I thought I was really well prepared for parenthood. I did prenatal yoga, read everything I could get my hands on, we did 8 weeks of private birth prep classes and I fell instantly in love with my Irish midwife. Just listening to her voice made me want to have my baby right there on the floor.

And you know what? It all paid off.

We had a fantastic birth experience, one that I still look back on, 21 years later, and cherish. Our midwife showed my husband how to stand behind me with his hands on my hips and do birth circles in early labour. It felt like we were dancing. She demonstrated how to do acupressure when the pain became intense and I was grateful for his touch.

I gave birth with him standing behind me, supporting my weight. Literally, he had my back. I felt safe and relaxed enough that the birth went smoothly and the following day we walked out of those hospital doors proud and grateful parents heading off on our parenthood adventure.

And then we had our first argument in the carpark.

And our second on the way home.

And then things started really unravelling about week three when we were both stretched and stressed and sleep deprived and starting to wonder what the heck we’d gotten ourselves into.

And I wondered: why didn’t someone prepare us for all this?

So of course we went on to have another baby and at the same time I was finding my feet as a newish mama I also finished my training and began working as a Relationship Counsellor. I noticed that pretty much all of my new-parent clients were struggling with the exact same issues my husband and I had.

These couples, like us, had been treading water for weeks, months or even years because they didn’t know who to turn to for help and the lots of normal-but-not-fun new parent challenges were having an increasingly negative impact on their mental and emotional health – and on their new co-parenting relationship. I wondered how we could prepare parents so they could avoid, or at least know how to manage all this.

I was on a mission.

For 15 years I reviewed all the research, read everything I could get my hands on and worked with clients to bring them closer through the transition into parenthood after it had sent them further apart.

And in that time, I discovered some things. Truths about the transition into parenthood that have faded into the shadows with all the focus on pregnancy and on birth.

I found lost research, new studies and ancient wisdom that’s not getting through to the couples that need to be prepared with it. I’ve unearthed some secrets about the transition into parenthood that have the potential to change how we approach it.

If you work with expecting or new parents, I’d like to share these secrets with you.

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