Many of us spend our lives wishing for things. Wishing to win the lottery, wishing for a new way of life, wishing all the time and feeling helpless to create our own change.

Many of us suffer for years (sometimes our whole lives) feeling lost and unmotivated, thinking that we were just made that way.  Even when we dream our dreams and set our goals, we may subconsciously make them safe and predictable, relying on what we see others doing to guide us.

Some believe you should only pursue dreams that you know for sure you can achieve.  Others believe that success lies in the growth that occurs from stretching beyond what you know and outside of what is comfortable for you.

I'm with the others.


The earliest steps of self-discovery are the hardest because we have to admit that we're not hopeless and we actually do have endless possibilities. We have to reprogram the way we think, contradicting every self-defeating thought we’ve ever had. We have to acquire new skills and risk embarrassment and become aware of what we don’t know.

Self-discovery is uncomfortable and frustrating especially when we recognize a negative pattern and still can’t seem to stop repeating it. As all our “stuff” starts to come up, we might think that it’s too late for us and that we’ll never have the energy or discipline to keep going. It seems easier to stay stuck. But don’t worry. We need to feel this stuckness.

We need to sit with it, acknowledge it and process it. We need to feel uncomfortably aware that we are blocking something. Until we allow this, we’ll continue to wonder why we don’t feel fulfilled. 

This is the first of four stages of self-discovery that I will dive into below.
We don't know what we don't know.

When I was in my late twenties, I learned that it was no one else's responsibility to make me happy.  Prior to that, I chased men, jobs, clothes, money, beauty, status, you name it. And I still felt unfulfilled. I thought there was something wrong with me and that I was too broken to ever live a life without shame and inadequacy. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. When I finally sat with my discomfort, and allowed myself to truly feel it, I gradually opened myself up to the idea that if I changed my thinking and where I sourced my happiness, maybe I could change my life. 
We know what we don't know.
Motivated by fear and desire, I became passionate about discovering what made me happy. For me, there was an a-ha moment when I realized that all of the answers to my unhappiness were within me. I knew I had years of junk to sort through and that it would be unsettling but rewarding work. I was drawn to books, people and stories about overcoming adversity and changing one’s life against all odds. I desperately wanted to learn. I desperately wanted to be at peace and accept myself. The acknowledgement of this desire gave me the jolt of enthusiasm and purpose that I needed to keep going.

We know that we know.
Here I am. I’m beginning to know better but I don’t always do better. I have new habits and thought patterns. I repeat my affirmations, I choose what energy to feed, and I’m careful to protect my peace and create my own happiness no matter what is going on. But it is a conscious effort that requires tons of self-control. When tired or emotionally drained, these newly learned habits tend to go out the window. I get mad at myself then I remember that I’m human and this is a process. I’m not going to be happy all the time. I sit with my discomfort so I can learn more about my ever evolving self. The more I practice, the more automatic the positive behavior becomes. 
We don't know that we know.
Now, when people ask me how I overcome fear and keep evolving, I say that I can't exist any other way anymore. I know that I haven’t always been this way, and that clearly my old way of thinking was not healthy, so I'm dedicated to leaving all of that in my past. I still have my share of bad days and I still have negative thoughts but I’ve learned how to accept them as part of the journey and not let them take the lead. It is instinctive now and so deeply embedded in me that I don't even realize I'm doing it.  I do realize though, that a good life for me is an inspired life.   One where I am growing consistently into the purpose that I was created for.  This vision for my life inspires me.

What vision for your life inspires you?  Are you currently living it?

You have to believe that every step you take is important.  You will not move through these four stages and beyond without discouraging days and plenty of setbacks.  You have to be brave enough to admit what you don’t know and seek new ways of being. If you look at your life and find that you are not experiencing meaningful highs and lows, the kind that come from being brave and trying new things, you are not investing your energy in the places that will lead you to a more purposeful life.
Self-discovery is messy work. You can easily go from feeling excited and energized to feeling dejected and hopeless all in one day. When the stumbling blocks come, old ways of thinking will resurface:  
“Who are you kidding? You’re never going change. Haven’t I always told you that you have bad luck and you are damaged goods? What works for others doesn’t work for you.”

These fear-based thoughts will bubble up and try to pull you back to the place you were comfortable in your stuckness, the place where you were not challenged or meaningfully stretched.  Instead of retreating when you feel this resistance, dig into it.   Use writing to face your self-doubt and turn it into productive self -reflection.   You know what I'm going to say next, right?   
I can help with this.
Starting Tuesday, June 14, I'm offering a free summer self-discovery series called Write. Release. Renew.  For 3 weeks, you'll receive emails every Tuesday and Thursday with thought-provoking content and targeted self-discovery questions and exercises.  You can go at your own pace, keep it to yourself, or share on social media using #WriteReleaseRenew.  Personally, I love to share and find out I'm not on this journey alone.

Whether you are feeling stuck, on the verge of a transition, or simply inspired by the idea of writing for self-discovery and community, this series will enrich your summer and your life.

SIGN UP HERE..  It's FREE and I'd be honored to share with you.  Please help me spread the word!




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