I have a secret for you! Your kids, really and truly, want you to speak their language. And you know what?

Their language is play!

Your growing people speak the language of play so fluently sometimes it’s exhausting! And if the thought of “having to play” makes you cringe, don’t worry. I know you do not have an endless supply of play energy, which is why I’m encouraging you to use play strategically.

Play is hands down, your most useful, most essential tool in your parenting toolkit. In the Old Paradigm of parenting, parents were expected to remain distant from children’s play, and rely on shame and blame to make children behave. Now, in the new paradigm of parenting – play is your ally!  Play helps you create a connected and fun family life.

I should clarify that you do not have to be your child’s playmate 24/7. You are the guide and regulator of the family, so use play when it truly serves everyone involved. For a lot of my clients, that usually means being playful around the have-tos —

getting dressed in the morning, getting chores done, getting to school in the morning, getting homework done, getting to bed, etc.

— if you can bring in an ounce of play, especially to the challenging situations,  I guarantee your children will feel your connection and love and they will be more motivated to do what needs to get done. And it helps you get through the tasks feeling confident and connected – which in turn fills your cup and gives you more energy to parent throughout the day!

Below is a common situation that I hear about often from parents. On the left I describe the Old Paradigm way of approaching it. On the right I give you a New Paradigm way of approaching it that shows you how you can use play to keep things moving!

Using Play: New vs. Old Paradigm

Here’s a common scenario: Your child returns home from a big active day at camp. She had a blast and is tired and overdone. You get through dinner and as you are moving her toward bath and bedtime she starts whining and speaking in unsavory ways to you.

 

Perception of Behavior –

Old Paradigm


Perception of Behavior –

New Paradigm





Child is being disrespectful.
She isn’t listening or cooperating.
She is actively ignoring parent’s authority.
She is spoiled – how can she be grumpy after such a good day at camp?!




This growing person is dysregulated (tired and overdone) after a stimulating day.
Child is exhausted from all the fun she had at camp and needs space in her routine.
She has used up all of her human brain energy and has slipped into a more mammalian brain state.





Parent Reaction –

Old Paradigm


Parent Response –

New Paradigm





Mom shuts down the negative emotions.
Mom nags, shames, and blames.
Mom tries to coerce or bribe.
Mom threatens to take away privileges.




Mom takes a breath and evaluates daughter’s brain state.
Mom reminds herself that her daughter has been going all day, and needs an extra boost.
Mom also remembers that even exciting fun days can leave people in a crispy, cranky state.
Mom does something playful – she fills the bath, adds extra bubbles and tosses in a few unexpected toys. With a silly accent she looks her daughter in the eyes and says “Your baaath is ready madame. And, there are some surprises in there for you to find.”
As she’s going to bed, Mom refers back to the big fun day and empathizes that summer is awesome and tiring – and that her daughter is doing a lot – then zips it.





Result


Result

Disconnection

Resentment

Confusion

Disappointment

Self Doubt

Anger

Connection

Safety

Understanding

Appreciation

Love

Joy

 

 

Awesome! So now that you see the importance of play, let’s get the ideas flowing. Click here to see 60 ways to PLAY – then use them to your advantage when things get sticky!

 

Cheers,

Carrie

P.S. Does play feel like a stumbling block? Do you have questions about when or how to use it? I’m here for you – so write your question below and I’ll help you out!

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