Ed Halliday's Blog - Posts Tagged "satire"

Hello again.
I feel compelled to write this today following a very strange event! This unprecedented happening consisted of my being left speechless following a remark made to me, a phenomenon hitherto unknown. A close family member of mine had recently read The Expected Demise of Bernard Fish and thought it rather odd that I should believe there was not only my version of the afterlife, but also such things as Grim Reapers, especially ones wearing pink tracksuits! I know my fans well enough to be certain that they all understand the concept of satire and black humour, but just in case any more of my bloodline are unsure, let me assure everyone that I am a writer of fiction, make believe, and therefore this book should definitely not to be taken as gospel! (or any kind of religious doctrine!)
Best wishes, Ed Halliday
author of The Expected Demise of Bernard Fish, the almost perfect plot, The Grinning Dog and Burnt Toast and Bent Noses

Hi All.
I was recently confronted with someone determined to undermine my credibility as an English speaking personage, and to this end they asked me, out of the blue, to define irony! Faced with the tricky task of trying to remain calmly composed whilst trying to fabricate a response, I came up with the following:-
Irony is a description of a type of event or happening which under normal circumstances would affect the subject in either a detrimental or beneficial manner, but under the current unusual circumstances has little or no effect, resulting in a comedic moment.
It's not perfect, but it worked. I would, however, love to hear if anyone has a better potted definition or can improve on mine so I can memorise it for next time.
The ironic thing is that the person who originally asked me for the definition didn't even understand the response, so still has no idea what it means!
Cheers,
Ed Halliday
Author of Burnt Toast and Bent Noses, The Almost Perfect Plot, The expected demise of Bernard Fish, The Grinning Dog.

So tomorrow is the longest day of the year! Or to put it another way it's the shortest night of the year! I've never quite understood why people celebrate this event. Why would you want to dance around a pile of ancient stones stark naked to mark this annual occasion? Certainly I can't think of many things that are less appealing, and having looked in the mirror this morning I don't think anyone else would want to see me doing that either! And all this to celebrate the fact that the sun will start to sink a little sooner and will come up a little later. Once tomorrow is over, in the words of George Martin, "winter is coming", so save the celebrating for December 21st, when it's too cold to jump around outside with no clothes on and the celebrating can be done with something drinkable and alcoholic in front of a log fire, with a significant other (and you have a very long night of celebration!), because that's when the days start to get longer and it starts to go the other way again!
Cheers, Ed Halliday

ps. For a very short time The Grinning Dog is available for $0.99 instead of $3.99 on Kindle

author of:Burnt Toast and Bent Noses, The Almost Perfect Plot, The expected demise of Bernard Fish, The Grinning Dog

It's hot!
In fact, it's very hot!
Very very hot indeed.
Everything is sticky and unpleasant (no smut please, I am British!) and the bits that aren't sticky are just plain coated in sweat, lovely! In fact my finger tips are practically sliding off the keys as I type, so they could actually do with being sticky, but apart from that it's just highly unpleasant. And to think I spent a good part of the winter saying that I couldn't wait for the summer! how foolish do I look now that I have my wish as I sit here melting in over 40 oC ! (that's 104 for those of you over the other side of the Atlantic).
This over heating problem is slowing down progress on the writing front, as I have to stop every thirteen seconds for a cold beer, but the next book, which is titled "Pigs in Paradise", will be out shortly (as soon as my editor emerges from the refrigerator where she has been hiding for some time). For those who wish to be first in the queue, if you 'follow this author' on either Goodreads or Amazon.com (you have to go to the author page) you will get notified automatically, or of course watch this space.
I'm off to dunk my entire self into ice water now, so that I can do a bit more work!
Cheers, Ed Halliday

Author of: the almost perfect plot, The Expected Demise of Bernard Fish, The Grinning Dog, Burnt Toast and Bent Noses

Hello everyone.
What a fabulous week! A new reader of mine (That makes at least 2 now) has introduced me to a great new author I was not previously aware of. Actually, that's not true. I was aware of his work but not his name, although mostly through movies. I would never have realised that films like '3:10 to Yuma' had originally been penned by the same person that wrote 'Get Shorty' and the book on which Tarantino's 'Jackie Brown' was based, were it not for a gentleman leaving me not only a 5* review for Burnt Toast and Bent Noses, but also commenting that it reminded him of the work of Elmore Leonard. So a wholehearted 'thank you' for both. Also, seeing as I'm in blogging mode, my next book, Pigs in Paradise, is now written and being edited as we speak. I will let you all know when it is due to appear, probably early August.
Cheers, Ed Halliday
Author of:- Burnt Toast and Bent Noses, The Almost Perfect Plot, The expected demise of Bernard Fish, The Grinning Dog

So, the new book is finished!
Pigs in Paradise is being edited and made pretty before it is inflicted on the general public, which renders me a bit redundant for the minute!
What shall I do to occupy my time? Movies? Lounging in the sun? Enjoy a good bottle of wine? Sounds good, but it will hardly occupy me for any length of time (although I shall definitely give that last one a go anyway!).

I know what, I could write a book!

More mayhem and murder anyone? Coming right up!

Cheers, Ed Halliday
Author of : The Expected Demise of Bernard Fish, the almost perfect plot, Burnt Toast and Bent Noses, The Grinning Dog

Hello everyone!
I am very pleased to announce that my latest book, pigs in paradise, is now available in paperback and on Kindle.
As usual, it is a feast of mayhem and murder, and I hope you all enjoy it.
Cheers,
Ed Halliday

Author of The Grinning Dog, The Expected Demise of Bernard Fish, the almost perfect plot, Burnt Toast and Bent Noses

Hello.
I thought I ought to ask this question of the great public as I am unsure of the answer! Does anyone know when this phenomenon might occur? Will my children ever grow up? Having just had the eldest (who is 30! How the hell did that happen? Have I been in a time warp?) and his younger brother stay for a week I was astounded to find that it was no different to when they were teenagers. Staying in bed until lunch, dirty laundry everywhere, encrusted dinner plates under the beds! I'm sure when I was their age I had grown up a bit more than they have, although maybe my parents would disagree. Or maybe they have turned out the same way I did only now I am a grouchy old man approaching 50, so it feels as though they haven't progressed beyond teenagedom? The other reason of course could be that they don't have children of their own yet. Maybe your children only stop being children when they turn you into a grandparent and have children of their own? (Great, something else to look forward to! Grandad Ed!). Any comments to support or deny this theory would be greatly appreciated.
Cheers, Ed Halliday

Author of:- The Expected Demise of Bernard Fish, The Grinning Dog, Burnt Toast and Bent Noses, the almost perfect plot, pigs in paradise

So here we are in Autumn! I could have sworn that Spring only started a few weeks ago. Never mind, Spring will be back soon enough and then I can miss summer completely once again. In the meantime, however, we are in the midst of that very dangerous season called Autumn. Why is it dangerous? I hear you ask. Well it's probably not dangerous everywhere in the world, but here in the little corner of France where I live it is exceedingly dangerous at the moment. This is due to a very French obsession which manifests at this time of year shortly after heavy rain. You can drive round any blind bend in any country road at the moment and find a car, abandoned rather than parked, stationery at the side of the road. There are thousands of cars littering the smallest roads making driving a bit like being in a demolition derby! The reason for this? Champignons! otherwise known as mushrooms. The quest for freshly picked fungus is a major pastime here, with knowledge of particularly fertile patches of forest guarded like Fort Knox! As locals abandon their cars near their favourite spot there is much fervent glancing around by the pickers who want to make sure no one is following them to their treasure trove.
Don't get me wrong, I like mushrooms! I just don't fancy scurrying about in full combat uniform to find them, and this is something that really confuses me. Why do the mushroom pickers wear Khaki camouflage? Do they feel the need to sneak up on the mushrooms? Do Fungi have legs and run away if they spot someone coming? If anyone has knowledge of running mushrooms please let me know!
Anyway, winter will be here soon and they will all go back to shooting wild boar, so the mushrooms will rest easy and the roads will become driveable once again!
Bon apetit, as they say over here!
Cheers, Ed Halliday

Author of:- The Expected Demise of Bernard Fish, The Grinning Dog, Burnt Toast and Bent Noses, the almost perfect plot, pigs in paradise