On becoming an author
I always thought that writing a book would be good for my character; that the whole experience would be somehow edifying. Much to my dismay I have discovered the opposite. I have become increasingly needy.
TIME 9:32
Send email to editor. Stated purpose is a trivial administrative matter that does not need to be attended to for some months. Actual purpose: affirmation.
9:34 – check email
9:36 – check email
9:38 – check email
9:40 – check email
I always thought that writing a book would be good for my confidence, that I would strut around the world proclaiming, ‘Behold, I am author.’ Much to my dismay I have discovered the opposite. I have become increasingly paranoid:
TIME 9:32
Send email to editor. Stated purpose is a trivial administrative matter that does not need to be attended to for some months. Actual purpose: acknowledgment of my existence.
9:34 – Did I type the address correctly?
9:36 – Is this Internet thingy working??
9:38 – Christ. I offended her. I should never have sent the email.
9:40 – Oh Lord in Heaven. They don’t want to publish my book anymore. They think it’s a pile of crap. She’s in a meeting with legal right now. On the table her Blackberry is buzzing. She can make out that it’s an email from me. She’s thinking, ‘How ironic.’
I always thought that writing a book would be good for my soul; that from my small success would sprout magnanimity, generosity and a general feeling of goodwill towards others who write. Much to my dismay, I have discovered the opposite. I have become increasingly jealous.
TIME 9:32
Send email to editor. Stated purpose is a trivial administrative matter that does not need to be attended to for some months. Actual purpose: testing loyalty.
9:34 – I wonder if she’s reading another manuscript instead of reading my email?
9:36 – I suppose she thinks it’s very funny and clever.
9:38 – Well if you love him so much why don’t you marry him?
9:40 – Die. Die. Die unknown author! My you go to the grave undiscovered, unloved, unknown you time-stealing, editor-stealing, glory-stealing brilliant son of a bitch.
TIME 9:32
Send email to editor. Stated purpose is a trivial administrative matter that does not need to be attended to for some months. Actual purpose: affirmation.
9:34 – check email
9:36 – check email
9:38 – check email
9:40 – check email
I always thought that writing a book would be good for my confidence, that I would strut around the world proclaiming, ‘Behold, I am author.’ Much to my dismay I have discovered the opposite. I have become increasingly paranoid:
TIME 9:32
Send email to editor. Stated purpose is a trivial administrative matter that does not need to be attended to for some months. Actual purpose: acknowledgment of my existence.
9:34 – Did I type the address correctly?
9:36 – Is this Internet thingy working??
9:38 – Christ. I offended her. I should never have sent the email.
9:40 – Oh Lord in Heaven. They don’t want to publish my book anymore. They think it’s a pile of crap. She’s in a meeting with legal right now. On the table her Blackberry is buzzing. She can make out that it’s an email from me. She’s thinking, ‘How ironic.’
I always thought that writing a book would be good for my soul; that from my small success would sprout magnanimity, generosity and a general feeling of goodwill towards others who write. Much to my dismay, I have discovered the opposite. I have become increasingly jealous.
TIME 9:32
Send email to editor. Stated purpose is a trivial administrative matter that does not need to be attended to for some months. Actual purpose: testing loyalty.
9:34 – I wonder if she’s reading another manuscript instead of reading my email?
9:36 – I suppose she thinks it’s very funny and clever.
9:38 – Well if you love him so much why don’t you marry him?
9:40 – Die. Die. Die unknown author! My you go to the grave undiscovered, unloved, unknown you time-stealing, editor-stealing, glory-stealing brilliant son of a bitch.
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