I was at a professional conference, surrounded by people who love FileMaker as much as I do.  Another developer started telling me about his previous happy week.  His young son had stayed with him and they had spent lots of time together doing fun things.

“I took the whole week off,” he told me.  Then he jerked upright and glanced around.  “By that of course I mean I cut back to sixty hours a week.”

Really, dude?  Who are you trying to impress?  You work for yourself.  Are you afraid you won’t give you a raise?  That you’ll give yourself a bad quarterly review?  And, really, if that’s your concern, maybe it’s time to look for a new boss, because your current one is completely unreasonable.

We’re all working hard.  We’re in a cutting edge business.  The sand is shifting under our feet every second, the clients can be demanding, and business volume is unpredictable.  If you work for someone else, you’ve got the pressure of maintaining communication, meeting expectations, and making that extra-good impression that moves your career forward.  If you work for yourself, your lifestyle and family are counting on you to deliver.  Everything depends on you.  Every.  Thing.

Nevertheless, I call BS.

We all have lots of 60+ hour weeks.  But if it’s every week, if you can’t even take some time to play with your kid, then something is wrong.  Did you take on too much work?  Do you work too slowly?  Fail to delegate?

Or are you just trying to make the right professional impression?

I actually think the latter.  Because, math.  I know you’re a couple of years younger than I am, but unless you are an android, you do require sleep.  I’m guessing you showered, ate, maybe spent a bit of time in the bathroom every day or so.  The activities with your kid took some extended chunks of time.

I at least hope the latter.  Maybe you hurriedly worked every time your kid got distracted by a cartoon or had to go to the bathroom himself.  I have known developers like that.  Halfway through dinner parties, or as soon as the birthday candles are blown out, or once everyone else is into the movie, out comes the laptop.

It’s your business, really, if you want to work that much, but I object to the ethic.  It wasn’t that developer that made me feel momentarily inadequate anxious.  It was the ethic.  It was this skewed expectation that anyone who truly dedicated to their career is willing to give their soul to it. I mean, is it okay that I eat dinner with my family?  Am I showing a lack of commitment to my career?

I love my work and I’m having a fun and often terrifying time building my business.  But I’m also rather fond of My Tom, my kids, my art, my writing, my music, and, increasingly, my 7.5 hours of sleep.

When I’m 80, I seriously doubt I’ll be gumming my white-bread-and-bologna sandwich thinking, “Darn it.   I should have skipped that trip to Vegas and worked that weekend.  What was I thinking?  And why did I take time to attend my daughter’s graduation?  That was like four hours I could have been working!”

Filemaker Pro isn’t the stuff of life.  Ideally, it’s a tool to free you and your clients up to immerse yourselves more into the stuff of life.

Get on the floor and play with the babies.  Ride bikes through the park, even if it’s drizzling.  Patiently listen to your elderly neighbor indignantly tell you the same story she told you yesterday with the same level of indignation.  Sit and hold the cat, even though you’ll be covered in fur.  Make love.  Stay in bed all morning and read — a book, not emails. Paint, write and sing.  Eat a pomegranate.  (You cannot work while eating a pomegranate — they are way too messy).  Play guitar badly.

And for God’s sake, If your kid stays with you, play with him.  And when he’s too tired to play any more, watch him sleep and shower good thoughts all around him so he has sweet dreams.   He’s way more important than any of the colleagues you see twice a year.