Leslie Miller

“My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.

“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.

“I’m your boss, Anna.”

“What do you mean?”

There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Dance with Dragons