WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO LEAVE ALL MY FRIENDS AND MOVE TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE??????

Seriously, I have come positively unglued. I'm walking around with permanent red and puffy eyes from crying. Can I pass it off for allergies? Doubtful.

(It should be pointed out that I cry at absolutely everything, so the fact that I'm crying a lot at these really big changes in my life is not as extreme as it sounds. But still, if you hand me a puppy, I'll lose it. So don't.)

I just had to say goodbye to one of the most influential people in my life. My college choir (and orchestra!) director played such a major role in my spiritual development through college. When I went to college, I was lost and broken. When I left…well, I was less lost and less broken. He taught me how to worship, he taught me how to be vulnerable, and he taught me how to be a valued member of a team. I've been singing for him at church for a few years now, and even though I officially left the church in December, he asked me to come to rehearsal tonight to help out with sight-reading some new music. So I went, and I had to say goodbye, and I came unglued.

It's not that I'm questioning my decision AT ALL. I actually feel so much peace about it, and I know it's what I need to do. But the reality of leaving everything I know and hold dear is pretty painful.

I got an email from a fan (We'll call her a fan, even though I know her in real life. Let me believe I have fans, ok??) who read my book and also follows my blog. She asked me a question that I thought would best be answered by a blog post. So instead of asking for permission, I'm just gonna go ahead and put her question out here for all the internets to see.

I was struck by a phrase you wrote recently in post, "figure out what I want and how I am going to get there." And I want to ask you, how did YOU get there? What made you say "More" to your own life. I am stuck in friend/supporting actress mode and I am looking for advice.

Girl, I hear you. Ladies, can we give her an amen? YOU are the audience of women I was trying to capture with my book. Those of us who feel alone, ignored, and forgotten. And she really nailed it – I am moving because I want more for my life. And I'll tell you how I got there.

Well, I got horribly depressed, that's how I got there! Not that I'm recommending it. But it's true. I got to a place where everything looked bleak and pointless and everything was an unending pit of nothingness. Cheerful, ain't it? But there was always something there, telling me that life didn't have to be that way.

I honestly think what gave me that big push of motivation was visualizing what I want my life to look like. And when I compared that with my life now, I didn't see a road to get to where I want to be. So I'm being a bit more intentional about finding it.

Look, I know that God performs miracles, but I also think that we humans need to work for what we want. I don't want to work in an office all day long until I retire – but HELLO, I went and got a masters degree in Business. Brilliant, dummy. So I'm going back to school to get certified to do something I can do from home. No miracle there, just hard work. I am not able to fully love myself because of a whole host of reasons that I won't even get into, so I'm going to move home where I have a loving family who can support me while I work on shedding those reasons. Well, that will be more of a miracle if it works out, but it's also the only way I can open myself up to be fully loved.

It all boils down to this: I believe that I am worth more than I currently give myself credit for.

That's the best way I can explain it. Does my plan guarantee that I'll find the perfect job or meet an amazing guy? Nope. But it is the straightest path that I know of to the life I want.