Unfinished: A Personal Journey of Healing, Self-Discovery and Resilience

Lately, my attention has been drawn to the numerous times I have run into friends, acquaintances and even strangers; what do you suppose is the first question I would most likely ask them? For me, it is, “Hi, how are you doing?”
It is a casual greeting, common but do I really mean it? Do I really want to know how they are or what they are going through? Am I prepared to hear their truth? I hate to admit it but for the most part I am either too busy, in a hurry or just simply not being truthful in my intention behind the question.
For example, the other day I had just finished my weekly swim workout and was headed towards the exit door of the facility. I spotted an old friend from my running days and his appearance was shocking, morbidly thin and pale. I had heard rumor that he had lost a lot of weight but no one seemed to know the reason why. As I approached him, my self-talk was telling me “You don’t have time to talk. Just say hi and get going.”
So, guess what I said? “Hi Norm, how are you doing?” His response of “I’m doing okay” was good enough for me. As I pushed open the exit door I made sure to say on my way out, “Say hi to Barb for me!”
And with that I was gone – off to take care of my important errands.
Shame on me. Who knows if that was my last opportunity to speak with him – if it was, I can never take that moment back and I will have to live with the regret.
Many times the situation has been reversed and I have been asked the same question: “How are you doing?” Inside, I wanted to pour my heart out but instinctively, I knew they really didn’t mean to hear my response and it left me feeling more alone than ever.
We live in a time when so many people are feeling lonely, betrayed, broken, defeated, ready to fall apart – desperate to know that someone, anyone, cares.
I have decided to make myself more accountable, more compassionate and more ready to listen to their pain or maybe even their personal triumphs.
It’s a New Year and my intention when I ask, “Geez, how are you doing?” will be to look them directly in the eyes so the message is clear: I care and I am ready to listen.