The locks we place around our hearts will imprison us.

No matter how spiritually evolved we are, we all struggle with insecurities, self-doubt and fears that keep us from showing up fully in life and in love. Most of us started off playing roles, wearing masks and playing emotional games out of a need to self-protect. Yet our self-protective devices never meet the core needs of our souls, to know and be known by someone intimately. The emotional weapons we employ to protect ourselves from others end up hurting us the most.

These patterns of self-defense, act as an emotional armor to our true power source, honesty and vulnerability. The ability to be wholly seen, intimately known and unashamed is pure freedom. These immature patterns of self-protection build barriers around our hearts, shackles around our souls and fences around our minds. All of the self-protective measures we use to keep “them” and pain out lock us in and stagnate our growth. We limit the depths of joy we can experience when we attempt to manage and control the process of authentic human connection. We limit life and forfeit our genuine self, settling into a counterfeit, surface identity.

Are you Really REAL?

We all claim to “keep it real!” Nobody wants to be accused of being a phony. And yet, when we stack the desire to be authentic up against our primal fears of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, judgment or the pain of being misunderstood, the fear can feel so intense that we find ourselves in the familiar, yet soul-diminishing place of keeping up the roles, games and masks.

Our hearts yearn for meaningful connection; our fears seek refuge in what appears safe. Yet, playing it safe is a voluntary departure from the courage we’ve been given by God to grow and expand our capacity to love. Growth requires courage. Only when we allow another person to access our truth will we clearly see and experience ourselves. God did not design us to grow in isolation. It is through my meaningful interaction with you that I am able to access the greater depths of me.

Games. Masks. Roles and Romantic Love

Whole women attract whole men. Whole men attract whole women. In my private coaching practice, I teach women that the easiest way to engage a man in meaningful conversation and connection is to “go first.” Our intuitive ability to surrender to our beautiful vulnerability is an invitation for men to become present, authentic and connected. You help a man to open up and access himself when you courageously reveal yourself. Women and men do each other a great disservice when they hide behind masks or play roles, when they shrink behind fear-based ego talk of “I won’t go first.” I won’t share my heart.” They not only deny one another access to truth and reality, but they also limit the greater powers of love, learning, mutual completeness and wholeness. When both parties enter their relationships with openheartedness, the communication is stronger, the connection feels safer and the passion is explosive.

Our roles, masks and games may be a reflection of our childhood, our world-view, religious beliefs, family traditions, cultural programming, pain filters and faulty perceptions. No matter the source, the masks, roles and games are about minimizing potential pain. They are dictated by ego not humility. They are about control not freedom. Fear, not love.

Nobody profits…

Games are played to win, which means somebody will lose. Masks are intended to hide, which means shame and self-doubt can fester. Roles are meant to limit, which means we forfeit our authentic power. These hiding places become ego-centered battles that destroy self-knowledge and authentic connection. Relationships, like any other noble focus in life require that we take a risk. We are not guaranteed to succeed, however loss is certain when we hide, shrink and pretend. We only get to live this life once; taking the risk to truly love also offers the greatest potential reward…being completely transformed by true love.

KNOW Thyself. Share Thyself.

We learn the depths of self by finding the courage to confide our whole truth in someone worthy and emotionally safe enough to hold the space for our truth. When we decide to release the roles, quit the games and remove the masks, we enter into new realms of power, peace and self-respect. Embracing self-love and self-worth helps in ending the roles, masks and games. We remove the mask because we find the courage to accept ourselves. We stop the roles because we refuse to limit ourselves. We refuse to play relationship games because we outgrow the need to hurt others while hiding behind ego and pride. We share our authentic truth and in turn invite others to do the same. We find the courage to “go first.” We experience new heights of personal growth and power that only occur when we live from a space of openheartedness and wholeness. We witness our reflection through the soul-level connection we share with another. We strengthen our relationship with the greatest ally we have on this beautiful personal growth journey…ourselves.

Blessings and much love,

Shannon

P.S.- I will be sharing again this week on the topic of The Confident and Captivating Woman. Our live webinar last week was a tremendous success and there is breakthrough happening NOW in the realm of personal healing, spiritual intuition, relationships, and authentic living. Mark your calendars now, for this Wednesday upcoming evening, June, 10th at 5:00 PM (West Coast/7:00PM CT/8:00PM East Coast) CLICK HERE TO SAVE REMINDER.

P.P.S.- Like this article? I post new articles every week on the subject of personal growth. CLICK here to receive updates!

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