow in isolation. It is through my meaningful interaction with you that I am able to access the greater depths of me.

 

 

Games. Masks. Roles and Romantic Love

 

Whole women attract whole men. Whole men attract whole women. In my private coaching practice, I teach women that the easiest way to engage a man in meaningful conversation and connection is to “go first.” Our intuitive ability to surrender to our beautiful vulnerability is an invitation for men to become present, authentic and connected. You help a man to open up and access himself when you courageously reveal yourself. Women and men do each other a great disservice when they hide behind masks or play roles, when they shrink behind fear-based ego talk of “I won’t go first.” I won’t share my heart.” They not only deny one another access to truth and reality, but they also limit the greater powers of love, learning, mutual completeness and wholeness. When both parties enter their relationships with openheartedness, the communication is stronger, the connection feels safer and the passion is explosive.

 

 

Our roles, masks and games may be a reflection of our childhood, our world-view, religious beliefs, family traditions, cultural programming, pain filters and faulty perceptions. No matter the source, the masks, roles and games are about minimizing potential pain. They are dictated by ego not humility. They are about control not freedom. Fear, not love.

 

 

 

Nobody profits…

 

Games are played to win, which means somebody will lose. Masks are intended to hide, which means shame and self-doubt can fester. Roles are meant to limit, which means we forfeit our authentic power. These hiding places become ego-centered battles that destroy self-knowledge and authentic connection. Relationships, like any other noble focus in life require that we take a risk. We are not guaranteed to succeed, however loss is certain when we hide, shrink and pretend. We only get to live this life once; taking the risk to truly love also offers the greatest potential reward…being completely transformed by true love.

 

KNOW Thyself. Share Thyself.

 

We learn the depths of self by finding the courage to confide our whole truth in someone worthy and emotionally safe enough to hold the space for our truth. When we decide to release the roles, quit the games and remove the masks, we enter into new realms of power, peace and self-respect. Embracing self-love and self-worth helps in ending the roles, masks and games. We remove the mask because we find the courage to accept ourselves. We stop the roles because we refuse to limit ourselves. We refuse to play relationship games because we outgrow the need to hurt others while hiding behind ego and pride. We share our authentic truth and in turn invite others to do the same. We find the courage to “go first.” We experience new heights of personal growth and power that only occur when we live from a space of openheartedness and wholeness. We witness our reflection through the soul-level connection we share with another. We strengthen our relationship with the greatest ally we have on this beautiful personal growth journey…ourselves.

 

 

Blessings and much love,

 

Shannon

 

P.S.- I will be sharing again this week on the topic of The Confident and Captivating Woman. Our live webinar last week was a tremendous success and there is breakthrough happening NOW in the realm of personal healing, spiritual intuition, relationships, and authentic living. Mark your calendars now, for this Wednesday upcoming evening, June, 10th at 5:00 PM (West Coast/7:00PM CT/8:00PM East Coast) CLICK HERE TO SAVE REMINDER.

 

P.P.S.- Like this article? I post new articles every week on the subject of personal growth. CLICK here to receive updates!

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Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?

 

“Because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all that I have.”

 

This quote above is directly from the pages of one of my favorite books in the world. The book that inspired this post: Why am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? Insights into Personal Growth, by John Powell. This book explores the deepest-rooted fears and blessings we experience in the realm of human relationships. It was written in the ‘60’s and it is still hands-down one of the most prolific guides in understanding the roles we play, the masks we wear and the protective measures we employ to keep our true selves from being “seen” and deeply known by another human-being.

 

I’ve read it at least 10 times and I highly recommend it to anyone on the path of personal growth. The greatest personal growth we experience is not discovered in isolation.

The heart of all profound evolvement, transformative change and soul-level healing comes within the context of our personal relationships.

 

Until we have at least one safe person in the world where we can let down our guard and reveal ourselves, naked and unashamed, just as a little child would stand before a loving parent, we cannot reach our full human growth potential.

 

Relationships are a risk

 

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

– Barbara De Angelis

 

We are not whole when we are hiding and withholding. We will continue to shrink in shame, hiding out in our imaginary head-relationships, disconnecting from authentically being vulnerable and transparent. We will diminish our voice with masks and dull our light by playing self-protective games of avoidance.  Relationships, especially those in the realm of romantic love, require the risk of soul-level-exposure.  Through sharing our hearts, our fears, and our beliefs with another person, we are learning the self.

 

 

Authenticity is POWER- Be Authentic! Be YOU!

 

We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.

– Malcolm X

 

“Be authentic! BE You!” – This is the cultural mantra of the self-help movement. Yet, how does one discover the self? We are not fixed, and hardened into one expression of self. We are constantly growing, evolving and changing. “If you thought you knew me yesterday, think again.” I have shared deeply with friends, I’ve sat silently with God, I’ve reflected, I’ve faced and overcome new fears, I’ve experienced new laughter, new pain, new tears. I am not the same person I was yesterday and neither are you. We grow daily. Our authentic self- (what we value, think, believe, love, admire, hate) is constantly expanding as we grow, live and learn. So being authentic is a willingness to share your growth process with vulnerability.

 

 

WHO ARE YOU?

Relationships are ultimately us meeting ourselves through another.

-Susan Winter

Years ago, in a painful season in my marriage to my first husband, I tried to take on the role of “the good, silent and submitted, wife,” as strongly advised by spiritual mentors in our ministry at the time. The pain we were experiencing in our union prompted me in desperation and fear to try and “fix” it. But, altering my core-soul by trying to be something I was not only corrupted the beauty of my heart. The mask I wore choked my voice. The role I attempted to play killed a little of my soul, the fear I internalized of what was expected of me as a “good, silent and submitted wife” tarnished my personal wholeness. If we don’t find the courage to own our voice someone else will attempt to decide it for us.

 

I am a fiercely bold woman!  I am a free-thinker, curious, often times deeply reflective, spiritual and silent, yet other times wild, rowdy and extremely loud! God loves me exactly this way. God designed me thoughtfully in His image. When we find ourselves being anything other of than the truth of who we are, we lose connection to authentic power. We weaken our spiritual link to Source. We diminish God-confidence. We betray ourselves.

 

 

Turn the Volume Way UP!

 

Months ago, I had a dear friend who has witnessed my public and private growth journey say to me: “Shannon, I am so excited for you!” He said it three times, so I finally inquired “why?” He continued, “Watching you from a distance has been like hearing a beautiful song, except the volume has been turned down low. Now, your voice is back on HIGH and we can all experience the glory of the music.”

 

Wow! That blew me away because it’s a powerful truth. God is calling us to rise in boldness and allow the beauty of our personal songs to be heard. We are called to embrace and reveal rather than be ashamed of who we are. Connecting in healthy, and mature relationships where we can reveal the truth of who we are without fear is the easiest way to safely and gradually turn the volume up. March to the beat of your own drums. Turn it up! Let the music play…

 

 

Self-acceptance, paves the way to transparency in relationships

Most of us avoid telling the truth because it’s uncomfortable. We’re afraid of the consequences- making others feel uncomfortable, hurting their feelings or risking their anger. And yet, when we don’t tell the truth, and others don’t tell us the truth, we can’t deal with matters from a basis in reality.

– Jack Canfield

 

So why am I no longer afraid to tell you who I am?  Because I ‘ve accepted my dark and my light, my beauty and my scars, my worth and my wounds, my insecurities and my power, my strength, and my weakness, my courage and my cowardice, my boldness and my shame, my pain and my joy. I have discovered that I am whole, complete and lacking nothing. You are whole, perfected and completed by God’s love. Your honesty is the greatest gift you can give another human being and yourself.

 

Rise and shine, give yourself the profound gift of self-acceptance. Open your heart to reveal the precious layers of your soul to someone worthy of your trust. We need not shrink in fear, because as we reveal our truth to others, we discover the courage to embrace it wholeheartedly ourselves.

 

 

Blessings and much love!

 

Shannon

 

 

P.S.– I will be sharing again this week on the topic of The Confident and Captivating Woman. Our live webinar last week was a tremendous success and there is breakthrough happening NOW in the realm of personal healing, spiritual intuition, relationships, and authentic living. Mark your calendars, for this Wednesday upcoming evening, June 10th at 5:00 PM (West Coast/7:00PM CT/8:00PM East Coast) more reminders coming…JOIN our mailing list by clicking here to receive articles and updates on upcoming trainings.

 

 

P.P.S.  – I have opened my life-coaching calendar to speak with you privately for a complimentary 20-minute Life Reset Session. If you’ve ever considered private coaching work, let’s talk. If you are ready to release old patterns and embrace new, beautiful beginnings in your life. CLICK here and set up a free, 20-minute private session with me this week.

 

 

 

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Love to some, means possession.

Yet as we evolve, we learn that the highest form of love is letting go. We often love with closed fists, so afraid of being left, hurt, rejected or abandoned. Yet when love is rooted in the “fear of loss” we don’t experience the transformational power of love. In order for love to flow through us, we must allow it to work on us. When love works on us, it transforms our fears. It heals self-sabotage. It calms the panic that stems from feeling a loss of control. Love does not chain down, it releases. It allows its giver and receiver room to breathe, to flourish, and soar.

 

Letting Go Through Tears…

 

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

― Ann Landers

 

Who said letting go was easy? Letting go can feel like death, and yet, it it’s pre-requisite for new life. There is sacred beauty in release, there is authentic power found in letting go. As a matter of fact, until we let go, the very thing we think we posses is really possessing us. It becomes a yoke around our necks, a weighty and unnecessary burden for our souls.

 

We rediscover our power when we are able to set people free from our expectations, old tapes, fears, and allow them to choose their own path. We rediscover our personal power and strength by embracing the courage required to let go.

 

Prayers of control vs. prayers of release

 

“Unanswered prayers are often due to unresolved and hostile feelings you are harboring or possessiveness towards and another person. It’s emotional energy that is channeled inappropriately and way from your own life. In order to release them, you say a cleansing prayer.”

– Catherine Ponder (Author, The Dynamic Laws of Prayer)

 

 

We neglect the truth that many of the relationship problems that trouble our hearts are because we pray prayers of control, rather than prayers of release. We pray for people to conform to our will and our way rather than trusting God’s flow, path and plan for their lives.

 

The need to control another person stems from fear. The power to let go is a reflection of higher love. The constant mental fixation on another human being is always a invitation to look within.

 

If you are struggling with release, stop now and repeat after me: “God, I release______________(name) I trust your plan, purpose and path for their life. I ask that you heal and uproot the fears within me that keep me holding on. I set them free. I receive my freedom now. Amen.”  

 

 

If you love someone, set them free…

 

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”

― Steve Maraboli

Controlling, manipulative tactics of holding on are sure signs that we have neglected self-love and self-care. This neglect it creates a huge hole in our hearts, one that we then in turn demand be filled by another.

 

Love requires selflessness. We are called to put the needs of the one we love above our own. We choose to release them in order to set ourselves free and allow them the freedom to come back, choose connection with us from a place of power rather than feeling cornered and forced.

 

By letting go, we also reclaim our power to focus on the core needs we have neglected within ourselves. Trust the process of your own rebirth; it typically follows the profound spiritual practice of dispossession…letting go.

 

It takes emotional maturity to let go

 

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

― Deborah Reber

 

 

God’s love is the greatest and most transformational power we will ever touch and yet it does not force, bind or control. God allows us the full right to choose. And when we do choose God’s love, we witness that pure love liberates the captive heart. It sets free the fear-based mind. It unshackles the soul bound in shame.

 

Let people off the short hook of your expectations. Let people free from the vain-fearful-imaginings in your head. Find the courage to walk away from relationships that have become damaging to your soul. Let go of people who do not see your worth. Let go of people who are out of alignment with your calling, purpose and core truth.

 

It takes courage to let go. It takes wholeness and self-love to embrace the liberating power of letting go.

 

When we find the strength to surrender, we receive the matchless peace and happiness that our souls long for.

 

Let go and reawaken your heart…the possibilities are endless.

 

P.S. – I have opened my life-coaching calendar to speak with you privately for a complimentary 20-minute Life Reset Session. If you’ve ever considered private coaching work, let’s talk. If you are ready to release old patterns and embrace new, beautiful beginnings in your life. CLICK here and set up a free, 20-minute private session with me this week.

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She is unafraid to own her space.

She shines with the radiance of love’s essence.

In her presence there is calm and peace.

Through her silence you witness her restraint.

Through her words you experience her substance.

In her company you experience the alluring power of her authenticity.

 

The Confident and Captivating Woman has settled her soul-level questions: “Am I enough? Am I lovable? Am I worthy?” – She has embraced God’s yes, and has cultivated the beauty of self-acceptance.

This woman has taken the courageous journey of creating a life that reflects her authentic truth. She has cut the ties that bind, and removed the shackles of past regrets from her soul.

She is not running away or holding on, she is letting go and allowing life to reveal its lessons. She grows daily.

 

She does not chase love; she boldly invites it. She does not purposely wound; she intentionally heals. She has risen from the ashes of loss, pain and heartache.

Her pain is used for purpose. Her disappointments become the tools to shape her future destiny. She makes room in her life for new love and meaningful connection.

 

She promptly adjusts her actions and examines her beliefs when her outer-reality does not reflect the truth of her inner-vision.

 

The Confident and Captivating Woman has asked herself the most courageous question: What do I want? She allows her intuition to guide her daily to the answers. Her serenity is tangible. Her smile is rich. Her happiness is genuine and her beauty is soul-level-deep.

 

She refuses to diminish her light and her courageous journey illuminates the path for others to follow.

 

The Way of The Confident and Captivating Woman is truth. She lives in glorious freedom and her liberty inspires others to forsake their chains.

 

She leads with courage rather than shrinks in fear. She is strong enough to be vulnerable and loving enough to be honest. She is worthy enough to ask for what she desires and deep enough to recognize the environment that her soul needs to flourish.

 

Her confidence empowers her to leave her comfort zone and blaze new trails on the path of her God-given calling. She is not less than… She is not more than. She is WHOLE, complete and lacking nothing.

 

She has made peace with her past; she embraces the possibilities of her present and trusts the promise for her future. She gives herself wholly to the process of her own rebirth, renewal and reawakening. In her presence, men find rest, children are nurtured and all who know her are inspired to soar.

She trusts that her steps are ordered by a Higher Calling and Power.

 

This woman is within, asking, seeking, and yearning to RISE. She is the reflection of grace, wholeness, self-mastery and worthiness. Her ways are remarkable. She sets a new standard. It’s time to rise to the occasion of your life. It’s time to be The Confident and Captivating Woman your soul already knows you are.

 

 

Blessings and much love,

 

Shannon

 

P.S.- I have opened my life-coaching calendar to speak with you privately for a complimentary 20-minute Life Reset session. If you’ve ever considered private coaching work, let’s talk. If you are ready to release old patterns and embrace new, beautiful beginnings in your life. CLICK here and set up a free, 20-minute private session with me this week.

 

P.P.S.– I will be holding a sacred tele-course this week going into deeper detail about The Way of the Confident and Captivating Woman. Look out for call info/details in a special email this week. Not on our exclusive mailing list? CLICK HERE to join.

 

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Regret is a truly destructive emotion as it does not provide us a healthy platform to rebuild from.

I’ve often stated that when we are trapped in self-doubt, regret or even depression, these are signs from our soul that self-forgiveness is needed. We are being called to rise above self-punishment and show ourselves self-compassion.

I’ve written a list of personal self-forgiveness statements below. I pray at least one of them resonate with your heart and soul.

I Forgive Myself…I forgive myself for saying  yes  when I really wanted to say  no.

I forgive myself for devaluing the beauty of my heart.

I forgive myself for dismissing the sacredness of my dreams.

I forgive myself for waiting so long to ask myself: “What do I want?”

I forgive myself for staying too long.

I forgive myself for giving up too soon.

I forgive myself for not trusting my intuition.

I forgive myself for patterns of procrastinating, overthinking, stalling and avoiding.

I forgive myself for shrinking, hiding and diminishing my glory.

I forgive myself for remaining silent with my words were needed.

I forgive myself for words when my silence was needed.

I forgive myself for being afraid and lacking courage.

I forgive myself for running from the greatness of my God-given calling.

I forgive myself for withholding from life and not fully surrendering to love.

I forgive myself for doubting my heart and ignoring my wisdom.

I forgive myself for putting my comfort over my growth.

I forgive myself for over-giving and overcommitting.

I forgive myself for worrying and obsessing over things I cannot change.

I forgive myself for trusting too soon and falling too quickly.

I forgive myself for caring too much about their opinions and too little about my own.

I forgive myself for hiding my truth and inviting shame.

I forgive myself for refusing to be vulnerable and masking my soul.

I forgive myself for forfeiting self-control and forgetting my power.

I forgive myself for not showing myself enough love, grace, patience and compassion.

I forgive myself for waiting so long to FORGIVE MYSELF.

 

Thank you for allowing me to share my heart and my personal forgiveness statements with you. I invite you to get out your journal and write your own personal list of “I forgive myself” statements. We have the power, authority and freedom through God-within to self-administer the greatest healing balm of all times…forgiveness.

Blessings and much love,

Shannon

P.S.- Do you struggle with old regrets? Self-doubt? Forgiving yourself? I’ve opened my life-coaching calendar to speak with you privately for a complimentary 20-minute Life Reset session. If you’ve ever considered private coaching work, let’s talk. If you are ready to release old patterns and embrace new, beautiful beginnings in your life. CLICK here and set up a free, 20-minute private session with me this week.

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Most people underestimate their power to change, evolve and grow; don’t be one of them. When we experience patterns in our lives, we must own what role our habits; thoughts and beliefs play in our personal suffering.

 

Does This Mountain Look Familiar?

 

When we find ourselves facing familiar challenges and repeating a similar story line, we can become reactionaries, constantly triggered and tossed about by every wind and external happening. Or we may choose to go passive, underreact and fall into the self-delusion fantasy that “something is coming,” hoping that our situation will magically change without with much effort on our part. Unworthiness and powerlessness are two crippling emotions that reside beneath patterns of pain, both act as magnets that drag us down into the pit of familiar despair and learned helplessness.

 

We don’t eradicate these powerful life patterns merely on hopeful thoughts, wishes and causal prayers; we must actively, consciously and intentionally participate in our own rebirth, we must engineer our own Life Reset.

 

It’s not failure, it’s feedback

 

You experienced a result you do not want. You now have the power to correct it and change. It is NOT failure; it is feedback. It is an invitation to choose differently. People tend to repeat the same actions, hold onto the same beliefs and think the same thoughts, and then act surprised when life remains the same. Life will not change until we do.

   

Patterns keep us STUCK

 

These patterns of pain may keep us in soul-killing jobs, poverty, anxiety, depression, powerlessness, unworthiness, shame, unhealthy friendships, and toxic romantic relationships, because ultimately, patterns of pain keep us in destructive relationships with ourselves. These patterns place powerful barriers up to what we desire most, freedom, success, happiness, peace and fulfillment.

 

We are not guests in our lives, we are owners.

 

Life reveals and mirrors our beliefs, and as tempting as it is to believe life is happening “to” us, it is not. Life is being accurately expressed through us. Our expectations create our beliefs, our beliefs guide our habits, our habits shape our character, our character determines our choices, and our choices create our reality. WE are the only ones who can control this. We must release our temptation to “fix” others and embrace the power to heal and change ourselves.

 

3 Keys to Success

 

If you could break down the core principles from thousands of success books, achieving happiness and success in life would boil down to these 3 steps below:

 

CLARITY: Be clear about what you want.
AWARENESS: Create actions to accomplish what you want. Pay attention to the results your actions are creating.
FLEXIBITY: Keep adjusting behavior and changing actions steps until you get what you want.

 

Do you know what you want? If so, determine the steps it will take to reach your desire. Then, keep adjusting and changing behavior as life/results provides feedback until you reach your desired reality.

 

You can manifest a new reality, one that accurately reflects who you have become. You can cultivate a life that reflects the deeper, authentic desires of your heart. You do not have to continue in the emotional stress of having a desire within for better life that in no way matches what you are experiencing in your daily reality.

 

Internal vision and “real life” will align, once you decide that you are worthy enough to release the courage it will take to get there.

 

This is our soul-work

 

The moment our souls begin asking for more, life provides the tests, lessons and encounters to accomplish more. The moment we ask for more, God, our Source becomes our MORE. We are lovingly led by intuitive wisdom to expand our capacity to receive. Our souls choose the lessons they need to learn in order to experience greater depths of maturity, wisdom and power. As we expand, we are empowered to release any patterns that are no longer in alignment with our truth.

 

 

Change your mind. Change your life. Change it all!

 

Remaining stuck in painful patterns is not an option for the conscious, evolving person. Onward is the only direction. We can own our God-given power to think new thoughts and choose new behaviors.

 

By releasing old patterns, setting new intentions, and creating new actions we heal and transform our lives. We will restore confidence, serenity and transformative peace with the most important person we will ever meet on the wholeness journey…ourselves.

 

Blessings and much love,

 

Shannon

 

P.S.- I’ve opened my calendar to speak with you privately for a complimentary 20-minute Life Reset session. If you’re ready to release old patterns and embrace new, beautiful change in your life. CLICK here and set up a private session with me this week.

 

 

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I’ll never forget the moment over 10-years ago ears ago when I first heard this statement! It fired boldly out of the mouth of Roberto Gianni, the 65-year-old Italian sales trainer, at the natural wellness company where I was employed as a national sales rep at the time. Our company owner dubbed Roberto Gianni –“The King of Sales,” he made it clear that Roberto was the best, and no one else could “light a fire under a sales team” like Roberto!

On that particular morning in our weekly sales meeting, Roberto scanned the conference room and verbally challenged us regarding our failure to reach our monthly sales quota. Roberto yelled loudly for the 3rd time: “NO ONE IS COMING!”

Then, Roberto fixed his intimidating gaze directly on me and declared with increased boldness: “Shannon, no one is coming!”

What? Wait? Did Roberto just call me out in front of my peers? I was appalled; as a matter of fact I was pissed! Why would Roberto single me out? I was one of the few people in the office who repeatedly hit my monthly sales goal, and this month was no different. Roberto then went on to say said: “Shannon, I know about your religious beliefs…”

Although, I had witnessed Roberto in a very unconventional way, openly call people out in sales meetings from everything to their social life, to their child-raising techniques, I was shocked again! Bringing up my religion in a corporate meeting? “What the what?”

He went on…”Shannon, you are withholding. You are still waiting on something, perhaps the clouds to part? Maybe God to deliver you?”

Yikes! I was honestly speechless (something I rarely am.) As I drove home that evening, Roberto’s words carried the weight of spiritual anointing. I could not shake them. I have always believed in Divine guidance/serendipity.

God speaks the lessons our souls silently cry to learn through anyone or anything He chooses to inspire our growth. Roberto saw something dynamic in me. He knew I was much better than I was revealing myself to be. Roberto intuitively knew I wasn’t leaving it all on the playing field. I wasn’t shattering sales records in the way I was capable of.

In all honesty, as I sat with Roberto’s words longer, I accepted the hard truth that up until that point, I was waiting, withholding a little bit of myself, because indeed I believed that, “Something was coming…”

Waiting and Powerlessness…

The Proverb states: Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Agreed. Longing and waiting can turn pain into unnecessary suffering. When we are waiting on something we have no direct control over to change, we relinquish the ONLY true power we have, the power to change our lives, thinking, habits, beliefs and actions.

In marriage and in life, I’ve played the role of the victim, the martyr and the blame queen. They are all ugly, powerless roles that only serve to temporarily protect an ego that refuses to take on the hardest role of all…self-responsibility.

As long as something is “out there” we rarely find the courage or strength to look within and realign our actions with what our hearts desire to manifest.

The moment our souls ask for more, God answers. We are simply living our way to the promise. It is already finished…

Waiting on a man?

Years ago I worked with a client who desired marriage. She had just purchased a beautiful new townhome in the South bay. She shared with me about how she loved to sip tea and listen to jazz music, but she refused to sit in front of her brand new fireplace. I inquired…”Why not?” She explained, “Well, until I have a man to share the fireplace with, I’m not doing it. To me, fire is romantic, I will not turn on my fireplace until I have a man, I am waiting…” I then advised her, “Pour your tea, light that fire, and listen to that jazz music by yourself. Because when you get into your happy, magnetic, satisfied space, you are making room for new love.

When you enjoy the beauty and balance of your life, you will invite the right man who will enjoy it just the same.

Life changes after we do…

Life is mirroring our beliefs, actions and thoughts. Nothing is coming to save us from the inner and outer work our souls are called to do. My girlfriend Erin often says: “Oh, you’re waiting on God? Funny, He said the same thing about you!”

Our lives will only transform when we decide to make the change. We must choose to act. Move. Redefine.

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

10-years ago, Roberto Gianni- The King of Sales didn’t know it, but he was on a mission from God. He was one of my many, appointed soul-guides and teachers. You see, Roberto’s words still come to my soul whenever I’m tempted to wait, hide, shrink, withhold, or more dangerously, “hope” without a solid plan…

Nothing will change until we rise from the ashes of our own self-denial and take authority over our life-script.

It’s time for Life Reset

Are you ready to make a shift in your life?

Your career/calling?

Your relationships?

Your health?

Your thoughts/beliefs?

Are you ready to SHOW up in a new level of courage, clarity and power? Then I invite you to connect with me privately.

NEW! “OPEN Office” Day!

Under the direction of my team, I’ve recently started holding one “OPEN office day” per week, on Wednesdays. On this weekly “OPEN office days” I’ll be offering a select number of complimentary 20-minute Life Reset appointments via phone. Together, we will tackle your most pressing issue, and I promise after our private, 20-minute Life Reset session, you will SHIFT immediately into new depths of clarity, power and breakthrough.

If you are ready for a new beginning, and you are TIRED of waiting, let’s tap into your birthright, your power to change anything in your life that no longer accurately reflects the woman you’ve become. I’ll be your partner in Life Reset. I’m living the principles of Life Reset NOW and it’s an amazingly brave, powerful and dynamic place to be!

CLICK HERE to select a time to speak with me. These weekly complimentary appointments are on a first come, first serve basis, so don’t wait.

I am excited and honored to partner with you on the wholeness journey. Reclaim your power. Rise to the occasion of your destiny. And remember, no one is coming… We must find the courage to release what is no longer healthy, right or relevant for where God’s love is leading us now. As Nelson Mandela so famously stated: We are the ones we’ve been waiting on.

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Have you ever heard a lie about yourself? I have. Unfortunately, I have. If you are anything like me, when you find out someone has spread something false about you, you feel outraged, hurt, betrayed. Lies are destructive, and damaging.But what about the lies WE believe about ourselves? 

The Two Soul Lies Women Believe…

I’ve been leading and teaching workshops for almost two decades and it seems no matter where I go, there are two common lies that women struggle with…These lies were also “spoken” over them, but not by an external voice, by an internal voice of fear and unworthiness. These two soul lies impact and derail our destiny like nothing else. They discourage us from showing up fully in our lives, in our relationships and in our God-given calling.

I call them the two “Soul Lies” and in this next video: Confessions of a CALLED Woman Part 2, not only do I address these soul-lies head on, but I also reveal how the impact our personalities, and our ability to show up fully in our authentic truth. View it now by clicking here.

What is so hard about showing up and BEING who we are?

Often times, we struggle with both perfectionism and procrastination. We struggle with our own self-doubt and fears more than any external “hater.”

How would you feel if you could rise above the magnetic pull of your own limiting beliefs? 
How would life be different if you could design a life centered on and around purpose? 

I often hear from women who simply don’t know where or HOW to begin as it relates to their calling and that’s understandable because there are so many competing voices in our heads.

We will dig deeper into the questions “how” and “where” but the truth is, when God calls you, He equips you to fulfill the calling. You have everything you need. There is NO lack.

God empowers you with the wisdom, provision and ability to manifest what He has called you to do. It’s our responsibility to get out of our own way, so God may fulfill VISION through us.

In Confessions of a CALLED Woman Part 2, I show you how to SILENCE the false voice of your inner-critic. Because, you already are WORTHY. You are ENOUGH.

I provide you with tools to stop procrastinating, and striving for perfectionism and STEP forward towards your destiny.

I address the 2 Soul Lies head on, and provide you with the spiritual tools to overcome them.

If you are READY to live a fuller, more abundant life, a life that is a true reflection of your heart and God’s highest good for you, CLICK here to view Confessions of A Called Woman Part 2.

2015 Is the Year of the CALLED Woman.

It’s time to prosper in Purpose.

It’s time to design a life that reflects the truth of who we are.

It’s time to stop striving, stressing and toiling and RELAX into our wholeness. 

WATCH this 7-minute video Confessions of a CALLED Woman Part 2- Overcoming the Lies we believe about ourselves.

It will help you get FREE and simply BE the woman you already are.

Blessings and much love,Shannon

P.S. – Consider allowing me to be your partner in purpose. I’ve joined with an amazing team of virtual mentors and business coaches to develop a dynamic community to support you in discovering your calling and prospering in your purpose. And the best part is, we’ve made it SO affordable that every woman can easily say “YES” to her calling and take action to make her dream a reality. If you’re READY to release unworthiness, fear and procrastination and start prospering right NOW in your purpose, CLICK here.

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Are you honestly TIRED of “waiting, hoping, wishing?” I believe we are born to manifest love, purpose and abundance in our lives. That is, bring things from the unseen realm into daily reality. Yet, the greatest enemy we face when it’s comes to manifesting destiny is ourselves. Through old mentalities and beliefs we may hinder and block our ability to receive the desires our souls long for. Below, I’ve listed 4 things to release in order to position our hearts to manifest and to receive:

1. WRONG Relationships

- Relationships are NOT neutral, they are either destiny or distraction. Do you have people in your life who are negative, discouraging, or still stuck on the same old stories, and excuses they’ve been repeating for years? Release ties to relationships that cause you to remain in mediocrity. Welcome relationships with people who inspire you, celebrate you and understand that you have a calling on your life to fulfill.  Simply pray:  God, I open my heart to receive new relationships, new friendships and new love in alignment with your Greater Purpose and Vision for my life.” Amen

2. Indecisiveness

- Scripture states: “ A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways, and He shall receive NOTHING.” —-  “Wannabees” constantly “talk about it” visionary women  ARE about it.  Indecision is in fact a decision. It is a choice to remain stuck. Years of indecision wear down our confidence and create more confusion. Breaking the promises we make to ourselves greatly diminishes self-concept and self-esteem. Vision is a gift from God that carries clarity, power and direction. Choose today. Decide. Take action. Give up the destructive addiction to procrastination and indecision. Decisiveness builds confidence; it opens your heart to receive all that is needed to manifest abundance, love and vision.

3. Blame-

 As a former  blame-queen , I lived in this space for many years! Powerlessness and pain is all it offers. Remember, It’s not the snakebite that kills, but the poison; it’s not the wound, but our attachment to it. It’s easier to remain stuck in blame than it is to find the courage to SHOW up fully in the greater purpose for our lives. Self-responsibility is hard. It takes courage to look in the mirror and own everything in our lives. Wisdom is found in letting go. Let people go for the ways they didn’t measure up to your needs. Grieve your losses. Mourn your broken expectations. And then take 100% responsibility for your life. Release blame. Receive happiness, new life and new love!

4. Fear –

 We’ve been running from imaginary shadows and false fears our entire lives. Our minds create resistance and worries that never come to pass. When we bow down to our fears, we compromise our power, potential and vision. The Called Woman is led by God’s purpose and principles for her life; she is not limited by the fear of the unknown or of other people’s opinions. Love is the only thing strong enough to overcome fear. Fear is force, but love is power. Force will always bow down to  power. Release old, delusional fears. Open your heart to manifest and receive new happiness, abundance and LOVE.

It’s a new season; allow no space or room for OLD things. Clean the slate, unblock the flow. The power to manifest new and better life is a SHIFT in belief away…

Release. Believe. Act. Relax. Allow. Receive.

Blessings and much love,

Shannon 

P.S. - I’ve put together an incredible audio training entitled: MANIFEST. This valuable training will help you remove the hindrances and blocks in your life and begin manifesting the desires of your heart more quickly and with greater spiritual ease and confidence. MANIFEST will teach you the 4 Spiritual Keys to Attracting more love, meaning, beauty into your life, and the best part is, I’ve made it FREE for you as a reader of my blog! Simply CLICK HERE and within minutes, you’ll receive access to this life-transforming training instantly, and the BONUS PDF- 10 Manifestation Mantras! CLICK HERE to access now.

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